Is it too late for me to get pregnant?

mgirl · 09-14-2009, 06:40 PM

I am just about to turn 40 and am single. I am fairly well set-up financially and would really like to have a child.

Only problem is, was talking to a male friend re- being a sperm donor and he commented that his mother said i am too old! First of all, i find this quite rude (that he has to consult mummy on everything), and secondly, i am wondering, am i too old? I mean, too old to find a donor? I am worried that most donors would want a woman in her 20s or 30s.

I am fairly fit, appear young for my age (most people would say i'm 32) and as far as i know, have no genetic predispositions to anything. I am going to my doctor this week to get full blood tests.

From those who know about having children when you're slightly older, or from a donor:

-Should i be testing for anything else?

-Is there any way (tests) I can tell if my genes are not defective?

-Is there any way to tell if an embryo has Downs Syndrome or a genetic defect? I've got to consider my age.

Thanks for your answers, in advance.

Batya33 · 09-14-2009, 06:54 PM

I had my first and only pregnancy just before I turned 42, it happened naturally with my now husband. There are several tests for genetic/chromosomal defects some of which are invasive (amniocentisis, CVS) and some of which are not (blood tests, ultrasounds).

There are new tests (i.e. in the last 5-7 years) that are non-invasive and excellent at assessing the risks of Downs' and similar issues but they are not diagnostic the way amnio is. We opted out of invasive tests because of the excellent results we got from the non-invasive ones. Given my age we didn't want to risk miscarriage because we didn't know if we could get pregnant again easily.

There are blood tests you can take now to see if you are a carrier for certain genetic diseases as well as mental retardation that is caused by a chromosomal defect (some forms are not)- I think I was tested for 17 of them. In addition I think there are tests to assess your fertility but I didn't go down that path.

One of my friends used the same anonymous sperm donor for her three children. She is 42 and had a baby right before she turned 42. Both of our children are beyond perfect (she also opted out of the amnio).

If I could do it all over again I would have preferred having a baby earlier in life because my age meant increased emotional stress especially in the first two trimesters before all the results were back. Even after they were back I worried (which I am sure most pregnant women do even if they are younger but it seemed worse to me because of my age).

Also, I had a medical complication right after the birth that is a condition more likely to occur over 40. No lasting effects, just mentioning that there are other age-related issues during and because of pregnancy to consider. All pregnancies after 35 and especially after 40 are considered high risk, so you will have more extensive monitoring (ultrasounds, maybe extra blood work) during your pregnancy.

Hope that helped.

lavenderdove · 09-14-2009, 07:00 PM

I would suggest that you get a blood test to see if you're still ovulating and have the right hormonal levels.

Many women can indeed get pregnant at your age, but if you want to have a baby, i wouldn't wait too long if you are really trying and don't get pregnant within 6 months. In many cases, the woman might need a little extra hormones/fertility drugs to ensure she ovulates regularly.

mgirl · 09-14-2009, 07:01 PM

Thank-you Batya, that has helped beyond belief (an emoticon does not cut it here).

Just one more question: In regards to your 42 year old friend, is she single or a lesbian by any chance?

Thanks for taking the time to answer my question/s

**BlueAfterglow08** · 09-14-2009, 07:08 PM

Hi there!

I dont think your too old. Like another poster said there are lots of tests. As long as you are fit and healthy. My bf's mom had him and his sibling in her forties. And now hes grown up and out of the house and shes only in early sixties.

Day_Walker · 09-14-2009, 07:10 PM

I dont think that you are too old to have children but there can be complications when you decide to have children and you are 40 and older. As long as you talk to your doctor then the proper precautions can be taken.

If the guy is going to be donating his sperm then I doubt he is going to keep it a secret. He is going to tell people and he just happened to tell his mother. I wouldnt be offended that certain people might think that you are too old, as you recognize yourself that you are 40 and want to have a child. People are going to have their opinions and perhaps rather than a friend you should look for an anonymous donor.

ayekasong · 09-14-2009, 07:11 PM

I'm not an expert on this, but I have a 29-year old friend who is concerned about her age and not getting pregnant before 35... so she looks into these things a lot. I would say consult your doctor or a fertility specialist. It's certainly not too late for you to get pregnant, although there are things you need to consider because there some risks are higher in pregnancies after 35.

As long as you are still menstruating, it's not too late!

Victoria66 · 09-14-2009, 07:25 PM

I got pregnant at 40 and my grandmother had my mother at 40 and my uncle at 42. Like Batya33 said there are many many tests that can find conditions wrong with a fetus. I would get blood tests first to acertain your hormone levels. It is most definately MUCH harder to get pregnant after 35. Egg quality also is reduced dramatically.Many go on to have perfectly normal babies after 40. The miscarriage risk is higher however. My pregnancy ended in miscarriage at 4 months, due to structural issues with me, my baby was perfectly normal. Make sure all is sound structurally and hormonally before trying, that is my suggestion.

mgirl · 09-14-2009, 07:32 PM

Thanks everyone

Victoria66, sorry to hear about your miscarriage.

Batya33 · 09-14-2009, 11:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mgirl

Thank-you Batya, that has helped beyond belief (an emoticon does not cut it here).

Just one more question: In regards to your 42 year old friend, is she single or a lesbian by any chance?

Thanks for taking the time to answer my question/s

She is single and is still interested in getting married someday but has had little time to date since she started having children.

Glad to help! I will add that almost every day I am very grateful that I am not raising my son alone - and he is a relatively easy baby (I decided against going the single mother by choice route when I was about 38-won't get into the reasons here, especially since you are not asking about that).

On a practical level I can't imagine doing this alone but more importantly on an emotional level having his father experiencing this with me and knowing that my child has his two parents raising him -- well, I can't stress enough what a difference it makes and how special it is. And, none of that is to tell you not to do this alone, but I would advise talking to many single mothers about the realities of it and I think there is a good book out there - at least one - on single mothers by choice. Maybe you've done all that already but if not that's what I would do.

09-14-2009, 06:40 PM	#1
mgirl Offline Gold Member Join Date: Oct 2004 Gender: Female Age: 40 Posts: 1,444	Is it too late for me to get pregnant? I am just about to turn 40 and am single. I am fairly well set-up financially and would really like to have a child. Only problem is, was talking to a male friend re- being a sperm donor and he commented that his mother said i am too old! First of all, i find this quite rude (that he has to consult mummy on everything), and secondly, i am wondering, am i too old? I mean, too old to find a donor? I am worried that most donors would want a woman in her 20s or 30s. I am fairly fit, appear young for my age (most people would say i'm 32) and as far as i know, have no genetic predispositions to anything. I am going to my doctor this week to get full blood tests. From those who know about having children when you're slightly older, or from a donor: -Should i be testing for anything else? -Is there any way (tests) I can tell if my genes are not defective? -Is there any way to tell if an embryo has Downs Syndrome or a genetic defect? I've got to consider my age. Thanks for your answers, in advance. __________________ I'm reversing my psychology I saw smiles everywhere last night!

09-14-2009, 07:01 PM	#4
mgirl Offline Gold Member Join Date: Oct 2004 Gender: Female Age: 40 Posts: 1,444	Thank-you Batya, that has helped beyond belief (an emoticon does not cut it here). Just one more question: In regards to your 42 year old friend, is she single or a lesbian by any chance? Thanks for taking the time to answer my question/s __________________ I'm reversing my psychology I saw smiles everywhere last night!

09-14-2009, 07:08 PM	#5
BlueAfterglow08 Online Super Moderator Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: UK Gender: Female Age: 20 Posts: 5,247	Hi there! I dont think your too old. Like another poster said there are lots of tests. As long as you are fit and healthy. My bf's mom had him and his sibling in her forties. And now hes grown up and out of the house and shes only in early sixties. __________________ Please see the forum rules before posting http://www.enotalone.com/forum/forum-rules.php ''Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes.' -Mahatma Gandhi'

09-14-2009, 07:10 PM	#6
Day_Walker Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: California Gender: Male Age: 28 Posts: 4,882	I dont think that you are too old to have children but there can be complications when you decide to have children and you are 40 and older. As long as you talk to your doctor then the proper precautions can be taken. If the guy is going to be donating his sperm then I doubt he is going to keep it a secret. He is going to tell people and he just happened to tell his mother. I wouldnt be offended that certain people might think that you are too old, as you recognize yourself that you are 40 and want to have a child. People are going to have their opinions and perhaps rather than a friend you should look for an anonymous donor. __________________ "A long habit of not thinking a thing wrong gives it the superficial appearance of being right, and raises at first a formidable outcry in defense of custom. But the tumult soon subsides. Time makes more converts than reason." Thomas Paine "The wise man questions others wisdom because he questions his own, the foolish man because it is different from his own." Leo Stein Last edited by Day_Walker; 09-14-2009 at 07:22 PM.

09-14-2009, 07:11 PM	#7
ayekasong Offline Silver Member Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Wisconsin Age: 27 Posts: 564	I'm not an expert on this, but I have a 29-year old friend who is concerned about her age and not getting pregnant before 35... so she looks into these things a lot. I would say consult your doctor or a fertility specialist. It's certainly not too late for you to get pregnant, although there are things you need to consider because there some risks are higher in pregnancies after 35. As long as you are still menstruating, it's not too late! __________________ Those things in life that are worth doing are never easy.

09-14-2009, 06:54 PM	#2
Batya33 Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Mar 2006 Posts: 19,062	I had my first and only pregnancy just before I turned 42, it happened naturally with my now husband. There are several tests for genetic/chromosomal defects some of which are invasive (amniocentisis, CVS) and some of which are not (blood tests, ultrasounds). There are new tests (i.e. in the last 5-7 years) that are non-invasive and excellent at assessing the risks of Downs' and similar issues but they are not diagnostic the way amnio is. We opted out of invasive tests because of the excellent results we got from the non-invasive ones. Given my age we didn't want to risk miscarriage because we didn't know if we could get pregnant again easily. There are blood tests you can take now to see if you are a carrier for certain genetic diseases as well as mental retardation that is caused by a chromosomal defect (some forms are not)- I think I was tested for 17 of them. In addition I think there are tests to assess your fertility but I didn't go down that path. One of my friends used the same anonymous sperm donor for her three children. She is 42 and had a baby right before she turned 42. Both of our children are beyond perfect (she also opted out of the amnio). If I could do it all over again I would have preferred having a baby earlier in life because my age meant increased emotional stress especially in the first two trimesters before all the results were back. Even after they were back I worried (which I am sure most pregnant women do even if they are younger but it seemed worse to me because of my age). Also, I had a medical complication right after the birth that is a condition more likely to occur over 40. No lasting effects, just mentioning that there are other age-related issues during and because of pregnancy to consider. All pregnancies after 35 and especially after 40 are considered high risk, so you will have more extensive monitoring (ultrasounds, maybe extra blood work) during your pregnancy. Hope that helped.

09-14-2009, 07:00 PM	#3
lavenderdove Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Posts: 1,515	I would suggest that you get a blood test to see if you're still ovulating and have the right hormonal levels. Many women can indeed get pregnant at your age, but if you want to have a baby, i wouldn't wait too long if you are really trying and don't get pregnant within 6 months. In many cases, the woman might need a little extra hormones/fertility drugs to ensure she ovulates regularly.

09-14-2009, 07:25 PM	#8
Victoria66 Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: for now where the CF sends us Gender: Female Age: 43 Posts: 4,601	I got pregnant at 40 and my grandmother had my mother at 40 and my uncle at 42. Like Batya33 said there are many many tests that can find conditions wrong with a fetus. I would get blood tests first to acertain your hormone levels. It is most definately MUCH harder to get pregnant after 35. Egg quality also is reduced dramatically.Many go on to have perfectly normal babies after 40. The miscarriage risk is higher however. My pregnancy ended in miscarriage at 4 months, due to structural issues with me, my baby was perfectly normal. Make sure all is sound structurally and hormonally before trying, that is my suggestion. __________________ ADHD= Attention Dialed into a Higher Dimension. For my Indigo son. Know how to suffer and how to laugh. Mother Teresa If you judge people you have no time to love them. Mother Teresa Run amok empath= the end of little miss nice girl. Tomorrow IS another day. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5EM7FaOc3Zk What Child Is This.

09-14-2009, 07:32 PM	#9
mgirl Offline Gold Member Join Date: Oct 2004 Gender: Female Age: 40 Posts: 1,444	Thanks everyone Victoria66, sorry to hear about your miscarriage. __________________ I'm reversing my psychology I saw smiles everywhere last night!