Post here instead of contacting your ex!

I'm trying to except that this is really over. I mean you told me you want me to get over you...

I try to remind myself what a horrible person you can be too...

I still just want to be with you. I want to cuddle up to you. I want to kiss you. I want to love you.

I still care.

I don't understand why you won't listen to me.

I don't understand why you won't trust me in what I say.

I don't understand your reasons.

I don't understand why you can't just push my mistakes aside.

I don't understand this

Please just love me again.

I still miss you...

So you've made a Tinder profile as well? Thats just low but in all honesty I'm not that mad or worried really. I'll get in to why I think you're doing it in a minute but some of these guys you're talking to - do you think your parents would ever let you bring some of them home or go out on a date with them? The guy you've talked to the most is 35. That's an 11 year age gap, he's older than Josh and he's using an app to pick up women.

I don't know whether it's because they didn't like me but your dad ran a security check on a guy I was sharing an apartment with. Do you think they're going to let you meet some of these men? As much as your parents are incredibly over bearing and controlling, right now I'm glad of it. Although in a way maybe you should meet these guys and realise what you're missing in me. There was a reason we spent so long together, it's because I got you. I know who you are and what you are in to. You'll be hard pressed to find another person like that. Even with your illness, how can you go to dinner with someone new when most food makes you sick? Actually do it, at least it will bring the evening to a close quicker.

Are you using this app because you're filling a void that was left by me? I left physically a while ago but you still had the communication and interaction throughout your day. Is this how you're trying to move on? To gain validation for yourself?

Finally, how come you're now allowed an apartment after 18 months of your parents flat out refusing? Is that just a white lie to these Tinder guys or is it true? It's a big coincidence that I leave and now it's happening. Did they just not do it because they thought I'd be living with you all the time? It's obvious I would have been over a lot but it hurts that they think I'd be using you for what you have, I only ever wanted to spend time with you, most of the time at your request. I'd even have paid some rent like we planned originally. At least if this is true, it confirms that they never really liked me in the end. I'd like to know when it happened if it is true. Was it at some point in these five weeks or was it when we broke up? Was this something your parents suggested with the promise of better things whilst I was out of the picture. I don't know which to believe, that this is just a lie to not admit you're still with your parents or a bigger picture that impacts our entire break up?

I don't know how you intend to get yourself back out there and introduce someone new in to your life. You can be quite crazy at times with a lot of your ways. Don't get me wrong you're an amazing amazing girl but there's a lot of things that would freak someone out. Your anxiety for one and how you make every problem in to a bigger deal than it is. The control your parents and family hold over you. You're not an adult in anyway, shape or form whilst they're bank rolling you. From what I can see you'll end up like Alex and have your parents still paying for you when you're so close to thirty. Then there is your issues around sex, how can you go to bed with a guy when you think the whole world has some form of disease?

I'm just hurt by this really. I hope my instincts are right and that this is just filling some sort of hole that I left. That you're getting the 'trying new things' crap out of your system. Will you come back to me though in a few weeks or months telling me you made a mistake? I don't think I could see you in the same light knowing what you got up to in the days after our break up. Yet here I am still in love, still thinking about you every second. I just know IF we did get back together after the honeymoon period there would be a lot of trust issues. I'd feel I'd need to punish you, make you text them all and tell them the truth that you just broke up with a guy and shouldn't have been messaging them.

Remember when you told me that your life would feel so empty without me in it...

I know what you meant by that now...

Hi IDer89, i know how your girlfriend feels, i broke up with my bf month ago. i felt so empty, there's a hole in my chest that i dont know how to fill it, how to forget it, it's empty but so heavy, i cant breath. It came to the point where i create an online dating profile, hope i could find someone to distract me from missing my bf. and thats it! i guess she doesnt want to move on quickly, she just need some help just like me. I wanted to remove my bf from Facebook, but i can't, i miss him. sometimes i login to facebook just to see if he's online so i know he's there, not with me but he's there!

Hi IDer89, i know how your girlfriend feels, i broke up with my bf month ago. i felt so empty, there's a hole in my chest that i dont know how to fill it, how to forget it, it's empty but so heavy, i cant breath. It came to the point where i create an online dating profile, hope i could find someone to distract me from missing my bf. and thats it! i guess she doesnt want to move on quickly, she just need some help just like me. I wanted to remove my bf from Facebook, but i can't, i miss him. sometimes i login to facebook just to see if he's online so i know he's there, not with me but he's there!

Hi IDer89, i know how your girlfriend feels, i broke up with my bf month ago. i felt so empty, there's a hole in my chest that i dont know how to fill it, how to forget it, it's empty but so heavy, i cant breath. It came to the point where i create an online dating profile, hope i could find someone to distract me from missing my bf. and thats it! i guess she doesnt want to move on quickly, she just need some help just like me. I wanted to remove my bf from Facebook, but i can't, i miss him. sometimes i login to facebook just to see if he's online so i know he's there, not with me but he's there!

Wow. So we have opened up communication and it's an intimate as it ever was, you wondering what would have happened if you had asked me out that day we met. In the intervening months my B died and your relationship with A flourished. And then we finally connected, and the intensity and the chaos began. And you two married. And I was appalled. I would hope to not have the capacity to talk to me as you did, right before and after my wedding day.

I can't say A deserves better. I doubt that's true.

I Don't think you deserve better.

I deserve better, and so I know I would never accept you as my own, now.

Yesterday, still wistful about the path not taken. Let it go, em race the path you chose. Yet you sound regretful. I am sure to her you so u d lucky. You are playing to your audience.

What is my role. Do I recede to protect you from yourself?

Lee,

You said everything I wanted to hear. You got me to break my lease and quit my job and move in with you. And after a month, because of our "talk" you decided that you didn't want to be with me and used a cop out reason to do it ...and over a text (REALLY!). And the. You start texting other "friends". You didn't want to sleep with me because it wasn't "right". You delete me off Facebook and say you want to be friends. Then you woo me back into the bed. Then you stop again telling me that you don't want me to freak out anymore ... Now you want to have sex with me again..... And I let you. How stupid and weak am I.? Even so, I'll never be as big a coward as you have been. You. Are. A. Butthead. If I could move I would. But it have to depend on you. You like it that way I'm sure. Jerk.

My God, I still miss you. In another month we will have been apart for the same amount of time we were together. So silly.

I'm doing better than I was. I still have moments of weakness where I'll get upset over you. I still blame myself for everything that happened. My insecurities, and ultimately my decision to break up with you. I've never regretted a decision like this before. I was in such a bad place when I made that choice. I wish I could go back in time and tell myself to shut up and appreciate everything for what it was.

I see you're talking to a couple new guys. I'm talking to some new people, too. They're pretty cool. But nothing compared to you. I shouldn't be comparing anyone to you, but you are going to be hard to replace. I hope one of these new friends of yours is everything you want in a man.

You were my first love, despite the short duration of our relationship. They were some of the best few months of my life. I've never experienced feelings like I did during that time. I know I was your first love too, and that we shared many firsts with each other. I will never forget that. It won't be fair on my next partner, but you'll always have a little part of my heart. I don't want it back. We shared a lot together in our short time. I sometimes wonder where this year has gone, and then I remember, I wished my weeks away until I could see you again. Now look at where I am.

I'm no longer in love with you, but I still love you. Feelings are still there. I want only what's best for you. Right now I will definitely be sending you a birthday card next month for your bday. You don't have to acknowledge it if you don't want to. Throw it away if you like. I can't let your birthday go by unnoticed. You did so many awesome gestures for me on mine. I'll be damned if I let yours pass without some form of contact from me.

You are missed.

Oh bubby I still miss you so much. I just do not know when this is going to get easier.

I just wish I could be with you again. I still struggle with accepting that it is really over and this is not all a bad dream. That I will never again be your girlfriend, kiss you, hug you, talk to you and have you love me. I still do not understand what happened. I am in so much pain and I feel like no-one understands. People just expect you to get on with it and they just do not realise the amount of pain I am carrying, how empty my life feels, how hard it is sometimes.

It is just not fair to have someone put in to your life for you to love for 11 years, get close to, build a life with and then have it all crash and burn. It is a pain worse than death and I will just keep loving you with all my heart for the rest of my life. I want to talk to you and be with you so much I could scream.

I hate my life now, it is empty and has no meaning. What am I supposed to do without you, how am I supposed to live without the other half of my heart?

I just want to know what's going through your mind. What does this all mean to you? Are you upset? Do you miss me? Do you still think about me and the things we did together?

I think I’ve screwed up. At least this is a reason for you to be angry with me where as before all I’d done is moved away which to you appears to be reason enough to cut me out. I shouldn’t have logged in to your account, and kept doing it. I know once I found out you had made an account and had been speaking to these guys that it should have been enough and it’s not exactly excusable to keep doing it. I shouldn’t have kept logging on and reading your messages

I guess in a way though it was a window into your life, if only for a week. I got to know some of the things you were doing that otherwise I would have never have found out. It was nice to read what you did at the weekend with regards to taking your brothers to the movies but thats just daily stuff.

Finding out some of your bigger plans for the upcoming months was the eye opener. I’m still thrown off by this apartment talk and really don’t understand what changed in your parents mind. The only real explanation was that it was a case of getting me out of the picture. I don’t know what is crueller though, that they were just tolerating me and allowing you to see me whilst I was there - stringing you along with the investment excuse for not paying your rent or that as soon as I leave everything changes. I’d still feel as though this might have also been a deal breaker too.

I know I’ve been a stalker and I’m not proud of my actions. I know it’s not helped me heal. It helped with remaining in no contact with you though and in a way understand a little of your mood. If I hadn’t have done it I probably would have been texting you or trying to call you. At least this way I got to see a window into a life/person that I’m now so isolated from.

I wasn’t too worried about some of the guys you had been talking to. You even said it yourself that you have been using Tinder when you are bored - I guess the times where you would have been talking to me or previously where we would have spent time together. A lot of them weren’t too desirable and definitely not people you’d be introducing to your parents. Especially 34 year old David that lives in the basement of a family home in New Jersey.

But the one you spoke to this morning. He has got me scared and if my instincts are right, which they have been about most things this week - is that you’ll soon be in some sort of relationship with him or at least go on more than one date. He is definitely a serious contender in winning your heart. I mean he’s Jewish, American, used to work at Google and now works for a start-up, he’s only 27 and is fairly decent looking. He shares a lot of similar qualities to me - you will freak out when you find out he studied Industrial Design which may be something that unsettles you. Is this going to be similar to our relationship? Will once you have your new apartment have him come over most evenings to fill the lonely void?

Now I’m more nervous about the flowers I sent you. It’s my own fault for getting overzealous with logging on to your account but you finding that out the day before a bunch of roses is scheduled to arrive at your door? I’m just going to look like an idiot when all I really wanted to do was wish you well and remind you that there is still someone that cares about you here. Now I feel as though I’m going to be cast into the same boat as Alyssa, undesirable number one and the laughing stock of yourself and your family for years to come. All because I couldn’t get a visa.

People keep telling me that even if I had managed to come back in October us breaking up was inevitable because you would have been able to let the love you have for me shine through and that there may have been other problems. Part of me believes them and part of me doesn’t. I know we’ve had this visa thing over our heads for so long now and had to say goodbye to each other at airports way too many times but we’ve been through too much and created to many happy memories for us to end in the way that we have done. Then part of me that believes them thinks that perhaps you did want to break up with me, that there has been outside input from Ale and your parents.

Is what you're doing just rebounding? Looking for a new guy to fill the void that I left? I thought I knew you so well but the person I’ve seen this last week really confuses me.

I’m lonely and I feel I have no purpose. I am not looking forward to the future because I know it is going to take me a very long time to get over you. Theres so much that reminds me of you and I just don’t see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Its been 2 months and 2 weeks since we texted each other and basically ended our 19 month relationship and some times it seems like just yesterday. Some days I do really well. I barely think of you and do my work, go to the gym, smile and laugh. Then something hits me and I have a bad day where all I do is think about you and wonder why this happened. I miss holding your warm hand. Laying with you watching TV, cuddling. Yes I still miss you, and I still love you. I wonder why I am hanging on to something that wasn't healthy though and then I try to remind myself of all the bad stuff. My brain wants to trick me and only wants to remember the fun we had.

But, all the stuff that wasn't right and how I was unhappy with us and how things were going, the stuff I never told you like the nights I would get out of bed and cry in another room where you couldn't hear me because I felt like something wasn't right. I couldn't put my finger on it, but now I know. I wanted to stay with you because I didn't want to be alone. I was really happy with my life before I met you, but some how I was miserable again after the fun honeymoon stage was over. How did this happen?

And after finding out you were on the online dating site in May and while we were still together, was the last straw. I was so untrusting after that and I just was so hurt by it. You again refused to talk to me about it. You said the past is the past, and lets just move forward. The problem is you can't always sweep things under the carpet, you need to talk about it. You lied about why you were on it. Do you think I'm that stupid to believe you were just showing your son? Your son could of created his own account and you could of should him how it worked there, not reopen your own account!!! This is when our relationship went downhill. I then woke up and realized that you had been lying to me the whole time. There were so many things, I just can't even fathom how much of what you told me might of been a lie.

I was having a hard time making up my mind on whether I should leave or stay. It was so hard. Some days were great. We would have fun, laugh and just be us. Then other days when things weren't as good, you would refuse to talk about us and shut down. I felt like I was walking around on egg shells because if I said anything about being unhappy about something, you would chose to not talk about it, and most the time you would get up and leave. I was left wondering why you couldn't communicate. We never had any big fights and what we needed to talk about wasn't big, but you just couldn't handle any communication unless it was happy and light. So its over now. You are probably with someone else by now. I know you hate to be alone and taking time to reflect, heal and then move on is not something I see you doing. You like to move on fast and never think about what might of happened in your last relationship.

I was shocked at first that I did not hear a word from you after your last text. BUT now I understand that you are a coward. You couldn't face me to say anything... like sorry, I made a mistake, I should of talked to you, I was online because I wanted to break up with you, I didn't really mean it when I said, "Maybe you should find someone else to make you happy. You deserve it!." You didn't expect me to say Okay and never contact you again.

So now, its over. I'm moving on and healing. I just want to be happy again.

Ugh I just want to talk to you.

I just want to ask how your day is going. I know you have your photoshoot and all you would have probably said to me was "hey baby, urgh so stressful" or tell me that you're annoyed by something or someone. That your mum criticised something. Anything, just some form of normal contact with you.

I just feel so lonely without you and all I want is to have some form of normal conversation with you.

Yeah I still want to know all the stuff about this apartment thats meant to be happening but just for a day I want to forget that this mess ever happened and everything we planned, everything we worked towards was still on track. Not that you're family is happier I'm gone, that you're going on dates with people and that your parents are finally getting you your own apartment.

So unfair...

Well, today I think I saw you. I'm not quite sure. I think you were staring at me. Maybe I'm going crazy and I'm imagining things? I'm sorry that we have to act like strangers now. But when I think of how sad it is, I remember that you wanted it to be like this. There was no other way around.

I'll finally erase our photos from my phone, because seeing them no longer gives me pain, it just... they seem out of place now. I'm sorry that we have to part ways forever. I'm so sorry.

Trevor, I miss your friendship.

I did it. I deleted them.

S, it's not my fault. It was not my fault. i've been thinking about it lately. It's not my fault. I never had trust issues. you provoked them by lying to me and hiding things that were important. you knew we wouldn't get along if you disclosed some information so you preferred to maintain your mouth shut. well it backfired honey. I will never be able to trust you again. I just can't. i don't want you back.

You haven't thanked me for the flowers. At the very least you could just send a quick message, even if it's just to be polite. I keep making excuses for you like "oh maybe she didn't see that the box was for her" and then my mind spirals out of control in to "maybe she didn't see that box because she had a date not long before she got home from work"

I just don't understand how three years of being together has ended like this. I know we've had our ups and downs and after we left London things were difficult. We still had a lot of amazing memories in New York but I know we were happiest when we were together in London.

Putting that aside though this is the longest we've not communicated with each other since the night we met. Thats 1035 days give or take that we've had some form of communication with each other.

I had a driving lesson today, I know its terrible that at 24 I still can't drive and you desperately needed me to do it. But here I am, trying to pick up my own life and accomplish something for me and all I want to do is text you to tell you how it went.

Ugh I just miss you so much and I keep thinking about all of the things we are never going to do together again or moments that we enjoyed together so much. I just want to know whats happened to you. Where is the girl that need me to hug her and tell her it was all going to be ok?

I really cannot recall why I cared for you so much. Goodness gracious me to think I cried in the car, in the bathroom, in shops and all over the place for you and now I am just fine without you. Goodness gracious me you are so insignificant to my life now. Ah

Hey baby, did you like my flowers? I know you always liked it when I got you flowers, I know I've been the only boy thats ever done that for you.

How's everything going with the business? I know you're stressed but this season looks amazing and I think it's going to do so well. I saw T got a job finally, looks exciting.

I think I can take something away at the moment that you haven't filled out your JDate profile, maybe you're saving it for something a little bit more serious and you're just using Tinder as a bit of fun, something to distract you. Maybe you think you'll get catfished - I don't know, it hurts still....

I tried being friends with you for a second and that just uncovered how truly selfish and drama-filled you are, which is funny because you often accused me of having drama. How could I possibly be friends with you when you don't understand what boundaries are? You are very inconsiderate and, obviously, still very emotionally immature. I haven't had nearly as many relationships as you but, as I've learned, that doesn't matter so much. Relationship after relationship and you still don't seem to "get it."

You can't just trade one person in for another. There are feelings involved. Feelings that need to be respected. After four years, showing respect is like pulling teeth. I'm glad I told you I couldn't be friends because the one time I said we should get drinks and catch up, you cancelled and gave me an excuse. Later, you text me that you were so stressed. Another cryptic text later you told me that you were "being an idiot" and that "he is amazing". I'd rather stick a fork in my eye than listen to you gush about him. Another example of you just not having a clue!

Seriously, he was a friend from work. You don't need to date everybody! Now you want to place me in the friend zone? So backwards. You don't want to work at anything. You just jump from one person to another. And this was after you told me so many times that you wouldn't date anyone for a loooooong time if we didn't work out. You are really insecure. Everything else in your life is perfect, but you just can't handle being alone. You really hurt me, but you seem to think we can just pick and be friends and forget how you cheated on me- which you still deny! Really?!

I'm so disappointed in you and how you treated our relationship. I was completely committed and showed you love, respect, thoughtfulness and kindness. I feel replaced. You can't possibly learn anything about yourself and the mistakes that happened in our relationship if you keep yourself occupied and delusional with "honeymoon" happiness. But that's not my problem now.

Before you I never knew what it was like to wake up next to someone everyday and to live life with someone and do things on a consistent basis. I miss that part. I miss that part with you. But even though part of me still loves you and wants you in my life, you have just taken advantage of me one too many times. I deserve better. Having you out of my life is best for me. I know someone is out there who is better for me and will treat me with respect and kindness, and she will not give up on us or trade me in for someone new. She will not easily fall out of love, and she will think I'm the best thing since sliced bread.

You have no feelings for me? You only wanted to have sex with me? You have several other FWB you can get with? You knew I was invested, you knew I had fallen in love with you, you told me there was a chance for more, just a small chance, but that door was not totally closed. You changed your story 10 times in 3 months....we fought about it all the time, you said some really mean things to me said you never wanted to see me again....yet we ended up back together. I would never have looked twice at you if I hadn't seen you with the kids on the baseball team.....the way you were as a coach and as a dad was as sexy to me as you were physically....there was just something about you. I now know that you are trash, so far beneath me. You have no feelings, you don't care that you hurt me and you are putting it all on me....saying I said hurtful things and got too personal.....hell yes I got personal...you just told me you only used me for sex and that you have others you text for just that reason. I wasted 3 months, you knew how I felt and you took advantage of that. If I didn't love you, I would really hate you right now.

FYI. You suck.

S.,

Thank you for all the good times. Today I didn't think much of you. In fact, thinking of you is something bothersome. I've turned you around, put you upside down, in every way possible in my mind, it just got bored. I'm starting to heal. I've to say, this has been one of the toughest experiences (1 month NC) but I learned so much from myself. I learned that I have the dignity to stop feeling sorry for myself, and that I'm strong enough to let go of someone who meant the world to me.

I'm thankful for the happy times we shared. It's life. I don't wish you any well yet. I hope I can reach that point someday. I'm focusing on me and my well being.

Goodbye my old friend