Post here instead of contacting your ex!

I wanna disappear... I just wanna disappear as weak that sound. Its just too much the way you left me... this loneliness and failure is too much to bear. I can't survive, there's no life in me.

day 4 of NC - i want to contact you so bad but I know i must be strong for myself. i miss the time we spent together but I hate you for giving me so much hope and putting so much perspective into us just so you could cut me off like i am nothing to you. i hate you because you cannot pull your together and be the same person you were when i met you. i am so sad because no matter what i do or say will make things better. i feel so betrayed because you called me your air, sun and water and in the end...i am so disappointed; i hope you know what are you doing.

cheers to day 5 of NC

3 weeks of NC after giving your stuff back. Its been over a month...I went through hell. I went through being in the hospital without you by my side, you don't deserve me. You keep viewing my social media....yet you don't want a relationship with me. I blocked you. I deserve better, but my heart tells me you are my soulmate. If you were you would of been there for me...I am a stronger man. I have so much I want to ask, you'll never tell me. I wish you weren't so good at being distant. I ask myself if you even think of me, or if you feel the same way about me . 3 years of being bestfriends. Our "anniversary" is in 9 days. I don't expect you to talk to me. I hope you find some guy that will treat you better than i would. I would of done anything for you. I did everything for you. Sure I had a rough last month. My best friend tried to commit suicide, his mom has liver cancer, I got into a car accident and messed up my neck, I had physical therapy...Yet here I am stronger than ever. You left me. I will be a provider one day for my family. I will never know the answers to why you left me. I am trying to move on everyday.

Who are these people that are suddenly in your life? who he hell are you listening to these days? Where were they during the last 2 years?

I loved and cared about you! So f***ing much! Am I stupid for this? I am respected in my life and have wonderful friends and collaborators. From you I get nothing resembling respect. I treated you so very very well and I know this. You gave me hope by coming back to me, with tearful sex and then another gut-wrenching goodbye. and you did this to me twice! All while I was just trying to heal from the hardest loss of my life. You just walked away from me. No closure no talking, just a spineless email saying you loved me but couldn't be romantic toward me anymore. You kept me hanging on to hope for so long! I hate you for this! Stop pretending and trying so hard to "move on". You are acting desperate out there, dating only days later, fully knowing you have serious mental health issues to work out on your own. Are you that selfish and thoughtless toward other people?

Two months have passed since you dumped me for that other man. How do you feel about it? Probably superb, because you showed me after 4 years what you're capable to do, how selfish you can be. Keep living in your world of fantasy, I was forced by you to face reality and to face how hard life is. In the same way my life changed after getting together with you, my life will change again, this time after you and for the better. The man you knew is dying slowly and a better version of me is coming out of this pain. You know I have too many good things, now imagine a better version of me? Too bad that when you realize it it will be too late. I have faith that if I just continue doing the best for me, and acting with honesty and good intentions, eventually someone will appear in my life who will deserve the best of me.

It's sad to not have even your friendship anymore, that hurts me also. We were so good friends appart from good lovers, but my future is not by your side. I deserve better. I really do.

By the way, remember the super interesting girl I told you about last week? Well we are going out on Friday, and to be honest with you I'm really excited about it. We have been talking quite regularly and she is simply awesome. She's your complete opposite: she's funny and intelligent. We have so many things in common that make me wonder why was I even with you, when we were so different. You will probably have always a point on your favor, and that is your beauty, it's not a lie you are one of the most beautiful girls I've seen, but beauty will start to fade in the next years, and your biggest weapon will lose effectiveness. I hope the new man doesn't get tired of you too soon.

All the best for you, really.

I like this idea a lot. He called me of no use to him etc. I want to say to him that he was a controlling, jealous narcissist who cut me open with his words and actions because he couldn't handle a real relationship. If I didn't do everything perfectly then he would make a big deal out of it and trash me for hours. I let him cuz I was crazy for him. Good luck in finding a girl interested in him with all his garbage. I hate him. But he knows that the opposite of hate is love so my goal today is to feel nothing for him anymore and let him go. That will show real growth on my part.

I hate my subconscious for dreaming of you every day. The dreams are so happy and then I have to wake up to reality.

I'm going crazy again. I ended up watching again your picture with your new boyfriend and even stalked his profile from another facebook account. How can you after a very intense 4 year relationship just give your feelings to another man? How can you sleep with another man less than one month after sleeping with me? Don't you feel bad about yourself? How many lies have you been telling to yourself to justify what you did/are doing?

You're such a liar, and such a backstabber.

How is it fair that my life has been, and continues to be a hell for the past 2 months, while yours is all good and happy? How could you make that selfish decision? I dare you to tell me ONE situation where I could make a decision about something and I chose my own wellness over yours, just ONE. You can't right? That's right because I was totally selfless with you.

Backstabber, you have no idea what you're making me go through.

the more time passes by, the more i'm sure it was good idea that you dumped me because i know it is just a matter of time before you are gonna have another relapse and i don't want to be in a toxic relationship nor to feel like i am walking through a minefield and to wonder was something right thing to do or not. in the same time, god knows i wanted to support you and stand by you no matter what. on the other hand, how could you not care about me and be silent like this. like, , what do you want from life anyway? prince charming on a white horse? seriously, i am the best thing that you'll ever come close to it. a hard-working man with my s*** together, knowing what i want from life and i was so willing to sacrifice much more than you would ever have to. and i am not perfect, but you are no piece of cake either. i hope you are happy with what you did by not giving me a remote chance to what i fully deserved.

Bugger me i have been so stuiped and i see this now not only befor our BU and it was even worse after our BU but todays therapy meet made so much sense i really hope you decide to come next time and ill give more then half a hours notice next time i am really looking forward to seeing the boys tomorrow and thank you for letting me have them

I am so mad at you this morning. Throwing everything away and saying you don't think it could ever be as good as it once was. Using everything I tell you about my insecurities to find reasons why it wasn't working. When really you won't face the actual problem which is your depression. Yes, you're busy and have a lot to cope with in life and having a relationship was hard. But you coped happily with that for 6 months BEFORE your depression, which wasn't caused by me and you know that. But now I'm the one who's suffering because everything is too much for you and you can't see a way out. I wish I could slap some sense into you. If you still love someone and you miss being with them, surely that tells you that there is something there still???

And the reason you can't see it working was because.. yep... you can't think round your depression. If I knew the causes were because of me, then this would be so much easier. Instead, everything is tied up in your book, getting over cancer and your own insecurities. I honestly didn't care that you didn't have all the time in the world for me. I knew your lifestyle and that your son was important to you from the get go. I just enjoyed the time we did have together. Yes more time would have been nice but it was, what it was and I was happy just to be with you and looked forward to the next time. You're an idiot. Just get help, please. The chances are that we won't get back together because you can't see past the prison you've locked your mind into. But get help, just for yourself. You say you don't know how to achieve happiness, well reaching out is the first step. And you need to cut something out in your life that really stresses you out. Find a new job with better hours and really put the effort into finding it. You're not happy in the band, but it makes you money so the new job thing may help with that. Just tone everything down and take care of yourself for a change. You're parents and family are really fine and don't need you fussing, you just can't see it. God, I just want you to get better. You're a good person.

I'm still fuming, as I want you to see past your head and go with your heart. Unfortunately I will never really know how you really feel. I can have a good guess that if you're weren't so overwhelmed and down that we would have made it. We were a great couple and you even said that yourself, many times. But something went wrong... Ugh. I'm going to start talking in circles soon. Please, please get help and make yourself better, you deserve to get better you silly man.

I just got home. Attend the mass in the city, prayed about strength and acceptance to go through this breakup been doing so for almost 3 months now. From there walked back home... with the new playlist I have, as it was refreshing... being fit reminds me of you, I know how you are into it which something I always admire you of. I am scared and fighting off this feeling that no one can ever be like you in my life... that you have raised the standard and experience so much thag I'll be forever trap in the love I have for you. I miss you and I hope someday, someday I still get to see you again. It keeps me moving the idea of seeing you again.

So things are going pretty bad for me again. I wonder what's up with your life. We haven't communicated in any way for exactly one month... and it is so hard for me. I was used to your voice constantly every day for over 1461 days, 30 days of NC seem ridiculously low, but it is so damn hard. I miss you so much! Sometimes I can't bear this loneliness... the break up has brought me so many problems, before it my life was good. I just ask heavens for strenght to get over you. How are you? Do you think of me? Do you miss me? Is that guy really so much better than me? I wish I had someone to lift me up in this moment. But you left me in the darkness, and I have had to seek refuge in strangers, in the internet... that's so mean. You are so mean. But still, here I am, wishing that you would call me one day and beg me to come back. lol, that's just a fantasy, I know, but... I miss you so much... I feel so lost.

There's a part of me that doesn't believe it's over and is just waiting for your to miss me enough to reach out... I keep writing you e-mails and saving them as drafts just so I think I've sent them. I think the hurt will really kick in soon, but I have to let you go. Please, please miss me and get in touch.

why r u doing this?

You are a back stabber. I put all of my trust in you and the moment I turned my back I feel like you cheap shotted me. I don't understand how you could do such a thing after how much we invest in us. And it already looks like you are in a relationship. I hope you realized your mistake. I feel like you haven't dealt with grieving yet. I can't wait till it comes around and hits you like a train. Good luck without me Loser.

I was starting to feel a bit better, then you contact me out of the blue and say sometimes you think it was a mistake. And you are confused and don't know, and you tell me that you love me, yet you tell me that there was a reason for the breakup and that you were unhappy, but you never told me so we could do anything about it. You tell me you were purposely pushing me away to make me breakup with you because you thought I was too good and you'd hurt me. You lied about liking your female friend to push me away. All your reasons for being unhappy are petty things that are hurtful and are no worse than your own issues, and are things based off when I was going through a hard time. You had so many times of being unsure, you broke up with me, changed it to a break, gave me all this hope and lead me on, then broke up with me again, yet you can't leave me alone and are still unsure. Again I'm the only one wanting to work things out and you're unsure. I hate this. It hurts so much. I wish you hadn't changed.

Okay I am about 5 years late on this but this really is an awesome idea so I'm going to do this. I'll call my ex Dave... Here is a letter to him.

Dave, why did you lie to me? I never took you as the type of guy to do that. You were so honest and so open to everything, and listened and cared about me so why did you act the way you did in the end? Based off the the lie that you promised me I allowed myself to promise you forever and my dreams for the future relied on that promise of forever. Why was it all a lie...? We both wanted to get married and spend our lives together but how could I have done that when you lied about one of my most fundamental beliefs. Did you honestly believe that I would just be okay with it? It has been over 3 weeks now since we said goodbye. Will I ever see you again? I miss you... I love you... My heart is in a million little shreds and I just want to cry in your arms and never ever let go of you. We were supposed to be together forever right? Why aren't you begging for me back? Why haven't you even tried to talk to me? Do you really love me as much as you said you did? Every night I have nightmares, I used to think dreams were the only escape for what my life is but now even my dreams involve you. I have dreams about now, where you will see me and turn the other way as if I were a stranger. I have dreams about the future where I am married to someone else but that someone else reminds me of you and makes me want you even more... I am suffering. I am going to college to establish my future but what is my future without you? Please come back. Please cry and scream that you love me and will do anything to get me back. Please... Everything reminds me of you. You're every object in my room, every place I go, everyone I see. There's no escaping this missing and longing for you. I know I had to break up with you. I no I had no other choice.But please don't believe it was because I don't love you. Remember how you promised to love me as long as I loved you? And how I said I would always love you? Well I still love you, with every broken scrap of me I love you. Who would have known there would be a last time I would say that to you.... Who would have known there would be a last time that we kissed... I am so broken Dave. Why won't you just apologize for lying, change your ways and come back to me? Why won't you? I just read a quote online that said "someday someone will thank me for letting you go." And I almost threw my computer in despair. The thought of you loving any girl in the way that you love me is just unbearable. We were meant to be together right? I want to believe that God put you into my life for a reason. Anyways Dave I guess there's not much else I can say. Just please, please, please come back...

hey you. so I was doing ok today. I really was. I put up my gold star on my calendar for not contacting you today and then I thought I would make an image board of everything that I really wanted in life so I could remember it and never forget what I wanted... all positives. It was when I started looking at houses that it started to hurt. We'll never have that

And now I'm just confused and I don't even know how to process that. I'm mostly ok but then I'll be angry at you. I'm still waiting for the pain to hit me properly and I'm not sure if I'm just numb or hopeful. or stupid. I have no idea what I want anymore. It's a strange feeling. I don't feel connected to you, it's as if our relationship is already a long ago memory that I wasn't even a part of. I have to concentrate to remember what you look like. I don't like feeling like this. It's odd. Why aren't I in pure hellish pain?!? I could understand that. This state is just... I have no idea.

he contacted me friday. LC all weekend. i was sad and crying constantly. i know in my heart hes over me and any contact just gives me false hope. i asked him to leave me alone tonight. it was so hard. i hate myself right now. i cant stop crying. i miss him so much and i wanted so desperately for him to contact me and he finally does and i realize it means hes over me completely. he didnt even protest, just ok...bye.

i dont wanna hurt anymore. i dont wanna love someone who doesnt love me. i am so sorry.

i have no idea why...but i feel better. i dont feel like it was a

setback. i havent been sad at all yesterday or today.

Annie, I'm sorry for all the emotional abuse I've heaped on you over the past few months. I'm sorry for insulting you yesterday. That was so gross. It's true, jealousy is a green eyed monster. They say there's no such thing as a soul mate.

Today I choose to believe in the that fact we're soul mates. I choose to believe that you and I are destined to be together. I choose to believe that we can't live without each other, we can only exist.

Thus, as of today, I will no longer text, call, e-mail or contact you in any way. It is not a sign of rejection. It is a sign of respect for your need to heal from all the abuse. We will laugh about this just before we walk down the aisle.

Be safe, my love. Don't look so devastated. Stop isolating yourself into depression. As you heal the wounds of emotional abuse, I will be busy healing my troubled mind by engaging in self-improvement, Bible study, career building activity, visits to the gym and many more positive endeavours.

When we go for our first date, you will be blown away not by how I look but by how much better I treat you. You are my true love and no amount of reasoning will convince me otherwise. Today I choose to believe that love always finds a way.

Today I choose to believe in us.

Goodnight my dove.

Keeping in touch once a month isn't healthy.

Clearly, since you obviously still have feelings for me and I still love you.

Wish I didn't get so attached to you

so confused Do I want you back? Should I move on? Was it your depression? Was it me? Could it work now? Do I trust you? Do you still love me? Should I try? Do I annoy you like I think I do? Will we get back together? Is it worth it? So many questions. My head is going round in circles. Why can't you get in touch with your emotions and tell me? Why didn't you want me? Was I not good enough? Am I still hoping for something? Were you just trying to find a reason to get rid of me? Did I blow it with how I handled things? arrrrgggh I need to learn how to meditate!!!!!

Man tonight is rough, I f***ing missing you so much it hurts, oh god what I would do to have you back. I hope you miss me too, I wonder if you think about me, and if you long to cuddle me.

I finally cut the strings on my destructive relationship and I'm feeling upset with myself for allowing this relationship to continue in such a destructive place. Both of us came in with baggage and learned to need each other to such a degree that we lost all stability. So much anguish and pain. So much jealousy and trust that we cut out the world to make it work and now I am alone. No friends, lost anyone I cared about. Isolated to the extreme, mistaking addiction for love. Afraid and confused about how to prevent this in the future. How to move forward and not fall back in. How to become independent when I used to be so strong. Strange struggles all plaguing me at once. Finding the depression making me exhausted and left with little to no motivation to go to the gym.