friend puts me down for religion, etc

Hockey.Chick · 09-04-2009, 06:13 PM

Hello all...

My best friend for many years has suddenly become more involved in her Christian faith. Ever since she went to a Christian festival this summer with some of her friends, she has taken an entirely new view on the abortion subject. I am totally fine with that and open to her decisions and beliefs...that's why this country is so diverse; everyone has different opinions. I'm an agnostic but I still allow everyone to have their beliefs and I never look down on them. It's my friend who is looking down on me and everyone else who has different beliefs/views than she does. For example, I joined a pro-life group on facebook and she said something nasty about it, saying that I'm supporting murder, etc. As if that wasn't enough, I was talking casually about a woman I knew who was having an abortion, and my head got ripped off by my friend for even CARING about this person. I could probably deal with all of it if my friend hadn't said this the other night: "You know, I think you are just so sour about Christianity, I want to take you to the (name of festival here, I don't remember it) next summer because I think it'll change you completely and make you happier in your faith." I nearly blew my top for that one. I don't mind that she is expressing her faith but I DO indeed mind that she is trying to coerce me to believe what she does, and making me feel guilty for not wanting to take part in something that I personally don't believe in. I don't know...I just need help, and I need a way to get her off my back about it. Help.

P.S. Please don't post anything that simply states "well obviously she isn't your friend then, just get rid of her," or yelling at me for my own personal convictions on the abortion stuff. I don't want this thread to turn into a religion debate.

agent · 09-04-2009, 06:22 PM

You need to avoid discussing topics that she'll go off on one about. And tell her not to keep pushing her beliefs on you. You'll probably have to keep telling her that.

Right now, she's still gig high and wants everyone to share that.

DN · 09-04-2009, 06:22 PM

Say to her "Look, you and I obviously disagree about certain things and religion is one of them. I am not going to change your mind nor you mine - all that will happen is that we could lose our friendship and that would be a great loss to me. So let's agree to disagree, stay off that subject and remain friends"

Bad Wolf · 09-04-2009, 06:38 PM

I agree with DN... If that doesn't work just tell her to shut it. It's nowhere near as rude as what she's saying. Hopefully she'll get the hint.

Imprecision · 09-04-2009, 06:41 PM

You need to stand up for yourself more, but you also need to be more tolerant. You need to be more tolerant, because this phase of hers will pass soon. You don't want to lose a friend over something trivial like this.

shikashika · 09-04-2009, 06:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Imprecision

You need to stand up for yourself more, but you also need to be more tolerant. You need to be more tolerant, because this phase of hers will pass soon. You don't want to lose a friend over something trivial like this.

How do you think the OP is being intolerant??

Lonewing · 09-04-2009, 06:45 PM

I recognize that due to my Agnostic self, I am incompatible with religious people. They burn me, I burn them.

**avman** · 09-04-2009, 06:47 PM

Moderator note: Don't turn this into a religious debate.

Imprecision · 09-04-2009, 06:48 PM

Quote:

How do you think the OP is being intolerant??

I said "more tolerant" in the sense of more patient and more enduring. Not that she isn't patient or enduring, but just a reminder - If you stick with a person long enough, he will go through many different phases. It is a shame to lose a friend over something trivial.

Bad Wolf · 09-04-2009, 06:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Imprecision

I said "more tolerant" in the sense of more patient and more enduring. Not that she isn't patient or enduring, but just a reminder - If you stick with a person long enough, he will go through many different phases. It is a shame to lose a friend over something trivial.

There's only so much someone can take though... How do you know it's a phase? I know plenty of older people like that and they've been like that most of their lives. She needs to be told she can't say stuff like that cause it's hurting the friendship.

09-04-2009, 06:13 PM	#1
Hockey.Chick Offline Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: The Burgh Gender: Female Posts: 167	friend puts me down for religion, etc Hello all... My best friend for many years has suddenly become more involved in her Christian faith. Ever since she went to a Christian festival this summer with some of her friends, she has taken an entirely new view on the abortion subject. I am totally fine with that and open to her decisions and beliefs...that's why this country is so diverse; everyone has different opinions. I'm an agnostic but I still allow everyone to have their beliefs and I never look down on them. It's my friend who is looking down on me and everyone else who has different beliefs/views than she does. For example, I joined a pro-life group on facebook and she said something nasty about it, saying that I'm supporting murder, etc. As if that wasn't enough, I was talking casually about a woman I knew who was having an abortion, and my head got ripped off by my friend for even CARING about this person. I could probably deal with all of it if my friend hadn't said this the other night: "You know, I think you are just so sour about Christianity, I want to take you to the (name of festival here, I don't remember it) next summer because I think it'll change you completely and make you happier in your faith." I nearly blew my top for that one. I don't mind that she is expressing her faith but I DO indeed mind that she is trying to coerce me to believe what she does, and making me feel guilty for not wanting to take part in something that I personally don't believe in. I don't know...I just need help, and I need a way to get her off my back about it. Help. P.S. Please don't post anything that simply states "well obviously she isn't your friend then, just get rid of her," or yelling at me for my own personal convictions on the abortion stuff. I don't want this thread to turn into a religion debate. __________________ "with hands held high into the sky so blue as the ocean opens up to swallow you."

09-04-2009, 06:22 PM	#2
agent Online Platinum Member Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: England Gender: Female Age: 27 Posts: 3,890	You need to avoid discussing topics that she'll go off on one about. And tell her not to keep pushing her beliefs on you. You'll probably have to keep telling her that. Right now, she's still gig high and wants everyone to share that. __________________ "You have a right to experiment with your life. You will make mistakes. And they are right too." - Anais Nin "Come now, don't make such a funeral face. It isn't dying that's sad; it's living when you're not happy." -Octave Mirbeau "Don't be sad, don't be angry, if life deceives you! Submit to your grief; your time for joy will come, believe me." -Aleksandr Pushkin

09-04-2009, 06:22 PM	#3
DN Online Super Moderator Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Ontario, Canada Gender: Male Posts: 23,441	Say to her "Look, you and I obviously disagree about certain things and religion is one of them. I am not going to change your mind nor you mine - all that will happen is that we could lose our friendship and that would be a great loss to me. So let's agree to disagree, stay off that subject and remain friends" __________________ Immaturity is not defined by him not doing what you want him to do. Hartman's Law of Prescriptivist Retaliation: "any article or statement about correct grammar, punctuation, or spelling is bound to contain at least one eror".

09-04-2009, 06:47 PM	#8
avman Offline Administrator Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Minnesota Gender: Male Age: 42 Posts: 6,524	Moderator note: Don't turn this into a religious debate. __________________ "Children are a wonderful gift . . . They have an extraordinary capacity to see into the heart of things and to expose sham and humbug for what they are." Desmond Tutu

09-04-2009, 06:38 PM	#4
Bad Wolf Offline Gold Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: New Zealand Gender: Male Age: 22 Posts: 823	I agree with DN... If that doesn't work just tell her to shut it. It's nowhere near as rude as what she's saying. Hopefully she'll get the hint.

09-04-2009, 06:41 PM	#5
Imprecision Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Vancouver Gender: Male Age: 21 Posts: 1,360	You need to stand up for yourself more, but you also need to be more tolerant. You need to be more tolerant, because this phase of hers will pass soon. You don't want to lose a friend over something trivial like this.

09-04-2009, 06:45 PM	#7
Lonewing Offline Gold Member Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: SW Gender: Male Posts: 869	I recognize that due to my Agnostic self, I am incompatible with religious people. They burn me, I burn them.