is it right to accept money from my parents

helko · 08-30-2009, 09:26 PM

so here is the situation

i'm 23 years old, and im living in a foreign country. i have a job that is quite well paid (in fact, for a 23 year old, exceptionally well paid). but im also quite cheap (its probably the jewishness in me... anyways)

so im going to buy a car soon, and i dont want to spend more than about US$5,000 (all $ figures in US$ from now on) on it, for a few reasons:

1. im cheap
2. i dont need anything fancy, or at least, i reckon i can get what i need for the money im prepared to shell out
3. id rather have my cash sitting in productive assets, instead of depreciating assets like a car
4. i wont have collision insurance on the car, which would cover damage to my car if i am at fault in an accident. my perfect driving record isnt recognised in this country so basically im getting quotes of $1500 just for liability and comprehensive, $3500+ including collision.

my parents don't quite share the same views. they want me to get something newer and therefore safer. their position is that they want me to be safe, and they dont give a * * * * how much it costs them. so they have told me they will put in so that i can get something 2 or 3 years old, for around the $12,000 mark. The amounts of money we are talking about aren't significant for them, whereas they are for me.

now i could probably afford to spend $12,000 on a car if i wanted, but i think it would be a complete waste of money. im 23, and i dont want or need to mooch off them anymore. but they would be majorly upset if i bought something cheaper that didnt meet their standards. also, since it wont be 100% insured, if i crash it then it would be their money down the drain as well as mine (although they dont seem to care much about that)

they have always brought me up with good values, a good work ethic and understanding the value of money. but i guess they have reached the stage where their attitude is something like "ok, we've taught him all that so now we can chuck a few grand his way and it wont change his attitude"

so should i take the money? or what should i do?

renaissancewoman101 · 08-30-2009, 09:31 PM

If they are going to help you with no strings attached then I would take it.

It frees up your own money for other things, and you get a decent car, which will go a long way.

JeckyllNHyde · 08-30-2009, 09:36 PM

I'd take it. My dad is the same. He just wants me to drive something safe so he can have peace of mind lol.
I don't have a full time job yet though, still a student. If I did I'd think the same as you.

My dad always wants me driving a "higher" car as he calls it like SUV's in case I ever get in an accidnt, and since small cars seem to usually get smashed. Specailly the once made from less sturdy metal (cheap cars usually).

Maybe you can meet them halfway (if it's your choice to get the car they like you driving) and get something which is like 9.000 or so.

DN · 08-30-2009, 10:03 PM

I would look upon it as a gift. I have done something similar to this for my daughters.

Crazyaboutdogs · 08-30-2009, 10:04 PM

Your parents have a good point. You get what you pay for. Buy cheap and you may end up forking out more money on repairs as well as running into problems on the road. Your parents are concerned for your safety and that is why they will fork out more money so that you can be safe. If they want to help, don't let your pride stand in the way...consider that you will be helping them as well by giving them peace of mind. Your safety is more important to them than the money. Now that is another lesson you should learn from them...safety should take precedence over money....all the money you saved won't do you one bit of good if you end up permanently injured or even 6 feet under.

JeckyllNHyde · 08-30-2009, 10:07 PM

Also.. be happy you have such caring parents who are willing to spend on you.

I know sooooooooooo many people, whose parents just don't and won't. Makes me a bit angry to see they just leave their kids to themself and won't help out or offer to.

NowandZen · 08-30-2009, 10:20 PM

Well, I say just take it in the spirit offered. My mom helped my brother buy a house. She offered me a similar help even though I didn't need it.

Easier to take it than try to argue with her sense of justice.

itsallgrand · 08-31-2009, 12:01 PM

You'll get lots of opportunities in the future to pay it forward to the folks. I see nothing wrong with accepting the gift.

dragon lady · 08-31-2009, 03:42 PM

My parents did the same thing for me. I used to drive an old bomb and they upgraded it to a new car. This sounded like a good idea at the time, but now I regret it tremendously. Every time I get into an argument with them they bring up the fact that they paid for my car, my schooling etc. Then I am called all kinds of horrible names. If I could go back in time, I would have cut all financial ties with them the minute I turned 18. I can't stand people who use gifts for purposes of manipulation.

Your parents may not be like this, in which case, go for it. If they are anything like mine, then forget about it.

08-30-2009, 09:26 PM	#1
helko Offline Member Join Date: Aug 2009 Posts: 10	is it right to accept money from my parents so here is the situation i'm 23 years old, and im living in a foreign country. i have a job that is quite well paid (in fact, for a 23 year old, exceptionally well paid). but im also quite cheap (its probably the jewishness in me... anyways) so im going to buy a car soon, and i dont want to spend more than about US$5,000 (all $ figures in US$ from now on) on it, for a few reasons: 1. im cheap 2. i dont need anything fancy, or at least, i reckon i can get what i need for the money im prepared to shell out 3. id rather have my cash sitting in productive assets, instead of depreciating assets like a car 4. i wont have collision insurance on the car, which would cover damage to my car if i am at fault in an accident. my perfect driving record isnt recognised in this country so basically im getting quotes of $1500 just for liability and comprehensive, $3500+ including collision. my parents don't quite share the same views. they want me to get something newer and therefore safer. their position is that they want me to be safe, and they dont give a * * * * how much it costs them. so they have told me they will put in so that i can get something 2 or 3 years old, for around the $12,000 mark. The amounts of money we are talking about aren't significant for them, whereas they are for me. now i could probably afford to spend $12,000 on a car if i wanted, but i think it would be a complete waste of money. im 23, and i dont want or need to mooch off them anymore. but they would be majorly upset if i bought something cheaper that didnt meet their standards. also, since it wont be 100% insured, if i crash it then it would be their money down the drain as well as mine (although they dont seem to care much about that) they have always brought me up with good values, a good work ethic and understanding the value of money. but i guess they have reached the stage where their attitude is something like "ok, we've taught him all that so now we can chuck a few grand his way and it wont change his attitude" so should i take the money? or what should i do?

08-30-2009, 09:36 PM	#3
JeckyllNHyde Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Apr 2007 Gender: Female Age: 23 Posts: 5,194	I'd take it. My dad is the same. He just wants me to drive something safe so he can have peace of mind lol. I don't have a full time job yet though, still a student. If I did I'd think the same as you. My dad always wants me driving a "higher" car as he calls it like SUV's in case I ever get in an accidnt, and since small cars seem to usually get smashed. Specailly the once made from less sturdy metal (cheap cars usually). Maybe you can meet them halfway (if it's your choice to get the car they like you driving) and get something which is like 9.000 or so. __________________ You're just too good to be true... Can't take my eyes off of you...

08-30-2009, 10:03 PM	#4
DN Offline Super Moderator Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Ontario, Canada Gender: Male Posts: 23,439	I would look upon it as a gift. I have done something similar to this for my daughters. __________________ Immaturity is not defined by him not doing what you want him to do. Hartman's Law of Prescriptivist Retaliation: "any article or statement about correct grammar, punctuation, or spelling is bound to contain at least one eror".

08-30-2009, 10:07 PM	#6
JeckyllNHyde Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Apr 2007 Gender: Female Age: 23 Posts: 5,194	Also.. be happy you have such caring parents who are willing to spend on you. I know sooooooooooo many people, whose parents just don't and won't. Makes me a bit angry to see they just leave their kids to themself and won't help out or offer to. __________________ You're just too good to be true... Can't take my eyes off of you...

08-30-2009, 10:20 PM	#7
NowandZen Offline Gold Member Join Date: May 2008 Location: Hurricane Alley Gender: Male Age: 43 Posts: 782	Well, I say just take it in the spirit offered. My mom helped my brother buy a house. She offered me a similar help even though I didn't need it. Easier to take it than try to argue with her sense of justice. __________________ Call me butter, 'cause I'm on a roll. <----- Who Dat? 9-0. Comes down when they lose. "Ah, Billy Clyde wasn't insane. And if it doesn't work out, there'll never be any doubt that the pleasure was worth all the pain"- Jimmy Buffett "The Weather is Here, Wish You Were Beautiful"

08-30-2009, 09:31 PM	#2
renaissancewoman101 Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: the land by the sea Gender: Female Age: 36 Posts: 8,563	If they are going to help you with no strings attached then I would take it. It frees up your own money for other things, and you get a decent car, which will go a long way.

08-30-2009, 10:04 PM	#5
Crazyaboutdogs Online Platinum Member Join Date: May 2006 Location: Canada Gender: Female Age: 46 Posts: 15,627	Your parents have a good point. You get what you pay for. Buy cheap and you may end up forking out more money on repairs as well as running into problems on the road. Your parents are concerned for your safety and that is why they will fork out more money so that you can be safe. If they want to help, don't let your pride stand in the way...consider that you will be helping them as well by giving them peace of mind. Your safety is more important to them than the money. Now that is another lesson you should learn from them...safety should take precedence over money....all the money you saved won't do you one bit of good if you end up permanently injured or even 6 feet under.

08-31-2009, 12:01 PM	#8
itsallgrand Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: following my grace... Gender: None Specified Posts: 6,783	You'll get lots of opportunities in the future to pay it forward to the folks. I see nothing wrong with accepting the gift.

08-31-2009, 03:42 PM	#9
dragon lady Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Gender: Female Age: 23 Posts: 2,614	My parents did the same thing for me. I used to drive an old bomb and they upgraded it to a new car. This sounded like a good idea at the time, but now I regret it tremendously. Every time I get into an argument with them they bring up the fact that they paid for my car, my schooling etc. Then I am called all kinds of horrible names. If I could go back in time, I would have cut all financial ties with them the minute I turned 18. I can't stand people who use gifts for purposes of manipulation. Your parents may not be like this, in which case, go for it. If they are anything like mine, then forget about it.