Pregnancy, Drugs and Trust

brunn1 · 08-20-2009, 07:35 PM

So about a month and half ago I began dating this woman that I have known and worked with for the past 2 years. We recently found out that she could possibly be pregnant via 2 positive pregnancy tests. Next week we have the appointment that will tell us if it is true or not.

Now before having started to date this woman I knew she was a chronic pot smoker and would dabble in other substances mainly ecstacy. We had a talk and she told me that she would never do ex again but that marijuana was a normal part of her life since she was a child. We have argued over it several times. I figured that since she is pregnant she would stop. NOPE. Just the other day I found out that she decided to get blazed. Any advice on this?

Also, one more question of advice. The person who told me that she got high was her sister and upon her sister telling me she noticed how upset I had become and asked me what was wrong you know she smokes. I told her that there was a possibility of her being pregnant and now my girl is pissed cause I said that to her sister. Any advice on how to handle this situation? I love this woman and I do not want to mess this all up.

Mutley · 08-20-2009, 07:41 PM

Ok, you knowingly date a doper for a month and a half, and you don't use birth control?

This is already a mess dude. She won't stop smoking for you or the child. Been there, done that.

Since the TWO pregnancy tests are possitive....I'd say it's 99.99% that she is pregnant. Now can you be sure it's your child?

My main concern is for the welfare of this child. I'll let others weigh in.

brunn1 · 08-20-2009, 07:48 PM

Yes I knowingly date a doper. As for the birth control lets just say my odds sucked because we only did not use it one time. And yes I am as positive as you are on the pregnancy.

Also, although she is a pothead she never does it around me or brings it in MY house. Therefore I have never seen her do it. She has always been honest except this one time. When I confronted her about it she said she would not do it again. That is where the trust part comes in. I have already made the decision that if she can't stay off the drugs then when the child comes I will fight for custody.

I really do not want that though as I genuinely enjoy spending my time with this woman and I believe that we are a great couple. I am just frustrated.

waveseer · 08-20-2009, 07:51 PM

I can understand why this would bother you but you have no control over what she does. So, your best course of action is to be supportive. Let her know that if she wants to stop and is having trouble doing so you will help her find help.

Mutley · 08-20-2009, 07:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by brunn1

I have already made the decision that if she can't stay off the drugs then when the child comes I will fight for custody.

That sounds like a good plan.

I'm sorry that you are dealing with this...I know it's painful. But what ever happens, do the right thing for the child. There will always be other women.

**Hope75** · 08-20-2009, 08:04 PM

Smoking marijuana during pregnancy can be harmful to the fetus, can damage it's development and cause cognitive dysfunction, developmental delays, growth retardation, preterm labor and other complications. I urge you do to some research and print some articles out for her, and I would also bring up her marijuana use with her doctor at the appt. when you confirm the pregnancy. It's bad enough that she wants to continue using while pregnant, but at the very least her OB should know about it so he or she can counsel the mother appropriately and be prepared for whatever consequences may result from her drug use during pregnancy.

[Only registered and activated users can see links. ]

[Only registered and activated users can see links. ]

[Only registered and activated users can see links. ]

[Only registered and activated users can see links. ]

[Only registered and activated users can see links. ]

Here are some articles you might want to show her.

**Hope75** · 08-20-2009, 08:06 PM

Quote:

I have already made the decision that if she can't stay off the drugs then when the child comes I will fight for custody.

I would also look up laws in your area, I don't know if you can pursue any sort of involuntary drug counseling for her while she is pregnant, but I would absolutely report her to DSS the minute the baby is born if she continues to use during and after the pregnancy. It might be worth talking to an attorney (if you know one or can get a free consultation) about what the fetus's rights are while in the womb if she is using.

Good luck.

HeartGoesOn · 08-20-2009, 08:14 PM

God help this poor baby. Since you knew before hand that she's a drug user, I would hope that you were both tested for STD's first.

On the other hand, if she's already pregnant after only dating for six weeks, that's not likely. She could have many health issues, and diseases from the drug use! And again, I feel so bad for this baby that's in the middle of this.

brunn1 · 08-20-2009, 08:22 PM

We are both very honest about everything which is sometimes scary. STDs were one of the first things we talked about and I trust her answer of no. She is a very healthy woman who always eats right and is also very responsible. She just likes to partake in this particular extracurricular activity.

**Hope75** · 08-20-2009, 08:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by brunn1

We are both very honest about everything which is sometimes scary. STDs were one of the first things we talked about and I trust her answer of no. She is a very healthy woman who always eats right and is also very responsible. She just likes to partake in this particular extracurricular activity.

I wouldn't trust anyone's answer of no- this is your health at stake. Some people can carry STIs and don't even know it- statistically women carry more asymptomatic STIs than men. Not to mention that marijuana can affect your judgment and inhibition just as alcohol has.

I had STI screening before having unprotected sex with my now husband, and so did he. It's not a matter of trusting his answer, it's a matter of being responsible for your own health and well being.

08-20-2009, 07:35 PM	#1
brunn1 Offline Member Join Date: Aug 2009 Posts: 4	Pregnancy, Drugs and Trust So about a month and half ago I began dating this woman that I have known and worked with for the past 2 years. We recently found out that she could possibly be pregnant via 2 positive pregnancy tests. Next week we have the appointment that will tell us if it is true or not. Now before having started to date this woman I knew she was a chronic pot smoker and would dabble in other substances mainly ecstacy. We had a talk and she told me that she would never do ex again but that marijuana was a normal part of her life since she was a child. We have argued over it several times. I figured that since she is pregnant she would stop. NOPE. Just the other day I found out that she decided to get blazed. Any advice on this? Also, one more question of advice. The person who told me that she got high was her sister and upon her sister telling me she noticed how upset I had become and asked me what was wrong you know she smokes. I told her that there was a possibility of her being pregnant and now my girl is pissed cause I said that to her sister. Any advice on how to handle this situation? I love this woman and I do not want to mess this all up.

08-20-2009, 07:41 PM	#2
Mutley Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Ohio Gender: Male Age: 40 Posts: 2,818	Ok, you knowingly date a doper for a month and a half, and you don't use birth control? This is already a mess dude. She won't stop smoking for you or the child. Been there, done that. Since the TWO pregnancy tests are possitive....I'd say it's 99.99% that she is pregnant. Now can you be sure it's your child? My main concern is for the welfare of this child. I'll let others weigh in. __________________ "May a diseased yak leave a bar mitzvah gift in your sock drawer."

08-20-2009, 07:51 PM	#4
waveseer Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: In a world full of possibilities. Gender: Female Age: 46 Posts: 11,062	I can understand why this would bother you but you have no control over what she does. So, your best course of action is to be supportive. Let her know that if she wants to stop and is having trouble doing so you will help her find help. __________________ Whoever dies with the most "happy" wins! ~ shuttlefish profile pic explained: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xl6yXBnLYYM and more: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CKnw9TM_AAI and if you weren't convinced: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S3fPtMuBtMs and if you're not sick yet: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jTvUT_Hx4Dc to accept your partner: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zgP57lJvWRw

08-20-2009, 08:04 PM	#6
Hope75 Online Super Moderator Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: kitteh ville Gender: Female Age: 33 Posts: 12,506	Smoking marijuana during pregnancy can be harmful to the fetus, can damage it's development and cause cognitive dysfunction, developmental delays, growth retardation, preterm labor and other complications. I urge you do to some research and print some articles out for her, and I would also bring up her marijuana use with her doctor at the appt. when you confirm the pregnancy. It's bad enough that she wants to continue using while pregnant, but at the very least her OB should know about it so he or she can counsel the mother appropriately and be prepared for whatever consequences may result from her drug use during pregnancy. [Only registered and activated users can see links. ] [Only registered and activated users can see links. ] [Only registered and activated users can see links. ] [Only registered and activated users can see links. ] [Only registered and activated users can see links. ] Here are some articles you might want to show her. __________________ Muffin cats need love too. Please refer to the forum rules before posting: http://www.enotalone.com/forum/forum-rules.php Mama to a beautiful baby girl born 6-25-09. :)

08-20-2009, 08:14 PM	#8
HeartGoesOn Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Massachusetts Gender: Female Posts: 2,659	God help this poor baby. Since you knew before hand that she's a drug user, I would hope that you were both tested for STD's first. On the other hand, if she's already pregnant after only dating for six weeks, that's not likely. She could have many health issues, and diseases from the drug use! And again, I feel so bad for this baby that's in the middle of this. __________________ ~ Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance, And when you get the chance to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance... I hope you dance. ~

08-20-2009, 07:48 PM	#3
brunn1 Offline Member Join Date: Aug 2009 Posts: 4	Yes I knowingly date a doper. As for the birth control lets just say my odds sucked because we only did not use it one time. And yes I am as positive as you are on the pregnancy. Also, although she is a pothead she never does it around me or brings it in MY house. Therefore I have never seen her do it. She has always been honest except this one time. When I confronted her about it she said she would not do it again. That is where the trust part comes in. I have already made the decision that if she can't stay off the drugs then when the child comes I will fight for custody. I really do not want that though as I genuinely enjoy spending my time with this woman and I believe that we are a great couple. I am just frustrated.

08-20-2009, 08:22 PM	#9
brunn1 Offline Member Join Date: Aug 2009 Posts: 4	We are both very honest about everything which is sometimes scary. STDs were one of the first things we talked about and I trust her answer of no. She is a very healthy woman who always eats right and is also very responsible. She just likes to partake in this particular extracurricular activity.