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Thread: How to be/become Emotionally Distant?

  1. #1
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    How to be/become Emotionally Distant?

    I've always been the type that falls too easily, too quickly, too fast, and cares too much. After having been stupid, naive, and burned too much...I want to be emotionally distant now. I don't want to get attached to anyone, I don't want to care, I don't want to open up, and I don't want to see anyone too often.

    Please give me tips on how to be and stay emotionally distant. I enjoy attraction and flirting, but I just don't want to have real feelings anymore.

    I waver between wanting to get to know someone and bolting...

  2. #2
    Platinum Member ellandroader's Avatar
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    Why would you want to be like that? Life is about ups and downs. Okay there is some pain involved but surely the gains are worth it?

    Look around these boards, especially the abuse ones and the breakup ones and read the stories of people who fell for someone that became ambivalent, nonchalant and inconsiderate to their needs.

    Trust me, it is no walk in the park being involved with somebody like that.

    Is that really something to aspire to? Sure, life gets hard but we all have our battles.
    "It is more shameful to deny fear, than it is to run from danger...."

  3. #3
    Member Lusif's Avatar
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    Please don't... I'd give anything to be like you.

    I can be as cold as anything, and find it hard to feel without bounds... there's always some trust issue/cynicism holding me back, and I just wanna give my all. I'm with the perfect guy right now, but still keep one foot on the ground just in case. One day I'll be full of love, then the next it's like my brain's forced that love out and made me cold again... it's hard.

    Someone will love you for how you are, and I bet loads of people already do.

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    I know exactly what you mean...but I dont think there's an actual way not to have feelings. If it were like a switch I am sure that a lot of us would turn it off more often. I am myself trying to figure out how not to seem too needy...

    I am pretty confident regardless of how some of my posts might have come off...I mean is it so wrong to feel that you have found a great person and you just want to make sure you dont drive them off? Don't worry and dont give up because I am sure that something great is around the corner for you...

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  6. #5
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    Being warm and fuzzy hasn't helped me. Well, I only like to be warm with girl friends because there's no attraction and no complications.

    But with men...I don't want to care. It's no fun....caring. I don't want to get burned.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member greywolf's Avatar
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    OP, the reason you don't have problems getting close to people is because it's something that is enjoyable. I have always been the opposite of you. I struggle to get closer to people and while being emotionally distant makes you safer, you don't get to experience that wonderful feeling you get from loving someone with all your heart.
    "Forgiveness is unlocking the door to set someone free and realizing you were the prisoner." ~Max Lucado

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    I agree with greywolf and mintblossom but how do do this and not seem like you are too needy? I posted something earlier and the responses that I got were that I seemed like I was not confident at all. I am very good at recognizing my faults believe me...

    I was just asking cause I finally met a guy who I can be this way with and he seems to be the same however I dont want to push him away...

  9. #8
    Platinum Member DropToZero's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mintblossom View Post
    I've always been the type that falls too easily, too quickly, too fast, and cares too much. After having been stupid, naive, and burned too much...I want to be emotionally distant now. I don't want to get attached to anyone, I don't want to care, I don't want to open up, and I don't want to see anyone too often.

    Please give me tips on how to be and stay emotionally distant. I enjoy attraction and flirting, but I just don't want to have real feelings anymore.

    I waver between wanting to get to know someone and bolting...
    Trust me when I say you don't want to learn to become this way...

    I'm like this, and I regret it because I've been fighting for about 2 years now to try and get back to feeling...

    I've given myself(at least the only thing I can find to describe it) alexithymia... and I do not feel. I can get angry, upset, but emotions don't overcome me whatsoever and I don't get rises(adrenaline) or anything. In the best way to describe it, I *know* I've got an emotion going, but I can't feel it. Like knowing I'm angry, but not feeling the affects of it... same goes with love or anything else...(which makes it easy to ignore, or shut off the thought quite quickly)

    I don't know how I did it other than convincing myself I never wanted to feel again and drowning myself in emotionlessness... I promise you, you do NOT want to be like me, or like that... you will regret it. It still causes problems in my relationship now to this day because I don't process or understand feelings. It made me just sleep around, and it gave no meaning to anything, not even sex. It's quite dangerous, and can lead to other types of dangerous thought to become this way.

    All in all... give up this notion, you do not want this.
    "Conversion is not like a flu shot!

    It's more like being hit by a 30 ton logging truck..

    ..how can you say you've had an encounter with God, who's enormously larger than a 30 ton truck.. and not be PERMANENTLY changed?!

    This is not anger, this is passion, and ALL passion is born out of anguish!"

    Christ did not die so you could sin, but so that you would be free from its power over you!

  10. #9
    Platinum Member greywolf's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DropToZero View Post
    It still causes problems in my relationship now to this day because I don't process or understand feelings.
    I am getting better, but it still causes problems for me sometimes too.
    "Forgiveness is unlocking the door to set someone free and realizing you were the prisoner." ~Max Lucado

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    If you ever plan on falling truly in love...stay the way you are. It's better to be the way you are than cold and unemotional.

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