worried about teen nephew

christmas · 08-17-2009, 05:51 PM

My nephew's new stepmom is...well, I don't like her. She's not mean or anything, in fact she is like.."too charming" if that makes sense. She is very pretty and used to model (not anything big, just like small advertisements and stuff) but she stopped since getting married.
My nephew used to be really into football (played on his high school team) and he has since quit, basically because she forced him to quit.
I had no idea this was going on but I found out she had gotten him into modeling several months ago...Actually I was getting my hair cut and I saw the large posters they have showing haircuts and he was in one of them, of course I didn't know it was him, I just thought, "wow, that looks like my nephew".
When I mentioned later that day that I saw a kid that looked like him in the ad, his stepmom said it WAS him and proceeded to show me his "portfolio" of modeling pictures they had done of him that he takes to the auditions.
So anyway I guess I wouldn't have such a problem with the new "hobby" he has if I thought it was what he really wanted to do, only I don't think it is. He never seems happy, he's stopped talking the way he used to (he used to talk a lot more, now he's quiet and sort of sullen), he has changed in other ways too.
One way is that he doesn't eat the way he used to, which at first I attributed to the fact that he no longer plays football, so he doesn't have to eat quite so much anymore...but I just think there is more to it. He seems VERY concerned about his weight and his body in general. I don't really know if eating disorders are common among boys but I feel like it is not normal behavior. Also I feel that his stepmom sort of discourages eating, I mean I have heard her make comments to him about his appearance. She also told me the reason she wanted him to stop playing football is that the new "look" for male models was the emo, skinny boy type of look- the bulky muscle guy was no longer the "in" look...therefore he needed to quit playing football, start losing weight, etc.
The other thing that REALLY bothers me is I feel that she is starting to isolate him from people. He recently got a contract with a major designer and she then decides that school will keep him from a "career" and she is making him do this online home school program. Which would be fine if they decided he should homeschool for any other reason in the world- but because of modeling? I'm sorry, but he has already given up football and time with friends and eating and now school too?
Like I said he does not seem happy and I also question the kind of people he is exposed to in this "industry". I saw the ads from some of the clothing lines he has modeled for... he is only in high school and sometimes the pictures look downright innapropriate.
Another thing is I know he is making money from these jobs, and I do not know where this is going. I hope to a college fund for him, but for all I know it is going into someone's pocket.

My brother is head over heels taken with her (they've been married less than a year) and thinks whatever she does is wonderful. I expressed some concerns to him about her (in a nice way) and he just brushed it off.
He travels a lot for his job, and to be honest, I think this is a case of letting his new wife handle the parenting because he isn't there much anyway so it's easier just to dump all the decisions on her.
And I don't think she is making very good decisions regarding his son.
Maybe I should just stay out of it because it is their family. But he is my brother's kid..I just feel there is something not right here.

agent · 08-17-2009, 06:03 PM

Does sound hinky.

Where's Mom? How old is your nephew and how old is step-Mom? She sounds pretty young (or just immature).

christmas · 08-17-2009, 07:14 PM

Right before he got into modeling, he had just turned 16.
His mom is not involved and hasn't been for several years, dad (my older brother) has got custody. His mom lives out west with a boyfriend.
Stepmom is 32 I believe. Acts much younger!!

Btw I forgot to add that one time I asked him about the money he made form these jobs (where the money's going, etc.) and he sort of shrugged and didn't really answer me. I got the feeling he doesn't know how much he is making.

Sunflour · 08-18-2009, 03:01 PM

I agree, this sounds...off. It sounds like the stepmom is trying to fulfill her own modeling ambitions through your nephew, like a stage mother, regardless of what he wants. That these ambitions have made your nephew completely change the pattern of his life is a bit alarming.

Can you find a pretext to take your nephew out alone so the two of you can talk? I think the first thing to determine is whether he's doing these things because he wants to, or because his stepmom wants him to. If it's the latter, then you could be an advocate for him with his dad.

Doesn't his dad think this homeschooling idea is kind of strange? Or is dad thinking with his "other head" because he's got this hot wife now?

Just bear in mind that this might be a really confusing time for your nephew. He's a teenage guy whose mom has checked out of his life, and now he's got this very pretty stepmom who is lavishing him with attention and encouraging him to think of himself as attractive enough to model. That's got to be really flattering to his ego. It's possible he is attracted to stepmom also. I'm not saying there's anything inappropriate happening, but the attention & flattery from a pretty woman could make him want to please her.

christmas · 08-18-2009, 09:25 PM

My brother thinks the homeschooling is necessary due to the "career". (Money is being made, go figure).

I don't think anything innapropriate is going on between my nephew and his stepmom. I just don't get that vibe.

I have spoken to my nephew. He said modeling was her idea, but he went along with it because he thought it would be something they could have in common, and then maybe she would like him better. (Not in a "liking" way; I think he just misses having a mom)
But he said he didn't know that she would get so pushy with it or that it would take over his whole life. Because now she treats him like that's all he is there for.

My biggest concern is the very rapid weight loss/obsession over eating habits, the isolation from friends, and the feeling of all his worth coming from his looks.
Also, the possible exploitation/sexualization due to some of the pictures being a little innapropriate for a teenager (Maybe I am a prude and it's not like it's porn or anything, but some of these designers have some "questionable" advertising methods)

Sunflour · 08-19-2009, 06:26 AM

Can you support him in talking to her and his dad, if he would rather go back to school with his friends? Or could you talk to her directly? It's possible that she honestly thinks he's enjoying this, and would change her behavior if she knew he wasn't happy.

I didn't mean to imply that anything inappropriate was happening with the stepmom--just that for a teenage guy, physical attractiveness may influence wanting to please her.

christmas · 08-20-2009, 11:19 AM

I talked to my brother a little and then later I talked to her. (Tried to bring up these things casually within a visit as if it was just normal conversation).

My brother told me that the money my nephew makes is being saved in the bank for college (so that was kind of a relief at least, if it is true, which I hope it is), and that is why he isn't allowed access to it, because being 16 he would just spend it. Which is also probably true.

Stepmom said my nephew wants this and that is why she is pushing him so hard, and that even if its not always fun for him, he is just going to have to make sacrifices in order to become successful in the business.

I told her (in a nice way) that I think what he REALLY wants is not so much to be a model but just to get to share hobbies, do things together, etc. that will make them feel like a real family... That going along with her modeling idea was really just his way of doing something to make her "accept him".
I told her (to sound nice) that he really does seem to like her and probably he will do just about anything to make them feel more like a mom and son, so maybe she should try doing different activities with him besides just taking him to the auditions or whatever.

She didn't act offended at waht I said and she said that yes she would like to do more stuff with him, but that he was NOT going to go back to school (too much time away from a career), play football (ruin his looks), or stop modeling. She told me that it was obvious he is becoming successful and it would not be right for her to let him stop because he wouldn't be reaching his potential.

Whoch I agree with not letting your kids just quit an activity they're really good at...except I also don't think one activity should take over your whole life and change your lifestyle.

Qut81 · 08-20-2009, 11:41 AM

Quote:

well, I don't like her. She's not mean or anything, in fact she is like.."too charming" if that makes sense. She is very pretty and used to model

So you dont like her because shes pretty and charismatic?? Sounds like someone is a little jealous.

Why do you think so low of the fashion/modeling industry? They are trying to make money and survive just like anyone else. You dont just sit there looking pretty, its actually really hard. It is no different than being in sales. Your selling a product.

Unfortunately, high school ages are the perfect time to start modeling. So, if he has an opportunity to make it big then I would fully agree with what shes doing. Its a lucrative career. Have you asked him if hes happy? If hes being forced into it? Modeling does require a thick skin. When you first start off its hard to deal with the rejection, so that might be why his attitude has changed. If I had gotten a modeling contract my mother wouldve pulled me out of school asap. I dont see it any different than playing foot ball. Both require skill.

christmas · 08-20-2009, 03:10 PM

I'm not jealous of her, the reason I don't like her for being "too charming" is because she acts fake. I know it sounds mean, but honestly she just acts very fake most of the time.

No, I don't think anything bad about modeling itself- I just don't like it for teenagers...even though I believe you when you say high school is the right age to start... just because of the seductiveness of some of the advertising (not all, of course, but I have seen some of the designers ads he has done that raise my eyebrows!) and the fact that he can't have a regular life with school, friends, sports etc. If he seemed happier I guess I wouldn't mind, but all the time I see him, he seems unhappy.

Yeah. I have talked to him about whether or not he wants to do it. Back when I had asked him that.... he said it was her idea, but he doesn't mind doing it, so went along with it in order to make her like him better (give them something to do together)...he just didn't know that it would take over his whole life ...that he'd rather just be in school and play football... and if he has to model then he'd rather just do it once in a while not "all the time".

But that's not going to fly with her because that would mean turning down jobs.
And his favorite sport is a no-no because it would require putting on the weight he lost, eating a lot more, bulking up and working out more, missing auditions in order to go to practices, and possible injuries. So he had to give up his sport.

Oh by the way, speaking of the eating habits...I would be interested in knowing out how fast it's possible to lose weight without doing it in an unhealthy way.. because ...yeah he's too thin now, but my issue with the weight loss is not neccessarily how MUCH weight he's lost, but how FAST he's lost it. I don't know how fast you can lose weight unless you're doing it in a dangerous way.

Anyway I am only the aunt not the parent so I can't really do anything to change it if they are set on this job for him but I guess it just makes me worry. That's all.

Qut81 · 08-20-2009, 03:28 PM

Ok, well after reading that it does sound like she is forcing him into it. Her father is your brother correct? Why dont you talk to him about it? maybe he can do something? Or hopefully, your nephew will stand up to her and tell her he doesnt want to do it anymore.

Being forced into modeling and doing it at your own will is too diff things.

08-17-2009, 05:51 PM	#1
christmas Offline Member Join Date: Aug 2009 Posts: 6	worried about teen nephew My nephew's new stepmom is...well, I don't like her. She's not mean or anything, in fact she is like.."too charming" if that makes sense. She is very pretty and used to model (not anything big, just like small advertisements and stuff) but she stopped since getting married. My nephew used to be really into football (played on his high school team) and he has since quit, basically because she forced him to quit. I had no idea this was going on but I found out she had gotten him into modeling several months ago...Actually I was getting my hair cut and I saw the large posters they have showing haircuts and he was in one of them, of course I didn't know it was him, I just thought, "wow, that looks like my nephew". When I mentioned later that day that I saw a kid that looked like him in the ad, his stepmom said it WAS him and proceeded to show me his "portfolio" of modeling pictures they had done of him that he takes to the auditions. So anyway I guess I wouldn't have such a problem with the new "hobby" he has if I thought it was what he really wanted to do, only I don't think it is. He never seems happy, he's stopped talking the way he used to (he used to talk a lot more, now he's quiet and sort of sullen), he has changed in other ways too. One way is that he doesn't eat the way he used to, which at first I attributed to the fact that he no longer plays football, so he doesn't have to eat quite so much anymore...but I just think there is more to it. He seems VERY concerned about his weight and his body in general. I don't really know if eating disorders are common among boys but I feel like it is not normal behavior. Also I feel that his stepmom sort of discourages eating, I mean I have heard her make comments to him about his appearance. She also told me the reason she wanted him to stop playing football is that the new "look" for male models was the emo, skinny boy type of look- the bulky muscle guy was no longer the "in" look...therefore he needed to quit playing football, start losing weight, etc. The other thing that REALLY bothers me is I feel that she is starting to isolate him from people. He recently got a contract with a major designer and she then decides that school will keep him from a "career" and she is making him do this online home school program. Which would be fine if they decided he should homeschool for any other reason in the world- but because of modeling? I'm sorry, but he has already given up football and time with friends and eating and now school too? Like I said he does not seem happy and I also question the kind of people he is exposed to in this "industry". I saw the ads from some of the clothing lines he has modeled for... he is only in high school and sometimes the pictures look downright innapropriate. Another thing is I know he is making money from these jobs, and I do not know where this is going. I hope to a college fund for him, but for all I know it is going into someone's pocket. My brother is head over heels taken with her (they've been married less than a year) and thinks whatever she does is wonderful. I expressed some concerns to him about her (in a nice way) and he just brushed it off. He travels a lot for his job, and to be honest, I think this is a case of letting his new wife handle the parenting because he isn't there much anyway so it's easier just to dump all the decisions on her. And I don't think she is making very good decisions regarding his son. Maybe I should just stay out of it because it is their family. But he is my brother's kid..I just feel there is something not right here.

08-17-2009, 06:03 PM	#2
agent Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: England Gender: Female Age: 27 Posts: 3,891	Does sound hinky. Where's Mom? How old is your nephew and how old is step-Mom? She sounds pretty young (or just immature). __________________ "You have a right to experiment with your life. You will make mistakes. And they are right too." - Anais Nin "Come now, don't make such a funeral face. It isn't dying that's sad; it's living when you're not happy." -Octave Mirbeau "Don't be sad, don't be angry, if life deceives you! Submit to your grief; your time for joy will come, believe me." -Aleksandr Pushkin

08-17-2009, 07:14 PM	#3
christmas Offline Member Join Date: Aug 2009 Posts: 6	Right before he got into modeling, he had just turned 16. His mom is not involved and hasn't been for several years, dad (my older brother) has got custody. His mom lives out west with a boyfriend. Stepmom is 32 I believe. Acts much younger!! Btw I forgot to add that one time I asked him about the money he made form these jobs (where the money's going, etc.) and he sort of shrugged and didn't really answer me. I got the feeling he doesn't know how much he is making.

08-18-2009, 03:01 PM	#4
Sunflour Offline Silver Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Gender: Female Posts: 422	I agree, this sounds...off. It sounds like the stepmom is trying to fulfill her own modeling ambitions through your nephew, like a stage mother, regardless of what he wants. That these ambitions have made your nephew completely change the pattern of his life is a bit alarming. Can you find a pretext to take your nephew out alone so the two of you can talk? I think the first thing to determine is whether he's doing these things because he wants to, or because his stepmom wants him to. If it's the latter, then you could be an advocate for him with his dad. Doesn't his dad think this homeschooling idea is kind of strange? Or is dad thinking with his "other head" because he's got this hot wife now? Just bear in mind that this might be a really confusing time for your nephew. He's a teenage guy whose mom has checked out of his life, and now he's got this very pretty stepmom who is lavishing him with attention and encouraging him to think of himself as attractive enough to model. That's got to be really flattering to his ego. It's possible he is attracted to stepmom also. I'm not saying there's anything inappropriate happening, but the attention & flattery from a pretty woman could make him want to please her.

08-18-2009, 09:25 PM	#5
christmas Offline Member Join Date: Aug 2009 Posts: 6	My brother thinks the homeschooling is necessary due to the "career". (Money is being made, go figure). I don't think anything innapropriate is going on between my nephew and his stepmom. I just don't get that vibe. I have spoken to my nephew. He said modeling was her idea, but he went along with it because he thought it would be something they could have in common, and then maybe she would like him better. (Not in a "liking" way; I think he just misses having a mom) But he said he didn't know that she would get so pushy with it or that it would take over his whole life. Because now she treats him like that's all he is there for. My biggest concern is the very rapid weight loss/obsession over eating habits, the isolation from friends, and the feeling of all his worth coming from his looks. Also, the possible exploitation/sexualization due to some of the pictures being a little innapropriate for a teenager (Maybe I am a prude and it's not like it's porn or anything, but some of these designers have some "questionable" advertising methods)

08-19-2009, 06:26 AM	#6
Sunflour Offline Silver Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Gender: Female Posts: 422	Can you support him in talking to her and his dad, if he would rather go back to school with his friends? Or could you talk to her directly? It's possible that she honestly thinks he's enjoying this, and would change her behavior if she knew he wasn't happy. I didn't mean to imply that anything inappropriate was happening with the stepmom--just that for a teenage guy, physical attractiveness may influence wanting to please her.

08-20-2009, 11:19 AM	#7
christmas Offline Member Join Date: Aug 2009 Posts: 6	I talked to my brother a little and then later I talked to her. (Tried to bring up these things casually within a visit as if it was just normal conversation). My brother told me that the money my nephew makes is being saved in the bank for college (so that was kind of a relief at least, if it is true, which I hope it is), and that is why he isn't allowed access to it, because being 16 he would just spend it. Which is also probably true. Stepmom said my nephew wants this and that is why she is pushing him so hard, and that even if its not always fun for him, he is just going to have to make sacrifices in order to become successful in the business. I told her (in a nice way) that I think what he REALLY wants is not so much to be a model but just to get to share hobbies, do things together, etc. that will make them feel like a real family... That going along with her modeling idea was really just his way of doing something to make her "accept him". I told her (to sound nice) that he really does seem to like her and probably he will do just about anything to make them feel more like a mom and son, so maybe she should try doing different activities with him besides just taking him to the auditions or whatever. She didn't act offended at waht I said and she said that yes she would like to do more stuff with him, but that he was NOT going to go back to school (too much time away from a career), play football (ruin his looks), or stop modeling. She told me that it was obvious he is becoming successful and it would not be right for her to let him stop because he wouldn't be reaching his potential. Whoch I agree with not letting your kids just quit an activity they're really good at...except I also don't think one activity should take over your whole life and change your lifestyle.

08-20-2009, 03:10 PM	#9
christmas Offline Member Join Date: Aug 2009 Posts: 6	I'm not jealous of her, the reason I don't like her for being "too charming" is because she acts fake. I know it sounds mean, but honestly she just acts very fake most of the time. No, I don't think anything bad about modeling itself- I just don't like it for teenagers...even though I believe you when you say high school is the right age to start... just because of the seductiveness of some of the advertising (not all, of course, but I have seen some of the designers ads he has done that raise my eyebrows!) and the fact that he can't have a regular life with school, friends, sports etc. If he seemed happier I guess I wouldn't mind, but all the time I see him, he seems unhappy. Yeah. I have talked to him about whether or not he wants to do it. Back when I had asked him that.... he said it was her idea, but he doesn't mind doing it, so went along with it in order to make her like him better (give them something to do together)...he just didn't know that it would take over his whole life ...that he'd rather just be in school and play football... and if he has to model then he'd rather just do it once in a while not "all the time". But that's not going to fly with her because that would mean turning down jobs. And his favorite sport is a no-no because it would require putting on the weight he lost, eating a lot more, bulking up and working out more, missing auditions in order to go to practices, and possible injuries. So he had to give up his sport. Oh by the way, speaking of the eating habits...I would be interested in knowing out how fast it's possible to lose weight without doing it in an unhealthy way.. because ...yeah he's too thin now, but my issue with the weight loss is not neccessarily how MUCH weight he's lost, but how FAST he's lost it. I don't know how fast you can lose weight unless you're doing it in a dangerous way. Anyway I am only the aunt not the parent so I can't really do anything to change it if they are set on this job for him but I guess it just makes me worry. That's all.

08-20-2009, 03:28 PM	#10
Qut81 Offline Gold Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Gender: Female Age: 28 Posts: 1,122	Ok, well after reading that it does sound like she is forcing him into it. Her father is your brother correct? Why dont you talk to him about it? maybe he can do something? Or hopefully, your nephew will stand up to her and tell her he doesnt want to do it anymore. Being forced into modeling and doing it at your own will is too diff things.