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I dont like my wife anymore,but I still love her


salyt32

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I dont know what to do about my bad deal here. My wife is not a bad person. But I dont like who she is I dont like much about her at all, We have ben married for 7 years. I feel like I want out, she is no longer atracdtive to me I feel like she always has a problem or is always sick or always has an issue. I tried to get a divorce. she gets mad at me a lot for going hunting and fishing all the time. she is from another state. aand she goese there about 4 to 5 times a year. But I pay for it. She dont have a job and dont want one. she gets mad when I dont take off work and go with her. but we cant afford for me to take off and I dont like her family they are all criminals and filthy mouthed crazys. a few weeks ago we agreed it was over. we still lived together because she dont have money to go any where and I am in the prosess of buying a house. anyway I started talking to antother girl and went fishing with her once. I never had sex or even kissed her. My wife went out to my work truck and got into my phone and seen that I was texting her, She then came in and threw a huge fit, I understand kinda, but she agreed that it was over and I ment it. she now dosent want to split up, I dont know what to do I feel traped and I hate my life, I also told her this. What do I do? am I just a huge piece of crap?

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I would keep the relationships outside of this one closed until you have a chance to finish this one off.

 

I dont know what kind of advice to give, it seems like she has a case of I dont want you but I dont want anyone else to either. You've been married a long time, Is there any chance of reconcilation?

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Stop being so down on yourself. You sound like a good guy.

Why don't you like her? She's sick? Remember sickness and in health?

Is she being abusive toward you? Maybe she's depressed?

There are many reasons she could be acting this way. Maybe you could put your foot down and give her a time to gain employment. I'm sure if she's working she'll have more self esteem and become the person you married again.

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, your wife is having health problems (in sickness and health is a part of marriage vows) and your cheating on her (cheating is just about sex). Not to mention that apparently you think that a person's worth is only in their looks. I really hope that you reconsider wether the things you are complaining about really matter.

 

I would suggest going to therapy. You should at least try to save your marriage rather than just throwing it away because she's sick and "not pretty enough" for you and is unfortunate enough to have a bad family and ethical enough to love her family for being her family rather than judging them.

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Well, it's not fair to make your wife your enemy if you're unhappy with your life. Obviously you're not happy if you're looking to another girl for friendship or whatever. I certainly wouldn't like it if my husband did that and yet didn't have the energy or desire to work on our marriage.

If you don't love her and you don't want to work this out, get a divorce. Ask friends and family for a place to stay and leave. There's no reason you would be "trying" to get a divorce and failing unless you want the relationship.

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Thank you for your in put. sorry about the grammar, I am no enlish major. I am a little shocked that you think of me that way I have given this relationship a lot of time and we have gone through a lot of crazy things. I never cheated on her while we were in good standings. that is the only time that I ever had anything to do with anyone else. But its good to see how others veiw my veiw. I am so lost I Dont tknow how to function. I am very rierd of all the difrent struggles, She was on and off drugs for our first few years i think she is finally drug free she admited to me one time of drug use in the last 3 years. I know that she is depressed but so am I we are both in our mid 30s and I feel like my life is sliping away. to only be waisted on unhappyness. I f I am way out of line I understand, I understand better or worse, But I feel so unhappy I just want out, How do i change my feelings about this. How do I change my feelings about her. I cant even stand for her to touch me anymore. I wish I didnt feel this way.

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I wish I didnt feel so bad about this the reason for the other girl I think was to make this easy on me but it didnt do that. this is not my first failed relationship, I am also a little afraid of loosing my belongings, I must really be a crap face this even sounds bad to me when I write it out..

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I am sorry I have alredy gone on the defense instead of looking at what you are all saying. I feel like I have tried a great deal, But maybe not. I dont hate her I just dont like my life, this is not at all what I had planed So please tell me exactly what I should do from here

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yes we have talked and we never seem to get anywhere. I am very bad at that kind of stuff, I told her that I would try to go to counseling and she agreed to find one but its ben a week and she still hasnt found one.

 

As far as I'm concerned, you're the one that's not completely happy with your marriage/life, so you should make the effort to find a counselor. I'm not sure what good counseling will do. It seems like you've made up your mind about not wanting to be with your wife, but maybe counseling might help steer you in the right direction.

 

If you lay around & wait for her to make all the decisions, you're never gonna get anywhere. If you want a divorce, get on top of it. Wasting time isn't going to get you anywhere.

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i think you should leave. i think you should put yourself first, there is nothing wrong with that. if you are not happy, and you think you had done enough and you are not getting what you deserve and you are not happy, leave. you owe her nothing, you have only one life to live. she should be responsible for her own happiness. if she is not really sick, why is she not working?

 

personally, i cannot stand lazy woman who depend on the husband financially totally.

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First you need to tell the other woman that you can't be in contact with her until you have worked out your problems. There is no need in bringing someone else into this mess. You need a clear mind and not be thinking of her instead of your wife.

Your marriage seems to have been built on a very unstable foundation. Your wifes lack of motivation to make a life for herself is concerning. You didn't mention children so I assume there are none. I agree you should seek a counselor for yourself only so you can be better equipped to make the tough choices you will need to make. Then if you think you can give your marriage 100% you should seek counseling together.

Loosing your stuff isn't a reason to stay in a bad marriage! You are still both young and can have great lives. Leave all the material things out of your thoughts for now and focus on what you do not like about the way your marriage has turned out thus far.

I am all for saving a marriage but there comes a time when you both have to decide to give everything to rebuild and make it stronger or end it. Just one of you cannot do this alone, it simply won't last.

 

Seek out a therapist for yourself and ask her to do the same for herself. Her actions may very well help you decide what you will do.

 

Best wishes

Lost

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Your wife threw a fit because anger comes with the pain of heartbreak. Her family was threatened and she got angry. It's completely natural.

 

You love her but you don't like her? I can totally understand that. My ex was a mean, callous, shallow, selfish, narcissistic, and manipulative. And I still love him. The thing is, the pain I feel living without him is easier to live with than the pain I felt when we were together.

 

You need to go to counseling and work your way out, if that's what you think you want. You don't just leave. You have to earn the right to leave and you earn it by doing everything you can to save it. You made a commitment. Do everything you can to keep it. When you can't do any more, when you've tried and given everything, then you are free to leave.

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  • 2 weeks later...

not sure if you love her or not ,ask your self what kind of love it might be if the answer is spiritual then it is over becouse you can not use the term of human bein while you want a relation ship, you dont like her be couse she can not makes you happy you can not find you self to wish to spend time with her so you are damageing your life and her by not giving a qeick response

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