No joke; It really does feel like I'm dying

Simplicity1 · 08-12-2009, 06:03 AM

So yesterday, my boyfriend or I guess ex-boyfriend now (god, that just felt like another stab to the heart to say!) decided to call it quits.

Long story short, I used to live in Rhode Island (he lived there his whole life) I moved down to Texas. We kept in touch (talking regularly for 4 years) then he moved down to be with me. 10 months later he decides to go back to Rhode Island because he is miserable here and I am not enough to keep him happy.

I don't understand, here is a guy that pretty much cheated on me (talked to a girl behind my back and gave her compliments about how sexy she looks etc... who in the past he had shared naked pictures of himself with), he is lazy, and selfish (doesn't really do anything unless he can somehow gain from it). Yet... I still want him, love him, and willing to do anything for him.

I've revolved my whole life around him, gave him everything I could give and it's not enough for him to stick by me and make our relationship work. Why is that?

Well, it is what it is...I know that I don't need him and that I deserve someone better. It would make no sense to try and keep him here if he doesn't want to be here with me. It just SUCKS!!! I literally feel sick to my stomach, it's hard to breathe without forcing a large inhale/exhale sometimes, my mind is spinning and I feel like it would be such a comfort if I could just rip my heart out of my chest just so the pain can stop.

TheJorge · 08-12-2009, 08:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Simplicity1

So yesterday, my boyfriend or I guess ex-boyfriend now (god, that just felt like another stab to the heart to say!) decided to call it quits.

Long story short, I used to live in Rhode Island (he lived there his whole life) I moved down to Texas. We kept in touch (talking regularly for 4 years) then he moved down to be with me. 10 months later he decides to go back to Rhode Island because he is miserable here and I am not enough to keep him happy.

I don't understand, here is a guy that pretty much cheated on me (talked to a girl behind my back and gave her compliments about how sexy she looks etc... who in the past he had shared naked pictures of himself with), he is lazy, and selfish (doesn't really do anything unless he can somehow gain from it). Yet... I still want him, love him, and willing to do anything for him.

I've revolved my whole life around him, gave him everything I could give and it's not enough for him to stick by me and make our relationship work. Why is that?

Well, it is what it is...I know that I don't need him and that I deserve someone better. It would make no sense to try and keep him here if he doesn't want to be here with me. It just SUCKS!!! I literally feel sick to my stomach, it's hard to breathe without forcing a large inhale/exhale sometimes, my mind is spinning and I feel like it would be such a comfort if I could just rip my heart out of my chest just so the pain can stop.

I know exactly how you feel, that is the exact thing that happened to me, I gave her all and even then I couldn't make her happy and now i just feel like dying, I know that feeling of not being able to breath, I'm sorry that you're going through this, you should check out my thread, alot of people are giving me good advice, I've also decided to seek help.

http://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=299923

KiNo~ · 08-12-2009, 08:37 AM

Accept it, he is not yours and he don't deserve to have you.. I can see your effort, feel your love towards him in your words... You must have typed them so unwillingly and you felt deep pain in those words..

At least you realized and know that you don't need him anymore... I had case almost similar to you past few months, it was like being in hell in the beginning...But eventually it healed, stay strong... YOu'll make it through..

Be grateful that he was not leading you for any longer, you just have yourself back, so cheers, you'll get support from all people here! Love yourself! You'll find a more suitable man for you! Be blessed~

actzipild · 08-12-2009, 08:37 AM

I know how you feel. I used to feel exactly the same in the first days. I could not even look at food, I had to force myself to eat something so I won't starve. Everytime I would think about her my chest would cringe and I was unable to breathe. I had to take deep long breaths because I was feeling I am suffocating.

But I can tell you it will get easier as the time passes. You have to accept what happened and to rebuild yourself from there. They say "time heals all wounds". Give yourself time to heal.

prettymommy · 08-12-2009, 10:45 AM

As hard as it is, just one day at a time, okay? Make little goals for yourself each day to get yourself back to normal. If you're not eating, make it a goal to have one decent meal for the day. If you're not sleeping, make it a goal to at least be in bed by a certain hour.

I went through the same stuff a year ago, and I'll be honest, it sucked, and it took awhile to get through it, but, you don't really have any choice right now. I know making little goals for each day, nothing big, but just stuff that I use to do normally that I suddenly lost the energy for in the aftermath of the split, helped.

Simplicity1 · 08-12-2009, 11:12 AM

thanks guys, I know I will have to take it a day at a time. I haven't had one decent meal in the last 48 hours just a bunch of water and a couple of bites here and there.

I talked to him and we're going to get together today to figure out what's the best/easiest way for him to get out with all of his stuff. We aren't bitter with each other about the whole thing. He just feels really guilty and I'm just really sad and dissappointed. He doesn't feel like he can commit to me, and feels that being with his old friends and family is the only thing that's going to make him happy. The part that hurts is that he doesn't even want to try, a relationship requires effort on both parts and he's not willing to put any more. If I was horrible to him, cheated on him or something...then maybe it wouldn't hurt so much, but it's like... I didn't do anything! I just gave him all I could and loved him always, regardless of any mistakes he's made.

He wants to be free from responsibilities. I need someone who will stick with me no matter what, someone who is strong and willing to face any problems that may arise and not just run from them, and someone who can love me for me and let that be enough to fight for. ...someone who can respect a great relationship and just not abandon it at the first sign of tribulation.

I need to find me a man, not a boy!

08-12-2009, 06:03 AM	#1
Simplicity1 Offline Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Mesquite, TX Gender: Female Age: 22 Posts: 84	No joke; It really does feel like I'm dying So yesterday, my boyfriend or I guess ex-boyfriend now (god, that just felt like another stab to the heart to say!) decided to call it quits. Long story short, I used to live in Rhode Island (he lived there his whole life) I moved down to Texas. We kept in touch (talking regularly for 4 years) then he moved down to be with me. 10 months later he decides to go back to Rhode Island because he is miserable here and I am not enough to keep him happy. I don't understand, here is a guy that pretty much cheated on me (talked to a girl behind my back and gave her compliments about how sexy she looks etc... who in the past he had shared naked pictures of himself with), he is lazy, and selfish (doesn't really do anything unless he can somehow gain from it). Yet... I still want him, love him, and willing to do anything for him. I've revolved my whole life around him, gave him everything I could give and it's not enough for him to stick by me and make our relationship work. Why is that? Well, it is what it is...I know that I don't need him and that I deserve someone better. It would make no sense to try and keep him here if he doesn't want to be here with me. It just SUCKS!!! I literally feel sick to my stomach, it's hard to breathe without forcing a large inhale/exhale sometimes, my mind is spinning and I feel like it would be such a comfort if I could just rip my heart out of my chest just so the pain can stop.

08-12-2009, 08:37 AM	#3
KiNo~ Offline Member Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: Malaysia Gender: Male Age: 19 Posts: 165	Accept it, he is not yours and he don't deserve to have you.. I can see your effort, feel your love towards him in your words... You must have typed them so unwillingly and you felt deep pain in those words.. At least you realized and know that you don't need him anymore... I had case almost similar to you past few months, it was like being in hell in the beginning...But eventually it healed, stay strong... YOu'll make it through.. Be grateful that he was not leading you for any longer, you just have yourself back, so cheers, you'll get support from all people here! Love yourself! You'll find a more suitable man for you! Be blessed~

08-12-2009, 08:37 AM	#4
actzipild Offline Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Gender: Male Posts: 31	I know how you feel. I used to feel exactly the same in the first days. I could not even look at food, I had to force myself to eat something so I won't starve. Everytime I would think about her my chest would cringe and I was unable to breathe. I had to take deep long breaths because I was feeling I am suffocating. But I can tell you it will get easier as the time passes. You have to accept what happened and to rebuild yourself from there. They say "time heals all wounds". Give yourself time to heal.

08-12-2009, 10:45 AM	#5
prettymommy Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Gender: Female Posts: 172	As hard as it is, just one day at a time, okay? Make little goals for yourself each day to get yourself back to normal. If you're not eating, make it a goal to have one decent meal for the day. If you're not sleeping, make it a goal to at least be in bed by a certain hour. I went through the same stuff a year ago, and I'll be honest, it sucked, and it took awhile to get through it, but, you don't really have any choice right now. I know making little goals for each day, nothing big, but just stuff that I use to do normally that I suddenly lost the energy for in the aftermath of the split, helped.

08-12-2009, 11:12 AM	#6
Simplicity1 Offline Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Mesquite, TX Gender: Female Age: 22 Posts: 84	thanks guys, I know I will have to take it a day at a time. I haven't had one decent meal in the last 48 hours just a bunch of water and a couple of bites here and there. I talked to him and we're going to get together today to figure out what's the best/easiest way for him to get out with all of his stuff. We aren't bitter with each other about the whole thing. He just feels really guilty and I'm just really sad and dissappointed. He doesn't feel like he can commit to me, and feels that being with his old friends and family is the only thing that's going to make him happy. The part that hurts is that he doesn't even want to try, a relationship requires effort on both parts and he's not willing to put any more. If I was horrible to him, cheated on him or something...then maybe it wouldn't hurt so much, but it's like... I didn't do anything! I just gave him all I could and loved him always, regardless of any mistakes he's made. He wants to be free from responsibilities. I need someone who will stick with me no matter what, someone who is strong and willing to face any problems that may arise and not just run from them, and someone who can love me for me and let that be enough to fight for. ...someone who can respect a great relationship and just not abandon it at the first sign of tribulation. I need to find me a man, not a boy!