Reverse Psychology + NC

Mustang · 08-11-2009, 12:19 PM

It works.

Just recently, I was seeing a girl who was really into me, led me on and then suddenly backed right off, ignored me and then after a bit of nudging eventually gave me a bunch of cliches (it's not you, I'm not looking for anything with anyone right now, let's be friends).

I turned it round on her by basically saying that she was doing me a favour, I have things in my life to sort out that are more important and I ended by saying that I'm not the sort of person to hang around as a friend when I'm rejected.

She is now practically begging me to remain friends with her and trying to justify and explain herself even more. A few days ago, she was ignoring me in the hope I'd get the message, now she wants to keep me in her life!

So now I feel like I have the power. I feel like I've rejected her for how she treated me and it feels so much better than wondering what's wrong with me, if there's someone else, etc.

I encourage you guys to do the same thing. Turn the tables a little. It makes you feel better to rise above it and walk away from someone who is messing you about.

Sometimes when they know you want them back, they have no need to speak to you. It's only when you take away their comfort that they panic and realise the consequences of their actions. I'm not saying it works to bring them back to you, but it's nice to have an ego boost from them after they've blown you out.

Just say you're not happy with their behaviour, agree with the break up/their decision and tell them you are walking away. It works. Look at my thread on the dating forum with more info.

It's confusing as hell but it makes me feel so much better than me chasing her.

hockeyboy · 08-11-2009, 12:27 PM

You went on some dates and she decided she didn't want to keep it going, right?

Assuming you want to date her...what has changed? Do you really want her around as a friend?

Cognitive_Canine · 08-11-2009, 12:28 PM

It may work in the short run.

But, a power struggle is not stable.

starlight40 · 08-11-2009, 12:33 PM

I agree with debaser, power struggles are definately not stable! Those and games, not cool and completely exhausting. I wish people could just say what they mean and mean what they say! Maybe she really was unsure of what she wanted, is it so bad that shes possibly changed her mind, i mean it wasnt very long into it.......

In the Dark · 08-11-2009, 12:34 PM

Yes the ball is in your court for now.
Just remember what debaser said.

A power struggle is not stable.

So the moment you give too much slack, the ball will be in her court.

Perfection · 08-11-2009, 12:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by starlight40

I wish people could just say what they mean and mean what they say!

truer words have rarely been spoken. life would be so much simpler if this was the case..

Mustang · 08-11-2009, 01:25 PM

All I'm saying is that for healing purposes, it's sometimes better to make them see that they've lost you. Rather than you losing them with them knowing that you still want them. It makes it easier for the rejected person to move on by turning things around a bit.

It's almost like a self fulfilling prophecy.

It sure is confusing though! Two days ago, this girl was ignoring me and I had no idea why. She was really interested in me one minute and then not the next. Now I've turned it around and said that I don't remain friends with people that reject me, she is practically begging me to remain friends with her, she's apologising and explaining her reasoning to me. I don't get what she wants!

But this sort of confusion is better than me sitting here asking what the hell I did wrong, why she changed her mind, etc. At least this way I feel like I'm in control of the situation.

Mustang · 08-11-2009, 01:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by starlight40

I wish people could just say what they mean and mean what they say!

Oh believe me, I agree. But if you can't beat them, join them.

starlight40 · 08-11-2009, 01:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Perfection

truer words have rarely been spoken. life would be so much simpler if this was the case..

Absolutely!

starlight40 · 08-11-2009, 01:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mustang

Oh believe me, I agree. But if you can't beat them, join them.

I know exactly what you mean ive been in your position before and its very difficult not to get drawn into games especially when personal pride is at stake, in the end though its all just, well, crap....power struggle after power struggle, * * * for tat, its never a real realationship

08-11-2009, 12:19 PM	#1
Mustang Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: UK Posts: 911	Reverse Psychology + NC It works. Just recently, I was seeing a girl who was really into me, led me on and then suddenly backed right off, ignored me and then after a bit of nudging eventually gave me a bunch of cliches (it's not you, I'm not looking for anything with anyone right now, let's be friends). I turned it round on her by basically saying that she was doing me a favour, I have things in my life to sort out that are more important and I ended by saying that I'm not the sort of person to hang around as a friend when I'm rejected. She is now practically begging me to remain friends with her and trying to justify and explain herself even more. A few days ago, she was ignoring me in the hope I'd get the message, now she wants to keep me in her life! So now I feel like I have the power. I feel like I've rejected her for how she treated me and it feels so much better than wondering what's wrong with me, if there's someone else, etc. I encourage you guys to do the same thing. Turn the tables a little. It makes you feel better to rise above it and walk away from someone who is messing you about. Sometimes when they know you want them back, they have no need to speak to you. It's only when you take away their comfort that they panic and realise the consequences of their actions. I'm not saying it works to bring them back to you, but it's nice to have an ego boost from them after they've blown you out. Just say you're not happy with their behaviour, agree with the break up/their decision and tell them you are walking away. It works. Look at my thread on the dating forum with more info. It's confusing as hell but it makes me feel so much better than me chasing her.

08-11-2009, 12:27 PM	#2
hockeyboy Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: New England Gender: Male Age: 28 Posts: 2,963	You went on some dates and she decided she didn't want to keep it going, right? Assuming you want to date her...what has changed? Do you really want her around as a friend? __________________ "Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers"

08-11-2009, 12:33 PM	#4
starlight40 Offline Gold Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: England Gender: Female Age: 29 Posts: 1,200	I agree with debaser, power struggles are definately not stable! Those and games, not cool and completely exhausting. I wish people could just say what they mean and mean what they say! Maybe she really was unsure of what she wanted, is it so bad that shes possibly changed her mind, i mean it wasnt very long into it....... __________________ "insecurity breeds insecurity" - Starlight40 "if couples in relationships never argue then someone is being walked over"- my mother, lol! A couple on tv that had been together for 50 years, they were asked "whats your secret to a lasting relationship?" their reply was "neither of us ever fell out of love at the same time..." Expectation is the route to all sadness

08-11-2009, 12:34 PM	#5
In the Dark Offline Gold Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: New Zealand Gender: Male Age: 29 Posts: 864	Yes the ball is in your court for now. Just remember what debaser said. A power struggle is not stable. So the moment you give too much slack, the ball will be in her court. __________________ Shhhh......

08-11-2009, 12:28 PM	#3
Cognitive_Canine Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Somewhere over the rainbow Gender: Female Posts: 11,351	It may work in the short run. But, a power struggle is not stable.

08-11-2009, 01:25 PM	#7
Mustang Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: UK Posts: 911	All I'm saying is that for healing purposes, it's sometimes better to make them see that they've lost you. Rather than you losing them with them knowing that you still want them. It makes it easier for the rejected person to move on by turning things around a bit. It's almost like a self fulfilling prophecy. It sure is confusing though! Two days ago, this girl was ignoring me and I had no idea why. She was really interested in me one minute and then not the next. Now I've turned it around and said that I don't remain friends with people that reject me, she is practically begging me to remain friends with her, she's apologising and explaining her reasoning to me. I don't get what she wants! But this sort of confusion is better than me sitting here asking what the hell I did wrong, why she changed her mind, etc. At least this way I feel like I'm in control of the situation.