Girls who date/dated Muslim guys!

Janne · 08-07-2009, 03:43 PM

I'm calling to ladies who ever been /or is in a relationship with Muslim guys, and worked it out , or probably broke up..
I just want to hear from you, and discuss on this subject.
I am Christian and engaged, my fiance is Muslim. But I'm not sure we can save this relationship cause of our religious differences...
I just feel like talking to someone who is/ or been through this, to listen to different stories, and to feel i'm not alone here

Reeling · 08-07-2009, 04:04 PM

What is the exact problem you're facing?

Is it the wedding ceremony? Is it the religion you'll raise children in? Is it religious views towards marriage? Is it family disapproval of interfaith marriage?

D_Lish · 08-07-2009, 04:07 PM

I was in one with a Muslim guy.....we are still friends.

He wasn't extreme, but he has and holds strong views. If I'd ended up with him, he'd have expected me to convert and any kids to be Muslim. I knew this because of the way he'd talk sometimes and also he'd say that his family would never accept me, unless I was Muslim....
His family knew nothing about me and I was a secret and remain so. They dont even know he calls me.

I read your story earlier and to be honest, if I'd ended up with him, it would've been no problem for me converting or any kids to be Muslim either...to keep the peace I guess.

However I do see converting for a man as a bit stupid and because you would be converting for all the wrong reasons....

Pappers · 08-07-2009, 07:45 PM

Interfaith and cultural relationships can be tough.
My ex was muslim and I christian, and although he said he wasn't religious in any way, when it came down to it the cultural differences and expectations placed on him by his family got in the way. He dumped me a week before his parents arrived (for a 2 month visit).
I am now in a new relationship, also with another muslim man. His family is more accepting however, and he is not practising.
So it can be done, but I believe communication is very important, and also agreeing on some of the fundamentals. If you are getting married, you will need to discuss how your children will be raised (most likely he will want them to be raised muslim), the expectations on you, between you and his family, etc.

It can work, but the relationship must be golden. If there is slightest hesitation in the back of your mind I suggest to reconsider what you want. Feel free to write me privately if you want more details on the dynamics of a relationship - one that ended up brokenhearted, the other seemingly working very well.

NoFXN · 08-07-2009, 10:17 PM

I don't think its too big of a deal but I think you should be more specific as to the country from where your boyfriend is from!

This makes a difference because they are huge cultural differences that play huge parts into this entire equation. For example, Pakistani men are usually more open minded when it comes to this issue. That's exactly why you see a lot of Pakistanis with girls from different cultures.

ay0_x · 08-07-2009, 10:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NoFXN

I don't think its too big of a deal but I think you should be more specific as to the country from where your boyfriend is from!

This makes a difference because they are huge cultural differences that play huge parts into this entire equation. For example, Pakistani men are usually more open minded when it comes to this issue. That's exactly why you see a lot of Pakistanis with girls from different cultures.

I have to agree with this.

If your boyfriend is an Arab, you may be in for a tough time.

I'm Arabic, but I refuse to date Muslim guys. I've dated them in the past and it has been a major disaster.

They are usually strict on how they want their girlfriend/wife to dress. There's a chance that he will want you to convert, and don a hijab. He will say it is his right to raise his kids as Muslims so you'll have to raise them as that.

There are also certain "marital responsibilities" that Islam grants a woman. These include keeping a good house, having sex with your husband whenever he wants, and not leaving the house without his permission even to visit your family.

Whether or not your boyfriend will want you to exercise these responsibilities is a personal thing, I don't know your boyfriend.

Also.. if you havent already.. I don't recommend sleeping with him. Muslim guys usually have less respect for girls who aren't virgins.

Janne · 08-08-2009, 06:56 AM

Thank you all for the comments guys!!
Well, we are engaged, and he is muslim from Lebanon.
We've been in a commited relationship for almost 3 years by now. And engaged last year. (I wrote the more detailed story in my other post in "Relationships"), so the major problem that is disturbing me now is that he changed somewhat drammatically after our official engagement from compromising and open-minded type to a 'Master'. Now I feel I am more under control from his side, and in a way he wants to change me now to correspond to his model of 'an ideal wife'. Although he is still the most loving and caring guy I ever met...
Now he told me it's a must that I convert to Islam, although we never had a conversation about this in such a categoric way before.. I was showing interest in his reigion,yes, but that didn't mean I would be willing to convert into it, did it? Or he simply misunderstood me?
Though he always seemed to be very open-minded and telling me from the start of our knowing each other that he wasn't a strict practicing muslim at all.. Now he seems to become more reigious..
We are in love and are very much afraid to lose each other but he let me know that I'd have to convert to Islam if I want to work out a happy marriage together...
I read hundreds of stories where interfaith couples faced the same problem and it was followed by a painful breakup..:'( Is it the only way out now? I still want to save this relationship.. and he does too, but it seems like I'm working only from one side now and he leaves it up to me to make major changes about myself first.. And he doesn't feel like making any compromise here

Janne · 08-08-2009, 07:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by D_Lish

However I do see converting for a man as a bit stupid and because you would be converting for all the wrong reasons....

Dear, D_Lish, can you please comment more on this line, cause it sound interesting but I didn't fully understand what you meant by "converting for all the wrong reasons"

Hug!

Clarity · 08-08-2009, 02:31 PM

This is an interesting thread for me to read as a liberal, Muslim man in a western country - I often wonder how I am perceived as dating material by western women. I mostly find myself attracted to liberal, western women but I'm always curious about whether my religious identity (things like not drinking, fasting, etc.) are a red flag for those women...

I should add that, although I want to date someone who has *similar* values to mine, I would never impose my beliefs on others. For example, I wouldn't be compatible with someone who drank on a regular basis, but I wouldn't be opposed to dating someone who drank occasionally for social reasons, as long as they were comfortable with me not drinking.

Janne · 08-08-2009, 05:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Clarity

- I often wonder how I am perceived as dating material by western women

With this open-minded attitude - you are certainly a very appealing dating 'material'

I think many Western women are very attracted to Muslim guys (Asian guys), for they are 'whole new world' and very interesting to discover (IMO) And you, guys, seem to know everything about 'the right romance'

which usually gets followed by falling into a deep love..
Great if when marriage gets on agenda, your partner appears open-minded enough to leave the cultural or religious frames behind and accept you as you are!
So many interfaith couples who were in a crazy love with each other and considered marriage broke up because of religious issues..
If my Muslim bf was understanding enough and not demanding me to convert to Islam, I wouldn't wish for anything more! I do respect his religion and culture and I just expect that he respects my cultural background too.
Well, this can be taken as the best dating advice for now

08-07-2009, 03:43 PM	#1
Janne Offline Member Join Date: May 2009 Location: Denmark Gender: Female Posts: 23	Girls who date/dated Muslim guys! I'm calling to ladies who ever been /or is in a relationship with Muslim guys, and worked it out , or probably broke up.. I just want to hear from you, and discuss on this subject. I am Christian and engaged, my fiance is Muslim. But I'm not sure we can save this relationship cause of our religious differences... I just feel like talking to someone who is/ or been through this, to listen to different stories, and to feel i'm not alone here

08-07-2009, 10:17 PM	#5
NoFXN Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Posts: 261	I don't think its too big of a deal but I think you should be more specific as to the country from where your boyfriend is from! This makes a difference because they are huge cultural differences that play huge parts into this entire equation. For example, Pakistani men are usually more open minded when it comes to this issue. That's exactly why you see a lot of Pakistanis with girls from different cultures. __________________ Don't let your hope die

08-07-2009, 04:04 PM	#2
Reeling Offline Member Join Date: Aug 2009 Gender: Male Age: 25 Posts: 34	What is the exact problem you're facing? Is it the wedding ceremony? Is it the religion you'll raise children in? Is it religious views towards marriage? Is it family disapproval of interfaith marriage?

08-07-2009, 04:07 PM	#3
D_Lish Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: England UK Gender: Female Age: 34 Posts: 3,728	I was in one with a Muslim guy.....we are still friends. He wasn't extreme, but he has and holds strong views. If I'd ended up with him, he'd have expected me to convert and any kids to be Muslim. I knew this because of the way he'd talk sometimes and also he'd say that his family would never accept me, unless I was Muslim.... His family knew nothing about me and I was a secret and remain so. They dont even know he calls me. I read your story earlier and to be honest, if I'd ended up with him, it would've been no problem for me converting or any kids to be Muslim either...to keep the peace I guess. However I do see converting for a man as a bit stupid and because you would be converting for all the wrong reasons....

08-07-2009, 07:45 PM	#4
Pappers Offline Silver Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Gender: Female Age: 27 Posts: 400	Interfaith and cultural relationships can be tough. My ex was muslim and I christian, and although he said he wasn't religious in any way, when it came down to it the cultural differences and expectations placed on him by his family got in the way. He dumped me a week before his parents arrived (for a 2 month visit). I am now in a new relationship, also with another muslim man. His family is more accepting however, and he is not practising. So it can be done, but I believe communication is very important, and also agreeing on some of the fundamentals. If you are getting married, you will need to discuss how your children will be raised (most likely he will want them to be raised muslim), the expectations on you, between you and his family, etc. It can work, but the relationship must be golden. If there is slightest hesitation in the back of your mind I suggest to reconsider what you want. Feel free to write me privately if you want more details on the dynamics of a relationship - one that ended up brokenhearted, the other seemingly working very well.

08-08-2009, 06:56 AM	#7
Janne Offline Member Join Date: May 2009 Location: Denmark Gender: Female Posts: 23	Thank you all for the comments guys!! Well, we are engaged, and he is muslim from Lebanon. We've been in a commited relationship for almost 3 years by now. And engaged last year. (I wrote the more detailed story in my other post in "Relationships"), so the major problem that is disturbing me now is that he changed somewhat drammatically after our official engagement from compromising and open-minded type to a 'Master'. Now I feel I am more under control from his side, and in a way he wants to change me now to correspond to his model of 'an ideal wife'. Although he is still the most loving and caring guy I ever met... Now he told me it's a must that I convert to Islam, although we never had a conversation about this in such a categoric way before.. I was showing interest in his reigion,yes, but that didn't mean I would be willing to convert into it, did it? Or he simply misunderstood me? Though he always seemed to be very open-minded and telling me from the start of our knowing each other that he wasn't a strict practicing muslim at all.. Now he seems to become more reigious.. We are in love and are very much afraid to lose each other but he let me know that I'd have to convert to Islam if I want to work out a happy marriage together... I read hundreds of stories where interfaith couples faced the same problem and it was followed by a painful breakup..:'( Is it the only way out now? I still want to save this relationship.. and he does too, but it seems like I'm working only from one side now and he leaves it up to me to make major changes about myself first.. And he doesn't feel like making any compromise here

08-08-2009, 02:31 PM	#9
Clarity Offline Gold Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Gender: Male Age: 28 Posts: 1,324	This is an interesting thread for me to read as a liberal, Muslim man in a western country - I often wonder how I am perceived as dating material by western women. I mostly find myself attracted to liberal, western women but I'm always curious about whether my religious identity (things like not drinking, fasting, etc.) are a red flag for those women... I should add that, although I want to date someone who has similar values to mine, I would never impose my beliefs on others. For example, I wouldn't be compatible with someone who drank on a regular basis, but I wouldn't be opposed to dating someone who drank occasionally for social reasons, as long as they were comfortable with me not drinking.