Worried, what are our options?

Katiebaby · 08-01-2009, 05:09 AM

Hi everyone.

I seriously need some advice.
My Bf's family fell apart 2 years ago when his dad died. Since then his Mother has been a depressed wreck, his youngest brother an alcoholic, and his sister a freeloader, living there with her new Indian husband. They're 21.

His mother has good days, but it's the Alco brother, J that upsets her and pushes her to the brink. He always has a can of something in his hand. He's always drunk, and when he gets really drunk he's a complete a$$hole.

His Mum wants them to all move out so she can get some peace and stop paying for them all the time. They are all hitching a free ride. She has said a few times that they have a month to leave, time comes and goes and she won't enforce it. Then she gets all depressed and it all starts again. Every family BBQ over there, if you want to brink a couple of drinks you have to hide them or he will pinch them. He took a celebratory bottle of champagne that was hidden for when his nephew was born, and drank 4 of the 6 bottles of wine they had bought for the sisters 21st. If he wants a drink, he will have one no matter what.

He recdently came home drunk from the pub and tried to cook something, fell asleep with the glasstop stove left on, and it exploded. He has filled the house with smoke at 4am a few times making drunk midnight snacks, even letting the bird out of the cage, and having a laugh because the dog was attacking it, then falling asleep with the poor bird flapping around for 3 hours.

We took him to an AA meeting, we let him live out on his own in the oldest brothers' apartment thinking that would straighten him out, only to have him trash the place and spend all his money on alcohol and get kicked out for not paying rent.

What can we do? We've called lifeline for advice and the police, but they can't remove him unless he's done something to directly threaten himself or someone. They don't see exploding glass and alcohol poisoning as a threat.

HELP!

amipushy · 08-01-2009, 11:37 AM

She is in a tricky spot. On one hand, she is afraid of losing him (her baby) to alcohol and that if she kicks him out he will be found dead in a gutter and she will feel responsible for that, and on the other hand by not following through with her ultimatum she is enabling his alcoholism. She also knows that he too is grieving the loss of his father and that he maybe using alcohol to numb the pain.

In time she will probably see this for herself and maybe when she isn't such "a depressed wreck" as you put it (I'm almost offended for her that you would talk about her that way to be honest) and she has found more inner strength she might stick to her ultimatum but until that time there is nothing you can do.

And I mean this with no offense and I understand that your trying to help but its not your place to take an active role in trying to fix and evicting her son from her home. The best way you can help is to support your boyfriend through this difficult time.

P.S. I am a widow with two children btw so I really do understand what they are all going through.

08-01-2009, 05:09 AM	#1
Katiebaby Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Melbourne, Australia Gender: Female Age: 25 Posts: 166	Worried, what are our options? Hi everyone. I seriously need some advice. My Bf's family fell apart 2 years ago when his dad died. Since then his Mother has been a depressed wreck, his youngest brother an alcoholic, and his sister a freeloader, living there with her new Indian husband. They're 21. His mother has good days, but it's the Alco brother, J that upsets her and pushes her to the brink. He always has a can of something in his hand. He's always drunk, and when he gets really drunk he's a complete a$$hole. His Mum wants them to all move out so she can get some peace and stop paying for them all the time. They are all hitching a free ride. She has said a few times that they have a month to leave, time comes and goes and she won't enforce it. Then she gets all depressed and it all starts again. Every family BBQ over there, if you want to brink a couple of drinks you have to hide them or he will pinch them. He took a celebratory bottle of champagne that was hidden for when his nephew was born, and drank 4 of the 6 bottles of wine they had bought for the sisters 21st. If he wants a drink, he will have one no matter what. He recdently came home drunk from the pub and tried to cook something, fell asleep with the glasstop stove left on, and it exploded. He has filled the house with smoke at 4am a few times making drunk midnight snacks, even letting the bird out of the cage, and having a laugh because the dog was attacking it, then falling asleep with the poor bird flapping around for 3 hours. We took him to an AA meeting, we let him live out on his own in the oldest brothers' apartment thinking that would straighten him out, only to have him trash the place and spend all his money on alcohol and get kicked out for not paying rent. What can we do? We've called lifeline for advice and the police, but they can't remove him unless he's done something to directly threaten himself or someone. They don't see exploding glass and alcohol poisoning as a threat. HELP! __________________ http://equichat.lefora.com/forum -for people who like to talk horses!

08-01-2009, 11:37 AM	#2
amipushy Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Oct 2005 Gender: Female Posts: 1,823	She is in a tricky spot. On one hand, she is afraid of losing him (her baby) to alcohol and that if she kicks him out he will be found dead in a gutter and she will feel responsible for that, and on the other hand by not following through with her ultimatum she is enabling his alcoholism. She also knows that he too is grieving the loss of his father and that he maybe using alcohol to numb the pain. In time she will probably see this for herself and maybe when she isn't such "a depressed wreck" as you put it (I'm almost offended for her that you would talk about her that way to be honest) and she has found more inner strength she might stick to her ultimatum but until that time there is nothing you can do. And I mean this with no offense and I understand that your trying to help but its not your place to take an active role in trying to fix and evicting her son from her home. The best way you can help is to support your boyfriend through this difficult time. P.S. I am a widow with two children btw so I really do understand what they are all going through. Last edited by amipushy; 08-01-2009 at 12:40 PM. Reason: spelling