I Hate It When People Say, "Did you lose weight?! You look so much better!!!"

ashley001 · 07-25-2009, 06:14 AM

So I'm 17 and a month ago, I weighed 145lbs (I'm 5'4"), I'm now 138ish. I don't think that's fat, I wear size 8. My boyfriend left for college a month ago, and I don't leave for a little while longer, so at first I was DEPRESSED and didn't eat as much, etc, but now I'm pretty much back to normal, just eating better.

I went over to my boyfriend's parents' house today and his mom said, "WOW! You look wonderful! Did you lose weight?! How did you do it?!" And continuously throughout she always mentioned something about how great I look. At the end before I left she said, "I knew you were always pretty, but now you look even better that you've lost weight." Usually this is a compliment? I guess? I just felt really offended. I guess because I wasn't really trying to lose weight, I still feel like I'm the same size, I think I look the same size (maybe it was the dress I was wearing today?). I just feel like such a fatass. Like I honestly don't think that a size 8 is FAT. Sure, it's not size 2...I feel like people will like me better if I was SKINNY SKINNY, like she seemed to find me SOOO much more attractive?

I have mixed feelings, like I guess it's great that I look "better", but it's not like I PLANNED on loosing weight, I plan on maintaining my weight, I think I'm fine. But now I feel self conscious because everytime I'm around her, I'll be thinking, "She thinks I'm a fattie, and that I would look so much better if I was skinnier" And it makes me feel sooo uncomfortable!

What do you guys think?

agent · 07-25-2009, 06:28 AM

I hate it too. I always hear "Gosh, you were fat!"

I know people are trying to be nice, but I honestly don't want any compliment that focuses on the size of my ass.

Wila · 07-25-2009, 06:30 AM

I recently lost 20 pounds and I have gotten comments like "woah you have a waist now"

. I do like the comments though, make me feel good for all the hard work I've put into this.

ashley001 · 07-25-2009, 06:31 AM

Exactly! It's like, "Wow! You used to be fat! Now you're not! Now I can tell you that you used to be fat! You're sooo much better looking now"

Wila · 07-25-2009, 06:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ashley001

Exactly! It's like, "Wow! You used to be fat! Now you're not! Now I can tell you that you used to be fat! You're sooo much better looking now"

It is a confidence boost though isn't it? I think some people just say it to be nice or because they don't have anything better to say.

I also like the fact that the people at school who were thin are now fat and I'm getting thin!

**BellaDonna** · 07-25-2009, 06:41 AM

I just lost 15 pounds and I get this a lot now. But I welcome it, for sure. But I guess it is different since I am trying to lose weight. I didn't feel like "myself" with extra weight that I had put on during a pregnancy.

I guess in your case you already felt good in your own skin and wasn't looking to lose weight, so the comment from your BF's mom seems unwelcome.

Quote:

I weighed 145lbs (I'm 5'4"), I'm now 138ish

. Is it possible that she even noticed an actual weight change of 7 pounds, or was this a coincidence and you were wearing an outfit that was really figure-flattering, or was a dark color? Did you have a tan?

There are a lot of things that can also make people look like they may have slimmed down.

You might have just looked damn good that day. Don't feel bad.

Knotty · 07-25-2009, 07:01 AM

lol, I've always had a hard time complimenting someone about being in better shape because I think they'd interpret it like I used to think they weren't good looking before, and I don't want them to feel bad if they ever got out of shape again. I try to limit my compliments to the times that the person wants them, like they mention that they've been working out or trying to lose weight.

I agree with the OP that I'd feel a little offended if the mother said that. Does she say annoying stuff like this to other people at other times?

iLoveMyBabyCairo · 07-25-2009, 07:34 AM

Ugh, I have mixed feelings about this one. I especially hate it when I haven't lost any weight and people are like, "WOW!".. I'm like, jesus, what was I like before?

And then I get all self conscious because nothing's really changed.

I've recently lost some weight (20-30lbs?) and while I love the compliments because it shows my hard work, it still kind of makes me feel like, eek, I was a water buffalo before

dragon lady · 07-25-2009, 07:48 AM

I love it when people notice, especially when it's only 5 lbs or so. It makes me feel like my efforts have paid off and even a small amount can make a difference.

Although there was one occasion where I felt very uncomfortable (Thanks Giving last year). The last time my extended family had seen me I weighed 130 lbs and that night I weighed 105 lbs (I'm almost 5'6). I had intentionally lost a bunch of weight, but the final 5 lbs or so was lost because I had gotten sick. The second I walked in there was no "hello, how are you?" It was "OMG you're so skinny!" They were staring at me all night and kept making sure I was eating. I thought that was all incredibly rude.

If I were you, I'd just accept that it was probably meant as a compliment. People usually think they're being nice by noticing weight loss.

hmdreamer7 · 07-25-2009, 09:21 AM

I'd try not to be offended, since it doesn't sound like she meant it with bad intentions, but I understand how you feel. I think the majority of society sees thinner as more beautiful. That's not to say that you weren't beautiful before, or that she thought you were less beautiful before either... but you seem even more beautiful to her now that you've lost several pounds. I think that at the end of the day, it all depends on how YOU feel about yourself, and as long as you're happy with your body, that's all that matters, and the best way to deal with people's comments is to say thank you, or to keep it short and sweet, if you're feeling uncomfortable with what they're saying.

07-25-2009, 06:14 AM	#1
ashley001 Offline Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Los Angeles, CA Gender: Female Posts: 100	I Hate It When People Say, "Did you lose weight?! You look so much better!!!" So I'm 17 and a month ago, I weighed 145lbs (I'm 5'4"), I'm now 138ish. I don't think that's fat, I wear size 8. My boyfriend left for college a month ago, and I don't leave for a little while longer, so at first I was DEPRESSED and didn't eat as much, etc, but now I'm pretty much back to normal, just eating better. I went over to my boyfriend's parents' house today and his mom said, "WOW! You look wonderful! Did you lose weight?! How did you do it?!" And continuously throughout she always mentioned something about how great I look. At the end before I left she said, "I knew you were always pretty, but now you look even better that you've lost weight." Usually this is a compliment? I guess? I just felt really offended. I guess because I wasn't really trying to lose weight, I still feel like I'm the same size, I think I look the same size (maybe it was the dress I was wearing today?). I just feel like such a fatass. Like I honestly don't think that a size 8 is FAT. Sure, it's not size 2...I feel like people will like me better if I was SKINNY SKINNY, like she seemed to find me SOOO much more attractive? I have mixed feelings, like I guess it's great that I look "better", but it's not like I PLANNED on loosing weight, I plan on maintaining my weight, I think I'm fine. But now I feel self conscious because everytime I'm around her, I'll be thinking, "She thinks I'm a fattie, and that I would look so much better if I was skinnier" And it makes me feel sooo uncomfortable! What do you guys think? __________________ -ashley an air force academy cadet has my <3.

07-25-2009, 06:28 AM	#2
agent Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: England Gender: Female Age: 27 Posts: 3,891	I hate it too. I always hear "Gosh, you were fat!" I know people are trying to be nice, but I honestly don't want any compliment that focuses on the size of my ass. __________________ "You have a right to experiment with your life. You will make mistakes. And they are right too." - Anais Nin "Come now, don't make such a funeral face. It isn't dying that's sad; it's living when you're not happy." -Octave Mirbeau "Don't be sad, don't be angry, if life deceives you! Submit to your grief; your time for joy will come, believe me." -Aleksandr Pushkin

07-25-2009, 06:30 AM	#3
Wila Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: In The Present Gender: Female Age: 26 Posts: 1,343	I recently lost 20 pounds and I have gotten comments like "woah you have a waist now" . I do like the comments though, make me feel good for all the hard work I've put into this. __________________ "Some people are just ass holes no matter how you slice it." -CallingAllAngels "Take a bite of my bad girl meat. Open your mouth, boy. I need a man who makes me alright. I'm gonna love you with my hands tied."

07-25-2009, 06:31 AM	#4
ashley001 Offline Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Los Angeles, CA Gender: Female Posts: 100	Exactly! It's like, "Wow! You used to be fat! Now you're not! Now I can tell you that you used to be fat! You're sooo much better looking now" __________________ -ashley an air force academy cadet has my <3.

07-25-2009, 07:34 AM	#8
iLoveMyBabyCairo Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Liverpool, where the sun never shines. Gender: Female Age: 22 Posts: 6,038	Ugh, I have mixed feelings about this one. I especially hate it when I haven't lost any weight and people are like, "WOW!".. I'm like, jesus, what was I like before? And then I get all self conscious because nothing's really changed. I've recently lost some weight (20-30lbs?) and while I love the compliments because it shows my hard work, it still kind of makes me feel like, eek, I was a water buffalo before __________________ JenSocietyOfSloreMaking!© --Lionel Hutz No that's not how you express love! You express your love by calling her a dirty little ***** and slapping her in the face with your penis! --hersmudders...always classy.

07-25-2009, 07:01 AM	#7
Knotty Offline Silver Member Join Date: May 2009 Location: CA Gender: Male Age: 39 Posts: 440	lol, I've always had a hard time complimenting someone about being in better shape because I think they'd interpret it like I used to think they weren't good looking before, and I don't want them to feel bad if they ever got out of shape again. I try to limit my compliments to the times that the person wants them, like they mention that they've been working out or trying to lose weight. I agree with the OP that I'd feel a little offended if the mother said that. Does she say annoying stuff like this to other people at other times?

07-25-2009, 07:48 AM	#9
dragon lady Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Gender: Female Age: 23 Posts: 2,615	I love it when people notice, especially when it's only 5 lbs or so. It makes me feel like my efforts have paid off and even a small amount can make a difference. Although there was one occasion where I felt very uncomfortable (Thanks Giving last year). The last time my extended family had seen me I weighed 130 lbs and that night I weighed 105 lbs (I'm almost 5'6). I had intentionally lost a bunch of weight, but the final 5 lbs or so was lost because I had gotten sick. The second I walked in there was no "hello, how are you?" It was "OMG you're so skinny!" They were staring at me all night and kept making sure I was eating. I thought that was all incredibly rude. If I were you, I'd just accept that it was probably meant as a compliment. People usually think they're being nice by noticing weight loss.

07-25-2009, 09:21 AM	#10
hmdreamer7 Offline Silver Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: USA Gender: Female Age: 25 Posts: 448	I'd try not to be offended, since it doesn't sound like she meant it with bad intentions, but I understand how you feel. I think the majority of society sees thinner as more beautiful. That's not to say that you weren't beautiful before, or that she thought you were less beautiful before either... but you seem even more beautiful to her now that you've lost several pounds. I think that at the end of the day, it all depends on how YOU feel about yourself, and as long as you're happy with your body, that's all that matters, and the best way to deal with people's comments is to say thank you, or to keep it short and sweet, if you're feeling uncomfortable with what they're saying. __________________ * You have a right to experiment with you life. You will make mistakes. And they are right too. -Anais Nin