Don't know who my father is....

.piper. · 07-23-2009, 08:31 AM

Well I am 26 years old. I have no idea who my father is. My mom and my "dad" started dating when I was around 1 or 2 and have been married for 21 years now. I have a younger brother is technically my 1/2 brother. I don't call my "Dad" dad, i call him by his first name, no one has ever told me different. Sometimes I feel like I don't belong in their family. I know they are proud of me but I feel like where is my real father and why isnt he proud of me?

I am confused about this and not sure if/how I should bring up the conversation since nothing has been said up to now. My birth certificate does not have a father listed. I guess I should just come right out and ask?

**BlueAfterglow08** · 07-23-2009, 09:07 AM

I think you should ask. I'd want to know as well.

RedSoxFan84 · 07-23-2009, 11:52 AM

I'm in a similar situation as you. My parents broke up when my mom was still pregnant with me and he wasn't listed on my birth certificate either. Sometimes I wonder what he might be like and I also wonder if I have siblings out there that I don't know. It's very difficult to bring up with my mom because she has pretty much never spoken a word about him to me. I worry that he may be a terrible person and that is why they broke up when she was pregnant. I'm not sure what I should expect from him. In my case, I'm not sure he even knows I am alive. I also wonder about the genetics of that side of the family, especially when we start having kids.

These are all things that you should think about. Maybe you don't even want to meet him, but just want more information from your mother about him. That might provide some sense of peace to you. Bring it up casually and see how she takes it and then decide from there how much more you want to know.

Sunflour · 07-23-2009, 03:11 PM

It's natural for you to want to know, and you have a right to know. But bear in mind that this may be a painful subject for your mom, so tread lightly and be diplomatic. Do you have an aunt/uncle or grandparent that you can sound out about it first? Somebody who was around your mom at the time and might be able to give you a little background?

The reason I suggest this is that...well, there can sometimes be very ugly circumstances that result in a pregnancy. An abusive relationship, an affair with a married man, even sexual assault. More likely she was just involved with somebody who didn't stick around, but you never know. You have to be prepared for whatever you might hear.

If you're going to ask your mom, I'd suggest something like: "Mom, you know I love you and Stepdad, and nobody could've asked for a better family than I had growing up. But I've reached a point in my life where I'd really like to know who my biological father is. Could you tell me a little about him?"

stephy26 · 08-03-2009, 12:29 AM

ah....i am also 26..i met my dad when i was 18.....we didnt really bond too well....we talked off and on for a few short years til I figured him out...he turned out to be a liar, a user, and broke all his promises he made to me....my point is.....I too..like you wanted information....I got some but there are still holes.....be careful with this adventure. as much as you might like it to turn out well....it may not. me and my dad have not spoken to each other or seen each other in about 4 yrs...he chose a new gf over me and there ya go...turns out he's a serial groom as well. he tossed me out to the dogs like I was nothing. in my book....unforgettable.....so ..I just took it for what it was and moved on...without all the answers i would have liked and the relationship Id hoped for for all those years. whatever you choose to do....keep your eyes and ears open and dont let anyone blind you!

07-23-2009, 08:31 AM	#1
.piper. Offline Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Canada Gender: Female Age: 26 Posts: 100	Don't know who my father is.... Well I am 26 years old. I have no idea who my father is. My mom and my "dad" started dating when I was around 1 or 2 and have been married for 21 years now. I have a younger brother is technically my 1/2 brother. I don't call my "Dad" dad, i call him by his first name, no one has ever told me different. Sometimes I feel like I don't belong in their family. I know they are proud of me but I feel like where is my real father and why isnt he proud of me? I am confused about this and not sure if/how I should bring up the conversation since nothing has been said up to now. My birth certificate does not have a father listed. I guess I should just come right out and ask?

07-23-2009, 09:07 AM	#2
BlueAfterglow08 Online Super Moderator Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: UK Gender: Female Age: 20 Posts: 5,247	I think you should ask. I'd want to know as well. __________________ Please see the forum rules before posting http://www.enotalone.com/forum/forum-rules.php ''Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes.' -Mahatma Gandhi'

07-23-2009, 11:52 AM	#3
RedSoxFan84 Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Connecticut Gender: Female Age: 25 Posts: 135	I'm in a similar situation as you. My parents broke up when my mom was still pregnant with me and he wasn't listed on my birth certificate either. Sometimes I wonder what he might be like and I also wonder if I have siblings out there that I don't know. It's very difficult to bring up with my mom because she has pretty much never spoken a word about him to me. I worry that he may be a terrible person and that is why they broke up when she was pregnant. I'm not sure what I should expect from him. In my case, I'm not sure he even knows I am alive. I also wonder about the genetics of that side of the family, especially when we start having kids. These are all things that you should think about. Maybe you don't even want to meet him, but just want more information from your mother about him. That might provide some sense of peace to you. Bring it up casually and see how she takes it and then decide from there how much more you want to know.

07-23-2009, 03:11 PM	#4
Sunflour Offline Silver Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Gender: Female Posts: 422	It's natural for you to want to know, and you have a right to know. But bear in mind that this may be a painful subject for your mom, so tread lightly and be diplomatic. Do you have an aunt/uncle or grandparent that you can sound out about it first? Somebody who was around your mom at the time and might be able to give you a little background? The reason I suggest this is that...well, there can sometimes be very ugly circumstances that result in a pregnancy. An abusive relationship, an affair with a married man, even sexual assault. More likely she was just involved with somebody who didn't stick around, but you never know. You have to be prepared for whatever you might hear. If you're going to ask your mom, I'd suggest something like: "Mom, you know I love you and Stepdad, and nobody could've asked for a better family than I had growing up. But I've reached a point in my life where I'd really like to know who my biological father is. Could you tell me a little about him?"

08-03-2009, 12:29 AM	#5
stephy26 Offline Member Join Date: Jul 2009 Posts: 26	ah....i am also 26..i met my dad when i was 18.....we didnt really bond too well....we talked off and on for a few short years til I figured him out...he turned out to be a liar, a user, and broke all his promises he made to me....my point is.....I too..like you wanted information....I got some but there are still holes.....be careful with this adventure. as much as you might like it to turn out well....it may not. me and my dad have not spoken to each other or seen each other in about 4 yrs...he chose a new gf over me and there ya go...turns out he's a serial groom as well. he tossed me out to the dogs like I was nothing. in my book....unforgettable.....so ..I just took it for what it was and moved on...without all the answers i would have liked and the relationship Id hoped for for all those years. whatever you choose to do....keep your eyes and ears open and dont let anyone blind you!