Just wanted to write down a little something about my situation and see if anyone here has advice.
I'm a 29 year old female and have a crush on a guy who is a 36 year old male. We have been going to the same gym together for about 8 months, 4-7 times per week depending on the week.
Our friendship has developed to the point where we chat a lot, and we are also friends on Facebook and have gone out (in a group) a couple of times, and have g-chatted a few times, the last time for an hour. Based on the way he looks at me and talks to me, sometimes I think he likes me, and other times I think he doesn't. Sometimes I am entirely confident that he is into me! Other times I leave the scene feeling unsure.
One troubling thing is that while I've managed to get our friendship going, I am maybe not a good flirter. I am very shy, and sometimes talk with other guys in his presence out of nervousness. Recently, I even mentioned another guy I had a crush on.
At the same time, I am really nice to this guy (my #1 crush!) and have even asked him to get together once. However, when I asked him it was something really far-fetched... a faraway concert that I was already going to with my friends, 3 hours away, based on a band he recommended a long time earlier. He couldn't make it because of a work commitment that day, which was entirely believable.
A couple of weird factors:
- Recently he said that he sometimes feels like "my dad" and has also said some insecure comments about his age sometimes. Maybe he thinks he's too old for me?
- A few weeks after he and I met, my sister (un-suavely, against my wishes) asked one of his friends if he was into me. The friends said that the guy had "Never thought about it," and also that he only likes Asian girls. I am not Asian. However, I do have dark hair and pale skin, and I'm petite, so I don't know if that's a factor. Or if he would date someone who is not Asian.
- Recently, another girl has left a couple of short, somewhat flirtatious comments on his Facebook wall. This girl is Asian. I don't know what to make of it.
- He used to initiate conversation a little less than me... now it's about 50/50.
The fact is that this guy has not asked me out, but then again, I bet I've sent some pretty mixed signals. He HAS seemed eager to come out whenever I was going to be present in the group, and he seems to pass by me more often than he should. Sometimes I think he likes me just based on his body language and the look in his eye. He has complimented me sometimes and generally acted like a gentleman (e.g., holding my door).
Then again, he has also made comments in passing like that he tries to avoid relationships, and his friends said he is not really into dating. Then again, there is this thing about the other girl... !!!
I am not sure what my next move should be (if anything). Do I keep interacting with him in a friendly way and trying to keep getting to know him? Should I try some bold move to somehow get us to spend time together? Should I sit back and wait for him to ask me out?
I am sort of geeky and inexperienced, and I feel like I'm in some uncharted territory of courtship that I don't know how to manage. Any advice would be appreciated!
Thanks a lot, and pardon the long-windedness I thought it would help me to write it all out.