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  1. #1
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    30 years old, single, all my friends now married with kids.

    Well all my friends are now officially married with kids while I am single. It sucks because it is like now I do not have anyone to hang out with anymore..it is lonely and makes me feel lost as if life is starting to pass me by. My ex of 3.5 years and best friend left me 8 months ago and I could always count on her to be up for something. Now it just sucks cause I feel like I have noone. I feel like I have nothing in common with my friends anymore. I like to go out and do stuff and now it seems all they want to do is sit around and talk about thier families or the new recipe that they just tried...it really is just to boring to me. I work nights and have met alot of new people since my ex left me but noone has stood out as someone that I could have a significant relationship with. As I said I work overnights in a job that I hate but cant get a new one, so now pretty much I do nothing during the day and then go to work and repeat the process until the weekend where if I am lucky one of my friends will go out with me. I cant seem to meet any women. All I ever meet is women in bars and have got the occasional number but noone has really sparked my interest to the point where I would ask them out for a date. It is just so lonely, I feel lost, I feel the people closest to me are so distant. I feel like life is passing me by. It is wierd because I envy what my friends have. I envy that they are happy and in love, happy with a family. I thought I was going to have that. I was head head over heals in love with my ex and thought we would be the ones experiencing what so many of my firends have now. To experience love and then lose it makes you want it that much more again. I guess it is like a drug that hooks you and once you have had that high you always want to have it.

    I don't know if this is the right forum for this. I dont know how to shake this feeling of feeling so lost in life right now. I apologize for the vent session. I just had to get some stuff out because I really dont have anyone that I can talk to about how I feel anymore. I am just really hating life right now...in just about every aspect of mine.
    Last edited by AlwayzRight; 07-07-2009 at 11:11 PM.

  2. #2
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    Hi there Alwizright,

    If it is any comfort to you at all, i am a 33 and has broken up with my ex-bf abt 8 months ago too. and i know exactly what you're going through - the thoughts of thinking that you're going to be happy and have a family of your own with the love of your life.

    And i know about the envious feelings. Like am i not a good person? - do i not deserve what they have? But i tell myself to be happy for my friends and families who have found happiness. and no matter how badly you feel, put on a brave front and smile and before you know it you'll find that there is still a little something for you to be happy about. Have the faith that you'll find happiness.

    You have days to do things. Cultivate some hobbies. once you're engrossed in one you'll find your mind concentrating on it.

    And come'on. You're a 30 year old bachelor guy. surely very eligible by my books

  3. #3
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    I was married at 30, divorced at 34, and am now dating who I think is the love of my life.

    I think that you need to stop looking for someone and cultivate yourself. You are not going to meet anyone of quality at a bar. There may be quality women there, but they probably aren't out for that if you meet them there, or they think that you can't be quality because of where they met you.

    One thing is to volunteer for causes you care about. Or take a class. Join a Meetup group that is about something you enjoy doing. I met tons of quality people doing that. Of course, many are not dating material. Some may be married, or are way too young, or way too out of my age range the other way. BUt, that is good, because you will be yourself with them (no pressure) when you regularly see them, and when they just may have sisters, best friends, daughters, etc to introduce you to. When you are at ease, you will meet people and make connections.

  4. #4
    Silver Member iwishiknew's Avatar
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    I know the feeling it sucks! I'm 31 still single and never had a gf or a date yet. Being 31 and never having a gf is sometimes hard for me not to think about everyday.
    "Some people more than others judge people by their looks, moreover attractiveness probably most affects first impressions" (Livingston)

    "To give anything less than your best is to sacrifice the Gift."

    "To be absent from the body, and to be present with the Lord." IICorinthians 5:8

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Sn0man's Avatar
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    I'll bet some of those married friends of yours are envious of YOU.

    Im in the same boat...30, single, blah blah - but when I start to get down about it I remember that my married buddies are jealous of me for BEING single, so it can't be all bad, right?

    I say just try to enjoy it, you won't be single forever. And in the meantime, try to do things that your friends and their families, kids and whatnot can do with you, like camping and the sort. Everyone loves a good camping trip!
    I can stand brute force, but brute reason is quite unbearable. There is something unfair about its use. It's hitting below the intellect.

    If you canít ignore an insult, top it; if you canít top it, laugh it off; and if you canít laugh it off, itís probably deserved.

  7. #6
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    I always had friends who were single and I got married this past year at age 42. I made sure to live in an area that was saturated with single people and to do activities through which I would meet single people. I also had/have many married friends and can relate to the "boredom" and feeling left out -- although that didn't happen with all of them. Is it possible for you to get involved in more singles related activities and/or relocate to an area that is more popular with singles? I continued to make new and new close friends in my 30s and beyond - if I can, you can!

  8. #7
    Platinum Member LAYAAN's Avatar
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    If you read some of my recent posts, you will see that there are people like you (I'm one of those) who are in similar boats.
    Everyone's life works out differently. Some get married in 30s, some in 40s. some never do. Thats okay. The most important thing is that you have a plan for YOUR personal life and things that depend on others (like gf/bf, getting married, having a baby) let them not stress you so much (This advice applies to me too), because you can't live your own life looking at someone else. Feeling envious is not a good feeling. How long are you gonna feel this way looking at a couple? Keep working on yourself. Keep working on your career goals. Have little little dreams for your own life. See yourself achieve 'em. That brings pleasure and happiness. Don't stress about things that are outside your control. It only brings worry and anxiety. Live your life, other things just sorta fill in around you.
    Take care.

  9. #8
    Silver Member SpeedingCars's Avatar
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    well i'm only 20 years old so i don't know if my advice or input will be helpful to you at all. but my mom is single (she is divorced from my dad) and has been for awhile...she's 45.
    she has no plans on getting remarried. she loves her job and me and my sister are her life. i don't know if that was a good example, but my point was that she is perfectly happy and fulfilled being single. she travels a lot and she has found her "niche". she has passion and drive, and i know many people who are married or in a relationship or have kids that don't have that.
    so although you dont have kids or a girlfriend or a fiancee, dont let that define your life. being in a relationship does not complete your life. it enhances it, yes. but there are other ways to live fulfillingly.

    you are 30. it's not like you're 99 on your deathbed without ever experiencing some type of love.
    i understand you go to work at nights. is there anyway you can pick up a hobby during the day or take up some classes, like tennis or cooking?
    learn how to dance, go to the gym, join a class. there are loads of opportunities out there, you just have to know where to look. i used to be unhappy because i didn't have many friends anymore because i was in a relationship and i secluded myself from everyone. i didn't do anything all day, i just spent money, ate, went to sleep. but then i found things to occupy my day and now i feel like i actually have meaning. like i'm not just wasting my life away.
    life really is too short to be anything but happy.
    if all else fails, volunteer or do community service. you can meet some great people! it never hurts to help others.

    you can experience love in other ways besides being in a relationship. you can experience the love of a dog, who will wait by your door when you come home from work. you can experience love by helping hospital patients, or reading to the elderly. love doesnt always have to come from a girlfriend
    Last edited by SpeedingCars; 07-08-2009 at 01:27 AM.
    "And I hope one day you see nobody has it easy." - John Legend <3

  10. #9
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    I totally hear ya.

    A few weeks ago, my workplace had a home party and the person who invited was saying, "Yes, please bring your wife, kids, loved ones...it'll be fun!"... Obviously it wasn't meant to be malicious but I couldn't help but read it the wrong way. How about those who are single? :/ Yeah, so I didn't go. Probably didn't miss anything.

    Also, even if you have something going on in your life, it can still feel like a burden. I go to night classes and have hobbies of my own, but that doesn't help me remove my pain of being single.

  11. #10

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    I know what you mean. All my friends from high school are getting married and having kids, and since I've never even had a first date, I feel left out.

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