Oh my god...I think I cheated.

cornflake · 06-28-2009, 04:58 PM

I never in my life thought I was capable of doing this. I just don't have anyone to talk to and I need to get this out of my system.

I have been with my boyfriend for almost three years. Recently, the relationship has been a little volatile. It was finally starting to get better--we decided that we would stick through this tough time because we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together.

Last week, he left for Switzerland for a month. With the time difference and my work schedule, we barely get to talk at all. Last night I went out with a couple of my male friends (who are also friends with my boyfriend). My one male friend kept buying me drinks and before I knew it, I was pretty drunk. The said "friend" tried to kiss me--I told him to stop. He tried to kiss me about 50 more times, and each time I didn't let him.

But I guess eventually he caught me in a rare vulnerable moment, and honestly, I don't remember kissing him. I just know it happened. I also know that I literally ran away seconds after and called someone to pick me up and take me home. I ignored all of my friend's phone calls, and he left me numerous voicemails apologizing and telling me he didn't mean to upset me.

I have never felt so disgusting. I wanted to tell my boyfriend as soon as possible so he knows I'm not trying to be shady or keep anything from him. Since I can't call him (he has his phone turned off--we communicate via Skype) and I know he's away from his hotel all day/night, I emailed him and told him what happened. I then sent him about six more emails telling him how much I loved him and how sick I felt. I have been throwing up all day and can't get out of bed. He hasn't read the emails yet and I'm pulling my hair out (literally) with anxiety.

With how tumultuous our relationship has been recently, I feel like I may have ruined everything for good. It kills me that I can't call him or text him right now. Has anyone been through anything similar to this? Did your SO forgive you?

I feel like I just want to die.

vanessa23 · 06-28-2009, 05:16 PM

I've gotten drunk before and although I never did anything like that I did say and do some crazy things. My boyfriend was there with me and although he didn't like my behaviour he still loved me and understood that when you're drunk you're not yourself. You were drunk. You are respnsible for getting drunk but you didn't want to kiss him and you don't even remember doing it. I wouldn't consider that cheating. It would be more of an issue if your boyfriend wasn't understanding than the fact that you ruined things.

agent · 06-28-2009, 05:30 PM

Quote:

My one male friend kept buying me drinks and before I knew it, I was pretty drunk. The said "friend" tried to kiss me--I told him to stop. He tried to kiss me about 50 more times, and each time I didn't let him.

You haven't done anything wrong, but I think this "friend" needs dumping ASAP.

melanie6929 · 06-28-2009, 05:33 PM

You did the right thing on telling him right after it happened. Because of that, I think you'll have a better chance of things going alright.

vinceval · 06-28-2009, 05:34 PM

Yeah, what kind of d-bag are you hanging out with that tries 50 times after you've rejected it 50 times?

Sunflour · 06-28-2009, 05:38 PM

Good grief. What on earth are you apologizing for? That wasn't cheating, it was sexual assault. Yes, you bear the responsibility for letting your judgment get impaired. But that's all.

You said "No" repeatedly and your so-called friend didn't respect it. When he got past your defenses, you immediately extracted yourself from the situation and got a ride home. That is not cheating.

If you're going to be disgusted with anyone, be disgusted with this "friend". Men who refuse to take No for an answer, and think that getting a girl drunk to the point where she can't give meaningful consent is the route to Yes? That's disgusting. That's rapist mentality.

What was your other male friend doing all this time? Why didn't he step in and say, "Dude, that isn't cool, leave her alone"?

Southern · 06-28-2009, 05:40 PM

Well don't give yourself too hard a time. I mean you shouldn't have put yourself in that situation to begin with if you can't hold your alcohol, but you told him. So don't beat yourself up. You will have to deal with your boyfriend though. Just take responsibility and try to make things right with him, which is what it sounds like you're doing.

bear314 · 06-28-2009, 05:40 PM

She still with full knowledge made the decisions to get drunk and put herself in the vulnerable position. So she is still at fault for that but it takes two to tango. The boyfriend's so called "friend" kept feeding her the drinks because he would never be able to go in for a kiss while she was sober. If I were the boyfriend I'd kick his ass and cut him off. As for you cornflake I think this incident is forgivable if your committed to make sure it happens again. But that is not for me to say. If your truly sorry and apologize for your part then I'm sure everything will turn out for the best.

midnightrambler · 06-28-2009, 05:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by vinceval

Yeah, what kind of d-bag are you hanging out with that tries 50 times after you've rejected it 50 times?

a persistant one

vinceval · 06-28-2009, 05:46 PM

I normally stop after 30 or 40 rejections. Or 1. Guess I'm just old fashioned

06-28-2009, 04:58 PM	#1
cornflake Offline Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 54	Oh my god...I think I cheated. I never in my life thought I was capable of doing this. I just don't have anyone to talk to and I need to get this out of my system. I have been with my boyfriend for almost three years. Recently, the relationship has been a little volatile. It was finally starting to get better--we decided that we would stick through this tough time because we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. Last week, he left for Switzerland for a month. With the time difference and my work schedule, we barely get to talk at all. Last night I went out with a couple of my male friends (who are also friends with my boyfriend). My one male friend kept buying me drinks and before I knew it, I was pretty drunk. The said "friend" tried to kiss me--I told him to stop. He tried to kiss me about 50 more times, and each time I didn't let him. But I guess eventually he caught me in a rare vulnerable moment, and honestly, I don't remember kissing him. I just know it happened. I also know that I literally ran away seconds after and called someone to pick me up and take me home. I ignored all of my friend's phone calls, and he left me numerous voicemails apologizing and telling me he didn't mean to upset me. I have never felt so disgusting. I wanted to tell my boyfriend as soon as possible so he knows I'm not trying to be shady or keep anything from him. Since I can't call him (he has his phone turned off--we communicate via Skype) and I know he's away from his hotel all day/night, I emailed him and told him what happened. I then sent him about six more emails telling him how much I loved him and how sick I felt. I have been throwing up all day and can't get out of bed. He hasn't read the emails yet and I'm pulling my hair out (literally) with anxiety. With how tumultuous our relationship has been recently, I feel like I may have ruined everything for good. It kills me that I can't call him or text him right now. Has anyone been through anything similar to this? Did your SO forgive you? I feel like I just want to die.

06-28-2009, 05:34 PM	#5
vinceval Offline Silver Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: GA Gender: Male Posts: 341	Yeah, what kind of d-bag are you hanging out with that tries 50 times after you've rejected it 50 times? __________________ STOP WITH THE TEXTING! (Unless you WANT to ruin your relationship).

06-28-2009, 05:40 PM	#7
Southern Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Gender: Female Age: 20 Posts: 1,231	Well don't give yourself too hard a time. I mean you shouldn't have put yourself in that situation to begin with if you can't hold your alcohol, but you told him. So don't beat yourself up. You will have to deal with your boyfriend though. Just take responsibility and try to make things right with him, which is what it sounds like you're doing. __________________ "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." ~Dr. Seuss

06-28-2009, 05:46 PM	#10
vinceval Offline Silver Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: GA Gender: Male Posts: 341	I normally stop after 30 or 40 rejections. Or 1. Guess I'm just old fashioned __________________ STOP WITH THE TEXTING! (Unless you WANT to ruin your relationship).

06-28-2009, 05:16 PM	#2
vanessa23 Offline Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Posts: 39	I've gotten drunk before and although I never did anything like that I did say and do some crazy things. My boyfriend was there with me and although he didn't like my behaviour he still loved me and understood that when you're drunk you're not yourself. You were drunk. You are respnsible for getting drunk but you didn't want to kiss him and you don't even remember doing it. I wouldn't consider that cheating. It would be more of an issue if your boyfriend wasn't understanding than the fact that you ruined things.

06-28-2009, 05:33 PM	#4
melanie6929 Offline Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: California Gender: Female Posts: 66	You did the right thing on telling him right after it happened. Because of that, I think you'll have a better chance of things going alright.

06-28-2009, 05:38 PM	#6
Sunflour Offline Silver Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Gender: Female Posts: 422	Good grief. What on earth are you apologizing for? That wasn't cheating, it was sexual assault. Yes, you bear the responsibility for letting your judgment get impaired. But that's all. You said "No" repeatedly and your so-called friend didn't respect it. When he got past your defenses, you immediately extracted yourself from the situation and got a ride home. That is not cheating. If you're going to be disgusted with anyone, be disgusted with this "friend". Men who refuse to take No for an answer, and think that getting a girl drunk to the point where she can't give meaningful consent is the route to Yes? That's disgusting. That's rapist mentality. What was your other male friend doing all this time? Why didn't he step in and say, "Dude, that isn't cool, leave her alone"?

06-28-2009, 05:40 PM	#8
bear314 Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Florida Gender: Male Age: 19 Posts: 188	She still with full knowledge made the decisions to get drunk and put herself in the vulnerable position. So she is still at fault for that but it takes two to tango. The boyfriend's so called "friend" kept feeding her the drinks because he would never be able to go in for a kiss while she was sober. If I were the boyfriend I'd kick his ass and cut him off. As for you cornflake I think this incident is forgivable if your committed to make sure it happens again. But that is not for me to say. If your truly sorry and apologize for your part then I'm sure everything will turn out for the best.