For anyone who knows about child abuse and could help me

Suffy · 06-27-2009, 08:32 PM

im 21, female, studying child psychology. i suffer badly with depression but am out of the danger zone, im very level headed too - im saying that not to come off as paranoid.
Learning about child abuse has upset me particularly because i have displayed in my past alot of symptoms of being abused. e.g. i wet the bed untill i was thirteen, i avoided intimacy untill i was about 19 and hated being touched in an inimate way, i've suffered major depression, insomnia, nightmares, guilt, shame, suicide attempts and anxiety. none of which were ever explained as to why i went through other than being sensitive?
i'd like to think im over the worst of it, but having changed psychiatrist, i had to go thorugh my past etc with the new one. when i was 4 or 5 until about 16 i had this strange illness, whereby i would get sore, no pain just severe discomfort around my vagina - it was hard to tell whether it was inside or outside but i would sit in a corner on my heels and let no one touch me. it happened at the worst times from when i was happy and excited to when i was doing something i didnt want to - like travelling in the car or whatever.
Anyway my psychiatrist suggested was there any history of abuse - and this made me even more upset. is it possible to have memory loss? but i really was in a safe environment as child? is it possible?
i dont know maybe i should try forget about it, i would rather except i have nightmares to do with horrible things like rape that upset me all over again? any thoughts? thanks for reading.
Suffy
ps this is my first thread so im sorry if its too long

karvala · 06-27-2009, 08:54 PM

It is routine amongst medical students to believe that they have all sorts of illnesses when they study them; this is well established. It is possible that what you are experiencing here is something similar. You study child psychology, you look for certain things, you see them in yourself and you interpret them in a way that fits with what you've just studied, and before you know it, you wonder if you're an abuse victim. It's understandable, but don't take it too much to heart. You had a strange illness over a period of more than ten years; there is pretty much no way you could have been abused for that time without being aware of it happening, and remembering
many specific instances today. An isolated incident or two, you may have been able to block out of your memory, but not a decade of abuse. The fact that you avoided intimacy, and didn't like to be touched in an intimate way, means that you had an issue with intimacy. This may have been caused by, or led to, the nightmares. That much could be connected, and maybe even the illness led you to associate intimate areas with pain. But abuse? There's no evidence here, and if it was ongoing, in my view there would be.

pinkelephant · 06-27-2009, 10:40 PM

Actually, I was physically abused by my dad from ~3 til I was 10, but didn't have any real memory of it. I only remember things AFTER he has cooled down. The one time he got drunk and didn't beat me up, I was really really shock and was wondering what was going on. I remember that night very vividly (I remember feeling very confused, my own thought processes). I will remember everything before and after very vividly except when he was beating me up. I remember crawing into cupboards to hide, etc. The evidence I have to confirm that my dad did physically abuse me are the people who have confessed to have witness it (and regrettably didn't stop it) and the bruises from time to time seen by concerned teachers. And the dandy fact that he also physically abusive toward my mother.

Now, I'm not saying that you have been because it doesn't sound like you have to me. I really wouldn't completely rule it out, would have to look into it further. Lots of psych disorders' symptoms are very similar to each other... so be careful with that.

**BellaDonna** · 06-27-2009, 11:01 PM

Before you took this child psych class, did you ever think you may have been abused ?

Is there anyone you can think of that was around you in childhood, that could be capable of doing such a thing to you?

volpe · 06-27-2009, 11:24 PM

It is very possible to forget, but I think this is hard territory you are entering (though important). I know one of my classmates was gang-raped... by her father and some of his friends... he wasn't part of her life growing up, but there is some sort of legal proceeding cause of her age or something and a restraining order protecting her, anyways,for the first time she saw the videotapes of it happening and then she remembered. before that, she says she had no memory of it at all.

i have another friend with a similar kind of story, i think the danger of suggesting something is that if you do remember something you will always wonder if it is really true. remembering, i suppose, doesn't always help because then you doubt your own memory and it causes more confusion, you don't know what's real. I don't know what to tell you about that. I don't know if hypnotherapy helps or some other kind of therapy, but you must be careful about what therapist you go to, cause they should be skilled in this kind of thing- and careful not to suggest things to you that you will incorporate in your memory.

pinkelephant · 06-27-2009, 11:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by volpe

It is very possible to forget, but I think this is hard territory you are entering (though important). I know one of my classmates was gang-raped... by her father and some of his friends... he wasn't part of her life growing up, but there is some sort of legal proceeding cause of her age or something and a restraining order protecting her, anyways,for the first time she saw the videotapes of it happening and then she remembered. before that, she says she had no memory of it at all.

i have another friend with a similar kind of story, i think the danger of suggesting something is that if you do remember something you will always wonder if it is really true. remembering, i suppose, doesn't always help because then you doubt your own memory and it causes more confusion, you don't know what's real. I don't know what to tell you about that. I don't know if hypnotherapy helps or some other kind of therapy, but you must be careful about what therapist you go to, cause they should be skilled in this kind of thing- and careful not to suggest things to you that you will incorporate in your memory.

Ya, a very very big problem with therapy/psychology.

ScubaDiva · 06-28-2009, 04:08 PM

Who do you think abused you?

06-27-2009, 08:32 PM	#1
Suffy Offline Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Posts: 3	For anyone who knows about child abuse and could help me im 21, female, studying child psychology. i suffer badly with depression but am out of the danger zone, im very level headed too - im saying that not to come off as paranoid. Learning about child abuse has upset me particularly because i have displayed in my past alot of symptoms of being abused. e.g. i wet the bed untill i was thirteen, i avoided intimacy untill i was about 19 and hated being touched in an inimate way, i've suffered major depression, insomnia, nightmares, guilt, shame, suicide attempts and anxiety. none of which were ever explained as to why i went through other than being sensitive? i'd like to think im over the worst of it, but having changed psychiatrist, i had to go thorugh my past etc with the new one. when i was 4 or 5 until about 16 i had this strange illness, whereby i would get sore, no pain just severe discomfort around my vagina - it was hard to tell whether it was inside or outside but i would sit in a corner on my heels and let no one touch me. it happened at the worst times from when i was happy and excited to when i was doing something i didnt want to - like travelling in the car or whatever. Anyway my psychiatrist suggested was there any history of abuse - and this made me even more upset. is it possible to have memory loss? but i really was in a safe environment as child? is it possible? i dont know maybe i should try forget about it, i would rather except i have nightmares to do with horrible things like rape that upset me all over again? any thoughts? thanks for reading. Suffy ps this is my first thread so im sorry if its too long Last edited by Suffy; 06-27-2009 at 08:34 PM. Reason: unclear

06-27-2009, 08:54 PM	#2
karvala Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Aug 2005 Gender: None Specified Posts: 2,330	It is routine amongst medical students to believe that they have all sorts of illnesses when they study them; this is well established. It is possible that what you are experiencing here is something similar. You study child psychology, you look for certain things, you see them in yourself and you interpret them in a way that fits with what you've just studied, and before you know it, you wonder if you're an abuse victim. It's understandable, but don't take it too much to heart. You had a strange illness over a period of more than ten years; there is pretty much no way you could have been abused for that time without being aware of it happening, and remembering many specific instances today. An isolated incident or two, you may have been able to block out of your memory, but not a decade of abuse. The fact that you avoided intimacy, and didn't like to be touched in an intimate way, means that you had an issue with intimacy. This may have been caused by, or led to, the nightmares. That much could be connected, and maybe even the illness led you to associate intimate areas with pain. But abuse? There's no evidence here, and if it was ongoing, in my view there would be. __________________ May you live all the days of your life Trying to heal from after a breakup? Perhaps you need Enhanced No Contact: http://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?p=1438257

06-27-2009, 11:01 PM	#4
BellaDonna Offline Super Moderator Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: U.S. Gender: Female Age: 29 Posts: 6,583	Before you took this child psych class, did you ever think you may have been abused ? Is there anyone you can think of that was around you in childhood, that could be capable of doing such a thing to you? __________________ "Well behaved women rarely make history." "Friendship should be a refuge, not an ordeal." Please see the forum rules for posting on enotalone:http://www.enotalone.com/forum/forum-rules.php

06-27-2009, 10:40 PM	#3
pinkelephant Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Lala land Gender: None Specified Posts: 2,616	Actually, I was physically abused by my dad from ~3 til I was 10, but didn't have any real memory of it. I only remember things AFTER he has cooled down. The one time he got drunk and didn't beat me up, I was really really shock and was wondering what was going on. I remember that night very vividly (I remember feeling very confused, my own thought processes). I will remember everything before and after very vividly except when he was beating me up. I remember crawing into cupboards to hide, etc. The evidence I have to confirm that my dad did physically abuse me are the people who have confessed to have witness it (and regrettably didn't stop it) and the bruises from time to time seen by concerned teachers. And the dandy fact that he also physically abusive toward my mother. Now, I'm not saying that you have been because it doesn't sound like you have to me. I really wouldn't completely rule it out, would have to look into it further. Lots of psych disorders' symptoms are very similar to each other... so be careful with that.

06-27-2009, 11:24 PM	#5
volpe Offline Platinum Member Join Date: May 2007 Posts: 1,626	It is very possible to forget, but I think this is hard territory you are entering (though important). I know one of my classmates was gang-raped... by her father and some of his friends... he wasn't part of her life growing up, but there is some sort of legal proceeding cause of her age or something and a restraining order protecting her, anyways,for the first time she saw the videotapes of it happening and then she remembered. before that, she says she had no memory of it at all. i have another friend with a similar kind of story, i think the danger of suggesting something is that if you do remember something you will always wonder if it is really true. remembering, i suppose, doesn't always help because then you doubt your own memory and it causes more confusion, you don't know what's real. I don't know what to tell you about that. I don't know if hypnotherapy helps or some other kind of therapy, but you must be careful about what therapist you go to, cause they should be skilled in this kind of thing- and careful not to suggest things to you that you will incorporate in your memory.

06-28-2009, 04:08 PM	#7
ScubaDiva Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: London Gender: Female Age: 36 Posts: 251	Who do you think abused you?