Stress & relationships

lucid_Dreamz · 06-25-2009, 03:16 PM

Hi all! I'm hoping some of you can provide me with some insight. Perhaps a view from someone looking in on the situation will help shed some light on my situation.

A little background info:

I come from a rocky past. My parents split when I was quite young and my mom raised my brother and I on her own. When I was 4 she met another man who has been in my life since then (23 years). My biological father was pretty much non-eixstant in my childhood life and when I was 10 I built a wall to protect myself from abandonment again.

Throughout highschool I always had a boyfriend - in fact, my french teacher signed my year book one year to "(my name) and her boys". I wasn't promiscuous though. I refrained from sexual relationships until I was 20 years old (My first long term relationship). I think the boys/guys that I spent my time with were friends more than boyfriends.

My first love was a guy I met in my first year of college. We hung out as friends for the first year (I was dating someone at the time) and after the break up of my relationship we grew closer together which ultimately turned into a 4 year relationship.

2 years ago he broke my heart. He came to me out of the blue and told me he wanted out. He wasn't happy anymore and wasn't sure if he was in love with me any more. I didn't understand what that meant at the time - but I can fully understand and respect his decision.

Since my break up 2 years ago I have had 2 relationships - one ended after 6 months and I am still in the other. But here is where I am hoping to gain some insight.

January of this year my mother came to me and told me that she and my step father were not on good terms and would most likely be splitting up - for good. I didn't feel a whole lot at first when she mentioned this, but as time moved on I slowly felt the stress of it on me. I still live at home as funding does not allow me to live on my own (I do pay rent however). I am in the middle of it all. They don't talk to one another and my mom does nothing but * * * * * about him to me all the time. This is the guy that has helped raise me for 23 years - he's my dad. He may not be my biological father - but he was there when my real father wasn't.

In December of last year I met a wonderful guy and I fell head over heels for him. We were inseperable - until a month ago... It hit me like a tonne of bricks - I became very angry and emotional. I think part of the problem was a change in birth control (I am back on the old one so it's not the hormones anymore). I started to become irritated with the little things he did. His life goals started to drive me up the wall and his lack of ambition was enough for me to rip my eye balls out. I have had episodes of depression in the past and explained to him how I might be behaving. He is so understanding! But at the same time I find fault in everything he does. He has done nothing to initiate me to be angry with him. I have put some distance between us because he does not deserve to be reamed out or ragged on all of the time. He has respected my wishes for space and we have not talked for 3 days. I do plan on talking to him this evening.

So my question is - is my resentment, emotional state and anger towards my parents situation masking how I feel for him or is he part of the problem too?
I can't seem to decipher my feelings anymore. The only emotion I know how to feel is anger and irritation - with everything. I wish I could tell him something - I just don't know what to feel...

Suggestions? Ideas? Insight?

Kumatora · 06-25-2009, 03:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lucid_Dreamz

So my question is - is my resentment, emotional state and anger towards my parents situation masking how I feel for him or is he part of the problem too?
I can't seem to decipher my feelings anymore. The only emotion I know how to feel is anger and irritation - with everything. I wish I could tell him something - I just don't know what to feel...

Suggestions? Ideas? Insight?

I'm sorry this has happened to you. You're going through a rough time dealing with parents divorcing and working things out with relationships.

Honestly, I can't answer this one. If you want accurate advice, I highly suggest seeking a counselor/psychologist to help you out on sorting your feelings and past issues.

Divine_Malice · 06-25-2009, 05:16 PM

I also agree that you should get professional help.
I will add my two cents. From the sound of it your problems started after your mom told you about your step father and her breaking up. I do think that might have started these feelings. All these feelings can be brought back to the abandonment of your father, though you were young its still hurts. Then being hurt by the boyfriend of four years. I mean its possible to fear commitment. You have been hurt before and now with you and your step father it is completely possible that your heart is shutting down, your afraid that this next guy is just going to leave, so you make up all these things to make you think that you can do with out him. You try to cut off now cause your afraid you'll get hurt later. I kinda had the same thing going on. So I get how all this anger and confusion feels. i hope i gave you a little insight.

06-25-2009, 03:16 PM	#1
lucid_Dreamz Offline Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Posts: 22	Stress & relationships Hi all! I'm hoping some of you can provide me with some insight. Perhaps a view from someone looking in on the situation will help shed some light on my situation. A little background info: I come from a rocky past. My parents split when I was quite young and my mom raised my brother and I on her own. When I was 4 she met another man who has been in my life since then (23 years). My biological father was pretty much non-eixstant in my childhood life and when I was 10 I built a wall to protect myself from abandonment again. Throughout highschool I always had a boyfriend - in fact, my french teacher signed my year book one year to "(my name) and her boys". I wasn't promiscuous though. I refrained from sexual relationships until I was 20 years old (My first long term relationship). I think the boys/guys that I spent my time with were friends more than boyfriends. My first love was a guy I met in my first year of college. We hung out as friends for the first year (I was dating someone at the time) and after the break up of my relationship we grew closer together which ultimately turned into a 4 year relationship. 2 years ago he broke my heart. He came to me out of the blue and told me he wanted out. He wasn't happy anymore and wasn't sure if he was in love with me any more. I didn't understand what that meant at the time - but I can fully understand and respect his decision. Since my break up 2 years ago I have had 2 relationships - one ended after 6 months and I am still in the other. But here is where I am hoping to gain some insight. January of this year my mother came to me and told me that she and my step father were not on good terms and would most likely be splitting up - for good. I didn't feel a whole lot at first when she mentioned this, but as time moved on I slowly felt the stress of it on me. I still live at home as funding does not allow me to live on my own (I do pay rent however). I am in the middle of it all. They don't talk to one another and my mom does nothing but * * * * * about him to me all the time. This is the guy that has helped raise me for 23 years - he's my dad. He may not be my biological father - but he was there when my real father wasn't. In December of last year I met a wonderful guy and I fell head over heels for him. We were inseperable - until a month ago... It hit me like a tonne of bricks - I became very angry and emotional. I think part of the problem was a change in birth control (I am back on the old one so it's not the hormones anymore). I started to become irritated with the little things he did. His life goals started to drive me up the wall and his lack of ambition was enough for me to rip my eye balls out. I have had episodes of depression in the past and explained to him how I might be behaving. He is so understanding! But at the same time I find fault in everything he does. He has done nothing to initiate me to be angry with him. I have put some distance between us because he does not deserve to be reamed out or ragged on all of the time. He has respected my wishes for space and we have not talked for 3 days. I do plan on talking to him this evening. So my question is - is my resentment, emotional state and anger towards my parents situation masking how I feel for him or is he part of the problem too? I can't seem to decipher my feelings anymore. The only emotion I know how to feel is anger and irritation - with everything. I wish I could tell him something - I just don't know what to feel... Suggestions? Ideas? Insight?

06-25-2009, 05:16 PM	#3
Divine_Malice Offline Bronze Member Join Date: May 2008 Gender: Female Age: 21 Posts: 256	I also agree that you should get professional help. I will add my two cents. From the sound of it your problems started after your mom told you about your step father and her breaking up. I do think that might have started these feelings. All these feelings can be brought back to the abandonment of your father, though you were young its still hurts. Then being hurt by the boyfriend of four years. I mean its possible to fear commitment. You have been hurt before and now with you and your step father it is completely possible that your heart is shutting down, your afraid that this next guy is just going to leave, so you make up all these things to make you think that you can do with out him. You try to cut off now cause your afraid you'll get hurt later. I kinda had the same thing going on. So I get how all this anger and confusion feels. i hope i gave you a little insight. __________________ Bitter sweet - Her apple she carries is just like her, both have poison seep to the core. Both in descise as something sweet, but both turn bitter as th beauty eats.