[Grand]Parents Controlling. It needs to stop. --Long.

[Aerorobyn]

I am a 20-year-old woman. My grandmother has mentioned to me several times (today included) that she understands I need someone "mature" when it comes to men and relationships, because I am far beyond my years, and being with someone my own age isn't acceptable--she saw that from my previous relationship. Great. Glad she understands.

I met a guy, and we're officially "boyfriend/girlfriend". I think he's wonderful in every way possible. He's 25 and in the Navy. We've been dating and all for about two weeks, talking for about a month, and we get along great. He has been truthful with me from the very beginning about EVERYTHING. My grandmother says sometimes women get "special vibes" about a man--they know he's someone special, The One, a jerk, or whatever. She got that with my grandfather, she said. So I tried talking to her today and telling her that I got that with my boyfriend--and she basically said that's bull* * * * , you can't know that about a man in one month. But I do. We've shared so much. I'm not "head over heels" with those butterflies and all, but I feel that we do have a VERY special connection. I feel comfortable around him, and I see something in him that I've never seen in any other man. I can say I already love him, and the love will only grow deeper with time. He has already told me he loves me, and I said it back. Too soon? Perhaps. But when you know, you know. Last night, he even said he saw me being his wife. I saw him being my husband after Date #3, something I've never felt with another man.

Anyways, my grandmother thinks I'm full of it. I'm apparently too naive to know what I want out of life. But I do know what I want out of life. When I tried explaining myself to her today, I had no luck. It's her way or no way, basically.

We got into views on different things. I told her, personally, I would prefer to live with a man before marrying him. I've always felt that way. She yelled. She said "God would not bless me" if I did that, because it's meant to marry and then live together.

I told her I did NOT want to get a business degree in school, and she told me I had to (NOTE: They aren't paying for my school; loans are). She said this man is ruining my education. He's not. I told her I'm not going business because I do NOT want to, but she continues to say it's all his fault.

I tell her I want to join the military and make a career out of that, and she again yells at me and basically tells me I'm making dumb decisions.

If I want to go out on a Friday night with my friends, or even my boyfriend now, she complains. She says that she "trusts" me, but apparently not. She wants me in at Midnight, or else.....all hell breaks loose.


She is very controlling. I'm beginning to think that I just need to go. As long as I keep listening to her and doing everything she wants, I will NEVER have my "own" life to live. It will always be hers. I want to move out so bad. I do not have a job, yet I've put in plenty of applications. Nobody is hiring around here. I have a friend who has offered to let me stay with her. My boyfriend also has a spare bedroom in his and his roommates house that he said I could stay in. I want to go. I can't stay around here and have my life controlled much longer. I know she wants whats best for me...but she wont be around much longer. I need to live a life of my own, and live by my own mistakes. I'm ready to be more independent. Talking to her about this does nothing, except getting her to yell at me more and more. So...I just need to go, right? The best way to get free is to just go, right?

If she really loves me, should wouldn't disown me if I decided to go, right?

[renaissancewoman101]

No, she shouldn't disown you. I think she is like a parent and is scared to let go of the "apron strings". If you feel it is time to go, then move out.

You seem like you have a really great relationship with your bf.

And if you want to join the armed forces, kudos to you

[Dating Coach]

I don't think she should be butting in and nosing around your life, you've got to be able to live your own. However I do agree with her that you don't really know someone in a month. She is ABSOLUTELY RIGHT about that. I am not suggesting that this guy is wrong for you at all-maybe he is VERY RIGHT for you. I am just saying that just because you've shared a lot and he appears to be very honest doesn't mean you really know the guy yet. You're still basing a lot off your early impression and making assumptions. I don't feel I KNEW my fiancee' until around a year of being together and we spent at least 4 days a week together the entire time. Even now, 6+ years later I am still learning more about her. 1 Month is not enough time to assume you know the heart and soul of someone.