weddings are stressful!

sfullerton · 06-23-2009, 04:13 PM

Ok, so I know that everyone knows that weddings are stressful...but I am wondering if this is a bit too much or if it is normal. My relationship was perfect in the beginning....and then a lot of things piled up on top of each other and now our very strong relationship is very tested.
We were in a custody battle for his children, he got into a car accident and lost his license, I wrecked a car so we had to buy a new one (his was still being worked on), I work 2 jobs and he is laid off trying to find work, and the bills seem to never quit.
With all of that, plus some family and health issues coming up, is it normal to be really strained? We fight a lot...usually about little things but it becomes a huge problem. I started taking anti-depressants and anti- anxiety medication and we don't talk about the wedding very much anymore. We agreed not to talk about it because we are paying for everything. My parents are recently divorced and we dont feel right taking all of the money from one side.
We get on each other's nerves a lot more often, the wedding is getting closer, and I find myself getting nervous. I know I love him more than anything in the world but I am really nervous about the future. Does any one else have a similar situation? Is anyone happily married but had a rocky engagement? Any advice what-so-ever?! Thanks!

alli · 06-23-2009, 05:58 PM

It sounds like the upcoming wedding isn't the source of the problem, other things are. Problems will always arise throughout your lives; the question is how you handle it. Obviously its really getting to you if you are taking anti-anxiety meds. Maybe the two of you should consider getting counseling and learn to communicate & be happy with each other even when things are tough. If you do nothing, and these "issues" in your lives have no foreseeable end, it is likely that nothing will change. Would you both be satisfied if things continue the way they are going. Because that is how it will be if nothing changes.

Since you have these financial issues, maybe you should consider eloping with just the two of you and close family members at the court house, followed by a reception that more people can attend.

sfullerton · 06-24-2009, 05:38 PM

I go to counseling every 2 weeks. I have been going for a few years now. He has gone in with me once. I feel that the counseling helps me a lot! I think his problem is that he thinks the meds are supposed to completely change who I am and make me not care about things the way that I do....which they are not intended to do. They help me deal with things better though and I like them. But thanks for the advice. I should try to get him in there again with me.

alli · 06-24-2009, 08:58 PM

Well that's good that you are already going! It seems like a lot of people don't like the idea of actually doing it. I'm so glad you are; it helps with your own feelings and if your bf goes too, it will help the communication in your relationship. That would be a difficult thing to work on if only one person goes to counseling. Good luck; I hope things improve for the both of you overall.

06-23-2009, 04:13 PM	#1
sfullerton Offline Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Iowa Gender: Female Age: 25 Posts: 71	weddings are stressful! Ok, so I know that everyone knows that weddings are stressful...but I am wondering if this is a bit too much or if it is normal. My relationship was perfect in the beginning....and then a lot of things piled up on top of each other and now our very strong relationship is very tested. We were in a custody battle for his children, he got into a car accident and lost his license, I wrecked a car so we had to buy a new one (his was still being worked on), I work 2 jobs and he is laid off trying to find work, and the bills seem to never quit. With all of that, plus some family and health issues coming up, is it normal to be really strained? We fight a lot...usually about little things but it becomes a huge problem. I started taking anti-depressants and anti- anxiety medication and we don't talk about the wedding very much anymore. We agreed not to talk about it because we are paying for everything. My parents are recently divorced and we dont feel right taking all of the money from one side. We get on each other's nerves a lot more often, the wedding is getting closer, and I find myself getting nervous. I know I love him more than anything in the world but I am really nervous about the future. Does any one else have a similar situation? Is anyone happily married but had a rocky engagement? Any advice what-so-ever?! Thanks!

06-23-2009, 05:58 PM	#2
alli Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jun 2008 Gender: Female Age: 25 Posts: 2,364	It sounds like the upcoming wedding isn't the source of the problem, other things are. Problems will always arise throughout your lives; the question is how you handle it. Obviously its really getting to you if you are taking anti-anxiety meds. Maybe the two of you should consider getting counseling and learn to communicate & be happy with each other even when things are tough. If you do nothing, and these "issues" in your lives have no foreseeable end, it is likely that nothing will change. Would you both be satisfied if things continue the way they are going. Because that is how it will be if nothing changes. Since you have these financial issues, maybe you should consider eloping with just the two of you and close family members at the court house, followed by a reception that more people can attend.

06-24-2009, 05:38 PM	#3
sfullerton Offline Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Iowa Gender: Female Age: 25 Posts: 71	I go to counseling every 2 weeks. I have been going for a few years now. He has gone in with me once. I feel that the counseling helps me a lot! I think his problem is that he thinks the meds are supposed to completely change who I am and make me not care about things the way that I do....which they are not intended to do. They help me deal with things better though and I like them. But thanks for the advice. I should try to get him in there again with me.

06-24-2009, 08:58 PM	#4
alli Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jun 2008 Gender: Female Age: 25 Posts: 2,364	Well that's good that you are already going! It seems like a lot of people don't like the idea of actually doing it. I'm so glad you are; it helps with your own feelings and if your bf goes too, it will help the communication in your relationship. That would be a difficult thing to work on if only one person goes to counseling. Good luck; I hope things improve for the both of you overall.