Do some people push away the people they have strongest feelings for?

If someone is not ready for a relationship and finds the perfect person emotionally, would they push them away?

yes. i did it and she's gone forever. but we were young and not in a position it would have worked out. bad timing.

yes, some people can get scared by the intensity of their feelings for someone else and simply run away from that person.

I think that's a definite possibility...I've had that happen to me before, and well, I haven't been the same. It's really frustrating when you both can see the potential for something great, but timing, fear, and past experiences stop one of you from moving ahead with the relationship. And on top of that, there's no convincing them otherwise...they have to see the potential and want to tap into it themselves...Ugh...now I'm sad...

Yep. Someone is doing it to me right now. He knows he's doing it, and he's not happy about it, but he feels he has no choice. He is not ready to be in a relationship. The timing is terrible. He feels like crap about it, but I'd rather not be with him than have him continue to try with me and keep pushing me away and pulling me back in. So...it's over, at least for awhile. Time will tell if it ever works out.

I think that's a definite possibility...I've had that happen to me before, and well, I haven't been the same. It's really frustrating when you both can see the potential for something great, but timing, fear, and past experiences stop one of you from moving ahead with the relationship. And on top of that, there's no convincing them otherwise...they have to see the potential and want to tap into it themselves...Ugh...now I'm sad...

Yep. You said exactly what I was thinking. This is exactly how I feel right now.

Yep, it happens. It's a defense mechanism.

psh. i dont believe that. if someone really cares and feels strongly about you, they will try or want to be with you no matter what.

Sounds like BS to me. You dont push people you care about away. Thats so lame and doesnt sound like something love would do to people.

the truth is they don't really care and just an excuse to deny it.

Yes, I have been on the end of it. It can be devastating because being pushed away is bad enough, but the ensuing treatment you get from the other person feels like you are punished for things that you don't even know about.

Pretty much seems to explain my ex with the fear, pushing away and so forth. Definitely in her case has to due with previous toxic people she was involved with, makes me believe that she was waiting for the other shoe to drop and for me to become an * * * * * * * . Too bad for her, even through the breakup, I have never given her a reason to leave.

Yeah it can happen, I've done it. Timing was just all wrong

psh. i dont believe that. if someone really cares and feels strongly about you, they will try or want to be with you no matter what.

 

Sounds like BS to me. You dont push people you care about away. Thats so lame and doesnt sound like something love would do to people.

 

the truth is they don't really care and just an excuse to deny it.

Nah, not true in all cases. I liked him and a lot, but I had way too much going on in my life and too much crap to deal with....last thing I'd wanted at that time, was a relationship ...I wasnt fit to be in a relationship at that time, I wouldnt have been able to give 100% to it and with everything else going on.

I'm in the same boat.

He knew somethign was a dealbreaker for me. The past weekend, we were sooo happy...we were talking about how wonderful things have been. Then he goes and does exactly what I said was a dealbreaker, on Sunday night.

I don't understand it, either, but I feel the same. The pain of being w/out him is less than the pain of this happening again.

Yep. Someone is doing it to me right now. He knows he's doing it, and he's not happy about it, but he feels he has no choice. He is not ready to be in a relationship. The timing is terrible. He feels like crap about it, but I'd rather not be with him than have him continue to try with me and keep pushing me away and pulling me back in. So...it's over, at least for awhile. Time will tell if it ever works out.

psh. i dont believe that. if someone really cares and feels strongly about you, they will try or want to be with you no matter what.

 

Sounds like BS to me. You dont push people you care about away. Thats so lame and doesnt sound like something love would do to people.

 

the truth is they don't really care and just an excuse to deny it.

I used to believe that. I thought that if two people really loved each other they could make it work no matter what. I've learned since then that that is not the case. Sometimes things just don't work out. Sometimes the timing is just really bad.

well Dish, i kind of understand your problem, but if it were me, i will try and always have time to fit someone in my life no matter what esp. if i care about someone.

people dont push you away because they want to be with you, they push you away because they do NOT want you. the feelings scare them because they do NOT want you and feel if it develops more, they will want you or end up with you in the end.. love can't be deny where it exist. Love is also a choice. its up to you whether you want it or not.

well Dish, i kind of understand your problem, but if it were me, i will try and always have time to fit someone in my life no matter what esp. if i care about someone.

 

people dont push you away because they want to be with you, they push you away because they do NOT want you. the feelings scare them because they do NOT want you and feel if it develops more, they will want you or end up with you in the end.. love can't be deny where it exist. Love is also a choice. its up to you whether you want it or not.

I wish it was this simple, but it's not. What if the person you love lives on the other side of the world? What if you're not in a position to put 100% effort into the relationship? What if you live in a place where same sex relationships are viewed as sinful and dirty?

its always about timing. you know they say love is patient so why not keep the person around until the timing becomes right, if they care, they will wait.

People only love when they want to and feel like it.

greywolf then go on the other side of the world, i would do it..lol

It IS the case, I feel, that people can care about you yet push you away.

I was in a FWB rel'ship for a while...the guy was going through a divorce at the time we met. He told me he was legally separated but that, due to the divorce, not ready for a rel'ship. We became friends with benefits. After a while, we started getting too close to each other so we had to end it.

His divorce was final in March, and everything is too fresh and painful for him to get into anything serious. So, we both had to push each other away.

Things are not always black and white.

I think it happens.

I wish it was this simple, but it's not. What if the person you love lives on the other side of the world? What if you're not in a position to put 100% effort into the relationship? What if you live in a place where same sex relationships are viewed as sinful and dirty?

this describes my situation to the letter almost!

Absolutely they do, especially if they really love them and know they aren't compatible.

well Dish, i kind of understand your problem, but if it were me, i will try and always have time to fit someone in my life no matter what esp. if i care about someone.

 

people dont push you away because they want to be with you, they push you away because they do NOT want you. the feelings scare them because they do NOT want you and feel if it develops more, they will want you or end up with you in the end.. love can't be deny where it exist. Love is also a choice. its up to you whether you want it or not.

I did fit him in......but not in the way he'd wanted. I didnt want a romance on top of crap I had going on...I had enough to deal with. He was unhappy, tried to pressure me more and that just made me run further. He too would say I didnt care, but that wasn't the case. If I'd have gotten involved with him at that time....it would been doomed to fail.

To be with someone in life, you firstly have to be in a good place yourself and I wasn't!

If someone is not ready for a relationship and finds the perfect person emotionally, would they push them away?

Yep, it happened to me...then he married an emotionally unavailable woman just like himself and still tries to subtly and indirectly sniff around me while still married. He likes the idea of me, the stability of me but his perfect marriage partner is one who is emotionally bereft and selfish like him. I overestimated his character and he underestimated mine.

If someone is not ready for a relationship and finds the perfect person emotionally, would they push them away?

I just recently learned that yes, people can do this. I was intrigued with the same thing and started my own thread asking the same question, lol. It still fascinates me that people can do this.

Yep, it happened to me...then he married an emotionally unavailable woman just like himself and still tries to subtly and indirectly sniff around me while still married. He likes the idea of me, the stability of me but his perfect marriage partner is one who is emotionally bereft and selfish like him. I overestimated his character and he underestimated mine.

Hey CAD,

I'm sorry about this. He doesn't deserve you. But I think it brings up a really good point ... you may be great for them, but they are not great for you.