Addicted...

DJBaby · 06-15-2009, 02:31 AM

I wonder if you guys can help me through this... I'm in therapy, but I don't see her until Thursday.

I am an honest-to-goodness co-dependent. I crave the people I choose to let into my life. I'm not particularly clingy or needy, but I get attached really easily.

Since a crazy breakup six months ago after a 4 1/2 year relationship, I have been doing really well. I'm mostly content, which is good. My mojo is definitely risin' right now

About a month and a half after the breakup, I met a guy in a class I was taking, and he asked me out. Being that he's a bit younger than me, I was really nervous to go out with him, but we had an amazing time. We continued to date for a while after that (including the date that I heard him tell some of his buddies was "the best date he's ever had") and then we both got busy and didn't see so much of each other.

The problem is that I got attached. Really quickly. I played it cool, and didn't do anything stupid, but I found myself thinking about him more often than I thought healthy.

Anyway, over the past couple of months since our dating has petered out, I find myself thinking about him daily. Yesterday, he was in my neck of the woods and we ended up hanging out all afternoon, evening, and night. We were partying with a bunch of my friends and having a great time... until 9:00 this morning.

Now, I find myself thinking about him like crazy again.

Please understand: this is not like me. I don't usually let things affect me like this. I have been diagnosed with OCD, but it doesn't usually extend into my short-term relationships... I feel like I've become addicted to this guy. I've never had this happen before. Help please?

onewithbooks · 06-15-2009, 02:42 AM

Can you explain what you mean by you feel addicted to this man? If you have just spent that long of an amount of time with someone it is only natural to still be thinking of them at the end of the day, especially if you had a great time.

DJBaby · 06-15-2009, 02:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by onewithbooks

Can you explain what you mean by you feel addicted to this man? If you have just spent that long of an amount of time with someone it is only natural to still be thinking of them at the end of the day, especially if you had a great time.

It's like this... I can feel attached to anyone. I feel close to people but I don't obsess over them. I feel like I'm addicted to this guy. I can't stop thinking about him. Even when I haven't seen or talked to him for weeks... yesterday just happened to be a time when we got together so it's fresh in my mind.

It's the same feeling I have when I pick my hair or chain smoke or play backgammon or something. It's weird... I have OCD and I'm co-dependent, but I have a pretty good handle on those when it comes to my casual relationships.

onewithbooks · 06-15-2009, 03:19 AM

What do you think is making this guy different?

DJBaby · 06-15-2009, 03:28 AM

I really don't know... he's really handsome, but most of the guys I've dated in my life have been pretty good looking. We have a lot in common, but I have a lot of friends that I share mutual interests with.

I think it's something about the way he looks at me. There's this hunger in his eyes, almost like they're mirroring mine. It makes my stomach drop to my knees. When we're intimate, it's amazing. He reads me really well. But I felt this frantic obsession before we started having sex, so it can't be that... last night we were at a bar, and he just looked at me... like his eyes were gonna explode and I just wanted time to stop.

DJBaby · 06-15-2009, 03:34 PM

Can anyone else help me? I can't seem to stop...

I'm going to lunch with a girlfriend in a little bit, but that will only take him off my mind for an hour or two... then what?

onewithbooks · 06-15-2009, 04:32 PM

How about reading a book or watching movie? You can do something to get your hands moving, like putting a puzzle together or working a sudoku puzzle. You could try getting out a journal and writing down the thoughts you have been having. Maybe by getting it out in that medium it will help to take some of the pressure off of your mind.

DJBaby · 06-15-2009, 07:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by onewithbooks

How about reading a book or watching movie? You can do something to get your hands moving, like putting a puzzle together or working a sudoku puzzle. You could try getting out a journal and writing down the thoughts you have been having. Maybe by getting it out in that medium it will help to take some of the pressure off of your mind.

Yeah, cool. Those are the kinds of things I normally do with my time anyway. Maybe I'll try to read. or make some jewelry.

Thanks. I hate this feeling... it doesn't help that I just got a semi-rejection text from him.

onewithbooks · 06-15-2009, 07:41 PM

It will be ok, remember no matter what, men may come and go, but you will always have you. Its really a good thing that you recognized when you needed help and you asked for it. That is something to be proud of.

Making jewelry is great. It requires a lot of focus and it keeps the hands busy in a positive activity. Plus you get to wear the results and look fabulous.

As far as the semi rejection text goes, if is not looking to be with you that is fine. Let him do what he needs to do, cause you're fine. Like my best friend says about men: You were fabulous before them, you were fabulous with them, and you will be fabulous without them. You have a whole world of men to meet, a whole life to live, you just gotta get down to business.

Take care of yourself!

owb

DJBaby · 06-15-2009, 07:54 PM

Thank you... that really helps.

06-15-2009, 02:31 AM	#1
DJBaby Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Posts: 273	Addicted... I wonder if you guys can help me through this... I'm in therapy, but I don't see her until Thursday. I am an honest-to-goodness co-dependent. I crave the people I choose to let into my life. I'm not particularly clingy or needy, but I get attached really easily. Since a crazy breakup six months ago after a 4 1/2 year relationship, I have been doing really well. I'm mostly content, which is good. My mojo is definitely risin' right now About a month and a half after the breakup, I met a guy in a class I was taking, and he asked me out. Being that he's a bit younger than me, I was really nervous to go out with him, but we had an amazing time. We continued to date for a while after that (including the date that I heard him tell some of his buddies was "the best date he's ever had") and then we both got busy and didn't see so much of each other. The problem is that I got attached. Really quickly. I played it cool, and didn't do anything stupid, but I found myself thinking about him more often than I thought healthy. Anyway, over the past couple of months since our dating has petered out, I find myself thinking about him daily. Yesterday, he was in my neck of the woods and we ended up hanging out all afternoon, evening, and night. We were partying with a bunch of my friends and having a great time... until 9:00 this morning. Now, I find myself thinking about him like crazy again. Please understand: this is not like me. I don't usually let things affect me like this. I have been diagnosed with OCD, but it doesn't usually extend into my short-term relationships... I feel like I've become addicted to this guy. I've never had this happen before. Help please?

06-15-2009, 02:42 AM	#2
onewithbooks Offline Platinum Member Join Date: May 2006 Gender: Female Posts: 1,586	Can you explain what you mean by you feel addicted to this man? If you have just spent that long of an amount of time with someone it is only natural to still be thinking of them at the end of the day, especially if you had a great time. __________________ I sit alone and watch the clock Trying to collect my thoughts And all I think about is you If you Believe in me life is not always what it seems Believe in me Cause I was made for chasing dreams Believe in me I know you've waited for so long Believe in me Sometimes the weak become the strong

06-15-2009, 03:19 AM	#4
onewithbooks Offline Platinum Member Join Date: May 2006 Gender: Female Posts: 1,586	What do you think is making this guy different? __________________ I sit alone and watch the clock Trying to collect my thoughts And all I think about is you If you Believe in me life is not always what it seems Believe in me Cause I was made for chasing dreams Believe in me I know you've waited for so long Believe in me Sometimes the weak become the strong

06-15-2009, 04:32 PM	#7
onewithbooks Offline Platinum Member Join Date: May 2006 Gender: Female Posts: 1,586	How about reading a book or watching movie? You can do something to get your hands moving, like putting a puzzle together or working a sudoku puzzle. You could try getting out a journal and writing down the thoughts you have been having. Maybe by getting it out in that medium it will help to take some of the pressure off of your mind. __________________ I sit alone and watch the clock Trying to collect my thoughts And all I think about is you If you Believe in me life is not always what it seems Believe in me Cause I was made for chasing dreams Believe in me I know you've waited for so long Believe in me Sometimes the weak become the strong

06-15-2009, 07:41 PM	#9
onewithbooks Offline Platinum Member Join Date: May 2006 Gender: Female Posts: 1,586	It will be ok, remember no matter what, men may come and go, but you will always have you. Its really a good thing that you recognized when you needed help and you asked for it. That is something to be proud of. Making jewelry is great. It requires a lot of focus and it keeps the hands busy in a positive activity. Plus you get to wear the results and look fabulous. As far as the semi rejection text goes, if is not looking to be with you that is fine. Let him do what he needs to do, cause you're fine. Like my best friend says about men: You were fabulous before them, you were fabulous with them, and you will be fabulous without them. You have a whole world of men to meet, a whole life to live, you just gotta get down to business. Take care of yourself! owb __________________ I sit alone and watch the clock Trying to collect my thoughts And all I think about is you If you Believe in me life is not always what it seems Believe in me Cause I was made for chasing dreams Believe in me I know you've waited for so long Believe in me Sometimes the weak become the strong

06-15-2009, 03:28 AM	#5
DJBaby Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Posts: 273	I really don't know... he's really handsome, but most of the guys I've dated in my life have been pretty good looking. We have a lot in common, but I have a lot of friends that I share mutual interests with. I think it's something about the way he looks at me. There's this hunger in his eyes, almost like they're mirroring mine. It makes my stomach drop to my knees. When we're intimate, it's amazing. He reads me really well. But I felt this frantic obsession before we started having sex, so it can't be that... last night we were at a bar, and he just looked at me... like his eyes were gonna explode and I just wanted time to stop.

06-15-2009, 03:34 PM	#6
DJBaby Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Posts: 273	Can anyone else help me? I can't seem to stop... I'm going to lunch with a girlfriend in a little bit, but that will only take him off my mind for an hour or two... then what?

06-15-2009, 07:54 PM	#10
DJBaby Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Posts: 273	Thank you... that really helps.