When people cancel plans..is this normal?

Just Me85 · 06-10-2009, 09:53 AM

Whenever I make plans with someone, whether that be with a friend or boyfriend or family member, is it normal to be secretly really upset and down if they have to cancel due to circumstances that cant be helped?

I often feel really disappointed and low when this happens, and then I feel bad for feeling disappointed and low because its nobodys fault. But i get paranoid that its because they have found something better to do, or because they dont really want to see me.

I know its really selfish but it makes me feel really rubbish, although i do keep it a secret that I feel bad because I dont think its normal to be so affected by a simple change of plans!

For example, was supposed to meet with my boyfriend (only recently got back together after a break) today to go on a date for the first time since we broke up, but he text saying he is really sick and cant come today. Its stupid because i KNOW we will just do it another day.

Its the same with friends and family though. Is it normal? I feel like such a selfish cow sometimes

COtuner · 06-10-2009, 10:00 AM

Disappointment is a normal human emotion, unless you're obsessing about it. I feel disappointed when people cancel on me all the time. Sometimes I even wonder if they just don't like me, but guess what? I actually told someone that once; I said I understood that I wasn't the best option he had available (was PMSing that day!!) and I wasn't upset that he backed out. My coworker was totally shocked that I felt that way and I ended up hurting HIM because he felt bad that he had unintentionally hurt me.

Lesson learned. Better to simply take people at face value for these things unless you have some facts.

Just Me85 · 06-10-2009, 10:05 AM

Its weird and it always ruins my day when this happens although I try not to let it.

I wish i knew how to stop feeling like this about myself all the time

Sometimes I even feel angry which is so dumb because its not their fault! x

pheebs · 06-10-2009, 10:06 AM

its a normal feeling. your not being selfish by it. You make plans with someone, and for what ever reason they cant, you get disappointed because you were looking forward to it, or wanted to see them.

i ask my bf to do something, and i'll get a response like "erm i think so" (if he's free on a day) or some kind of response like that and get the vibe, he just doesn't want to and makes me feeling like i cant be bothered asking. I try to push that feeling away. again and again, it can get to you...

As COturner said, take it at face value. you can over worry on these things that mean nothing

**annie24** · 06-10-2009, 10:26 AM

disappointment is natural, sure. but if it's a real excuse, then i'd give them the benefit of the doubt and reschedule.

**arwen** · 06-10-2009, 11:08 AM

The disappointment of plans being canceled is natural. But taking it personal (in the way that you describe 'that they have something better to do') is something else- this is due to feeling not good enough to meet them. As if them having unexpected things turning up is because you are not worth meeting them.

I think that a bit of soulsearching and finding out if you have a negative self image and if so, why, would really help.

xxsummerxx · 06-10-2009, 11:43 AM

I have always been disipointed when someone cancels on me even if its not there fault and it cant be helped...it really is normal to feel that way i think its just one of those things in life!!
I think it becomes more of a painful emotion when the same person cancels alot and it become obvious they cant be bothered then i think that you have to evaluate the relationship between you and that person....but dont ever feel its your fault!!
My best friend started to cancel on me all the time and it hurt so bad, i felt like it was my fault even though she said to me that that it is her that is letting me down...in the end she told me she lets me down too much and she doesn't think we should be friends any more....this happened over the period of a year, but in your situation i think its just disapointment and if you find it easier to handle you should talk to a friend or someone about it. xx

06-10-2009, 09:53 AM	#1
Just Me85 Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Posts: 253	When people cancel plans..is this normal? Whenever I make plans with someone, whether that be with a friend or boyfriend or family member, is it normal to be secretly really upset and down if they have to cancel due to circumstances that cant be helped? I often feel really disappointed and low when this happens, and then I feel bad for feeling disappointed and low because its nobodys fault. But i get paranoid that its because they have found something better to do, or because they dont really want to see me. I know its really selfish but it makes me feel really rubbish, although i do keep it a secret that I feel bad because I dont think its normal to be so affected by a simple change of plans! For example, was supposed to meet with my boyfriend (only recently got back together after a break) today to go on a date for the first time since we broke up, but he text saying he is really sick and cant come today. Its stupid because i KNOW we will just do it another day. Its the same with friends and family though. Is it normal? I feel like such a selfish cow sometimes

06-10-2009, 11:08 AM	#6
arwen Online Super Moderator Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: The Netherlands Gender: Female Age: 29 Posts: 5,396	The disappointment of plans being canceled is natural. But taking it personal (in the way that you describe 'that they have something better to do') is something else- this is due to feeling not good enough to meet them. As if them having unexpected things turning up is because you are not worth meeting them. I think that a bit of soulsearching and finding out if you have a negative self image and if so, why, would really help. __________________ You always* have a choice.* 11 February 2010: [Only registered and activated users can see links. ]* is due!* Please see the forum rules for posting on enotalone.com

06-10-2009, 10:00 AM	#2
COtuner Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Gender: Female Posts: 4,102	Disappointment is a normal human emotion, unless you're obsessing about it. I feel disappointed when people cancel on me all the time. Sometimes I even wonder if they just don't like me, but guess what? I actually told someone that once; I said I understood that I wasn't the best option he had available (was PMSing that day!!) and I wasn't upset that he backed out. My coworker was totally shocked that I felt that way and I ended up hurting HIM because he felt bad that he had unintentionally hurt me. Lesson learned. Better to simply take people at face value for these things unless you have some facts.

06-10-2009, 10:05 AM	#3
Just Me85 Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Posts: 253	Its weird and it always ruins my day when this happens although I try not to let it. I wish i knew how to stop feeling like this about myself all the time Sometimes I even feel angry which is so dumb because its not their fault! x

06-10-2009, 10:06 AM	#4
pheebs Offline Member Join Date: May 2009 Posts: 36	its a normal feeling. your not being selfish by it. You make plans with someone, and for what ever reason they cant, you get disappointed because you were looking forward to it, or wanted to see them. i ask my bf to do something, and i'll get a response like "erm i think so" (if he's free on a day) or some kind of response like that and get the vibe, he just doesn't want to and makes me feeling like i cant be bothered asking. I try to push that feeling away. again and again, it can get to you... As COturner said, take it at face value. you can over worry on these things that mean nothing

06-10-2009, 10:26 AM	#5
annie24 Online Super Moderator Join Date: Oct 2004 Age: 29 Posts: 26,827	disappointment is natural, sure. but if it's a real excuse, then i'd give them the benefit of the doubt and reschedule.

06-10-2009, 11:43 AM	#7
xxsummerxx Offline Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: England Gender: Female Age: 20 Posts: 9	I have always been disipointed when someone cancels on me even if its not there fault and it cant be helped...it really is normal to feel that way i think its just one of those things in life!! I think it becomes more of a painful emotion when the same person cancels alot and it become obvious they cant be bothered then i think that you have to evaluate the relationship between you and that person....but dont ever feel its your fault!! My best friend started to cancel on me all the time and it hurt so bad, i felt like it was my fault even though she said to me that that it is her that is letting me down...in the end she told me she lets me down too much and she doesn't think we should be friends any more....this happened over the period of a year, but in your situation i think its just disapointment and if you find it easier to handle you should talk to a friend or someone about it. xx