Too Good To Be True?

xMorningStarx · 06-10-2009, 07:37 AM

I'm 24 and my girlfriend is 28. We've both been hurt in relationships before and were pretty jaded when it came to love.

Her previous big love was a 5 year relationship to the father of her 6 year old child and they split about 4 years ago. She has never really had a proper relationship since, just ones that started and failed for various reasons.

With me, I've had a few relationships that had too many conflicts, with both people to blame. So I wasn't really optimistic on finding anyone that could want to spend their life with me.

Anyway, I recently got back in contact with an old friend of mine, and she essentially set me up with my girlfriend. Nothing strange there. Here is what is strange. We were both so stupidly guarded, yet found that we were really comfortable straight from the start. She came to mine to watch a few movies and it really did feel like I've known her years. We were laughing, joking, flirting etc and for not one second did it feel awkward.

So we continued and now we're together and totally in love with eachother. She is my match and pretty much my soulmate. Everything was going great, until the day came where I met her 6 year old son as she felt she knew it was going to work between us so it was time to meet the most important person in her life.

It couldn't have gone better. Her son warmed to me, and we had a lot of fun on our day out. It felt really right, like a family. She got teary when me and her son were giggling like idiots and messing around. Again really comfortable.

Sounds great so far right? Well a few days later, my mind kind of snapped and I became extremely scared of losing her. To the point I'm over analysing things she's saying and doing. I've shared my concerns and she's reassured me.

I know what the problem is, this has all become really real to me, and I'm just thinking it's too good to be true therefore looking for reasons why it might go wrong as a form of self protection. She's doing the same too, but seems to be much better at it than me.

She is my entire world, and I'm hers too, but why can't I shake that feeling of too good to be true? I know I've found my true love, but can I just not accept it?

curious11 · 06-10-2009, 09:21 AM

Love is hard to explain. I definately have no idea what love is. But i know for sure that it involves trust. I think you are afraid of losing her. And you may be getting a little obsessive over her. You shouldnt show her that obsessive behavior, and always remember that she too had an unhealthy relationship prior to meeting you. So she is going to be distant at times.

I guess what im trying to say is definately dont become co-dependant as in relying on her to make you happen, etc... Im not saying you are at this moment. But I can definately identify with your feelings.

You will be fine, you even said that its your soul mate. And the fact that she had tears in her eyes when she saw you and her son laughing is pretty amazing. She obviously loves you very much. Just remember that and dont let your mind race too much.

Kumatora · 06-10-2009, 09:38 AM

First of all, congrats! It sounds like you two really clicked! However... how long have you both started dating? If it has been a few months, then you both are in the "honeymoon period" of the relationship. Give it time.

As for the over analyzing and fear of losing her, drop it. The point of being in any relationship is to enjoy the company. Learn from the past relationships and forget them- focus on what you got in front of you. If you continue to put yourself in that fear, you can drive your SO away. Just have fun.

curious11 also said it well... don't show her that you're clingy or obsessive.

offplanet · 06-10-2009, 09:41 AM

That is really great that her son likes you. If he hadnt, there would have been a problem, and it would have spoiled things. You 3 are very fortunate. I know the feeling of 'its too good to be true', but it isnt.... great things do sometimes happen, and it looks like its happened to you. You're allowed to be happy! Get used to being happy! You will go great!
offplanet

06-10-2009, 07:37 AM	#1
xMorningStarx Online Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Chester, Cheshire, UK Gender: Male Age: 24 Posts: 68	Too Good To Be True? I'm 24 and my girlfriend is 28. We've both been hurt in relationships before and were pretty jaded when it came to love. Her previous big love was a 5 year relationship to the father of her 6 year old child and they split about 4 years ago. She has never really had a proper relationship since, just ones that started and failed for various reasons. With me, I've had a few relationships that had too many conflicts, with both people to blame. So I wasn't really optimistic on finding anyone that could want to spend their life with me. Anyway, I recently got back in contact with an old friend of mine, and she essentially set me up with my girlfriend. Nothing strange there. Here is what is strange. We were both so stupidly guarded, yet found that we were really comfortable straight from the start. She came to mine to watch a few movies and it really did feel like I've known her years. We were laughing, joking, flirting etc and for not one second did it feel awkward. So we continued and now we're together and totally in love with eachother. She is my match and pretty much my soulmate. Everything was going great, until the day came where I met her 6 year old son as she felt she knew it was going to work between us so it was time to meet the most important person in her life. It couldn't have gone better. Her son warmed to me, and we had a lot of fun on our day out. It felt really right, like a family. She got teary when me and her son were giggling like idiots and messing around. Again really comfortable. Sounds great so far right? Well a few days later, my mind kind of snapped and I became extremely scared of losing her. To the point I'm over analysing things she's saying and doing. I've shared my concerns and she's reassured me. I know what the problem is, this has all become really real to me, and I'm just thinking it's too good to be true therefore looking for reasons why it might go wrong as a form of self protection. She's doing the same too, but seems to be much better at it than me. She is my entire world, and I'm hers too, but why can't I shake that feeling of too good to be true? I know I've found my true love, but can I just not accept it?

06-10-2009, 09:21 AM	#2
curious11 Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Sep 2007 Gender: Male Posts: 336	Love is hard to explain. I definately have no idea what love is. But i know for sure that it involves trust. I think you are afraid of losing her. And you may be getting a little obsessive over her. You shouldnt show her that obsessive behavior, and always remember that she too had an unhealthy relationship prior to meeting you. So she is going to be distant at times. I guess what im trying to say is definately dont become co-dependant as in relying on her to make you happen, etc... Im not saying you are at this moment. But I can definately identify with your feelings. You will be fine, you even said that its your soul mate. And the fact that she had tears in her eyes when she saw you and her son laughing is pretty amazing. She obviously loves you very much. Just remember that and dont let your mind race too much. __________________ "If you love something let it go, if it comes back to you its yours, if it doesnt it never was."

06-10-2009, 09:38 AM	#3
Kumatora Offline Silver Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Gender: None Specified Posts: 436	First of all, congrats! It sounds like you two really clicked! However... how long have you both started dating? If it has been a few months, then you both are in the "honeymoon period" of the relationship. Give it time. As for the over analyzing and fear of losing her, drop it. The point of being in any relationship is to enjoy the company. Learn from the past relationships and forget them- focus on what you got in front of you. If you continue to put yourself in that fear, you can drive your SO away. Just have fun. curious11 also said it well... don't show her that you're clingy or obsessive.

06-10-2009, 09:41 AM	#4
offplanet Offline Silver Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Posts: 358	That is really great that her son likes you. If he hadnt, there would have been a problem, and it would have spoiled things. You 3 are very fortunate. I know the feeling of 'its too good to be true', but it isnt.... great things do sometimes happen, and it looks like its happened to you. You're allowed to be happy! Get used to being happy! You will go great! offplanet