New Girlfriend learning her disability

rockdude82 · 06-08-2009, 10:55 AM

Hi I've recently met a girl and finding we're becoming very close been together only about 2 weeks still feel I'm getting to know her personality but its going well so far I think from my side anyway..

She suffers with a balance problem shes had it since the age of 17 shes very unsteady on her feet and finds using a cain or walking stick makes it harder for her to walk so she just walks free, people would probably think shes had to much to drink seeing her first time walking. It was on the 3rd date which was abit upsetting for her as she just got dropped off in a car park out side a resturant to meet me and lost her balance and fell over and I think she was in a bit of shock and embarassed then it got worse as we went into the resturant and everyone was looking at us and I had to guide her to the Toliet then a guy at the bar explainned to me she was not alowed in becuase she was too drunk.. I had to explain to him...

We left pretty soon after and she was very quiet for about an hour and then she burst into floods of tears just came from nowhere.. I can't explain how I felt it was if my heart just dropped I nearly started crying for her too all I could do it cuddle her and tell her it was OK...

I'm now really nervious whenever I take her out that she's going to fall over I try and hold her as much as I can, Its difficult in resturants and pub as I don't want her to fall on people who are eating.. going into pubs would be difficult as someone could knock her over... I'm not going to lose her but I just want to find a way I know she's going to be Ok when shes walking without having to worry about her all the time.... She's tells me shes very independent able to walk into her own town, catch buses and trains on her own, I don't know how she manages though..

**BellaDonna** · 06-08-2009, 11:05 AM

Did she say what the actual problem was? Is it vertigo, or another one of these [Only registered and activated users can see links. ]

The reason I ask is that most of those conditions are treatable. If conventional medicine has failed her, perhaps she should look to chiropractic treatment. She should not have to suffer like this.

It's wonderful that you are there to support her. As for going out, I would try to go place that require minimal amounts of walking and where you can be seated for the majority of the time, until she gets the treatment that she needs. I can understand why you'd be nervous.

You said this started when she was 17- how old is she now?

Bella

Crazyaboutdogs · 06-08-2009, 11:09 AM

It is possible that her walking difficulties get enhanced when she is nervous. She is probably not yet at ease with you, especially in light of her disability which would have many people running for the hills. Give it some time...it might be once she feels more relaxed around you her balance issues will not be as pronounced. You handled yourself really well and with honour and compassion....that is so rare to find these days...I wish I could find someone with those qualities.

**Hope75** · 06-08-2009, 11:22 AM

Quote:

I'm now really nervious whenever I take her out that she's going to fall over I try and hold her as much as I can, Its difficult in resturants and pub as I don't want her to fall on people who are eating.. going into pubs would be difficult as someone could knock her over... I'm not going to lose her but I just want to find a way I know she's going to be Ok when shes walking without having to worry about her all the time.... She's tells me shes very independent able to walk into her own town, catch buses and trains on her own, I don't know how she manages though..

Honesty I think you would be best to allow her to be as independent as possible. She was getting around before you came into her life, so let her continue with that. If she has has this disability for awhile she knows her limitations, and if she needs assistance she can and will ask you for it. I can understand you wanting to be helpful and protective, so I would just let her know that if she needs your help not to hesitate to ask, and otherwise just let her be and navigate herself with her cane.

Good luck!

guitargirl · 06-08-2009, 06:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hope75

Honesty I think you would be best to allow her to be as independent as possible. She was getting around before you came into her life, so let her continue with that. If she has has this disability for awhile she knows her limitations, and if she needs assistance she can and will ask you for it. I can understand you wanting to be helpful and protective, so I would just let her know that if she needs your help not to hesitate to ask, and otherwise just let her be and navigate herself with her cane.

Good luck!

That's great advice. I second this.

06-08-2009, 10:55 AM	#1
rockdude82 Offline Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Posts: 68	New Girlfriend learning her disability Hi I've recently met a girl and finding we're becoming very close been together only about 2 weeks still feel I'm getting to know her personality but its going well so far I think from my side anyway.. She suffers with a balance problem shes had it since the age of 17 shes very unsteady on her feet and finds using a cain or walking stick makes it harder for her to walk so she just walks free, people would probably think shes had to much to drink seeing her first time walking. It was on the 3rd date which was abit upsetting for her as she just got dropped off in a car park out side a resturant to meet me and lost her balance and fell over and I think she was in a bit of shock and embarassed then it got worse as we went into the resturant and everyone was looking at us and I had to guide her to the Toliet then a guy at the bar explainned to me she was not alowed in becuase she was too drunk.. I had to explain to him... We left pretty soon after and she was very quiet for about an hour and then she burst into floods of tears just came from nowhere.. I can't explain how I felt it was if my heart just dropped I nearly started crying for her too all I could do it cuddle her and tell her it was OK... I'm now really nervious whenever I take her out that she's going to fall over I try and hold her as much as I can, Its difficult in resturants and pub as I don't want her to fall on people who are eating.. going into pubs would be difficult as someone could knock her over... I'm not going to lose her but I just want to find a way I know she's going to be Ok when shes walking without having to worry about her all the time.... She's tells me shes very independent able to walk into her own town, catch buses and trains on her own, I don't know how she manages though..

06-08-2009, 11:05 AM	#2
BellaDonna Offline Super Moderator Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: U.S. Gender: Female Age: 29 Posts: 6,583	Did she say what the actual problem was? Is it vertigo, or another one of these [Only registered and activated users can see links. ] The reason I ask is that most of those conditions are treatable. If conventional medicine has failed her, perhaps she should look to chiropractic treatment. She should not have to suffer like this. It's wonderful that you are there to support her. As for going out, I would try to go place that require minimal amounts of walking and where you can be seated for the majority of the time, until she gets the treatment that she needs. I can understand why you'd be nervous. You said this started when she was 17- how old is she now? Bella __________________ "Well behaved women rarely make history." "Friendship should be a refuge, not an ordeal." Please see the forum rules for posting on enotalone:http://www.enotalone.com/forum/forum-rules.php

06-08-2009, 11:09 AM	#3
Crazyaboutdogs Online Platinum Member Join Date: May 2006 Location: Canada Gender: Female Age: 46 Posts: 15,631	It is possible that her walking difficulties get enhanced when she is nervous. She is probably not yet at ease with you, especially in light of her disability which would have many people running for the hills. Give it some time...it might be once she feels more relaxed around you her balance issues will not be as pronounced. You handled yourself really well and with honour and compassion....that is so rare to find these days...I wish I could find someone with those qualities.