Beauty in Ashes

faolanblood · 06-07-2009, 04:51 PM

Ou

After 12 hours of labor we gave birth to our Daughter Corinthia Faith Johns She was born and died at her parents house in Tulsa Oklahoma at 1:38pm on June 6th, 2009 our second child and second miscarriage. She was 13 weeks and four day in the womb.
Psalms 139:13-17 For thou hast possessed my reins: thou hast covered me in my mother's womb. I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well. My substance was not hid from thee, when I was made in secret, and curiously wrought in the lowest parts of the earth. Thine eyes did see my substance, yet being unperfect; and in thy book all my members were written, which in continuance were fashioned, when as yet there was none of them. How precious also are thy thoughts unto me, O God! how great is the sum of them!
WE do not always understand God's will in our life....but we remember that the bible says 2 Corinthians 5:8 We are confident, I say, and willing rather to be absent from the body, and to be present with the Lord. And that all things work together for good. Romans 8:28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. Knowing that has brought us comfort. I t also read Isaiah 55:9 For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts. Life does not always seem fair but God is in control. He is the author and sustainer of life. Job 1:21 And said, Naked came I out of my mother's womb, and naked shall I return thither: the LORD gave, and the LORD hath taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD.

We named our Daughter Corinthia because of Chapter 13 in Corinthians and the love that it talks about A love that God has shown us through our children and marriage as well as our walk with him. James gave her the middle name of faith because of the faith in which she and her brother have given us. In spite of what doctors have told us were possible God has granted us two children when man said we would have none. We are truly blessed.

Although our children’s live were short lived...they are greatly loved both in heaven and on earth and will be missed by us always. But we know that in Christ we are saved and will see them again some day. It is our hope and just goes to show how merciful and amazing God really is. Wonderful and worry of praise.

I honestly though that I would be angry...after losing our first child I was it didn't seem fair and I could not understand. It seemed so cruel and wrong...but I think I have seen something now that I didn’t before BEAUTY THROUGH ASHES.....My heart aches and that of my husbands....it is devastating...our hopes..dreams..ambitions crushed.....12 hours of intense contractions and labor to bare a lifeless child. It seems over whelming and yet there is a peace I have never felt... it makes me think of Philippians 4:7 And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. There is no other way to describe it. I hurt but I can bear it and even smile. I hold no anger at God and know that he does all things well and that it is his will and not mine even though it does not make since to me right now. It is hard to say Lord thy will be done and not mine some times...but amazingly if you truly cry out to God I know he hears and I am confident that he answers. If pour out everything in you.... It says Psalms 147:3 He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds. God never leaves you now forsakes you Hebrews 13:5 Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee. he was there the day we found out I was child...the day we lost out first child.. when we conceived Corinthia...he formed her knew her days...and gave her purpose..He was there all 12 hours of labor with both of us..preparing our hearts...and hearing our prayers. Isaiah 40:31 But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint. It says in second Corinthians My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness.

There is good even when it does not seem like there should be there is peace even when if feels like a storm is raging within us....the is hope in a fallen world and light, and it is all because of God in our lives and what he did on the cross. James and I wanted to share this with you. Because God has done something in our lives that we don't understand but that has changed us and brought us closer to him and each other. I do not know how any one can look at life and something so beautiful and not no in there hearts there is a God and that is Lord over us all. I can not understand how some one can not believe in creation and I never will. I have never been more sure of my faith or the bible as I became to day. Nor have I ever felt so close to God..like he is right there holding me.
He has answered our prayers just in a way we didn't expect... it hurts a lot but their lives have meaning and they are still our kids and we love them both and miss them dearly and are thankful for them none the less.

God has given us a type of serenity I never knew existed...nothing has ever been as hard as this...but never has there been such peace in the midst.

God can do amazing things in your life if you let him. I was bitter for a long time over many issues....the death of our first child and then learning that we would lose this one too...I was mad...and anger....God changed that in a matter of hours. Not all women will miscarry and have to do it be going through labor although after reading online it is very common...it was not what we expected our first child was not as far a long and was missed carried like a normal hard period with bad cramps...this was unlike any pain I have ever felt before....and longer then any I have been under....it was difficult and scary I didn't know what to expect or do...thank God James was there. We didn't want to go to a hospital because of policy...and how hurtful the Doctors often are also because I didn't want a D and C unless necessary.....I am glad that we had chosen to stay home...it was personal. and something happened between Me, James and God that I can not explain....in 12 hours all my anger was gone.....from losing our children and other life trials I had...a heavy burden was lifted.... and God granted me the serenity to accept the things I can not change... he gave me peace..and strength when I thought I would faint of pass out...from pain or being so tired.. In a since he healed years of pain and a brokenness that was in me. Never have I poured me heart out the way that I did today and never was thee such a peace and contentment. There was pain yes but there was joy.. in seeing my child although dead....I got closure going to a hospital would not have given me... and I saw such beauty in God and life...there was beauty in ashes to me. I thank God for the experience and the strength that it took. and the answer to our prayers.

**annie24** · 06-07-2009, 04:58 PM

hi - i am really sorry for your loss. i am sorry that you two had to go through this heartbreak. big hugs.

LemonCheesecak · 06-07-2009, 05:10 PM

I am deeply sorry for your loss, but am glad you are able to handle this as strongly as you are and found some solace in such dark times.

KG · 06-10-2009, 08:02 PM

Hello,
I cannot fathom the loss of a child, but hope that you are at peace through your religion.
You and your husband are stronger than I. Be well....And ))HUGS((.
KG

SamiJayne · 06-14-2009, 01:47 PM

I'm really sorry for your loss.
My daughter died as well last November. She lasted 3 hours, and gave a good fight. I've suffered two miscarriages previously, but loosing her

No one should ever have to deal with it.

I found it helpful planting at her grave. So each week it looks beautiful, Maybe you can do the same? or have a little spot in your garden just for her.

I also go to a group called Sands in England, No one likes to talk about Sophie anymore here, so I do enjoy having one night a month knowing people know exactly how I feel. And that it is important to talk about it xxx.

Take care of yourself, and your husband. Your little Angels will be so proud of there Mummy and Daddy xxx

06-07-2009, 04:51 PM	#1
faolanblood Offline Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Gender: Female Posts: 42	Beauty in Ashes Ou After 12 hours of labor we gave birth to our Daughter Corinthia Faith Johns She was born and died at her parents house in Tulsa Oklahoma at 1:38pm on June 6th, 2009 our second child and second miscarriage. She was 13 weeks and four day in the womb. Psalms 139:13-17 For thou hast possessed my reins: thou hast covered me in my mother's womb. I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well. My substance was not hid from thee, when I was made in secret, and curiously wrought in the lowest parts of the earth. Thine eyes did see my substance, yet being unperfect; and in thy book all my members were written, which in continuance were fashioned, when as yet there was none of them. How precious also are thy thoughts unto me, O God! how great is the sum of them! WE do not always understand God's will in our life....but we remember that the bible says 2 Corinthians 5:8 We are confident, I say, and willing rather to be absent from the body, and to be present with the Lord. And that all things work together for good. Romans 8:28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. Knowing that has brought us comfort. I t also read Isaiah 55:9 For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts. Life does not always seem fair but God is in control. He is the author and sustainer of life. Job 1:21 And said, Naked came I out of my mother's womb, and naked shall I return thither: the LORD gave, and the LORD hath taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD. We named our Daughter Corinthia because of Chapter 13 in Corinthians and the love that it talks about A love that God has shown us through our children and marriage as well as our walk with him. James gave her the middle name of faith because of the faith in which she and her brother have given us. In spite of what doctors have told us were possible God has granted us two children when man said we would have none. We are truly blessed. Although our children’s live were short lived...they are greatly loved both in heaven and on earth and will be missed by us always. But we know that in Christ we are saved and will see them again some day. It is our hope and just goes to show how merciful and amazing God really is. Wonderful and worry of praise. I honestly though that I would be angry...after losing our first child I was it didn't seem fair and I could not understand. It seemed so cruel and wrong...but I think I have seen something now that I didn’t before BEAUTY THROUGH ASHES.....My heart aches and that of my husbands....it is devastating...our hopes..dreams..ambitions crushed.....12 hours of intense contractions and labor to bare a lifeless child. It seems over whelming and yet there is a peace I have never felt... it makes me think of Philippians 4:7 And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. There is no other way to describe it. I hurt but I can bear it and even smile. I hold no anger at God and know that he does all things well and that it is his will and not mine even though it does not make since to me right now. It is hard to say Lord thy will be done and not mine some times...but amazingly if you truly cry out to God I know he hears and I am confident that he answers. If pour out everything in you.... It says Psalms 147:3 He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds. God never leaves you now forsakes you Hebrews 13:5 Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee. he was there the day we found out I was child...the day we lost out first child.. when we conceived Corinthia...he formed her knew her days...and gave her purpose..He was there all 12 hours of labor with both of us..preparing our hearts...and hearing our prayers. Isaiah 40:31 But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint. It says in second Corinthians My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. There is good even when it does not seem like there should be there is peace even when if feels like a storm is raging within us....the is hope in a fallen world and light, and it is all because of God in our lives and what he did on the cross. James and I wanted to share this with you. Because God has done something in our lives that we don't understand but that has changed us and brought us closer to him and each other. I do not know how any one can look at life and something so beautiful and not no in there hearts there is a God and that is Lord over us all. I can not understand how some one can not believe in creation and I never will. I have never been more sure of my faith or the bible as I became to day. Nor have I ever felt so close to God..like he is right there holding me. He has answered our prayers just in a way we didn't expect... it hurts a lot but their lives have meaning and they are still our kids and we love them both and miss them dearly and are thankful for them none the less. God has given us a type of serenity I never knew existed...nothing has ever been as hard as this...but never has there been such peace in the midst. God can do amazing things in your life if you let him. I was bitter for a long time over many issues....the death of our first child and then learning that we would lose this one too...I was mad...and anger....God changed that in a matter of hours. Not all women will miscarry and have to do it be going through labor although after reading online it is very common...it was not what we expected our first child was not as far a long and was missed carried like a normal hard period with bad cramps...this was unlike any pain I have ever felt before....and longer then any I have been under....it was difficult and scary I didn't know what to expect or do...thank God James was there. We didn't want to go to a hospital because of policy...and how hurtful the Doctors often are also because I didn't want a D and C unless necessary.....I am glad that we had chosen to stay home...it was personal. and something happened between Me, James and God that I can not explain....in 12 hours all my anger was gone.....from losing our children and other life trials I had...a heavy burden was lifted.... and God granted me the serenity to accept the things I can not change... he gave me peace..and strength when I thought I would faint of pass out...from pain or being so tired.. In a since he healed years of pain and a brokenness that was in me. Never have I poured me heart out the way that I did today and never was thee such a peace and contentment. There was pain yes but there was joy.. in seeing my child although dead....I got closure going to a hospital would not have given me... and I saw such beauty in God and life...there was beauty in ashes to me. I thank God for the experience and the strength that it took. and the answer to our prayers. __________________ "The strength of the Wolf is the pack, The strength of the pack is the wolf"

06-07-2009, 05:10 PM	#3
LemonCheesecak Offline Silver Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: United Kingdom Gender: Male Age: 20 Posts: 427	I am deeply sorry for your loss, but am glad you are able to handle this as strongly as you are and found some solace in such dark times. __________________ Illusions, Dad! You don't have time for my illusions! I'm not above electroshock therapy or a full lobotomy to find an appropriate suitor - paintedfish

06-10-2009, 08:02 PM	#4
KG Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: 2 miles east of Hicksville Gender: Male Posts: 4,905	Hello, I cannot fathom the loss of a child, but hope that you are at peace through your religion. You and your husband are stronger than I. Be well....And ))HUGS((. KG __________________ Life is just a word until you go through it. I've got the scars to prove it.

06-07-2009, 04:58 PM	#2
annie24 Offline Super Moderator Join Date: Oct 2004 Age: 29 Posts: 26,814	hi - i am really sorry for your loss. i am sorry that you two had to go through this heartbreak. big hugs.

06-14-2009, 01:47 PM	#5
SamiJayne Offline Silver Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 595	I'm really sorry for your loss. My daughter died as well last November. She lasted 3 hours, and gave a good fight. I've suffered two miscarriages previously, but loosing her No one should ever have to deal with it. I found it helpful planting at her grave. So each week it looks beautiful, Maybe you can do the same? or have a little spot in your garden just for her. I also go to a group called Sands in England, No one likes to talk about Sophie anymore here, so I do enjoy having one night a month knowing people know exactly how I feel. And that it is important to talk about it xxx. Take care of yourself, and your husband. Your little Angels will be so proud of there Mummy and Daddy xxx