Guys: Pls decode this 'mystery'

MinziGirl · 06-07-2009, 10:49 AM

Speaking now of something which happened long ago & just came into my memory.

I once had a friend & i have lost that friendship many years ago because i have left a toothbrush & my shampoo in his toilet. We weren't in a relationship but since i was at his place very often, i figured that it would be more convienent to leave some of my 'essential' stuff there. Of course i did ask for his permission before i do that & he said it was ok.

Then the next day, i recieved a very cold shoudler & an email with just 3 sentences on it. It simply meant that he doesn't want to see me anymore & that includes even contacting him because he wants absolutely no more contact with me.

What is the big deal about a girl leaving toothbrushes or her stuff in your home? If she is a friend, it is ok, isn't it?

Or is there a hidden 'man's' thing about such things?

Then what is the meaning if a boyfriend of a girl starts leaving his stuff at her home or starts feeling comfortable leaving his stuff at hers? Does it mean that he is now very serious of her? If so, how serious?

Iakasot · 06-07-2009, 10:58 AM

I think I understand what happened. He was sexually attracted to you, you weren't attracted to him. The friendship was already hard on him, but he accepted that he had no chance with you. You leaving the tooth brush and stuff probably made his imagination run like crazy, thinking about you moving in as a girlfriend. If that happened to me, I probably wouldn't be able to take it. I'd feel like I would have all the responsibilities of a relationship without any of its benefits, like intimacy.

That's my take, and you should know that guys think similarly.

MinziGirl · 06-07-2009, 11:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Iakasot

I think I understand what happened. He was sexually attracted to you, you weren't attracted to him. The friendship was already hard on him, but he accepted that he had no chance with you. You leaving the tooth brush and stuff probably made his imagination run like crazy, thinking about you moving in as a girlfriend. If that happened to me, I probably wouldn't be able to take it. I'd feel like I would have all the responsibilities of a relationship without any of its benefits, like intimacy.

That's my take, and you should know that guys think similarly.

Hi Iakasot,

I was attracted to him.

Also, pls explain why you cannot take it. Do you feel like it is a kind of intrusion?

retired1 · 06-07-2009, 11:02 AM

I don't know. That would baffle me as well. This could be one of those mysteries that never get solved. **shrug**

Iakasot · 06-07-2009, 11:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MinziGirl

Hi Iakasot,

I was attracted to him.

Also, pls explain why you cannot take it. Do you feel like it is a kind of intrusion?

It's deleterious to my self esteem if a girl I'm not having sex with leaves stuff like that over, yes. I feel like it is disrespectful to me and my sexuality.

MinziGirl · 06-07-2009, 11:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Iakasot

It's deleterious to my self esteem if a girl I'm not having sex with leaves stuff like that over, yes. I feel like it is disrespectful to me and my sexuality.

At least i thought that we were very close to becoming a couple. That was why i did that.

I wanted to take it slow but all the signs were pointing to the fact that he was the one who just wanted to lay with me ;-9

Iakasot · 06-07-2009, 11:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MinziGirl

At least i thought that we were very close to becoming a couple. That was why i did that.

I wanted to take it slow but all the signs were pointing to the fact that he was the one who just wanted to lay with me ;-9

If he cut you out of his life like a cancer when you did that, he obviously cared about more than just getting laid. He wanted acceptance of his sexuality, and not a girl who automatically interprets his sexual desire as "you only want that". It's a fact of biology that men want sex more than women, but that's not all they want. We just don't want a relationship without sex, that wrecks our self esteem.

MinziGirl · 06-07-2009, 11:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Iakasot

If he cut you out of his life like a cancer when you did that, he obviously cared about more than just getting laid. He wanted acceptance of his sexuality, and not a girl who automatically interprets his sexual desire as "you only want that". It's a fact of biology that men want sex more than women, but that's not all they want. We just don't want a relationship without sex, that wrecks our self esteem.

One of the 3 sentences in that mail was: I like you still but i don't want any more contact with you.

Iakasot · 06-07-2009, 11:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MinziGirl

One of the 3 sentences in that mail was: I like you still but i don't want any more contact with you.

You don't get what that meant? He liked you, felt like he had no chance, and wanted to move on. He wanted to be alone so that he could stop liking you, because obviously he didn't like the fact that he liked you, and didn't want you leaving reminders of that at his place.

pinkelephant · 06-07-2009, 11:34 AM

that's so weird! if you say you were close to becoming a couple, he might have freaked out with commitment and the closeness??

06-07-2009, 10:49 AM	#1
MinziGirl Offline Silver Member Join Date: May 2002 Location: Somewhere over the rainbow Gender: Female Posts: 471	Guys: Pls decode this 'mystery' Speaking now of something which happened long ago & just came into my memory. I once had a friend & i have lost that friendship many years ago because i have left a toothbrush & my shampoo in his toilet. We weren't in a relationship but since i was at his place very often, i figured that it would be more convienent to leave some of my 'essential' stuff there. Of course i did ask for his permission before i do that & he said it was ok. Then the next day, i recieved a very cold shoudler & an email with just 3 sentences on it. It simply meant that he doesn't want to see me anymore & that includes even contacting him because he wants absolutely no more contact with me. What is the big deal about a girl leaving toothbrushes or her stuff in your home? If she is a friend, it is ok, isn't it? Or is there a hidden 'man's' thing about such things? Then what is the meaning if a boyfriend of a girl starts leaving his stuff at her home or starts feeling comfortable leaving his stuff at hers? Does it mean that he is now very serious of her? If so, how serious? __________________ Courtesy is for free and it is for you & me :-)

06-07-2009, 10:58 AM	#2
Iakasot Offline Silver Member Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: NY Gender: Male Age: 22 Posts: 360	I think I understand what happened. He was sexually attracted to you, you weren't attracted to him. The friendship was already hard on him, but he accepted that he had no chance with you. You leaving the tooth brush and stuff probably made his imagination run like crazy, thinking about you moving in as a girlfriend. If that happened to me, I probably wouldn't be able to take it. I'd feel like I would have all the responsibilities of a relationship without any of its benefits, like intimacy. That's my take, and you should know that guys think similarly. __________________ There's no worse rejection than by those that created the illusion of accepting you.

06-07-2009, 11:02 AM	#4
retired1 Offline Gold Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Where my hat is Gender: Male Age: 49 Posts: 581	I don't know. That would baffle me as well. This could be one of those mysteries that never get solved. shrug __________________ I drank WHAT?!!! -- Socrates

06-07-2009, 11:34 AM	#10
pinkelephant Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Lala land Gender: None Specified Posts: 2,615	that's so weird! if you say you were close to becoming a couple, he might have freaked out with commitment and the closeness??