how to deal with guys who makes last minute plans?

we've a tentative plan to get together Saturday, he paid last time, so I think it's ok I initiate this time, so I txted him around noon and confirm time, but he txted back that he doesn't know yet. so I told him to let me know later.

I know I'd let him plan three days ahead, if he doesn't, then I'll be busy... but I think that'll become a stressful game, esp. I really want to see him and I'm sure he still likes me too.

so how to deal with guys who always makes last minute plans (in another word, I'm not his top priority), I guess I've to date other guys and let everything fall in place?

thanks.

Never make someone a priority who considers you as merely an option. In other words, prioritize yourself, there are plenty of men who would be happy to make plans with you ahead of time.

I don't make myself available if this becomes a pattern. I won't answer the phone, say I'm going out, or simply say, "I'm sorry, I'm really not up for scrambling to get ready and run out the door right now". It's ok if they are being spontaneous, but if it's just plain hedging their bets, no, I won't tolerate that for long.

Yes - if you're not consistently available at the last minute, then he won't keep making last minute plans if he wants to see you.

You needn't approach it as a game - because then it WILL be painful for you - but if you really want to go out tonight, arrange something else. He may not be available later. And you may be stuck in alone when you could have been doing something else; depending on your situation, this could be depressing!

If he's playing games, this will completely scupper him. If he isn't, and genuinely has had something come up which has left him dangling, he'll understand. Just don't let someone control you like this.

By the way, have you ever read a rather good book called 'Why Men Marry * * * * * es'? Don't be put off by the title, it's not about being * * * * * y, but it does cover the issue raised in the original post, and similar ones.

Hope this helps!

By the way, when I put my post up, I realised it had automatically edited out the bit which described the female of the dog species.

we've a tentative plan to get together Saturday, he paid last time, so I think it's ok I initiate this time, so I txted him around noon and confirm time, but he txted back that he doesn't know yet. so I told him to let me know later.

None of this is good, IMO. Let's break it down:

we've a tentative plan to get together Saturday - Why is this? Would he not commit to plans with you? So, why would you keep your day open for him, when he can't bother to confirm you?

I think it's ok I initiate this time - so, now that he's showing signs of not being interested, you decide to pursue him, which obviously is making him run even faster.

I txted him around noon and confirm time, but he txted back that he doesn't know yet - again, more pursuit on your part, and he is showing HJNTIY

Hon, this is all SO simple, and I can't say it enough. If a guy is interested HE WILL CALL YOU. HE WILL ASK YOU OUT and HE WILL PLAN DATES.

This guy is clearly not interested. I'd pull way back and start dating others.

It does work to make plans - you'll find out PDQ how interested he really is. My ex stopped yelling at me and began moping and getting upset because I was always busy without him, but it was his own fault because I'd sat home for 3 years waiting for him to have time and I was awfully tired of my own living room because he'd have to cancel.

Don't end up like I did

As much as I hate to agree with this 'chase thing' I have to agree with the fact that you are chasing him and thats where you're going wrong. And I know guys always say it would be great if us women did the running but from experience they don't really like it, they get spooked by the attention, and do a runner.

If he wanted to see you he would make the effort first. Don't make the effort for him as all you will get is what you're getting now - a man who is 'running away' whilst making BS excuses.

Never make someone a priority who considers you as merely an option.

So well said^^^

fatcat, if you both made tentative plans for a Friday for example, I'd say "let me know by Thurs. morning or I will have other plans & won't be available"...

And even though you want to see him, if you haven't heard from him by the time line I would go ahead and make those other plans. It would be important to stick by what you say to him so he would know that he indeed won't see you if he can't decide.

That will tell you more about his non/interest level.

It's soooo unacceptable for you to wait out the entire day on the off chance that he may call. It is also insulting. Thirdly, it sends a message to him regarding how you feel within yourself & how you allow yourself to be treated...

I wish you well in this...

I see nothing wrong with her asking him out...he is not running away simply because she asked him out. A man who is truly interested in a woman does not get turned off or scared off if she takes the initiative. Only ambivalent men get turned off and insecure men get scared off..this would happen anyway even if the guy spent the whole first month initiating...because at a certain point a woman will start initiating as well..and if a man is the type that can't handle it from the beginning, he will not be able to handle it in the middle...why do you think a lot of male pursuers run the other way the minute the woman is hooked and starts feeling secure enough to be herself and not some demure, simpering being who waits for the guy to initiate. I also wonder why women think it is disgraceful and turns men off if they initiate but have no problems spreading their legs for the guy on the first or second date. Why is it simply calling a guy for a date is chasing but spreading your legs for him when you barely know him is something that women tell other women "well, if he likes you then it won't make a difference". I would say there is more on the line when women have sex with a guy early on than if they simply call a guy and say "how about going to a movie tonight". At any rate, in response to the OP...it is rude to keep someone dangling...when date plans are only tentative even right down to the day of the date..and a time is left up in the air, that should not be tolerated...I find that objectionable even from friends. If people want to see each other they make a definite plan and a definite time.

Funny, I posted a thread about that very thing...

Oh and IT DOES MATTER

.............................why don't you just ask him

................tell him your concern...............that would be pretty real....

.....you tell him when something he does concerns you, and see if he changes it for you, thats how you know if he likes you.

DOnt believe that B.S. about if a guy likes you he will always call, and he will make plans ( some guys dont make plans)\

Theres alot of lazy people in the world, who don;t become wedding planners once they fall in love

In fact most guys are not big plan makers, most guys could sit at home with the woman they like and have sex and watch a movie.....dinner is a hassle......

......so if your into t fine cuisine, like most woman, well ........your gonna be planning most of it, im guessing

So by nature most guys arent gonna be these big planners, there gonna let you set up that stuff.......which is cool with us, but we do change and do things to please the women we like.......then it gets into that whole, "i dont want to have to tell you to do it"..thing.

Well if you tell us you want something and we do it, that means we like you, alot

Just assume by nature guys do nothing and are content with it, If you want someone to be planning dinner and things, you outta ask, if he starts planning, he really likes you!!!

I mean he is going against his natural instinct of staying in and having sex and eating pizza, and anytime someone is going against the grain like that for just you, you know he is into you.

Exactly right. Spontaneity is great but shouldn't be used as an excuse to avoid putting in the minimal effort to make advance plans - the spontaneity can be what to do on the date, once you have a specific day and time. It depends on your priorities - if your priority is to see him at any cost, then be Last Minute Girl (but you won't be "bring home to meet mom, girl" most likely). If your priority is a relationship based on respect then very nicely tell him each time he won't make actual plans "thanks for the offer but if I don't hear from you by ___ day I'll assume you can't make it" or "thanks for calling but I already have plans, hopefully we can reschedule."

Do NOT take this as an opportunity to 'teach" or "lecture" as to how to be reliable or courteous (or how to court you). If he is an adult with a job or is in school, he knows how to be reliable and make plans and he will be motivated to do so if he is sufficiently interested in you and if he sees by your actions (not by any lecturing) that you are not available last minute.

thanks guys, I've called my friend and we're going out for dinner later. Gosh, guys always bails on me, friends are always there.

considering all the signals he's sending me, (he didn't confirm our tentative plan last week, no attention any more after I told him I want to take it slow physically, plus I sensed from the beginning he's not taking that much interest in me as a person) I'm moving on, damn it hurts no matter what.but if he ever calls, I'll let him know our schedule won't work out and I wish him good luck.

ps.ATL, he was making plans at the beginning, so no, no man is lazy if they're interested.

[...]

ps.ATL, he was making plans at the beginning, so no, no man is lazy if they're interested.

Besides, who wants to date a lazy guy?

Insecure girls who'll do pretzels for them.

Perfect match for one another; just doesn't sound like our OP.

I had talked to this guy online. He seemed cute, interesting, seemed "interested" in me.

Said, he was goin to be free on Saturday and we shud try do something then. I told him I had to work part of Saturday, but let him know I was free after 6 pm.

well, Earlier, he suggested we go hike somewhere..

I did mention some places in TOWN we could go walk and some clubs we cud go to. But i was not going to go walk out in the woods with some guy I just met.. that's stupid....

So.. thinking we are ON for Saturday, I contacted him Friday and tell him, yeah, Saturday sounds good.

I sent him 3 e-mails... I had his phone no and talked to him once.. but then I couldnt' get a hold of him at all and left a voice mail.

Then he claims he does NOT have a computer, though over the telephone, he's just told me, yeah, he has his OWN computer but must hook it up to his friend's connections.....

Oh, please, spare me the BS!

well, after THREE e-mails.. and not being able to reach him, I sent him an e-mail saying I was nto sure if there was something wrong with his computer or e-mail, but I was not hearing from him, so was not sure he was just not interested.

I never said I was NOT interested, but today I get online and see him online and say hi..

Earlier he sent me an e-mail saying well, guess us meeting us was not meant to be or something....

I'm thinking * * * ??? If he was SO darn eager to meet me, then and tells me we'll meet on Saturday, then why not check your e-mails and make some kind of arrangements??

Now, he's like well, I gotta help my friends at the house I'm at study for exam on Tueday! I'm like WHAT??? I DOUBT anyone still is in School at this late date.. esp.. someone in College. All the college kids in this area, are already out of school!

He's in his mid-to late 30s, but has mentioned he was dating some college girl, back in his hometown.

He's from out of state, but is visiting his friends here in my area.

Now, I think he's just full of it, and all he wanted to do was trade photos. I did not really send him anything... and it is for this type of reason.

I hate these guys who CLAIM they are SO interested in getting together, but it's like pulling teeth and then they just shine you on, when you try to get a set time you can meet.

Well, I'm just getting disgusted with the guys in this town. They are ALL so FULL of CRAP!

He's claiming he'll be back in town on Thursday and we'll get together then, maybe even "just for coffee"..

well, I'm not even going to turn on my computer Thursday! What a waste of time this guy is!!

This is the only kind of guy I seem to meet lately! Either they are unattractive as hell, and WANT to date me, or they are fickle and inconsiderate as HELL!

Maybe I shud just leave town to meet someone. The town guys here suck!

You know what I'm thinking of doing? Just blocking him from my IM! hehe.. that would serve him right.. that's IF he even bothers to try contact me..

I think he's a jerk at this point.... and NOT really worth my time.