how to deal with guys who makes last minute plans?

[fatcat1999]

we've a tentative plan to get together Saturday, he paid last time, so I think it's ok I initiate this time, so I txted him around noon and confirm time, but he txted back that he doesn't know yet. so I told him to let me know later.

I know I'd let him plan three days ahead, if he doesn't, then I'll be busy... but I think that'll become a stressful game, esp. I really want to see him and I'm sure he still likes me too.

so how to deal with guys who always makes last minute plans (in another word, I'm not his top priority), I guess I've to date other guys and let everything fall in place?

thanks.

[waveseer]

Never make someone a priority who considers you as merely an option. In other words, prioritize yourself, there are plenty of men who would be happy to make plans with you ahead of time.

[COtuner]

I don't make myself available if this becomes a pattern. I won't answer the phone, say I'm going out, or simply say, "I'm sorry, I'm really not up for scrambling to get ready and run out the door right now". It's ok if they are being spontaneous, but if it's just plain hedging their bets, no, I won't tolerate that for long.

[nutbrownhare]

Yes - if you're not consistently available at the last minute, then he won't keep making last minute plans if he wants to see you.

You needn't approach it as a game - because then it WILL be painful for you - but if you really want to go out tonight, arrange something else. He may not be available later. And you may be stuck in alone when you could have been doing something else; depending on your situation, this could be depressing!

If he's playing games, this will completely scupper him. If he isn't, and genuinely has had something come up which has left him dangling, he'll understand. Just don't let someone control you like this.

By the way, have you ever read a rather good book called 'Why Men Marry * * * * * es'? Don't be put off by the title, it's not about being * * * * * y, but it does cover the issue raised in the original post, and similar ones.

Hope this helps!

By the way, when I put my post up, I realised it had automatically edited out the bit which described the female of the dog species.

[Ariel85]

we've a tentative plan to get together Saturday, he paid last time, so I think it's ok I initiate this time, so I txted him around noon and confirm time, but he txted back that he doesn't know yet. so I told him to let me know later.

None of this is good, IMO. Let's break it down:

we've a tentative plan to get together Saturday - Why is this? Would he not commit to plans with you? So, why would you keep your day open for him, when he can't bother to confirm you?

I think it's ok I initiate this time - so, now that he's showing signs of not being interested, you decide to pursue him, which obviously is making him run even faster.

I txted him around noon and confirm time, but he txted back that he doesn't know yet - again, more pursuit on your part, and he is showing HJNTIY

Hon, this is all SO simple, and I can't say it enough. If a guy is interested HE WILL CALL YOU. HE WILL ASK YOU OUT and HE WILL PLAN DATES.

This guy is clearly not interested. I'd pull way back and start dating others.

[COtuner]

It does work to make plans - you'll find out PDQ how interested he really is. My ex stopped yelling at me and began moping and getting upset because I was always busy without him, but it was his own fault because I'd sat home for 3 years waiting for him to have time and I was awfully tired of my own living room because he'd have to cancel.

Don't end up like I did

[amipushy]

As much as I hate to agree with this 'chase thing' I have to agree with the fact that you are chasing him and thats where you're going wrong. And I know guys always say it would be great if us women did the running but from experience they don't really like it, they get spooked by the attention, and do a runner.

If he wanted to see you he would make the effort first. Don't make the effort for him as all you will get is what you're getting now - a man who is 'running away' whilst making BS excuses.

[Maya_A]

Never make someone a priority who considers you as merely an option.

So well said^^^

fatcat, if you both made tentative plans for a Friday for example, I'd say "let me know by Thurs. morning or I will have other plans & won't be available"...

And even though you want to see him, if you haven't heard from him by the time line I would go ahead and make those other plans. It would be important to stick by what you say to him so he would know that he indeed won't see you if he can't decide.

That will tell you more about his non/interest level.

It's soooo unacceptable for you to wait out the entire day on the off chance that he may call. It is also insulting. Thirdly, it sends a message to him regarding how you feel within yourself & how you allow yourself to be treated...

I wish you well in this...

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I see nothing wrong with her asking him out...he is not running away simply because she asked him out. A man who is truly interested in a woman does not get turned off or scared off if she takes the initiative. Only ambivalent men get turned off and insecure men get scared off..this would happen anyway even if the guy spent the whole first month initiating...because at a certain point a woman will start initiating as well..and if a man is the type that can't handle it from the beginning, he will not be able to handle it in the middle...why do you think a lot of male pursuers run the other way the minute the woman is hooked and starts feeling secure enough to be herself and not some demure, simpering being who waits for the guy to initiate. I also wonder why women think it is disgraceful and turns men off if they initiate but have no problems spreading their legs for the guy on the first or second date. Why is it simply calling a guy for a date is chasing but spreading your legs for him when you barely know him is something that women tell other women "well, if he likes you then it won't make a difference". I would say there is more on the line when women have sex with a guy early on than if they simply call a guy and say "how about going to a movie tonight". At any rate, in response to the OP...it is rude to keep someone dangling...when date plans are only tentative even right down to the day of the date..and a time is left up in the air, that should not be tolerated...I find that objectionable even from friends. If people want to see each other they make a definite plan and a definite time.

[amipushy]

I see nothing wrong with her asking him out...he is not running away simply because she asked him out. A man who is truly interested in a woman does not get turned off or scared off if she takes the initiative. Only ambivalent men get turned off and insecure men get scared off..this would happen anyway even if the guy spent the whole first month initiating...because at a certain point a woman will start initiating as well..and if a man is the type that can't handle it from the beginning, he will not be able to handle it in the middle...why do you think a lot of male pursuers run the other way the minute the woman is hooked and starts feeling secure enough to be herself and not some demure, simpering being who waits for the guy to initiate. I also wonder why women think it is disgraceful and turns men off if they initiate but have no problems spreading their legs for the guy on the first or second date. Why is it simply calling a guy for a date is chasing but spreading your legs for him when you barely know him is something that women tell other women "well, if he likes you then it won't make a difference". I would say there is more on the line when women have sex with a guy early on than if they simply call a guy and say "how about going to a movie tonight".

Funny, I posted a thread about that very thing...

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