Can people look past initial beauty?

Knotty · 05-29-2009, 02:25 PM

If you find someone totally physically hot can you look past that and get to know them, or are your thoughts dominated by their looks thereby making it impossible to see their other qualities?

This is what I've noticed with myself. If I see a woman that is good looking but not totally hot, then I think to myself: I'm attracted to her, she might be nice, if I got to know her I may like her or not. But if I see a totally hot woman, then I have a hard time seeing past that initially. It's like my brain can't focus on the other things and see past that. I also tend to assume that she's probably not smart or has a great personality. I know that sounds bad. But it's more like I just think less about those possibly qualities if I know she is hot. This is all before I know anything about her and haven't talked to her. It's like I have an initial bias going against her which I know isn't fair. Of course, if I get past the initial impression and get to know her, then I will see the other qualities, but I may never get to that point because of the initial thoughts and bias.

I'm not sure if I'm explaining this well.

Does this happen with women when they see hot men? Can they look past the physical? Do they assume that he must not be too smart/nice if he looks hot or athletic?

So if someone is beautiful (man or woman) is it I'd like to get physical/sexual with them and if they are nice I'd want a relationship. But with someone less attractive initially it's I'd like to get to know them and if they are nice I'd like a relationship that is physical/sexual?

Cognitive_Canine · 05-29-2009, 02:34 PM

I'll admit, I'm really bad at figuring out people when I first meet them. I always get them way wrong. I have no idea why I'm so bad at it.

However, it hasn't hurt me really. I do tend to stay real quiet when I meet someone new so that I can figure them out before I open my big mouth.

Catdancer · 05-29-2009, 02:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Knotty

So if someone is beautiful (man or woman) is it I'd like to get physical/sexual with them and if they are nice I'd want a relationship. But with someone less attractive initially it's I'd like to get to know them and if they are nice I'd like a relationship that is physical/sexual?

This is how it is for me. I was attracted to my bf immediately and I wanted to have sex with him. For others that arent so great looking, I wait to get to know them and see if that big attraction comes later.

paintedfish · 05-29-2009, 02:58 PM

Eh, in my first year of college I dated probably one of the best looking guys I've ever seen in my life. I got all excited when he first contacted me through facebook, but I had no idea who he was. He had found my name and searched me out obsessively till he found me. We dated for a month and a half, and his looks were just a perk. A really NICE perk, but they weren't that important, even from the beginning. I liked him because we read the same books, he has traveled everywhere, played piano beautifully, had a life goal of being a pediatrician,loved animals, etc. Wonderful guy on paper. He started telling me about how he broke a girl's collarbone because he was a wrestler and thought girls should be put in their place if they were trying to compete with men, got kicked off the football team for yelling racial slurs and fighting some guy who was black, and saying nasty things about a gay pride rally at my school. He had fabulous qualities, and some abhorrent ones. His looks only made me more sexually attracted to him, and surprised that he would have any interest me. The shock wore off very quickly, probably right after I found out who he was, and I got to know him and liked his personality regardless of what he looked like.

Kaiser_Soze · 05-29-2009, 03:14 PM

I have never thought of it in that way. For me when I meet a girl I am either attracted to her or not. Sex is always on my mind, but, not clouding my judgement. That must suck for you,because you are also not in turn able to be your ginuine self to the really "hot" women. You would probably see that looks rarely have any definate effect on personality.

COtuner · 05-29-2009, 03:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Knotty

If you find someone totally physically hot can you look past that and get to know them, or are your thoughts dominated by their looks thereby making it impossible to see their other qualities?

This is what I've noticed with myself. If I see a woman that is good looking but not totally hot, then I think to myself: I'm attracted to her, she might be nice, if I got to know her I may like her or not. But if I see a totally hot woman, then I have a hard time seeing past that initially. It's like my brain can't focus on the other things and see past that. I also tend to assume that she's probably not smart or has a great personality. I know that sounds bad. But it's more like I just think less about those possibly qualities if I know she is hot. This is all before I know anything about her and haven't talked to her. It's like I have an initial bias going against her which I know isn't fair. Of course, if I get past the initial impression and get to know her, then I will see the other qualities, but I may never get to that point because of the initial thoughts and bias.

I'm not sure if I'm explaining this well.

Does this happen with women when they see hot men? Can they look past the physical? Do they assume that he must not be too smart/nice if he looks hot or athletic?

So if someone is beautiful (man or woman) is it I'd like to get physical/sexual with them and if they are nice I'd want a relationship. But with someone less attractive initially it's I'd like to get to know them and if they are nice I'd like a relationship that is physical/sexual?

I tend to assume a really "hot" guy has nothing in common with me and I actually lose interest within minutes most of the time. They might be nice to glance at while they are around, but I'd have to be friends with a "hot" guy first before I'd honestly think about dating possibilities.

Now a handsome, attractive man (not the same as "hot" to me).. if he has a decent personality and is intelligent, it can be up to a month or two before I simmer down enough to start really paying attention to incompatibilities, things I don't like about them, character, etc.

Sweet Venus · 05-29-2009, 03:31 PM

I have often if this is how guys view women...I guess in this case it is.
I think it works both ways for the most part....physical attractiveness is the 'draw"..
then you decide if that person has OTHER qualities that will make you want to stick around. For ME I'd take an average looking guy over a "hot" guy anyday so as long as he treated me well and made me laugh. A sense of humor will outlast looks and "hotness" by a long shot. Seriously......good looks are SO fleeting in the big scheme of things. What if you dated someone based on their "hotness" and they gained 50 lbs....or god forbid got
disfigured or disabled due to an accident?? There HAS to be substance behind ANY meaningful relationship.

Mousty · 05-29-2009, 03:48 PM

All the dates I've been on with "really hot guys" have been total disasters.
Now I'm biasied I guess...

Kaiser_Soze · 05-29-2009, 04:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mousty

All the dates I've been on with "really hot guys" have been total disasters.
Now I'm biasied I guess...

How much of this can be related to initial expectations. A guy or girl may be extremely fit and appear very active and healthy,and be just plain boring. I have a buddy that is by conventional standards very attractive, 6'2" broad shoulders, in really good shape, he looks like a Men's Health model. He is soo freakin shy and timid that he rarely ever gets a date. I am the opposite, I am average looking, very confident and extremely outgoing and find it easy to talk to people and make them laugh. I always thought my success in dating was because I didn't go in with all of the stress and pressure of romantic expectations. When everyone is just being themselves without expectations or motives you get a much better picture of compatibility.

ghost69 · 05-29-2009, 05:32 PM

most girls that think i'm hot think i'm a player/jerk. then they talk to me. yes, they have told me they jumped to a conclusion about me and my look.

05-29-2009, 02:25 PM	#1
Knotty Offline Silver Member Join Date: May 2009 Location: CA Gender: Male Age: 39 Posts: 440	Can people look past initial beauty? If you find someone totally physically hot can you look past that and get to know them, or are your thoughts dominated by their looks thereby making it impossible to see their other qualities? This is what I've noticed with myself. If I see a woman that is good looking but not totally hot, then I think to myself: I'm attracted to her, she might be nice, if I got to know her I may like her or not. But if I see a totally hot woman, then I have a hard time seeing past that initially. It's like my brain can't focus on the other things and see past that. I also tend to assume that she's probably not smart or has a great personality. I know that sounds bad. But it's more like I just think less about those possibly qualities if I know she is hot. This is all before I know anything about her and haven't talked to her. It's like I have an initial bias going against her which I know isn't fair. Of course, if I get past the initial impression and get to know her, then I will see the other qualities, but I may never get to that point because of the initial thoughts and bias. I'm not sure if I'm explaining this well. Does this happen with women when they see hot men? Can they look past the physical? Do they assume that he must not be too smart/nice if he looks hot or athletic? So if someone is beautiful (man or woman) is it I'd like to get physical/sexual with them and if they are nice I'd want a relationship. But with someone less attractive initially it's I'd like to get to know them and if they are nice I'd like a relationship that is physical/sexual?

05-29-2009, 02:58 PM	#4
paintedfish Offline Silver Member Join Date: Apr 2007 Gender: Female Age: 21 Posts: 419	Eh, in my first year of college I dated probably one of the best looking guys I've ever seen in my life. I got all excited when he first contacted me through facebook, but I had no idea who he was. He had found my name and searched me out obsessively till he found me. We dated for a month and a half, and his looks were just a perk. A really NICE perk, but they weren't that important, even from the beginning. I liked him because we read the same books, he has traveled everywhere, played piano beautifully, had a life goal of being a pediatrician,loved animals, etc. Wonderful guy on paper. He started telling me about how he broke a girl's collarbone because he was a wrestler and thought girls should be put in their place if they were trying to compete with men, got kicked off the football team for yelling racial slurs and fighting some guy who was black, and saying nasty things about a gay pride rally at my school. He had fabulous qualities, and some abhorrent ones. His looks only made me more sexually attracted to him, and surprised that he would have any interest me. The shock wore off very quickly, probably right after I found out who he was, and I got to know him and liked his personality regardless of what he looked like. __________________ Once my friend told me that he had found Jesus. I thought to myself, "WooHoo, we're rich!" It turns out he meant something different. "I'll sit in my cave with my campfire and my Myspace and grunt." - Lemoncheecak

05-29-2009, 03:31 PM	#7
Sweet Venus Offline Gold Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Posts: 599	I have often if this is how guys view women...I guess in this case it is. I think it works both ways for the most part....physical attractiveness is the 'draw".. then you decide if that person has OTHER qualities that will make you want to stick around. For ME I'd take an average looking guy over a "hot" guy anyday so as long as he treated me well and made me laugh. A sense of humor will outlast looks and "hotness" by a long shot. Seriously......good looks are SO fleeting in the big scheme of things. What if you dated someone based on their "hotness" and they gained 50 lbs....or god forbid got disfigured or disabled due to an accident?? There HAS to be substance behind ANY meaningful relationship. __________________ "What you do speaks so loud I cannot hear a word you say" "When I do good, I feel good, when I do bad I feel bad, that's my religion"

05-29-2009, 03:48 PM	#8
Mousty Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Quebec Gender: Female Age: 24 Posts: 2,689	All the dates I've been on with "really hot guys" have been total disasters. Now I'm biasied I guess... __________________ Watching her little baby grow everyday.

05-29-2009, 05:32 PM	#10
ghost69 Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Desert Gender: Male Posts: 33,444	most girls that think i'm hot think i'm a player/jerk. then they talk to me. yes, they have told me they jumped to a conclusion about me and my look. __________________ Not only am I friendly, but I'm invisible too. Too perfect of a relationship is too weird-g69 If you say you are normal, I'd think you are weird-g69 The world can only get better, it depends on how you look at it-g69 'As wicked as you are, you're beautiful to me'-5fingerdeathpunch you cannot control the world, you can only live in it the best you can for you-g69 NooOoOoooOOoOoOoooooo

05-29-2009, 02:34 PM	#2
Cognitive_Canine Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Somewhere over the rainbow Gender: Female Posts: 11,351	I'll admit, I'm really bad at figuring out people when I first meet them. I always get them way wrong. I have no idea why I'm so bad at it. However, it hasn't hurt me really. I do tend to stay real quiet when I meet someone new so that I can figure them out before I open my big mouth.

05-29-2009, 03:14 PM	#5
Kaiser_Soze Offline Silver Member Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: California Age: 31 Posts: 374	I have never thought of it in that way. For me when I meet a girl I am either attracted to her or not. Sex is always on my mind, but, not clouding my judgement. That must suck for you,because you are also not in turn able to be your ginuine self to the really "hot" women. You would probably see that looks rarely have any definate effect on personality.