Understanding Prenups

complexlove · 05-22-2009, 01:18 AM

Girlfriend and I begun to talk about marriage. She wants to get a prenup and keep her own name (that's another issue). I believe in the more traditional marriage, woman takes the mans name, and no need for prenup. Her reason is that her parents had a nasty divorce and always argued about finances.

I'm not completely closed-minded, but I'm not making a decision without fully understanding what a prenup is. From what the gf describes, it seems all financial related things are kept seperate, and when there are expenses that need paying (ie bills, food, vacations, children expenses, mortgage, etc), we contribute equally from our seperate financial sources. That to me is not a marriage, but rather, a roommate situation or bf/gf status which is basically what we're already doing now without the kids.

Is this true? What happens if one person is a stay-at-home parent?

**melrich** · 05-22-2009, 01:25 AM

I am not sure about where you live but I am reasonably sure that a pre-nup will not extend into your marriage like that. Really all a pre-nup is there for is to protect the financial intertests you came into the marriage with.

For example if you own 2 houses and are getting married to someone with no assets, the prenup would attempt to specifiy what her rights or otherwise were in relation to those houses.

Income earnt and assets obtained during the marriage are generally seen as products of the marriage with an element of joint ownership.

Keyman · 05-22-2009, 01:28 AM

Prenup stands for pre-nuptuals or 'before marriage'. And is generally relating to what holdings and assets you have prior to getting married. Although these days, who knows. Its a contact that could potentially be extended into the marriage itself.

I agree that what you are describing doesn't sound like a marriage, but some do happen this way these days.

DN · 05-22-2009, 01:39 AM

[Only registered and activated users can see links. ]

thejigsup · 05-22-2009, 01:54 AM

Besides tradition, just why do we women have to take the man's name (which half the time isn't as nice as ours). Why don't you men take OUR name. Of course, you would lose a good deal of your identity if you did that, but so do we. Do we become property or something? As far as a prenup goes, my bf is a family law attorney and guys without a prenup get taken to the cleaners if and when there is a divorce. She is protecting YOU, because in divorce, the court generally gives the wife mucho bucks. Unless there is a prenup in place, of course. Prenups are legal agreements as to who keeps what in case of a divorce after marriage.

complexlove · 05-22-2009, 02:18 AM

The wiki link has too much lawyer mumbo jumble for me to understand. But one thing i got from it is simply that a prenup is an agreement you make before getting married. Meaning that its not necessary with regards to assets you gained before marriage, you can also specify to agree on how future assets are split.

thejigsup: why does the wife get mucho bucks and not 50/50? With prenup, what happens if one spouse makes significantly more, or if one is stay-at-home and does not directly make money?

As for taking the name, I would like to know more about your perspective. I wouldn't mind that she keeps her own name, but I would not take hers. Did you keep your name? What about childrens' last name? Who's do they take?

DropToZero · 05-22-2009, 02:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by complexlove

Girlfriend and I begun to talk about marriage. She wants to get a prenup and keep her own name (that's another issue). I believe in the more traditional marriage, woman takes the mans name, and no need for prenup. Her reason is that her parents had a nasty divorce and always argued about finances.

I'm not completely closed-minded, but I'm not making a decision without fully understanding what a prenup is. From what the gf describes, it seems all financial related things are kept seperate, and when there are expenses that need paying (ie bills, food, vacations, children expenses, mortgage, etc), we contribute equally from our seperate financial sources. That to me is not a marriage, but rather, a roommate situation or bf/gf status which is basically what we're already doing now without the kids.

Is this true? What happens if one person is a stay-at-home parent?

If you think you need a pre-nup and she's all about her keeping her name, you shouldn't be getting married... that simple.

Marriage is about the fusing of two souls(and God) literally within into one... God is the glue that keeps you together in your marriage... and it's a covenant, not a contract... this is not business, which is why there should be no reason for pre-nups. If you want to run a business, where you say -this is yours and -this is mine, you go do that... your marriage will fail because you're shooting it in the foot to begin with by not realizing that everything becomes OURS, not yours and mine. Divorce and pre-nups made this a business, it's not a business, it's a damn life promise unless circumstances are beyond reasonable(meaning someone's cheating or being beaten on, etc.. of that stature)... it gave people an -out- and it's ridiculus what the modern U.S. family has become these days.

If you don't agree on finances now, then you won't agree on finances when you're married... you're better off not getting married if you can't agree on that. Theres 4 things people must agree on getting married or it's going to be a rough ride downhill 1) money 2)kids 3) religion/faith 4) in-laws

complexlove · 05-22-2009, 02:25 AM

^ i completely agree with DropToZero, accept for the God part, I'm not a religious man.

DN · 05-22-2009, 02:42 AM

The problem is that although the marriage service says 'that which God has joined together let no man put asunder" is that people do put them asunder nonetheless. And that is why people want pre-nups.

d24 · 05-22-2009, 03:26 AM

i dont have a pre-nup, but i do have a deed of trust stating that if my fiancee and i split up, the house is mine despite her living there and contributing to the bills/mortgage. she was VERY unhappy about that, but the long and short of it was it was was either that, or she can stay in her own place.

prenups and agreements are a very dangerous and touchy subject - and are generally nullified within 2 years due to circumstance changes, relationship development and money grabbing lawyers.

also re: the God thing
Marriage doesn't have to be about God all the time, there's such things as civil ceremonies (or other non/pseudo/alternative religious activities for marriage) where the concept is that two people are bound together without reference to God(s)

05-22-2009, 01:18 AM	#1
complexlove Offline Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Posts: 20	Understanding Prenups Girlfriend and I begun to talk about marriage. She wants to get a prenup and keep her own name (that's another issue). I believe in the more traditional marriage, woman takes the mans name, and no need for prenup. Her reason is that her parents had a nasty divorce and always argued about finances. I'm not completely closed-minded, but I'm not making a decision without fully understanding what a prenup is. From what the gf describes, it seems all financial related things are kept seperate, and when there are expenses that need paying (ie bills, food, vacations, children expenses, mortgage, etc), we contribute equally from our seperate financial sources. That to me is not a marriage, but rather, a roommate situation or bf/gf status which is basically what we're already doing now without the kids. Is this true? What happens if one person is a stay-at-home parent?

05-22-2009, 01:28 AM	#3
Keyman Offline Gold Member Join Date: May 2008 Location: Brisbane, Australia Gender: Male Age: 38 Posts: 971	Prenup stands for pre-nuptuals or 'before marriage'. And is generally relating to what holdings and assets you have prior to getting married. Although these days, who knows. Its a contact that could potentially be extended into the marriage itself. I agree that what you are describing doesn't sound like a marriage, but some do happen this way these days. __________________ Now Blogging at: http://www.keymanrelates.wordpress.com

05-22-2009, 01:39 AM	#4
DN Offline Super Moderator Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Ontario, Canada Gender: Male Posts: 23,441	[Only registered and activated users can see links. ] __________________ Immaturity is not defined by him not doing what you want him to do. Hartman's Law of Prescriptivist Retaliation: "any article or statement about correct grammar, punctuation, or spelling is bound to contain at least one eror".

05-22-2009, 02:42 AM	#9
DN Offline Super Moderator Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Ontario, Canada Gender: Male Posts: 23,441	The problem is that although the marriage service says 'that which God has joined together let no man put asunder" is that people do put them asunder nonetheless. And that is why people want pre-nups. __________________ Immaturity is not defined by him not doing what you want him to do. Hartman's Law of Prescriptivist Retaliation: "any article or statement about correct grammar, punctuation, or spelling is bound to contain at least one eror".

05-22-2009, 03:26 AM	#10
d24 Offline Platinum Member Join Date: May 2007 Location: UK Gender: Male Age: 25 Posts: 1,064	i dont have a pre-nup, but i do have a deed of trust stating that if my fiancee and i split up, the house is mine despite her living there and contributing to the bills/mortgage. she was VERY unhappy about that, but the long and short of it was it was was either that, or she can stay in her own place. prenups and agreements are a very dangerous and touchy subject - and are generally nullified within 2 years due to circumstance changes, relationship development and money grabbing lawyers. also re: the God thing Marriage doesn't have to be about God all the time, there's such things as civil ceremonies (or other non/pseudo/alternative religious activities for marriage) where the concept is that two people are bound together without reference to God(s) __________________ "You act as though you haven't seen trees bow to an unborn child before?"

05-22-2009, 01:25 AM	#2
melrich Offline Super Moderator Join Date: Jul 2003 Gender: Male Posts: 8,501	I am not sure about where you live but I am reasonably sure that a pre-nup will not extend into your marriage like that. Really all a pre-nup is there for is to protect the financial intertests you came into the marriage with. For example if you own 2 houses and are getting married to someone with no assets, the prenup would attempt to specifiy what her rights or otherwise were in relation to those houses. Income earnt and assets obtained during the marriage are generally seen as products of the marriage with an element of joint ownership.

05-22-2009, 01:54 AM	#5
thejigsup Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Los Angeles, CA Gender: Female Age: 53 Posts: 4,127	Besides tradition, just why do we women have to take the man's name (which half the time isn't as nice as ours). Why don't you men take OUR name. Of course, you would lose a good deal of your identity if you did that, but so do we. Do we become property or something? As far as a prenup goes, my bf is a family law attorney and guys without a prenup get taken to the cleaners if and when there is a divorce. She is protecting YOU, because in divorce, the court generally gives the wife mucho bucks. Unless there is a prenup in place, of course. Prenups are legal agreements as to who keeps what in case of a divorce after marriage.

05-22-2009, 02:18 AM	#6
complexlove Offline Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Posts: 20	The wiki link has too much lawyer mumbo jumble for me to understand. But one thing i got from it is simply that a prenup is an agreement you make before getting married. Meaning that its not necessary with regards to assets you gained before marriage, you can also specify to agree on how future assets are split. thejigsup: why does the wife get mucho bucks and not 50/50? With prenup, what happens if one spouse makes significantly more, or if one is stay-at-home and does not directly make money? As for taking the name, I would like to know more about your perspective. I wouldn't mind that she keeps her own name, but I would not take hers. Did you keep your name? What about childrens' last name? Who's do they take?

05-22-2009, 02:25 AM	#8
complexlove Offline Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Posts: 20	^ i completely agree with DropToZero, accept for the God part, I'm not a religious man.