Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 19
  1. #1
    Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Posts
    14

    Using LOA to get your ex back

    I found this article on another forum. It might help you, guys if you believe in the law of attraction. At least it would help you to love and treat yourself better.
    ****************************

    Now, you can get over an ex in a couple of different ways...

    METHOD 1) Nurse the wound: This is the option a lot of people choose. They become "stuck". The breakup becomes the central issue in their lives. They become depressed, ask "why", wonder why they weren't "good enough".

    People who take the "nurse the wound" route either talk to everyone about it...all the time, or they become isolated and withdrawn. They keep entertaining memories and thoughts of getting back together with their ex. They put their ex on a pedestal and feel emotionally and psychologically inferior to him or her. Oftentimes these people fall victim to the myth of "my one true love" or the idea of a single solitary "soulmate".

    Oftentimes, these people will lie to themselves and want to "remain friends" with their ex, although their ulterior motive is to try to "win back" the affections of their ex.

    This route often leads to a long and drawn out recovery that erodes one's self-esteem and can include therapy, or anti-depressants (I have NO problem with therapy or anti-depressants). The person's work or studies suffers. Ironically, the duration, and the measures one takes when "nursing the wound" becomes more depressing and damaging to self-esteem than the breakup itself. because it can make one feel that they "can't handle" it by themselves.

    We all have taken this route at least once in response to a breakup.

    METHOD 2) I call the second method "CUT THE DAMNED LEG OFF, DOC!"

    This is the quickest, and least psychologically damaging way to get over the pain. But it's the harder method in the short term.

    I won't lie...I could explain all of the ins and outs of what's going on with someone internally during a breakup.

    We can talk about such things as "defeat stress" and "fait accompli jealousy". We go into detail about how you've been "projecting" certain traits onto your ex-lover that you actually possess yourself but don't want to admit. We can talk about how you've subconsciously superimposed your lover over a mate "archetype". I'd be happy to talk about the neurochemistry of love and how phenylethylanine, dopamine and oxytocin combined with low levels of serotonin are the prime culprits of your current state of emotional upheaval.

    And you know what? All of this painful and masochistic behavior probably IS motivated in SOME WAY by your parents! Even if you think they were great!

    But...so what? All of this understanding won't help you one bit. Because you can know how the flu works backwards and forwards, but it still doesn't make the flu any easier to have, does it?

    Now, method 1 is easier in the short term. I have done both and can say so from personal experience. Method 2 is for those who REALLY want to FEEL BETTER...QUICKER.

    Method 2 is ALSO for those who done the nursing thing enough and know that they aren't getting anywhere.

    DISCLAIMER: WHAT THIS METHOD IS NOT...

    1) IT AIN'T EASY!
    2) I DO PROMISE "EASIER" IN THE LONG RUN
    3) IT IS QUICKER, BUT IN THE END, HOW QUICK ULTIMATELY DEPENDS ON YOU!
    4) IT IS NOT A "GET OUT OF JAIL FREE CARD" FROM THE HURT.
    5) IT IS NOT A BACKDOOR WAY TO GET YOUR EX BACK
    6) IT IS NOT A "PITY PARTY".

    THE OBJECTIVES:

    MY GOAL IS TO COMPLETELY COME BACK UNTO MYSELF & FALL OUT OF LOVE WITH MY EX.

    I WILL NOT INDULGE ANY SILLY CONCEPT OF "HOPE" THAT MY EX WILL WANT TO GET BACK TOGETHER. THE ONLY "HOPE" THAT MATTERS IS THE "TRUE HOPE" FOR MY FUTURE HAPPINESS AND THAT I WILL EVENTUALLY FIND LOVE AGAIN.

    I WILL FACE THE FOLLOWING RIDICULOUS FEARS AND PARANOID DELUSIONS HEAD ON AND EXPOSE THEM AS BEING UNTRUE:

    "I won't be happy again"
    "I won't find love again"
    "I will be alone"
    "without my ex life is meaningless"
    "without romantic love life has no purpose"
    "Who would want me? I'm unlovable"
    "If my ex didn't want me, then something must be wrong with me"
    "abandonment is insufferable"
    "rejection & jealousy is insufferable"

    I WILL ALTOGETHER ELIMINATE ANY UNNECESSARY PSYCHIC & EMOTIONAL ENERGY ON HIM/HER. AT THE END OF MY PROGRAM, I WILL NO LONGER THINK ABOUT MY EX AND IF I DO, THEY WILL CARRY NO EMOTIONAL CHARGE

    MY FEELINGS FOR MY EX ARE THOSE OF GENERAL HUMAN CONCERN BUT ROMANTIC INDIFFERENCE. I WILL ACCOMPLISH THIS BY FOLLOWING THE STEPS LISTED BELOW.

    STEP ONE: MAKING THE DECISION THAT YOU *WANT* TO BE OVER YOUR EX.
    This is the single most important step in your recovery. More than anything else, this is the key. You can do all the other steps, you can follow "no contact" to the point of making it an artform. But people who get over their exes are people who WANT to get over their exes.

    You have to adopt a certain mindset here. See, when you're heartbroken or dealing with an unrequited love situation, only two outcomes can make you feel better...

    Outcome 1) Your ex comes back to you
    Outcome 2) You reach point that you no longer desire your ex.

    Working towards one of these outcomes can literally drive you crazy, while the other outcome is completely under your control.

    You have to remember what you were like before you met your ex.

    This doesn't mean you have to be angry, or vindictive. Hate is actually a twisted form of Love. You're going for "indifference". What it really means is that you now consider your feelings to be a hindrance to you.

    You will have to fight yourself on this for awhile at first. You'll have to "fake it till you make it" at times. You'll feel these strong desires, but you have to consciously make the effort to say "I don't want these feelings". You may have to do things like create a fantasy person in your head or imagine yourself in love with someone else who is also in love with you. This person DOESN'T have to exist yet.

    STEP TWO: SET A DATE TO BE "OVER THE EX".

    This is a serious matter. In every form of major personal endeavor, psychologists say "set a goal and a firm date for when you intend to reach this goal". They say this with everything...except getting over a relationship? That makes NO sense.

    Look, getting over your ex is a major endeavor. For most, it's THE most important thing they'll ever do for themselves. You can't leave the move-on date "open ended".

    Now, be realistic with yourself here. If you've been together for some years, or the breakup was particularly intense for you, then a goal date of "a week" from now won't do anything but result in deep denial and repressing of feelings that'll only show through later and more severely.

    I recommend no less than 30 days, and ideally, 3 months.

    Now for cases like a divorce, or a breakup of a relationship that lasted years, you may want to consider starting at no less than 6 months. If you have children together and have to see each other regularly, then 6 months is a good place to consider starting.

    STEP TWO: NO CONTACT...AT ALL!

    This is what it is. It ain't pretty. But it's the ONLY way.

    You cannot expect to get over your ex if you continue to entertain contact with him or her.

    This means:

    -NO calls
    -NO texts
    -NO emails
    -NO instant messaging
    -NO ex-sex
    -NO seeing each other
    -NO bull$#!+ about trying to be friends...if you want to be friends there'll be PLENTY of time for that in the future. NOT NOW.

    NO EXCUSES! No stalking...no "cyber-stalking"...no "googling" their name or checking out their myspace and facebook pages.

    STEP THREE: ADMITTING THE HARSH TRUTHS TO YOURSELF.

    If you want to really get past this, you're going to have to admit some pretty tough things to yourself...

    1) It is OVER and my ex is NOT coming back...EVER.
    2) It is totally FINE that my ex is not coming back.
    3) I will find love again with someone else but NOT with my ex.
    4) My ex will find love again with someone else but NOT with me.
    5) My ex didn't want me as a love interest, and that is NOT the end of the world, and it means NOTHING about me.

    STEP FOUR: GET RID OF ANY KEEPSAKES AND MOMENTOS.

    You don't have to throw them away, but you do have to get them out of your sight and out of your life for awhile.

    STEP FIVE: GRIEVE EVERYDAY STARTING FOR AN HOUR AND REDUCE IT BY 10 MINUTES EVERY WEEK.

    The pain and loss you've experienced is real. This program isn't about denying that. It's about working through it and not wallowing in it. It's about not allowing the breakup to overtake you. If you're still really hurting, take a block of time everyday to grieve. You can fall apart if you need to during this time. But once it's done, it's done.

    STEP SIX: TAKE AT LEAST 15 MINUTES A DAY TO QUIETLY WITHSTAND YOUR PAIN.

    This is actually very powerful and will bring very fast results for those who do this.

    What you're doing here is literally just watching your pain as if you were simply a spectator. Don't try to fight it, or distract yourself from it. Just..."watch it". You'll literally feel your pain rise & fall and ebb & flow. You'll finally see your pain for what it really is and not what you've magnified it into. You'll see that you can actually "stand" it and that it's quite manageable. Eventually, you'll even be able to shrink it.

    STEP SEVEN: EXERCISE 5 DAYS A WEEK FOR AT LEAST 30 MINUTES.

    Nothing...nothing...makes you feel better about your prospects of attracting the opposite sex other than working out. It's self-esteem at it's most basic.

    CONCLUSION:

    Well, that's the program...it's not easy. But it works. Getting past a major breakup or an unrequited love fixation is one of the hardest things a person will ever do. But you simply just have to do it. You have to keep on moving on. It gets easier, believe me.

    Hope this helps!

    DNS

  2. Thanks sadbutrue thanked for this post
  3. #2
    Platinum Member Crazyaboutdogs's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Location
    Canada
    Age
    51
    Posts
    25,691
    Gender
    Female
    Great post.
    "A word to the kind: when I sense I'm hurting someone, I am. The fact that someone would be weak enough to tolerate that from me doesn't make me less responsible for my actions, it makes me more responsible". Catfeeder

  4. #3
    Platinum Member Sn0man's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    Location
    Mars
    Age
    35
    Posts
    2,277
    Gender
    Male
    Quote Originally Posted by eva76 View Post

    You have to adopt a certain mindset here. See, when you're heartbroken or dealing with an unrequited love situation, only two outcomes can make you feel better...

    Outcome 1) Your ex comes back to you
    Outcome 2) You reach point that you no longer desire your ex.
    An intelligent post. To those that actually have the strength of character to follow the rules set forth here, you will find that the outcome will be "outcome 2". That may not sound desirable now, but it will when you get there!
    I can stand brute force, but brute reason is quite unbearable. There is something unfair about its use. It's hitting below the intellect.

    If you canít ignore an insult, top it; if you canít top it, laugh it off; and if you canít laugh it off, itís probably deserved.

  5. 05-08-2009, 08:35 AM

  6. 05-08-2009, 08:41 AM

  7. #4
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Posts
    1,906
    I agree, great post and if one follows these steps, success (in getting oneSELF back) is inevitable.

    Yeah, and then maybe your ex will come back but most likely by the time this happens, you want him/her. Sad irony.

    I wonder if it is possible while having LC with an ex due to having to work together, which is my situation. I know for a fact this has prolonged my healing tenfold, or even twentyfold. I have to believe it is possible. So I choose to believe this today.

  8. #5

    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    Location
    Cow Town, USA
    Age
    45
    Posts
    1,701
    Gender
    Male
    The title is: Using LOA to get your ex back

    What does this post have anything to do with getting your EX back?

    Don't get me wrong... great post, great information. But it really has nothing to do with getting your EX back. It's more about moving on, healing, and getting yourself back. This should be in the Healing forum.

  9. Thanks Mangiafuoco thanked for this post
  10. #6
    Platinum Member Brownstone322's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Location
    Virginia
    Posts
    2,265
    Gender
    Male
    Quote Originally Posted by IMAbadman View Post
    The title is: Using LOA to get your ex back

    What does this post have anything to do with getting your EX back?

    Don't get me wrong... great post, great information. But it really has nothing to do with getting your EX back. It's more about moving on, healing, and getting yourself back. This should be in the Healing forum.
    I reacted the same way. I think the vast majority of the information in this forum should be moved to "Healing," which would be fine. Serves a good purpose.

    People do "get back together," but it can take a long time -- often across spans of years -- and they're probably less inclined to come here and write about it.

    Anyway, that post had nothing to do with getting back together.
    So here I go,
    I'm still scratching around the the same old hole.
    My body feels young,
    But my mind is very old.

  11. Thanks Mangiafuoco thanked for this post
  12. #7
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    London
    Posts
    142
    Gender
    Female
    Quote Originally Posted by Brownstone322 View Post
    I reacted the same way. I think the vast majority of the information in this forum should be moved to "Healing," which would be fine. Serves a good purpose.

    People do "get back together," but it can take a long time -- often across spans of years -- and they're probably less inclined to come here and write about it.

    Anyway, that post had nothing to do with getting back together.
    That's exactly what I thought, lol!
    I tell it like it is.

  13. #8
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    London
    Posts
    142
    Gender
    Female
    Quote Originally Posted by Brownstone322 View Post
    I reacted the same way. I think the vast majority of the information in this forum should be moved to "Healing," which would be fine. Serves a good purpose.

    People do "get back together," but it can take a long time -- often across spans of years -- and they're probably less inclined to come here and write about it.

    Anyway, that post had nothing to do with getting back together.
    That's exactly what I thought, lol!
    I tell it like it is.

  14. 05-08-2009, 01:29 PM

  15. #9
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Posts
    563
    Gender
    Male
    Quote Originally Posted by steve11 View Post
    Agreed; there is no getting back together theme here. The fact it is posted here actually defeats the purpose of the whole exercise. Don't do this do get her back; do it to get on with your life.
    I would argue that getting on with your life is the only way to have a truly successful and healthy reconciliation. Otherwise you're not starting over, you're just going back to where you left off. I think most of our exes have made it clear that they are not the least bit interested in doing that.

    I believe that letting go and moving on is the best way of increasing your chances of reconciliation. To let go demostrates that you truly love someone, and that you truly love and respect yourself. To cling and hold on to the relationship, while natural, is selfish behavior that is motivated by fear.

  16. #10
    Gold Member OrangeMoon's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    NL
    Age
    40
    Posts
    967
    Gender
    Female
    Quote Originally Posted by eva76 View Post
    I found this article on another forum. It might help you, guys if you believe in the law of attraction. At least it would help you to love and treat yourself better.
    ****************************

    Now, you can get over an ex in a couple of different ways...

    STEP THREE: ADMITTING THE HARSH TRUTHS TO YOURSELF.

    If you want to really get past this, you're going to have to admit some pretty tough things to yourself...

    1) It is OVER and my ex is NOT coming back...EVER.
    2) It is totally FINE that my ex is not coming back.
    3) I will find love again with someone else but NOT with my ex.
    4) My ex will find love again with someone else but NOT with me.
    5) My ex didn't want me as a love interest, and that is NOT the end of the world, and it means NOTHING about me.

    DNS
    My heart jumped a bit at number 4 ... but i loved the post!! Thank you. Will repeat that to myself every day.

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Related Articles & Books
by Margarita Nahapetyan
Checking and following the activities of an ex partner through social networking site Facebook can seriously interfere with a person's ability to ...
by Margarita Nahapetyan
Most people get divorced hoping to have a better life and find more happiness than they had in their marriage. However, a new national study by Iowa ...
by Margarita Nahapetyan
Brides who hesitate about getting married might want to consider having second thoughts before starting a life-long commitment, suggest psychologists ...
 

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  

Expert Advice

Online
Chat
$3/minute
Breaking up or going through a divorce is a hard part of life! Do you feel all alone and think no one understands? I'm here to listen and lend support.
Online
Call
$1.99/minute
25+ YEARS EXPERIENCE. Call Now and Feel Better. Compassionate, caring, sound advice. "I felt so much better after talking to Robert" "generously affordable"
Online
Call
$1.95/minute
Trust, openness, honesty, gentleness and mutual support are essential requirements for a relationship not just to be viable but for it to create and promote real fulfillment.
Online
CallChat
$4.99/minute
Stop your separation in its tracks! Break up with dignity, and/or Divorce Recovery and Empowerment are my areas of Specialty and Expertise!
Online
Chat
$1.75/minute
I have many years working with families and individuals of divorce. Contact me for help working through this very difficult time.