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  1. #1
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    Just wondering - Lovers reunited after many years

    Just wondering, but what is like for lovers reunited after many years of separation?

    (Let's say, while on vacation, you once knew a wonderful girl. You went back home. You made plans to visit her again. However, some evil things befell your life. Because you felt ashamed of your lack of accomplishments, you postponed your visit. The girl called you, because she wondered why you were taking so long. You made up an excuse - you said you were busy.

    After two year, your life turned around. You remembered the girl again. You called her, but she must have changed her phone number. So you can't find her anymore.

    You have known many women in your life. But you don't love them. You feel that you've given your heart away already. In this lifetime of yours, you only want to love one woman.

    So you feel really guilty. You want to tell her, "It's not that I didn't want to see you - All my life, you are the only woman for me. I was just too focused on my own stuff at the time."

    Suppose you find her again. What do you say to her? What would it feel like?)

    Does anyone know? Does anyone have personal experiences?

    My speculations:

    1. I think if she's married, then you would feel a great relief, because she is happy. Things just weren't meant to be.

    2. But if she's not married, then how would you feel? I really wonder...

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  3. #2
    Silver Member AJEDrew7's Avatar
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    Talking to her again may be a pleasant surprise. She may be married, but who's to know. If you regret not seeing her again, then make an effort to recontact and start talking again. And don't have an agenda and don't make up excuses. Be you and let things flow. Maybe you'll hit it off like before and you'll get to see each other again. You can't say and you can't plan conversations or situations. What you can do is make the effort and find out!

  4. #3
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    This would vary wildly depending on the intervening situation.

    Ever seen the remake of The Manchurian Candidate? There's a scene where the Liev Schreiber character approaches a long lost love, one separated from him by his controlling mother, and attempts to reconnect. She looks at him, startled, and then says: "You must be so incredibly lonely." Or something to that effect. Then, she walks.

    But, that's just a movie. Never tried it in real life, so I couldn't say. Maybe she feels the same. Maybe she moved on a long time ago. If she's an attractive woman, that would be my bet. Still, always worth a shot, I suppose... Even with exes that left you on bad terms!

  5. #4
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    I wonder if this is the event which has caused you some uncomfortable times which you write about. I've tried unsuccessfully to glean it from your posts.

    You've really romanticized this situation and girl up way too much. You're thinking in the abstract when the situation is much more practical. Time to refocus your desires and goals. All you have to do is ask yourself some questions:

    Do you still want to be with this girl? If yes (which I suspect), then you have no other choice but to eventually contact her.

    Are you ready to be with her if she were open to the idea? If not then take some more time to sort your mind out. But if yes, then delaying the inevitable is pointless.

    If you've answered yes to both of these, then tell her the truth. It's that simple and the way you have to do it if you want to keep your sanity. Remember the most important thing in this world (to you) is your own well being. So do what you truly desire and don't let the opportunities in life pass you by.

  6. #5
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    I wonder if this is the event which has caused you some uncomfortable times which you write about. I've tried unsuccessfully to glean it from your posts.
    The uncomfortable times were a much larger event. This event has radically changed the course of my life. One aspect of this change (amongst many changes) is that I have lost contact with this girl.

    It is difficult to find this girl, because I only have her cell-phone number. During the uncomfortable times, she called me once to tell me her new cell-phone number. She feared that I would not be able to contact her. Sometime later, I tried this new number - It didn't work.

    In China, you can buy cell-phone cards off the street. These cards are anonymous. (For instance, a corrupt official would buy a new card whenever he needed to discuss bribery. After the call, he would throw the card away.)

    The only way, therefore, for me to find this girl again, is through the internet (e.g. Facebook).

    Right now, I feel guilty above anything. It is not impossible that I can find this girl again. But it is an uncertain proposition.

    (Btw, how did you guys know I was talking about myself? Lol, my posts are really obvious, aren't they?)
    Last edited by Imprecision; 05-06-2009 at 03:01 AM.

  7. #6
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    I feel I must really blame her.

    Because her, I can't get excited about any other girl. With other girls, there's no chemistry. After I finish going out with them, I don't think about them. She is the only girl I think about in my spare time.

    This girl has set the bar so high, no other girl will ever be good enough for me. She set the standard for all my preferences in women. For instance, I prefer Beijing women, preferably seven years older than me. Why? Because of her. (But now I cannot bear to hear the word "Beijing." Too many memories...)

    This girl was my first. She left a deep impression on me. She taught me everything I know about life. Before her, I was unaware of basic facts of life, e.g. that the menstrual cycle involved some sort of bleeding, or that milking is possible only after giving birth.

    I look at all the women around me. I see nothing in them. I cannot admire them. I do not love them.

    I feel guilty. When I was going through bad times, she was going through bad times, too. But I was not there for her, because I was too caught up in my personal difficulties. She wanted to visit me in Vancouver, but I dissuaded her. By my inaction, I betrayed her. By my laziness, I ruined everything.

    Why did I not see her the last time I was in Beijing? I didn't even call her. I was too ashamed at the time of my lack of accomplishments. How foolish I was! She would have forgiven me. She would have given anything to see me, but she probably thought I lost interest and moved on.

    I need closure. If she's married, then things weren't meant to be. But what if I never find her again? Then I would never have closure.

    Wistfulness is worse than sorrow. Sorrow is like getting beaten up. You lie in bed for a while, and then you get back up. Wistfulness is like a scalpal continually making small incisions on your heart.

    Life is so strange. It doesn't turn out the way you expect it to. I should have died at sixteen. That was the best year.

    After this girl, I've gotten with so many girls. But no girl compares to my Beijing woman. No one has her class, her elegance, which was natural and spontaneous. It was unselfconscious and unpretentious.

    So many times I told her I would one day marry her. So many times I said I would never forget her. But I have forgotten her.

    So in the end, I can only blame myself.

    (The end of my self-pity, for now...)

    "Having flown off, the yellow heron does not return/ Leaving the white clouds for a thousand years in empty solitude"
    Last edited by Imprecision; 05-07-2009 at 01:29 AM.

  8. #7
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    This sounds like a story in my life. I fell in love with a man 18 years ago and he was not in the place for us to start a relationship but three years ago he showed up in the town he remembered I lived. I was in town and he found someone with my phone number and he called. I had been thinking about him for years and we started a relationship and now it has been 3 years. We are having some issues because of our past and we are miles apart for 6 more months but I say find the person you have been thinking about. It will be hard but it could be amazing.

  9. #8
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    Hey, Guava, it's great reading your post. I would love to hear more about your experience, whether on here or over pm.

    Several questions:

    1. Did you wait for him? (If so, how did you know he was the one for you?)

    2. What did he do in the meantime? (Did he realise that you were the one for him?)

    3. What is it like now that you two are together? (Do you feel wistful over the years not spent together - e.g. memories you could have had but didn't?)

    4. Does he regret not seeking you out earlier?

  10. #9
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    Sorry that it has taken me so long to reply, life has a strange way of happening at times. I now can answer these questions but many things have changed. The love of my life had to move to finish school and we were going to re-connect and live together again when he was done but he started acting very strange. He was living with family members and was not very happy. I later found out that he might be dealing with being bi-polar but back to the post. I went out to visit him and he was acting rude, mean and sly. I think he was sad that we were apart but he also needed more hands on relations so having said that he was acting out and being a ass. I got home and felt lost and confused but I knew that we could work it out. WELL, a few weeks go by and he was drinking one night and just exploded and was acting like he was over it and guilty of something. He then broke up Vie email. It was not an email that I could have expected. I was so confused I could not even talk. I waited a few weeks to contact him and then when I did he is already with someone? I have loved him for 18 years and was so ready to live the rest of my life with him. We were so close to being together for the long hall but this is what took place.

    1. I did not wait for him. I dated other men but he was the one I always thought about.
    2. He always told me I was the one and he was so pleased that he found me again.

    3. we were so wistful and we glad that we had so many memories together from the past. ( but some of the past caused issues)

    4. he always felt that he wanted to find me earlier but now who knows?

    Even though he did this I am glad that we reconnected because I always knew he was one of my soul mates. It has been hard and sad but I do feel like something ( distance and stresses ) caused us to not make it. I would have done anything for him but we did have some hard times over the last few years because of sickness, deaths, my work, his other woman and not being truthful right when we first started our relations, his past and not being able to hold each other. Wow! I hope you open your heart and do what feel right because I would not trade the last 3 years with him. i am sad by the NC and the email.... I think that is weak, mean and childish. If you have any ideas please let me know. Good luck

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