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Not Ready for a Relationship Right Now


hailtothevictors

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"I'm not ready for a relationship right now."

 

It's a line we see all the time: in movies, on these boards, through personal experience, etc. Conventional wisdom says that when a girl says "I'm not ready for a relationship right now" what she really means is "I actually would be interested in a relationship right now ... just not with you."

 

Is that almost always the case? Or could a girl actually say this and mean it? I feel like some girls, especially around ages 18-22, want that time in their lives to be single, so they can not feel tied down and can have fun and be somewhat of a free spirit.

 

If a girl tells you she's not ready for a relationship right now - is that pretty much a 100% sign that nothing will ever happen between you two?

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No, when a girl says that, it can mean exactly that, that she's not ready right now. I've been there, said that. I've said that to a guy because I meant it, and he acted cool with it, we were friendly. Then he inquired about me thru the grapevine, I let it be known I still wasn't ready for dating, then later he asked me out and I said yes, because by then I was.

 

If someone says that to you, I'd take it at face value. No need to take on the attitude that she's feeding you a line. Maybe she is, maybe she isn't. Move on either way. If you feel like asking her out a month or 2 later, go for it. If she says no again, drop it.

 

But really, it can be true, sometimes people just aren't in the right head place to date.

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I would agree that it can definitely be the truth. There may be cases where people say this with ulterior motives, but sometimes a person really doesn't feel ready to be in a relationship; they might recognize that it would be irresponsible of them to become involved with someone when they don't think they are in the right place emotionally or psychologically. Some people are still dealing with past experiences that have hurt them, and this can be another reason why they may want to wait before trying to have a relationship in general.

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If a girl tells you she's not ready for a relationship right now - is that pretty much a 100% sign that nothing will ever happen between you two?

 

Either she doesn't like you enough or she actually doesn't want a relationship. The later is very rare in my experience/opinion. And who cares? I don't wait for somebody to be ready.

 

If I were you, I'd walk away and delete the phone number. Rest assured, you will meet somebody who is ready.

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I recall meeting a new guy, and during the conversation I mentioned that I wasn't looking for a relationship right now. A couple of months and several nice outings later, I was about to say that maybe this was something that we could talk about ... but he beat me to it. We were together for nearly four years.

 

So, yes, sometimes women say that they are not ready for a relationship right now - and mean it.

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No, when a girl says that, it can mean exactly that, that she's not ready right now. I've been there, said that. I've said that to a guy because I meant it, and he acted cool with it, we were friendly. Then he inquired about me thru the grapevine, I let it be known I still wasn't ready for dating, then later he asked me out and I said yes, because by then I was. If someone says that to you, I'd take it at face value. No need to take on the attitude that she's feeding you a line. Maybe she is, maybe she isn't. Move on either way. If you feel like asking her out a month or 2 later, go for it. If she says no again, drop it. But really, it can be true, sometimes people just aren't in the right head place to date.
i agree, it can go both ways. maybe she needed to get to know you better?
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I would take that as "nothing will ever happen between us". Because, if you hold onto hope that something will happen later, you could really hurt yourself.

 

Generally right.

 

A girl really may well mean that she's not ready for a relationship right now (I used to think that was a BS excuse but I now I can understand the sentiment). Or she could just be saying that to spare your feelings. In either case, don't worry yourself about it too much, cause in either case she's turning you down.

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Thanks for the feedback. It's interesting to hear some women say that they have said that and meant exactly what they said.

 

I understand that it is not wise to wait, and I don't plan on doing that in my situation. But I do think that this might be one of those cases where she is telling the truth. In a few weeks she is leaving the state for 3 months for an internship - and she's never really been in a true "relationship" in four years of college. Most of the guys she's had things with in the past have treated her poorly.

 

So I don't plan to wait around for her all summer while she is gone, but if I am still single and still thinking about her this fall, I might test the waters again, just to see if she's in a different place with regards to her thoughts about a relationship.

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This the same girl who does not want to be tied down over the summer?

 

Yeah, the same one.

 

I think I have a much better handle on the situation now (we had a long conversation about it on Friday night) and I've accepted that when she leaves for this summer, things are done between us and I will move on.

 

I do like her though, and if I still feel the same way in 3-4 months when she gets back, I wouldn't mind testing the waters again to see where she's at.

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Yeah, the same one.

 

I think I have a much better handle on the situation now (we had a long conversation about it on Friday night) and I've accepted that when she leaves for this summer, things are done between us and I will move on.

 

I do like her though, and if I still feel the same way in 3-4 months when she gets back, I wouldn't mind testing the waters again to see where she's at.

 

I can't help but wonder why. I mean, at some point it becomes an issue of pride and standing up for yourself. Getting back with her later on isn't doing that.

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I can't help but wonder why. I mean, at some point it becomes an issue of pride and standing up for yourself. Getting back with her later on isn't doing that.

 

The primary reason is that I really like her ... but more directly to your point I don't really feel like she has treated me poorly. She's been honest with me (though at times it's taken her a day or two) about where she stands, the fact that she is not a relationship type person right now, how she feels about me, etc.

 

I do see what you're saying though. Something along the lines of "She hasn't been as "into" it as I have, so why should I bother?" I guess maybe I'm just too willing to give girls the benefit of the doubt.

 

let me rephrase her?

 

"I am not ready for a relationship , unless it's with this guy I tooooootally feel I can't let go, and, you know, I'm not exactly feeling that vibe about you right now."

 

I think this is pretty close to the truth - which is why I don't plan on "waiting" for her over the summer. But at the same time, she has gone on about 10 dates with me and told me I'm "like the perfect guy" so I think she does see me as potential relationship material in the future.

 

Of course, if she's not willing to make that step now, I can't just sit here and wait for that to happen - because it likely never will. I just don't want to close the door on it completely.

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OK, well I don't think she's treated you that well based on what you've posted about her. And I don't think that'll change in the future. I'd take things like you're "the perfect guy" with a huge grain of salt given that when she said that she was also thinking that she did not want to commit to you. When people meet the perfect person for them, they generally want to be with that person, unless circumstances beyond their control intervene. From what I understand, she's only going away for the summer, not forever, so my instincts tell me if she really meant what she said, she would at least try some kind of short-term long-distance. Why? Because people who find the perfect person for them are going to be very, very, very reluctant to let them go even for a little while because someone else is likely going to scoop that person right up.

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Thanks everyone. We were supposed to hang out tonight so I called her and left a message this afternoon and she never responded. Just in case all of your responses telling me to move on weren't enough ... there's my answer for sure.

 

Kinda sucks - this was the first girl I really, really liked in the 2.5 years since my ex broke up with me.

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Kinda sucks - this was the first girl I really, really liked in the 2.5 years since my ex broke up with me.

 

Sure, it's a pity - but at least this is a signal to yourself that YOU are ready for a relationship - which you clearly haven't been for 2.5 years.

 

Good luck!

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Well, there is some good in that. I know that for me, after I've been really really into a guy, when it happens again, I kind of breathe a sigh of relief like "oh, so it can happen again!" Even if things don't work out, at least you know you are still capable of having those feelings and that there will be other people you will be attracted to after a serious relationship breaks up. Sometimes we forget.

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Well, for all my tough words about moving on for sure ... I cracked once again.

 

Thursday she texted me saying she wants to hang out this weekend and said we should talk soon and figure out a time that works for both of us. So I texted back saying "sounds good...give me a call sometime and we can figure it out." Waited almost two days ... no call. So I called her today (she didn't answer) and left a message.

 

A few hours later she called back and we chatted for a while. She suggested going to lunch or dinner tomorrow and I agreed to dinner tomorrow night.

 

I haven't seen her in a week and a half, but I'm sure this "date" will do nothing but rekindle my attraction to her despite how poorly she's treated me. So part of me acknowledges that this is not a good idea and that I should end things between us based on her treatment of me ..... but then there's the other part of me who can't wait to spend time with her tomorrow. I feel like I'm just willingly torturing myself.

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