sister mean and selfish. NO PRIVACY

girlpower24 · 04-25-2009, 03:47 AM

I am so sick of the situation in my house. I am in school trying to get a degree and don't have a job at this time. My sister and her bf decided to quit their jobs in another state and move back home with me and parents until they find jobs. Now they can't find jobs and my parents are supporting everyone, I feel so bad for them, plus I have no privacy, can't study because it's too loud. I am taking 18 credits so I can't work, I tried to talk to my mother she said ..she is my daughter too, they will move out eventually. My sisters bf does not work or go to school, he pays nothing and always eats my snacks I buy to take to school. I am so sick of them both I would have never done that to my parents. What should I do I can't stand them anymore !!! I want privacy and peace!!!

impossible · 04-25-2009, 04:04 AM

Wow that sucks. Probably quite hard on your parents - to support everyone, but in someways, your sister is selfish and her boyfriend is freeloading, and your mother - well, even tho you both are her daughters, seems like she forgot the fact you are getting a degree!!

If you can, stay at friends houses, or go to quite places, like staying in the library for as long as you can, and just go home to sleep. They'll soon notice you not there much, and if they ask, tell them you need to study and you cant as its too loud. Is your parents paying for your schooling? If they can't allow you to study in peace, your struggling to pass and then might lead to them loosing their money!

shikashika · 04-25-2009, 04:15 AM

Well, everyone wants privacy and peace.... they probably do to.

I suggest you don't use the "I'm going to school" thing or you will jsut sound bitter.

It sucks for everyone, not just you.

anya · 04-25-2009, 07:04 AM

It is difficult but I agree with shikashika. One day she will see, hopefully a long time before she has a family of her own.

catfeeder · 04-25-2009, 08:50 AM

I can appreciate your frustration, and while I hope it helped to write about the problem, it might be time to focus more on working with what you can't change. For instance, what measures are you taking to help the situation?

First consider that if you were writing from a dorm or a shared apartment, you'd be suffering the same traffic problems and lack of peace and privacy. So how do all those kids piled on top of one another handle their 4 years chaotic living?

The difference is that not all of them are carrying the burden of resentment, and that's a huge weight. The good news is, that's a choice you get to make. If you keep building that thing up based on your own judgments of fairness and right versus wrong, then that's a decision--and you're seeing the consequences.

So make a decision. Either you can use your own bedroom as your dorm area in the same manner you would if none of the other humans in your space were your relatives, and you can interview other students and learn what they do to cope with privacy and peace issues to adopt those strategies --or-- you can make this experience as difficult as possible for yourself and your family.

There is a difference between venting and problem solving. Venting feels good for about 2 seconds, but if it only 'helps' you in terms of building resentments too big to carry, then maybe adopting a problem-solving mentality that's mature and respectful of your parents' choices is a better decision?

In your corner.

WomanWriter · 04-25-2009, 04:15 PM

I know how you feel. My older sister (10 yrs. older than me) used to go off with her friends and leave her son (my nephew) with me when no one else was home. I was in high school at the time and would want to study or just want some SPACE (I slept in the family room because I had no room of my own since my brother took over my room).
She wouldn't even ASK me if I would watch him. He'd just inform me that his mom left and would say with an evil grin, "Guess what, Aunt J, it's just you and me!"

Then he'd tear up the house, etc. At the time, I was too young to really know what to do so I just let him do whatever. I was just so resentful that I had no privacy.

I can kind of relate now too. I lost my job and live with my mom and grandma but my sister comes over with her kids nearly every weekend and it gets sickening to hear the noise, etc. She doesn't discipline her kids so it's even worse.

I feel I have no right to complain since my family is gracious enough to let me stay here but at the same time, I feel like I should still be able to have some boundaries and privacy.

But I guess everyone wants privacy and we just have to make the most of a tough situation. I would also suggest going to the library to study even though it can be a tough to establish at first.

girlpower24 · 04-29-2009, 02:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shikashika

Well, everyone wants privacy and peace.... they probably do to.

I suggest you don't use the "I'm going to school" thing or you will jsut sound bitter.

It sucks for everyone, not just you.

Not sure how to apply your remark to my situation. But thanks!

girlpower24 · 04-29-2009, 02:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WomanWriter

I know how you feel. My older sister (10 yrs. older than me) used to go off with her friends and leave her son (my nephew) with me when no one else was home. I was in high school at the time and would want to study or just want some SPACE (I slept in the family room because I had no room of my own since my brother took over my room).
She wouldn't even ASK me if I would watch him. He'd just inform me that his mom left and would say with an evil grin, "Guess what, Aunt J, it's just you and me!"

Then he'd tear up the house, etc. At the time, I was too young to really know what to do so I just let him do whatever. I was just so resentful that I had no privacy.

I can kind of relate now too. I lost my job and live with my mom and grandma but my sister comes over with her kids nearly every weekend and it gets sickening to hear the noise, etc. She doesn't discipline her kids so it's even worse.

I feel I have no right to complain since my family is gracious enough to let me stay here but at the same time, I feel like I should still be able to have some boundaries and privacy.

But I guess everyone wants privacy and we just have to make the most of a tough situation. I would also suggest going to the library to study even though it can be a tough to establish at first.

Wow you got it pretty bad yourself. I do go to the library all the time (for at least 12 hours a day I am gone) but the problem is the two of them never EVER leave the house. They have no friends to socialize or anything, no jobs, so they are home all the time. To speed up the resolution I am taking as many classes as I can to finish school as fast as I can so I can move out asap. But still I am stuck in the meantime with dealing with it. Sometimes I think about going to a hotel for night or two because I hate coming home to see them sit around and complain. I wish library was open 24/7 and I could sleep there too !!!

04-25-2009, 03:47 AM	#1
girlpower24 Offline Member Join Date: Apr 2007 Posts: 16	sister mean and selfish. NO PRIVACY I am so sick of the situation in my house. I am in school trying to get a degree and don't have a job at this time. My sister and her bf decided to quit their jobs in another state and move back home with me and parents until they find jobs. Now they can't find jobs and my parents are supporting everyone, I feel so bad for them, plus I have no privacy, can't study because it's too loud. I am taking 18 credits so I can't work, I tried to talk to my mother she said ..she is my daughter too, they will move out eventually. My sisters bf does not work or go to school, he pays nothing and always eats my snacks I buy to take to school. I am so sick of them both I would have never done that to my parents. What should I do I can't stand them anymore !!! I want privacy and peace!!!

04-25-2009, 04:04 AM	#2
impossible Offline Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Posts: 71	Wow that sucks. Probably quite hard on your parents - to support everyone, but in someways, your sister is selfish and her boyfriend is freeloading, and your mother - well, even tho you both are her daughters, seems like she forgot the fact you are getting a degree!! If you can, stay at friends houses, or go to quite places, like staying in the library for as long as you can, and just go home to sleep. They'll soon notice you not there much, and if they ask, tell them you need to study and you cant as its too loud. Is your parents paying for your schooling? If they can't allow you to study in peace, your struggling to pass and then might lead to them loosing their money!

04-25-2009, 04:15 AM	#3
shikashika Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Aug 2006 Gender: Female Age: 32 Posts: 5,299	Well, everyone wants privacy and peace.... they probably do to. I suggest you don't use the "I'm going to school" thing or you will jsut sound bitter. It sucks for everyone, not just you.

04-25-2009, 07:04 AM	#4
anya Online Silver Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: uk Gender: None Specified Posts: 405	It is difficult but I agree with shikashika. One day she will see, hopefully a long time before she has a family of her own.

04-25-2009, 08:50 AM	#5
catfeeder Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Northern New Jersey Gender: Female Posts: 2,560	I can appreciate your frustration, and while I hope it helped to write about the problem, it might be time to focus more on working with what you can't change. For instance, what measures are you taking to help the situation? First consider that if you were writing from a dorm or a shared apartment, you'd be suffering the same traffic problems and lack of peace and privacy. So how do all those kids piled on top of one another handle their 4 years chaotic living? The difference is that not all of them are carrying the burden of resentment, and that's a huge weight. The good news is, that's a choice you get to make. If you keep building that thing up based on your own judgments of fairness and right versus wrong, then that's a decision--and you're seeing the consequences. So make a decision. Either you can use your own bedroom as your dorm area in the same manner you would if none of the other humans in your space were your relatives, and you can interview other students and learn what they do to cope with privacy and peace issues to adopt those strategies --or-- you can make this experience as difficult as possible for yourself and your family. There is a difference between venting and problem solving. Venting feels good for about 2 seconds, but if it only 'helps' you in terms of building resentments too big to carry, then maybe adopting a problem-solving mentality that's mature and respectful of your parents' choices is a better decision? In your corner.

04-25-2009, 04:15 PM	#6
WomanWriter Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: California Gender: Female Age: 29 Posts: 1,414	I know how you feel. My older sister (10 yrs. older than me) used to go off with her friends and leave her son (my nephew) with me when no one else was home. I was in high school at the time and would want to study or just want some SPACE (I slept in the family room because I had no room of my own since my brother took over my room). She wouldn't even ASK me if I would watch him. He'd just inform me that his mom left and would say with an evil grin, "Guess what, Aunt J, it's just you and me!" Then he'd tear up the house, etc. At the time, I was too young to really know what to do so I just let him do whatever. I was just so resentful that I had no privacy. I can kind of relate now too. I lost my job and live with my mom and grandma but my sister comes over with her kids nearly every weekend and it gets sickening to hear the noise, etc. She doesn't discipline her kids so it's even worse. I feel I have no right to complain since my family is gracious enough to let me stay here but at the same time, I feel like I should still be able to have some boundaries and privacy. But I guess everyone wants privacy and we just have to make the most of a tough situation. I would also suggest going to the library to study even though it can be a tough to establish at first.