Help! How to get conrol back of my 7 year old

ladyjp · 04-19-2009, 03:23 PM

Help! I am the single Mom of a 7 year old boy who's behavior is out of control.
His Dad is non-existent in our life and my Son has never known him. For the past year his behavior has gone from bad to worse. He smarts off about everything. Saying things like " You be quiet, I am not going to, how about if I just pour this milk all over you, getting in my face and screaming, temper tantrums that include him throwing things and grabbing my arms and squeezing them so tight he can cause pain. He refuses to listen and I have to tell him over and over to get anything done.

I have tried everything from time out- spanking- taking away his toys, You name it- nothing works. It is as though his temper takes complete control and he just loses it. When he calms down he is always very sad and apologizes over and over and asks if I still love him.
When he plays with other children he is bossy, hateful, selfish, and controlling. However at school he does great and gets above average grades in every subject. He is reading at third grade level ( he is in first) and above. He is highly intelligent and seems to think he knows eveything about everything. There is no male role model in his lfe but we are starting scouts this month.

Lately he has been telling me that he has bad thoughts of bad words in his brain about me that are invading his mind. I tell him that Jesus wants us to respect our Mother and Father and that is the devil trying to sway him to the wrong things. Now he is saying he has bad thoughts about Jesus in his mind and about me. I dont know where to turn , he really is a sweet smart , helpful, wonderful boy. He is just consumed with getting his way, his temper, and control.
Can anyone give me any ideas or has gone thru this. I am very depressed about it and it is ruining our time together. I love him more than life but lately cannot stand to spend the day with him.

Help

tulipsfav · 04-19-2009, 03:30 PM

Hi does your son have a healthy diet and sleep pattern? The additives in some foods send kids crazy.

ladyjp · 04-19-2009, 03:36 PM

Yes, we eat very healthy and he sleeps well. I do allow him too much sugar in treats but meals are generaly healthy with alot of veggies, meat, fish, etc..
His Dad is Bipolar I pray he hasn't inherited this disorder

DropToZero · 04-19-2009, 03:41 PM

He could be bipolar, take him to a doctor, have him checked and find out for sure.

As for his discipline, if nothing works, tell him he can have it his own way... for everything. He can get up when he wants, eat when he wants, eat what he wants, do what he wants, but not to bother you for anything since he thinks he can do everything himself. Now that doesn't mean neglect him and don't pay attention, I just suggest letting him find out on his own for a little trial period if he's so intelligent how hard it will be for him to get everything he wants...

I don't have children though, don't have to take advice from me... I'm sure some people will disagree, hopefully someone on here has had a child and a victory story over their response to discipline.

tulipsfav · 04-19-2009, 03:46 PM

The sugar in his diet may be the key. Although most 7 year olds can be demanding and very self absorbed. Scouts will be great for him. Will give him some responsibility. He will love it, has his teachers even shown any concerns, tho you say he does really well.

amipushy · 04-19-2009, 03:51 PM

His behaviour at school tells me that this boy is crying out for boundaries and discipline from you. Stop talking to him as an equal and start talking to him as a parent. Do not give long and meaningful explanations of good and the evil, he is not capabe of understanding the deeper meaning so your words only put fear into him at worst, or are meaningless at best.

YOU say so, YOU tell him not to, YOU say when and when not to - not god, not the devil - YOU.

YOU NEED TO BE IN CONTROL.

Try and find a parenting group and get yourself some support. Read books, lots of books. Understand what boundaries and discipline really means for a child.

He is only 7 now and you are already finding it difficult but in ten years this boy is going to be out of control in every area in of his life and society and I don't want to frighten you, but there is a possibilty that he could harm you and/or others and become an offender if this behaviour goes unchecked.

If things escalate and you cannot cope, reach out to the school or your doctor and ask if you can speak to a psychologist.

CluelessGuy321 · 04-19-2009, 03:55 PM

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Victoria66 · 04-19-2009, 03:56 PM

Have you also tried asking him if he is upset about something?? Behavoir masks a lot of hurt.

Also too food additives and sugar, very bad for kids.

You have to have rules and expectations that are age and development appropriate. Those expectations should never waver. You have to sit the child down and tell them the expectations and have them repeat it in their words so you know they understand. Then they need to know the consequences of NOT living up to the expectation. The consequence must be immediate and ALWAYS as laid out in the rules. The minute you waver in this you are done and he will have control.

I am not an advocate of hitting children it is never needed and especially with more "high maintenance" children as I call them. They normally act out because they are not getting something they need, emotionally or intellectually.

ladyjp · 04-19-2009, 03:59 PM

OMG- I AM WATCHING IT NOW! , HILARIOUS-TOO FUNNY! Thanks I so needed a little laughter with this today. First time I have smiled all day!

itsallgrand · 04-19-2009, 04:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Victoria66

I am not an advocate of hitting children it is never needed and especially with more "high maintenance" children as I call them. They normally act out because they are not getting something the need, emotionally or intellectually.

I agree with that.

This guy sounds very angry about something. Angry and totally frustrated.

He has as much said he is frustrated and feeling angry at you, mom. Can you listen to it though?

It's not my place to say whether or not someone brings religion to their child's upbringing - but how you responded to his sharing of his feelings with you and his disturbing thoughts with things about the devil and Jesus - well, it just seems to me that you could have touched down a lot more personally than that and it would have been more appropriate.

It says a lot in itself that he could say some of the things he has to you - but it seems to me (no expert) that this little guy is crying out for someone to help him with coping with his difficult emotions and that it's quite possible he isn't getting the guidance and boundaries he needs.

04-19-2009, 03:23 PM	#1
ladyjp Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: st. louis Gender: Female Posts: 144	Help! How to get conrol back of my 7 year old Help! I am the single Mom of a 7 year old boy who's behavior is out of control. His Dad is non-existent in our life and my Son has never known him. For the past year his behavior has gone from bad to worse. He smarts off about everything. Saying things like " You be quiet, I am not going to, how about if I just pour this milk all over you, getting in my face and screaming, temper tantrums that include him throwing things and grabbing my arms and squeezing them so tight he can cause pain. He refuses to listen and I have to tell him over and over to get anything done. I have tried everything from time out- spanking- taking away his toys, You name it- nothing works. It is as though his temper takes complete control and he just loses it. When he calms down he is always very sad and apologizes over and over and asks if I still love him. When he plays with other children he is bossy, hateful, selfish, and controlling. However at school he does great and gets above average grades in every subject. He is reading at third grade level ( he is in first) and above. He is highly intelligent and seems to think he knows eveything about everything. There is no male role model in his lfe but we are starting scouts this month. Lately he has been telling me that he has bad thoughts of bad words in his brain about me that are invading his mind. I tell him that Jesus wants us to respect our Mother and Father and that is the devil trying to sway him to the wrong things. Now he is saying he has bad thoughts about Jesus in his mind and about me. I dont know where to turn , he really is a sweet smart , helpful, wonderful boy. He is just consumed with getting his way, his temper, and control. Can anyone give me any ideas or has gone thru this. I am very depressed about it and it is ruining our time together. I love him more than life but lately cannot stand to spend the day with him. Help __________________ "Never Make someone a Priority that only makes you an option" jp

04-19-2009, 03:36 PM	#3
ladyjp Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: st. louis Gender: Female Posts: 144	Yes, we eat very healthy and he sleeps well. I do allow him too much sugar in treats but meals are generaly healthy with alot of veggies, meat, fish, etc.. His Dad is Bipolar I pray he hasn't inherited this disorder __________________ "Never Make someone a Priority that only makes you an option" jp

04-19-2009, 03:41 PM	#4
DropToZero Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Nov 2004 Gender: Male Posts: 1,632	He could be bipolar, take him to a doctor, have him checked and find out for sure. As for his discipline, if nothing works, tell him he can have it his own way... for everything. He can get up when he wants, eat when he wants, eat what he wants, do what he wants, but not to bother you for anything since he thinks he can do everything himself. Now that doesn't mean neglect him and don't pay attention, I just suggest letting him find out on his own for a little trial period if he's so intelligent how hard it will be for him to get everything he wants... I don't have children though, don't have to take advice from me... I'm sure some people will disagree, hopefully someone on here has had a child and a victory story over their response to discipline. __________________ A smart person learns from his own mistakes... A wise person learns from others... - ? ...I'm pretty smart...sometimes I wish I was a little more wise. dance to express...not to impress... every man dies, not every man really lives...

04-19-2009, 03:56 PM	#8
Victoria66 Online Platinum Member Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: for now where the CF sends us Gender: Female Age: 43 Posts: 4,605	Have you also tried asking him if he is upset about something?? Behavoir masks a lot of hurt. Also too food additives and sugar, very bad for kids. You have to have rules and expectations that are age and development appropriate. Those expectations should never waver. You have to sit the child down and tell them the expectations and have them repeat it in their words so you know they understand. Then they need to know the consequences of NOT living up to the expectation. The consequence must be immediate and ALWAYS as laid out in the rules. The minute you waver in this you are done and he will have control. I am not an advocate of hitting children it is never needed and especially with more "high maintenance" children as I call them. They normally act out because they are not getting something they need, emotionally or intellectually. __________________ ADHD= Attention Dialed into a Higher Dimension. For my Indigo son. Know how to suffer and how to laugh. Mother Teresa If you judge people you have no time to love them. Mother Teresa Run amok empath= the end of little miss nice girl. Tomorrow IS another day. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5EM7FaOc3Zk What Child Is This.

04-19-2009, 03:59 PM	#9
ladyjp Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: st. louis Gender: Female Posts: 144	OMG- I AM WATCHING IT NOW! , HILARIOUS-TOO FUNNY! Thanks I so needed a little laughter with this today. First time I have smiled all day! __________________ "Never Make someone a Priority that only makes you an option" jp

04-19-2009, 03:30 PM	#2
tulipsfav Offline Silver Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: LaLa Land Gender: Female Age: 34 Posts: 357	Hi does your son have a healthy diet and sleep pattern? The additives in some foods send kids crazy.

04-19-2009, 03:46 PM	#5
tulipsfav Offline Silver Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: LaLa Land Gender: Female Age: 34 Posts: 357	The sugar in his diet may be the key. Although most 7 year olds can be demanding and very self absorbed. Scouts will be great for him. Will give him some responsibility. He will love it, has his teachers even shown any concerns, tho you say he does really well.

04-19-2009, 03:51 PM	#6
amipushy Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Oct 2005 Gender: Female Posts: 1,823	His behaviour at school tells me that this boy is crying out for boundaries and discipline from you. Stop talking to him as an equal and start talking to him as a parent. Do not give long and meaningful explanations of good and the evil, he is not capabe of understanding the deeper meaning so your words only put fear into him at worst, or are meaningless at best. YOU say so, YOU tell him not to, YOU say when and when not to - not god, not the devil - YOU. YOU NEED TO BE IN CONTROL. Try and find a parenting group and get yourself some support. Read books, lots of books. Understand what boundaries and discipline really means for a child. He is only 7 now and you are already finding it difficult but in ten years this boy is going to be out of control in every area in of his life and society and I don't want to frighten you, but there is a possibilty that he could harm you and/or others and become an offender if this behaviour goes unchecked. If things escalate and you cannot cope, reach out to the school or your doctor and ask if you can speak to a psychologist.

04-19-2009, 03:55 PM	#7
CluelessGuy321 Offline Silver Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Posts: 802	[Only registered and activated users can see links. ]