He comes to quickly..What's wrong?

broken34 · 04-15-2009, 03:28 PM

I have been dating a guy..

Last week we had sex for the first time together. After he entered me, he came within 2 minutes.

So I thought..ok, doesnt matter, its been 6 months since you have had sex (so he said)..can happen..right?

So we waited, kissed etc..so after a while we are good to go a second time..yep again it happened after he penetrated a couple of times..no more than 2 or 3 minutes.

Ok..he embarrassed, i kept reassuring him..so we wait again..

3th time..and yes it happened again! here he came again too soon for me to have the time to enjoy myself (let alone reach an orgasm)..

So we stopped, he was tired and claimed that his penis got sore and sensitive..( in my mind i was like..'sore from what?")
So he said that he would make it up to me the next week, because he was too sore now. Ok..i was frustrated ofcourse..but enjoyed the intimacy given another way as well. So for now left it at that.

So now came the second weekend..And yes..worse than before..he could not even thrust 3 times i think..and then he came.
He embarrassed again. So once again i was patient..and thought ok..1st time jitters.. So after a while we tried a second time...and yes HERE WE GO AGAIN..

So now i am getting a bit upset and dissappointed..I am like..ok..whats wrong..because i am not getting a good deal here. I noticed that he felt awful about it so ..being the kind of woman that I am..i tried to assure him once more..But i guess he already felt that i was actually a bit dissappointed with him.

So after a while..( me still being horney) i got him up again...he tried and..yep here went again for the 3RD TIME.. he claimed that it must have been the soreness..because that was still bothering him a little.

Is this really so? Or is he just really insecure or hasnt had sex way longer than he actually claimed. Because i am thinking about ending it..because if it happens again i dont think i can trust that he will be able to satisfy me..

I am used to it happening on the 1st go with guys..but never that much.
Can you guys explain what might be happening here?

Cognitive_Canine · 04-15-2009, 03:33 PM

Is he truly embarrassed? Or do you think he may not care if you enjoy yourself or not?

I would really talk to him about it. Come into it being understanding. If he is embarrassed, most likely he will be defensive or blaming it on other things. So, make sure that you are as understanding as possible.

yellow_sweater · 04-15-2009, 03:34 PM

Premature ejaculation.

If you want this to work out, you're going to need to do a few things:

1) GENTLENESS. His ego is as bruised as your sex drive. Don't make him feel more inadequate and insecure than he's already feeling.

2) PATIENCE. Things can get better, but it will take time.

3) COMMUNICATION. You need to tell him how he can please you... be open to other fun things besides intercourse.

I've been there/ am there right now... see my thread here: http://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=265618

Good luck!
YS

Iwantittoend · 04-15-2009, 03:36 PM

I used to have this problem early on in my relationship. I think about the first 3 or 4 times we had sex I came within minutes. Now I can go for 15-20 most of the time if I want to. It all came back to me being comfortable with her and more about my nerves than anything. Now that I know her and what she likes, it's easier for me to just let loose and not be so tense.

That could be happening here. Maybe he has some other problem mentally that is making this happen. It could be a variety of things. Just try to be as understanding as possible. It's a very embarrassing issue for guys.

broken34 · 04-15-2009, 03:44 PM

he truly is embarrassed...i can tell about the way he behaves..its like the pressure is up in his head with each time...but that might make him his penis get soft i think instead of ejaculating.....

I am not in love with him and he not with me either..we just have a good time together and added the sex to it. So i dont feel like being too patient anymore. And my guess is..that if it happens another time..it might do something to him as well. So i have said to just take it slow and wait untill his so called soreness is totally gone..

Blanco Nino · 04-15-2009, 03:46 PM

That's pretty amazing he goes so quick on the 2nd and 3rd round. Can I ask how many minutes would be good for you? Just curious.

broken34 · 04-15-2009, 03:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by yellow_sweater

Premature ejaculation.

If you want this to work out, you're going to need to do a few things:

1) GENTLENESS. His ego is as bruised as your sex drive. Don't make him feel more inadequate and insecure than he's already feeling.

2) PATIENCE. Things can get better, but it will take time.

3) COMMUNICATION. You need to tell him how he can please you... be open to other fun things besides intercourse.

I've been there/ am there right now... see my thread here: http://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=265618

Good luck!
YS

Well..we started dating knowing that we wanted it to have sex with each other on a regular bases exclusively..
We dont have a romantic rels..we have a lot of fun talking and doing activities..but in the end its about sharing the sexual side of things...he was supposed to my F***buddy..

I have noticed that he is not as experienced as he claimed..so i am not getting enough out of the other aspects. Next to that..i am a "meat and potatoes"- kinda girl... meaning i am highly stimulated from penetration and just having the potatoes..doesnt cut it. He is getting satisfied and i am not..

But i do understand the sensitivity in this...but i am not in love..so the patience has an ending with me..

I guess..that we just dont match sexually. But i am trying to understand (best from male point of view) because if it happens again..i think that he will feel terrible about it. Maybe he has not been honest with me about his experience and we should have an open talk about it. Its hard..i dont want to hurt his feelings, but i dont want to feel like i am just the giver..

broken34 · 04-15-2009, 04:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blanco Nino

That's pretty amazing he goes so quick on the 2nd and 3rd round. Can I ask how many minutes would be good for you? Just curious.

a good 20-30..different positions..sometimes 15 min depends on how many times we have had sex that night..

But i am surprised about that yeah..the 1st round..ok..i understand that..but later?..

Blanco Nino · 04-15-2009, 04:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by broken34

a good 20-30..different positions..sometimes 15 min depends on how many times we have had sex that night..

But i am surprised about that yeah..the 1st round..ok..i understand that..but later?..

Hmmm yeah I have to really fight to get to 10-15 minutes the first two rounds but the 3rd lasts forever but it's not very good. I've kinda checked out mentally at that point.

I feel for you both. It sucks. Maybe you should look into some things that make a guy last longer. I think there are some creams or something. I've never tried them myself.

Or like you said if he's just an F Buddy then just tell him it's not working out and find someone else.

grymoire · 04-15-2009, 04:44 PM

20 to 30 mins of stroking time is actually a LOT. the average time is somewhere around 7 mins.

04-15-2009, 03:28 PM	#1
broken34 Offline Silver Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: NL Gender: Female Age: 35 Posts: 474	He comes to quickly..What's wrong? I have been dating a guy.. Last week we had sex for the first time together. After he entered me, he came within 2 minutes. So I thought..ok, doesnt matter, its been 6 months since you have had sex (so he said)..can happen..right? So we waited, kissed etc..so after a while we are good to go a second time..yep again it happened after he penetrated a couple of times..no more than 2 or 3 minutes. Ok..he embarrassed, i kept reassuring him..so we wait again.. 3th time..and yes it happened again! here he came again too soon for me to have the time to enjoy myself (let alone reach an orgasm).. So we stopped, he was tired and claimed that his penis got sore and sensitive..( in my mind i was like..'sore from what?") So he said that he would make it up to me the next week, because he was too sore now. Ok..i was frustrated ofcourse..but enjoyed the intimacy given another way as well. So for now left it at that. So now came the second weekend..And yes..worse than before..he could not even thrust 3 times i think..and then he came. He embarrassed again. So once again i was patient..and thought ok..1st time jitters.. So after a while we tried a second time...and yes HERE WE GO AGAIN.. So now i am getting a bit upset and dissappointed..I am like..ok..whats wrong..because i am not getting a good deal here. I noticed that he felt awful about it so ..being the kind of woman that I am..i tried to assure him once more..But i guess he already felt that i was actually a bit dissappointed with him. So after a while..( me still being horney) i got him up again...he tried and..yep here went again for the 3RD TIME.. he claimed that it must have been the soreness..because that was still bothering him a little. Is this really so? Or is he just really insecure or hasnt had sex way longer than he actually claimed. Because i am thinking about ending it..because if it happens again i dont think i can trust that he will be able to satisfy me.. I am used to it happening on the 1st go with guys..but never that much. Can you guys explain what might be happening here?

04-15-2009, 04:44 PM	#10
grymoire Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Apr 2005 Gender: None Specified Posts: 3,868	20 to 30 mins of stroking time is actually a LOT. the average time is somewhere around 7 mins. __________________ "with time and careful thought comes clarity... in the end something has to give..." - EQD

04-15-2009, 03:33 PM	#2
Cognitive_Canine Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Somewhere over the rainbow Gender: Female Posts: 11,326	Is he truly embarrassed? Or do you think he may not care if you enjoy yourself or not? I would really talk to him about it. Come into it being understanding. If he is embarrassed, most likely he will be defensive or blaming it on other things. So, make sure that you are as understanding as possible.

04-15-2009, 03:34 PM	#3
yellow_sweater Offline Gold Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Gender: Female Posts: 935	Premature ejaculation. If you want this to work out, you're going to need to do a few things: 1) GENTLENESS. His ego is as bruised as your sex drive. Don't make him feel more inadequate and insecure than he's already feeling. 2) PATIENCE. Things can get better, but it will take time. 3) COMMUNICATION. You need to tell him how he can please you... be open to other fun things besides intercourse. I've been there/ am there right now... see my thread here: http://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=265618 Good luck! YS

04-15-2009, 03:36 PM	#4
Iwantittoend Offline Silver Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Gender: Male Posts: 856	I used to have this problem early on in my relationship. I think about the first 3 or 4 times we had sex I came within minutes. Now I can go for 15-20 most of the time if I want to. It all came back to me being comfortable with her and more about my nerves than anything. Now that I know her and what she likes, it's easier for me to just let loose and not be so tense. That could be happening here. Maybe he has some other problem mentally that is making this happen. It could be a variety of things. Just try to be as understanding as possible. It's a very embarrassing issue for guys.

04-15-2009, 03:44 PM	#5
broken34 Offline Silver Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: NL Gender: Female Age: 35 Posts: 474	he truly is embarrassed...i can tell about the way he behaves..its like the pressure is up in his head with each time...but that might make him his penis get soft i think instead of ejaculating..... I am not in love with him and he not with me either..we just have a good time together and added the sex to it. So i dont feel like being too patient anymore. And my guess is..that if it happens another time..it might do something to him as well. So i have said to just take it slow and wait untill his so called soreness is totally gone..

04-15-2009, 03:46 PM	#6
Blanco Nino Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: These United States of America Gender: Male Age: 31 Posts: 185	That's pretty amazing he goes so quick on the 2nd and 3rd round. Can I ask how many minutes would be good for you? Just curious.