My living situation has re-ignited my eating disorder

Milly87 · 04-15-2009, 12:10 PM

It's been established that I am an emotional eater, I am also bulimic. At the moment, having just been through a major breakup, moving and other pretty intense changes, I am quite low, and very emotional.

My current living situation is with two girls, one of whom is a good friend... And they eat crap. The offer me crap, and even worse they leave it all everywhere.

When I lived alone, or with my ex I would something eat bad things but I would never have a major binge issue as I simply dont buy things that will tempt me... Here, we share food and things, and only a third of the budget my third is remotely healthy, everything else is crap.. and so when I open the fridge I am confronted with pasta and bread products before my fruits and veges.

Yes I have never been truly cured of bulimia, but in my old situations because I had no vices present, I wasn't 'practicing', the difference is now with all these things around, I binge and purge a lot, like every other day.. I gain weight as a result and the cycle of bad behaviour is back.

I am seriously thinking about moving... Which is insane, and will be extremely expensive and time consuming..

However I don't know what to do about it, they dont understand because they don't have this problem..

Does anyone have any advice to share?

xx

shes2smart · 04-15-2009, 12:50 PM

I don't know that anyone with an eating disorder is ever 100% cured. The right combination of stressors and it's likely to revert to old coping methods.

I thought I had my ED whipped. Then I hit 40-ish and started bingeing again. Spent most of 2006 seeing a Dietician/counselor who works with people who have EDs. It's in remission now, but I'm no longer arrogant enough to call myself "cured."

That being said, you may have to tell your roommates that you have some issues with food and ask them (nicely) if they could keep their junk food put away in a separate location. Maybe you could designate one kitchen cabinet as "theirs". I had to do this with my husband (who's diet is atrocious), and once he got into the habit of putting away his chips, cookies, etc. where I wouldn't have to see them, it worked out pretty well. With me, it's "out of sight, out of mind," so he keeps his junk food on the top shelf of a cabinet that we don't really use.

If you explain that you have a problem and ask nicely for help, most people will oblige. It may take them a while to get into the habit of putting their things away, but it's cheaper than moving.

CallingAllAngels · 04-15-2009, 12:56 PM

No eating disorder is cured...only in remission.

If it gets too unmanageable for you, you may have to move out.

People, places and things.......

My best to you.

Mousty · 04-15-2009, 01:38 PM

As far as the cubard problem, I could maybe understand if it was non-perhisabable junk food to stash it away (chocolates, candies etc...). I don't think people will buy their "own fridge" (unless you are willing to do that) to put "every day" grain items away.

I think ideally your best bet is to conquer your restriction tendencies but I'm sure it's not as easy as I write it. Could you encourage them to buy the healthier pasta ex: tomato sauce and whole grain pasta?? That way when there are leftovers you won't have this whole fear of it being unhealthy.

shes2smart · 04-15-2009, 01:47 PM

I had a friend who lived in a boarding house for a while. They had a communal kitchen.

For refrigerator storage, each roommate kept their perishables in plastic storage containers in the fridge, essentially creating their own "cabinets" in the refrigerator.

ETA:

Not, like small tupperware for leftovers. I'm talking more a shelf-sized plastic storage bin with a lid that would hold multiple items.

keenan · 04-15-2009, 02:06 PM

Wow, this is hard! Eating disorder or no eating disorder, those foods can be almost impossible to ignore when they're in your house. Think about it: food companies HIRE chemists whose job it is to come up with flavors and flavor combinations that are most appealing to humans. Junk food is engineered to sabotage our best efforts at healthy eating! You buy a bag of chips, you hear it singing a little song to lure you into the kitchen...and then it's all over.

If junk is just lying around? Yikes. Unless you can somehow persuade your roommates that a fridge full of apples, yogurt and spinach and a pantry full of whole wheat bread, nuts, and black beans is the way to go (for overall health, weight, and feeling good), I think you honestly might have to move out. I don't think it's a silly problem at all. It wouldn't be insane to move--it would be smart. You wouldn't expect a recovering alcoholic or drug addict to survive long in a house full of vodka or crack, right? Don't beat yourself up about this--just make the decision that is right for you and your life, and make it happen. This is part of taking control of your own life.

shes2smart · 04-15-2009, 02:16 PM

Here's the problem -- unlike a drug or alcohol addict, someone with food issues can't just stop and not be around it anymore.

Part of recovery is learning how to deal with situations like this in a way that takes care of oneself yet doesn't step all over the rights of others to make their own food choices.

You can't expect the world (or even your corner of it) to tiptoe around you and make concessions for you because you have a problem. You can ask for help in dealing with it, but it is always up to the person being asked how much help they want to give (if any).

When I asked my husband to start putting away his junk food, there was an adjustment period for both of us -- he had to remember to put it away and I had to learn to respect his right to make his own food choices. Perhaps roommates won't be quite as motivated to assist you as a spouse, but you have every right to ask.

No matter how "safe" you try to make your existance in terms of food and eating, it will never be safe enough. There are many, many more people in the world who don't have food and eating issues and who don't understand those who do. We have to live in the world with them. Part and parcel of doing that is learning how to take care of ourselves and our needs in a way that doesn't infringe on their right to eat what they please, when they please.

thejigsup · 04-15-2009, 02:19 PM

This always helps me: I ask myself, "Who is in charge of my eating habits, them or me?" Since I am a bona fide control freak, I always think, Me, and say "No thanks". If your not a self-centered person like I am, I can see where you could have trouble. I quit smoking cold turkey many years ago using the same technique. Sometimes being a controlling, stubborn, pain-in-the-behind is a good thing.

FallenStar87 · 04-15-2009, 04:26 PM

I used to binge A LOT years ago... I know how bad it is, it consumed my life. My mom eats and cooks ONLY junk food so I THOUGHT, I FELT like there was no way I could even try to stop that terrible habit. BUT actually it's not about the food, it's about how you feel inside, how you cope with stress and anxiety. It doesn't matter now whether I'm sorrounded by junk food or not, because I've learnt to handle the "impulses". Of course it would be easier to eat healthy if you didn't see pasta and cookies everywhere, but look at it as a challenge. DON'T LET THE DISORDER CONTROL YOU! When you feel the urge to binge, go for a walk, punch a pillow, listen to a song you like, try to find healthy ways to release your stress. Remind yourself that you're stronger. RECOVERY IS POSSIBLE.

Have you ever discussed this with a therapist? It would help you find the root of your problem and solve it once for all.

Take care

sarey · 04-15-2009, 04:50 PM

You can't cure eating disorders, you can, however, as said by CAA, go into remission, it will always be there, but it's about learning to cope and control it, not be the one who is controlled. I have an eating disorder and currently attempting recovery, but I know it's impossible to do it alone, so if it gets out of hand, you need to get yourself some serious help...

You're very brave for posting. Very brave for admitting you have an eating disorder too, that's usually the first step on recovering.

04-15-2009, 12:10 PM	#1
Milly87 Offline Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: LONDON Gender: Female Posts: 20	My living situation has re-ignited my eating disorder It's been established that I am an emotional eater, I am also bulimic. At the moment, having just been through a major breakup, moving and other pretty intense changes, I am quite low, and very emotional. My current living situation is with two girls, one of whom is a good friend... And they eat crap. The offer me crap, and even worse they leave it all everywhere. When I lived alone, or with my ex I would something eat bad things but I would never have a major binge issue as I simply dont buy things that will tempt me... Here, we share food and things, and only a third of the budget my third is remotely healthy, everything else is crap.. and so when I open the fridge I am confronted with pasta and bread products before my fruits and veges. Yes I have never been truly cured of bulimia, but in my old situations because I had no vices present, I wasn't 'practicing', the difference is now with all these things around, I binge and purge a lot, like every other day.. I gain weight as a result and the cycle of bad behaviour is back. I am seriously thinking about moving... Which is insane, and will be extremely expensive and time consuming.. However I don't know what to do about it, they dont understand because they don't have this problem.. Does anyone have any advice to share? xx __________________ "I want to be someone else or I'll explode. Floating upon this surface for the birds" - Radiohead.

04-15-2009, 12:50 PM	#2
shes2smart Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: same world, different server Gender: Female Age: 45 Posts: 5,142	I don't know that anyone with an eating disorder is ever 100% cured. The right combination of stressors and it's likely to revert to old coping methods. I thought I had my ED whipped. Then I hit 40-ish and started bingeing again. Spent most of 2006 seeing a Dietician/counselor who works with people who have EDs. It's in remission now, but I'm no longer arrogant enough to call myself "cured." That being said, you may have to tell your roommates that you have some issues with food and ask them (nicely) if they could keep their junk food put away in a separate location. Maybe you could designate one kitchen cabinet as "theirs". I had to do this with my husband (who's diet is atrocious), and once he got into the habit of putting away his chips, cookies, etc. where I wouldn't have to see them, it worked out pretty well. With me, it's "out of sight, out of mind," so he keeps his junk food on the top shelf of a cabinet that we don't really use. If you explain that you have a problem and ask nicely for help, most people will oblige. It may take them a while to get into the habit of putting their things away, but it's cheaper than moving. __________________ "But there's no use crying over every mistake You just keep on trying til you run out of cake"

04-15-2009, 12:56 PM	#3
CallingAllAngels Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Gender: Female Posts: 4,919	No eating disorder is cured...only in remission. If it gets too unmanageable for you, you may have to move out. People, places and things....... My best to you. __________________ "Accept Life On Life's Terms"....JAH You can't change yesterday but you can ruin today worrying about tomorrow. God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change The Courage to change the things I can And the Wisdom to know the difference...

04-15-2009, 01:38 PM	#4
Mousty Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Quebec Gender: Female Age: 24 Posts: 2,689	As far as the cubard problem, I could maybe understand if it was non-perhisabable junk food to stash it away (chocolates, candies etc...). I don't think people will buy their "own fridge" (unless you are willing to do that) to put "every day" grain items away. I think ideally your best bet is to conquer your restriction tendencies but I'm sure it's not as easy as I write it. Could you encourage them to buy the healthier pasta ex: tomato sauce and whole grain pasta?? That way when there are leftovers you won't have this whole fear of it being unhealthy. __________________ Watching her little baby grow everyday.

04-15-2009, 01:47 PM	#5
shes2smart Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: same world, different server Gender: Female Age: 45 Posts: 5,142	I had a friend who lived in a boarding house for a while. They had a communal kitchen. For refrigerator storage, each roommate kept their perishables in plastic storage containers in the fridge, essentially creating their own "cabinets" in the refrigerator. ETA: Not, like small tupperware for leftovers. I'm talking more a shelf-sized plastic storage bin with a lid that would hold multiple items. __________________ "But there's no use crying over every mistake You just keep on trying til you run out of cake"

04-15-2009, 02:06 PM	#6
keenan Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Feb 2006 Gender: Female Age: 35 Posts: 1,696	Wow, this is hard! Eating disorder or no eating disorder, those foods can be almost impossible to ignore when they're in your house. Think about it: food companies HIRE chemists whose job it is to come up with flavors and flavor combinations that are most appealing to humans. Junk food is engineered to sabotage our best efforts at healthy eating! You buy a bag of chips, you hear it singing a little song to lure you into the kitchen...and then it's all over. If junk is just lying around? Yikes. Unless you can somehow persuade your roommates that a fridge full of apples, yogurt and spinach and a pantry full of whole wheat bread, nuts, and black beans is the way to go (for overall health, weight, and feeling good), I think you honestly might have to move out. I don't think it's a silly problem at all. It wouldn't be insane to move--it would be smart. You wouldn't expect a recovering alcoholic or drug addict to survive long in a house full of vodka or crack, right? Don't beat yourself up about this--just make the decision that is right for you and your life, and make it happen. This is part of taking control of your own life.

04-15-2009, 02:16 PM	#7
shes2smart Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: same world, different server Gender: Female Age: 45 Posts: 5,142	Here's the problem -- unlike a drug or alcohol addict, someone with food issues can't just stop and not be around it anymore. Part of recovery is learning how to deal with situations like this in a way that takes care of oneself yet doesn't step all over the rights of others to make their own food choices. You can't expect the world (or even your corner of it) to tiptoe around you and make concessions for you because you have a problem. You can ask for help in dealing with it, but it is always up to the person being asked how much help they want to give (if any). When I asked my husband to start putting away his junk food, there was an adjustment period for both of us -- he had to remember to put it away and I had to learn to respect his right to make his own food choices. Perhaps roommates won't be quite as motivated to assist you as a spouse, but you have every right to ask. No matter how "safe" you try to make your existance in terms of food and eating, it will never be safe enough. There are many, many more people in the world who don't have food and eating issues and who don't understand those who do. We have to live in the world with them. Part and parcel of doing that is learning how to take care of ourselves and our needs in a way that doesn't infringe on their right to eat what they please, when they please. __________________ "But there's no use crying over every mistake You just keep on trying til you run out of cake"

04-15-2009, 02:19 PM	#8
thejigsup Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Los Angeles, CA Gender: Female Age: 53 Posts: 4,132	This always helps me: I ask myself, "Who is in charge of my eating habits, them or me?" Since I am a bona fide control freak, I always think, Me, and say "No thanks". If your not a self-centered person like I am, I can see where you could have trouble. I quit smoking cold turkey many years ago using the same technique. Sometimes being a controlling, stubborn, pain-in-the-behind is a good thing.

04-15-2009, 04:26 PM	#9
FallenStar87 Offline Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: The world: currently Italy Gender: Female Age: 22 Posts: 25	I used to binge A LOT years ago... I know how bad it is, it consumed my life. My mom eats and cooks ONLY junk food so I THOUGHT, I FELT like there was no way I could even try to stop that terrible habit. BUT actually it's not about the food, it's about how you feel inside, how you cope with stress and anxiety. It doesn't matter now whether I'm sorrounded by junk food or not, because I've learnt to handle the "impulses". Of course it would be easier to eat healthy if you didn't see pasta and cookies everywhere, but look at it as a challenge. DON'T LET THE DISORDER CONTROL YOU! When you feel the urge to binge, go for a walk, punch a pillow, listen to a song you like, try to find healthy ways to release your stress. Remind yourself that you're stronger. RECOVERY IS POSSIBLE. Have you ever discussed this with a therapist? It would help you find the root of your problem and solve it once for all. Take care

04-15-2009, 04:50 PM	#10
sarey Offline Platinum Member Join Date: May 2007 Location: In the UK, somewhere... Gender: Female Posts: 1,438	You can't cure eating disorders, you can, however, as said by CAA, go into remission, it will always be there, but it's about learning to cope and control it, not be the one who is controlled. I have an eating disorder and currently attempting recovery, but I know it's impossible to do it alone, so if it gets out of hand, you need to get yourself some serious help... You're very brave for posting. Very brave for admitting you have an eating disorder too, that's usually the first step on recovering.