Seems like I'm too young to be boerd with my life/fiancee, help...

Varsity Blues · 04-15-2009, 01:30 AM

I'll make this as short as possible without getting too detailed.

My fiancee and I met 8 years ago in college. We never had a ton in common other than we really liked (and turned into love) each other. We didn't share many common interest other than watching movies.

I was a drinker/partier. She was not.
I had a lot of friends. She had very few.
I loved sex. She could do without it.

However, through all the ups and downs, we seemed to have made it. The one thing we never did was live together before buying. Our thought was always that we would end up being together, so why waste money on an apartment when we could save that money, stay with our parents for 3 more years, and buy? Which we did.

Now we're in the house, and I'm bored out of my mind. The sex is decent at best, but the hobby thing has finally come into play: We're complete opposites, so when we're not shopping, having sex, or watching TV...I find that there is nothing to do.

I feel like I made a mistake by staying with her...tolerating her lack of a sex drive, lack of partying (yes, I know everyone needs to grow up, but even grownups go to parties), and lack of interest in things I like.

My life seems just too plain. Sometimes I look at my friends and consider myself normal (none of my friends have exciting lives...simply living with their wife/fiancee and doing yardwork on Saturdays).

Do I need to just grow up and accept that this is how life is? Because honestly, I think I'm too young to be bored with my life already.

Blanco Nino · 04-15-2009, 01:50 AM

Kind of a classic case for guys I know around my age. Most get a divorce. Hate to say it but it's true. Then they find someone completely different. I have one friend that was in your situation and now he is about to marry #2. I think she's too wild for him honestly. May not work out but he'll never have a dull moment that's for sure.

missvamp · 04-15-2009, 12:28 PM

But do you guys get along? Do you think you could have the same connection with another person? Can you imagine your life like this for the rest of your life?

steelcitymstro · 04-15-2009, 05:23 PM

Relationships go through ups and downs--if you've been together for 8 years, a lot of the stuff that attracted you to her may have lost its novelty and a lot of the stuff that you've "tolerated" is now weighing you down.

I kind of agree with missvamp in that you need to evaluate the state of your relationship...but the question of "Can you imagine your life like this for the rest of your life?" is a little misleading--Just because you're in a slump now doesn't mean that this is the way it's always going to be. You've just moved in together and are adjusting--life together under the same roof is not about being attached to the other person 24/7. My wife and I don't have very much in common either, but we respect each other's interests. So when we're not spending time together, we're both comfortable spending time doing our own thing. For example, she likes to do crafty stuff in her spare time, I'd much rather work on my truck, listen to music or kick back with a beer. I don't get jealous that she would rather make scrapbooks than drink beer with me and I'm quite certain she doesn't get jealous that I'd rather change my oil than make a greeting card.

When you first move in, it's tough not to feel obligated to be with the other person at all times, but it'll loosen up with time and good communication. Unless she's "forbidding" you from your hobbies, it's healthy to pursue them (if your hobbies are suddenly off-limits because she says so, then maybe you ought to reconsider your relationship--that might be an indicator that she doesn't respect and/or appreciate you for who you are). Why not pick a night during the week for you to go out with the guys and she can have a night to herself as well? Then, when you two spend your time together, you'll both be happier, you'll have more to talk about and it'll feel like less of the same ol' stuff.

04-15-2009, 01:30 AM	#1
Varsity Blues Offline Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 1	Seems like I'm too young to be boerd with my life/fiancee, help... I'll make this as short as possible without getting too detailed. My fiancee and I met 8 years ago in college. We never had a ton in common other than we really liked (and turned into love) each other. We didn't share many common interest other than watching movies. I was a drinker/partier. She was not. I had a lot of friends. She had very few. I loved sex. She could do without it. However, through all the ups and downs, we seemed to have made it. The one thing we never did was live together before buying. Our thought was always that we would end up being together, so why waste money on an apartment when we could save that money, stay with our parents for 3 more years, and buy? Which we did. Now we're in the house, and I'm bored out of my mind. The sex is decent at best, but the hobby thing has finally come into play: We're complete opposites, so when we're not shopping, having sex, or watching TV...I find that there is nothing to do. I feel like I made a mistake by staying with her...tolerating her lack of a sex drive, lack of partying (yes, I know everyone needs to grow up, but even grownups go to parties), and lack of interest in things I like. My life seems just too plain. Sometimes I look at my friends and consider myself normal (none of my friends have exciting lives...simply living with their wife/fiancee and doing yardwork on Saturdays). Do I need to just grow up and accept that this is how life is? Because honestly, I think I'm too young to be bored with my life already.

04-15-2009, 01:50 AM	#2
Blanco Nino Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: These United States of America Gender: Male Age: 31 Posts: 185	Kind of a classic case for guys I know around my age. Most get a divorce. Hate to say it but it's true. Then they find someone completely different. I have one friend that was in your situation and now he is about to marry #2. I think she's too wild for him honestly. May not work out but he'll never have a dull moment that's for sure.

04-15-2009, 12:28 PM	#3
missvamp Offline Member Join Date: Jun 2008 Posts: 15	But do you guys get along? Do you think you could have the same connection with another person? Can you imagine your life like this for the rest of your life?

04-15-2009, 05:23 PM	#4
steelcitymstro Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Pennsylvania Gender: Male Age: 24 Posts: 178	Relationships go through ups and downs--if you've been together for 8 years, a lot of the stuff that attracted you to her may have lost its novelty and a lot of the stuff that you've "tolerated" is now weighing you down. I kind of agree with missvamp in that you need to evaluate the state of your relationship...but the question of "Can you imagine your life like this for the rest of your life?" is a little misleading--Just because you're in a slump now doesn't mean that this is the way it's always going to be. You've just moved in together and are adjusting--life together under the same roof is not about being attached to the other person 24/7. My wife and I don't have very much in common either, but we respect each other's interests. So when we're not spending time together, we're both comfortable spending time doing our own thing. For example, she likes to do crafty stuff in her spare time, I'd much rather work on my truck, listen to music or kick back with a beer. I don't get jealous that she would rather make scrapbooks than drink beer with me and I'm quite certain she doesn't get jealous that I'd rather change my oil than make a greeting card. When you first move in, it's tough not to feel obligated to be with the other person at all times, but it'll loosen up with time and good communication. Unless she's "forbidding" you from your hobbies, it's healthy to pursue them (if your hobbies are suddenly off-limits because she says so, then maybe you ought to reconsider your relationship--that might be an indicator that she doesn't respect and/or appreciate you for who you are). Why not pick a night during the week for you to go out with the guys and she can have a night to herself as well? Then, when you two spend your time together, you'll both be happier, you'll have more to talk about and it'll feel like less of the same ol' stuff.