I unexpectedly found hardcore pornography on my girlfriend's computer history

zboyle1 · 04-14-2009, 08:31 PM

First of all, I admit that perusing my girlfriend's computer history was a bit of an invasion of privacy, and I apologized to her. I'll make this short; she and I have been dating for 1 and a half years (I am 24 and she is 22), and I never would have thought I'd find such material. Our sex is and has always been great, but how should I feel about finding this stuff on her computer? It's shocking finding the material I did after dating her for 1.5 years and never knowing about it. When I confronted her about it, she was clearly embarrassed and a bit beside herself, and didn't give me a clear explanation at all. Why can't she be open with me?

Amongst regular hardcore porn, I found lesbian and ebony porn as well. I know that she prefers men, and to my knowledge she's never had a lesbian or interracial sexual encounter. We have been living 3 hours away from each other since January (but see each other on weekends)- could this be a reason for her voyeurism? Could this be a sign that she has a sexual appetite that I haven't known about all along, or that I can't fulfill on my own? Is it likely that her searching for lesbian and ebony pornography is simply out of curiosity?

I know that for women to look at porn is normal or healthy, but to what extent? I view porn myself, but for some reason it unnerves me thinking that my girlfriend does too, and namely the unexpected material mentioned above. It would have been a little more acceptable if i found only heterosexual porn, but boy, even I don't even look at some of the stuff I found on her computer! I love her, but man, it was a shock finding that stuff, and I feel a bit uncomfortable not knowing how often she does this or how long it has been going on. Someone please give me a piece of mind here!!

Roberto34 · 04-14-2009, 08:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by zboyle1

First of all, I admit that perusing my girlfriend's computer history was a bit of an invasion of privacy, and I apologized to her. I'll make this short; she and I have been dating for 1 and a half years (I am 24 and she is 22), and I never would have thought I'd find such material. Our sex is and has always been great, but how should I feel about finding this stuff on her computer? It's shocking finding the material I did after dating her for 1.5 years and never knowing about it. When I confronted her about it, she was clearly embarrassed and a bit beside herself, and didn't give me a clear explanation at all. Why can't she be open with me?

Amongst regular hardcore porn, I found lesbian and ebony porn as well. I know that she prefers men, and to my knowledge she's never had a lesbian or interracial sexual encounter. We have been living 3 hours away from each other since January (but see each other on weekends)- could this be a reason for her voyeurism? Could this be a sign that she has a sexual appetite that I haven't known about all along, or that I can't fulfill on my own? Is it likely that her searching for lesbian and ebony pornography is simply out of curiosity?

I know that for women to look at porn is normal or healthy, but to what extent? I view porn myself, but for some reason it unnerves me thinking that my girlfriend does too, and namely the unexpected material mentioned above. It would have been a little more acceptable if i found only heterosexual porn, but boy, even I don't even look at some of the stuff I found on her computer! I love her, but man, it was a shock finding that stuff, and I feel a bit uncomfortable not knowing how often she does this or how long it has been going on. Someone please give me a piece of mind here!!

WOW...talk about someone who's flipping out about absolutely NOTHING.

Big deal that she had "Ebony Porn" and "Lesbian Porn." I can guarantee she didn't tell you because after about 1 minute of reading this and getting a feeling of how you are, I'm sure she could tell good and well how you'd react after 1.5 years.

Relax and let it go...you WERE in fact snooping.

Cognitive_Canine · 04-14-2009, 08:42 PM

Sounds like she is also embarrassed about it.

What I would do....is ask her if she wants to do any of the things on there. Have an open discussion about her sexual appetite and make her feel comfortable talking about it. If you put it on the table that you are willing and eager to talk to her about "taboo" subjects...she'll share them with you.

It sounds like you are more surprised than bothered. You can ask her about the lesbian stuff...but, I'd probably ask her after you started having an open discussion. Most likely, she is just curious.

Talk to her, you'll probably learn a lot from her. Maybe tell her one of your sexual secrets to make her feel more comfortable?

yellowcal · 04-14-2009, 08:43 PM

I'm straight but the only porn I will watch is lesbian porn.. I think you need to chill out you are over-reacting. It isn't like she is viewing off the wall child porn or some crap like that what she is viewing is PERFECTLY normal.

Quote:

I view porn myself, but for some reason it unnerves me thinking that my girlfriend does too,

Talk about double standards..

As long as your relationship is good otherwise especially when you are together, why are you worried about what she does as far as viewing porn when you aren't around? Do you tell her everytime you view porn?

amipushy · 04-14-2009, 08:45 PM

Calm down. Its just fantasy stuff when she was bored and wanted some 'her time'. No big deal. Lots of (straight) women look at lesbian porn. Don't make it anymore uncomfortable for her than it already is.

purpleduckie · 04-14-2009, 08:46 PM

what's wrong with ebony porn? i think that very term is weird. i mean, sex is sex. who cares what race? although, i admit, seeing um (hate the word) ebony porn is a little weird for me because i'm used to my bfs being white. so seeing something different is weird to me... but it doesn't reflect anything about my 'sexual appetite'.

as for the lesbian thing, there's nothing to worry about it. most girls get turned on by lesbian porn. it's sometimes better than "normal" porn because 1) it's different and 2) there's none of that 10 min long head with the girl gagging and being gross and 3) it's a lot more sensual than normal straight porn.

Beautiful Nightmare · 04-14-2009, 08:49 PM

What does she have to open up about? I think it’s obvious what she has and why she has it. It’s probably similar to the reason why you watch porn.

Everyone has their preferences, and though hers were a bit unexpected, you have no reason to feel threatened. It turns her on. That doesn’t mean your sex life together isn’t great or unfulfilling. Sometimes a little solo action is a much needed stress reliever – especially when your partner is away.

So she likes interracial and lesbian porn. So what? She’s with you, and I assume other aspects of your relationship are well. So why exactly does it bother you? It’s not as though she’s out looking for a black man or lesbian to hook up with. It’s just a fantasy, something she likes to watch.

Is full disclosure something you really want? Why does it matter when or how often she views these materials? What’s important is that you two have a mutually-satisfying sex life. Anything else is just icing on the cake.

Just relax, man. You have your moments in private, and she has hers. It's completely normal and nothing to be worried about.

g84 · 04-14-2009, 08:51 PM

I think it's possible that she may have been embarassed about it in general. I have viewed pornography before, but if someone were to ask me about it i would feel shy. It's a bit difficult for me to discuss it, even if close friends will ask me, lol. Maybe she has develped this curiosity towards pornography more recently, and it's kind of new to her? I don't think this has to mean anything negative about her expectations of you though, or her view of sex; i would just think she's been curious about these things and has not been used to talking about it. Hopefully she isn't developing an unhealthy obsession with what she's seeing.

havefaith · 04-14-2009, 08:58 PM

You're allowed to look at porn and she isn't? Or, more specifically, you have to approve of what kind of porn she can watch... ?

Honestly, when my boyfriend and I are having sex, I imagine all kinds of fantasies to help myself really get into it. A lot of those have to do with lesbianism. Would I ever experiment with a girl? NO! Is my boyfriend inadequate? Hell no, the sex is great! Sometimes it's just a turn on to imagine a wild situation that you would never find yourself in -- that's what makes it exciting.

Relax, and stop snooping.

girl68 · 04-14-2009, 09:00 PM

As all the men say to the women: it has NOTHING to do with your ability to please her. She still loves you, she still finds you attractive.

And for the record ebony porn and lessie porn is hardly hardcore. I mean gang-banging and a-t-m is far more 'hardcore' so your scale is skewed to the tame side. I also watch that type of stuff myself. It doesn't mean anything. And the stuff I watch goes further than that. But never once do I think, I wish my bf would do that! The stuff she watches doesn't mean she wants to partake in it.

So relax, you watch porn as does she. And nothing about those 2 types is concerning or 'hardcore'.

04-14-2009, 08:31 PM	#1
zboyle1 Offline Join Date: Apr 2009 Posts: 2	I unexpectedly found hardcore pornography on my girlfriend's computer history First of all, I admit that perusing my girlfriend's computer history was a bit of an invasion of privacy, and I apologized to her. I'll make this short; she and I have been dating for 1 and a half years (I am 24 and she is 22), and I never would have thought I'd find such material. Our sex is and has always been great, but how should I feel about finding this stuff on her computer? It's shocking finding the material I did after dating her for 1.5 years and never knowing about it. When I confronted her about it, she was clearly embarrassed and a bit beside herself, and didn't give me a clear explanation at all. Why can't she be open with me? Amongst regular hardcore porn, I found lesbian and ebony porn as well. I know that she prefers men, and to my knowledge she's never had a lesbian or interracial sexual encounter. We have been living 3 hours away from each other since January (but see each other on weekends)- could this be a reason for her voyeurism? Could this be a sign that she has a sexual appetite that I haven't known about all along, or that I can't fulfill on my own? Is it likely that her searching for lesbian and ebony pornography is simply out of curiosity? I know that for women to look at porn is normal or healthy, but to what extent? I view porn myself, but for some reason it unnerves me thinking that my girlfriend does too, and namely the unexpected material mentioned above. It would have been a little more acceptable if i found only heterosexual porn, but boy, even I don't even look at some of the stuff I found on her computer! I love her, but man, it was a shock finding that stuff, and I feel a bit uncomfortable not knowing how often she does this or how long it has been going on. Someone please give me a piece of mind here!!

04-14-2009, 08:42 PM	#3
Cognitive_Canine Online Platinum Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Somewhere over the rainbow Gender: Female Posts: 11,326	Sounds like she is also embarrassed about it. What I would do....is ask her if she wants to do any of the things on there. Have an open discussion about her sexual appetite and make her feel comfortable talking about it. If you put it on the table that you are willing and eager to talk to her about "taboo" subjects...she'll share them with you. It sounds like you are more surprised than bothered. You can ask her about the lesbian stuff...but, I'd probably ask her after you started having an open discussion. Most likely, she is just curious. Talk to her, you'll probably learn a lot from her. Maybe tell her one of your sexual secrets to make her feel more comfortable? Last edited by Cognitive_Canine; 04-14-2009 at 08:44 PM. Reason: repetitive

04-14-2009, 08:49 PM	#7
Beautiful Nightmare Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Living In A Nightmare Gender: Female Posts: 181	What does she have to open up about? I think it’s obvious what she has and why she has it. It’s probably similar to the reason why you watch porn. Everyone has their preferences, and though hers were a bit unexpected, you have no reason to feel threatened. It turns her on. That doesn’t mean your sex life together isn’t great or unfulfilling. Sometimes a little solo action is a much needed stress reliever – especially when your partner is away. So she likes interracial and lesbian porn. So what? She’s with you, and I assume other aspects of your relationship are well. So why exactly does it bother you? It’s not as though she’s out looking for a black man or lesbian to hook up with. It’s just a fantasy, something she likes to watch. Is full disclosure something you really want? Why does it matter when or how often she views these materials? What’s important is that you two have a mutually-satisfying sex life. Anything else is just icing on the cake. Just relax, man. You have your moments in private, and she has hers. It's completely normal and nothing to be worried about. __________________ Hey! You're playing with my delirium And the longer I wait the harder I'm gonna fall Stop! Playing with my delirium Cause I'm outta my head and outta my self control

04-14-2009, 08:51 PM	#8
g84 Online Gold Member Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Canada Gender: Female Age: 25 Posts: 681	I think it's possible that she may have been embarassed about it in general. I have viewed pornography before, but if someone were to ask me about it i would feel shy. It's a bit difficult for me to discuss it, even if close friends will ask me, lol. Maybe she has develped this curiosity towards pornography more recently, and it's kind of new to her? I don't think this has to mean anything negative about her expectations of you though, or her view of sex; i would just think she's been curious about these things and has not been used to talking about it. Hopefully she isn't developing an unhealthy obsession with what she's seeing. __________________ non posso continuare così.. ho paura. Rain: fall hard. My eyes may close, but I'll stand like a statue.

04-14-2009, 08:58 PM	#9
havefaith Offline Gold Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Age: 21 Posts: 669	You're allowed to look at porn and she isn't? Or, more specifically, you have to approve of what kind of porn she can watch... ? Honestly, when my boyfriend and I are having sex, I imagine all kinds of fantasies to help myself really get into it. A lot of those have to do with lesbianism. Would I ever experiment with a girl? NO! Is my boyfriend inadequate? Hell no, the sex is great! Sometimes it's just a turn on to imagine a wild situation that you would never find yourself in -- that's what makes it exciting. Relax, and stop snooping. __________________ It's not about who you've known the longest; it's about who has come along and never left your side. I've done all I can do, if you want me in your life you'll put me there.

04-14-2009, 08:45 PM	#5
amipushy Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Oct 2005 Gender: Female Posts: 1,823	Calm down. Its just fantasy stuff when she was bored and wanted some 'her time'. No big deal. Lots of (straight) women look at lesbian porn. Don't make it anymore uncomfortable for her than it already is.

04-14-2009, 08:46 PM	#6
purpleduckie Offline Gold Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Canada Gender: Female Age: 20 Posts: 1,309	what's wrong with ebony porn? i think that very term is weird. i mean, sex is sex. who cares what race? although, i admit, seeing um (hate the word) ebony porn is a little weird for me because i'm used to my bfs being white. so seeing something different is weird to me... but it doesn't reflect anything about my 'sexual appetite'. as for the lesbian thing, there's nothing to worry about it. most girls get turned on by lesbian porn. it's sometimes better than "normal" porn because 1) it's different and 2) there's none of that 10 min long head with the girl gagging and being gross and 3) it's a lot more sensual than normal straight porn.

04-14-2009, 09:00 PM	#10
girl68 Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Beatutiful Britsh Columbia Gender: Female Age: 25 Posts: 1,484	As all the men say to the women: it has NOTHING to do with your ability to please her. She still loves you, she still finds you attractive. And for the record ebony porn and lessie porn is hardly hardcore. I mean gang-banging and a-t-m is far more 'hardcore' so your scale is skewed to the tame side. I also watch that type of stuff myself. It doesn't mean anything. And the stuff I watch goes further than that. But never once do I think, I wish my bf would do that! The stuff she watches doesn't mean she wants to partake in it. So relax, you watch porn as does she. And nothing about those 2 types is concerning or 'hardcore'.