How important is money before getting married?

IamNotHere · 04-13-2009, 07:24 PM

If you've found a person that you love and can't stop thinking about, and supports your goals and has a direct interest in what you do, and motivates you to work harder in life, and you have the same relationship goals...then how important is money starting out, like when you propose to them?

I have a client at work that is VERY happily married after something like 20-30 years, and always in a good mood. I asked her about it, and she said you should both start out with nothing, and build wealth together. I'm sure it helps to have money before going in, but is okay to not have any? What if you have a good education and finished college, but haven't found a stable income and still depend on family (there is a recession, afterall)? People got married during the Depression with nothing, right?

For the record, I know nothing about how much weddings cost, and the financial changes that happen between the parties involved after the wedding has proceeded.

bmwm3 · 04-13-2009, 07:29 PM

your client is right... money sometimes attractes the wrong type of ladies..

i am in my late 20s have my own biz very well off, but never let them know what and how much i have.. just enough to get by..

everyone always told me, find a lady and grew together.. that includes building wealth together...

_Asti_ · 04-13-2009, 07:31 PM

This is where we are stuck.
We both want a good financial foundation and security in place before moving ahead with marriage. At times I am frustrated because we are both ready emotionally and mentally for marriage and want that step, but he will not take it till his career is secure and in place...which I understand and can respect..but the thought of having to wait another year before an engagement occurs after dating for 5 years already is sort of frustrating, especially with me having a secured job and finished school.

Its a personal choice. I know people who have gotten married while in school, working partime jobs and living in their parents basement together, and other who are waiting for the financial aspect to be secured.

Me personally I'm reaching a point where I think we are ok, we are both working and making money and could be living together and could go ahead, but he is not comfortable with having to struggle and having to make ends meet month to month and thats not how he wants to start our life together.

Cognitive_Canine · 04-13-2009, 07:36 PM

I would want to spend the first years of marriage comfortably and not struggling. Why start off rocky?

I don't expect wealth or anything. But, I wouldn't get married as a poor grad student or as a person starting a business. It would just make the first years of marriage a bit harder and why put yourself through that if you don't have to?

Then again, I see marriage and Long term relationships as the same thing. So, I don't put that much emphasis on marriage being more important.

meepmeep20 · 04-13-2009, 07:53 PM

when both of you are poor, you have no choice but to stick together and built together. at least in lots of cases.

timetogrow · 04-13-2009, 09:19 PM

I think money plays a very important role when it comes to marriage in China, especially in rich cities. Some girls are very materialistic indeed, only looking for potential boyfriends/husnands who are wealthy. Many parents will always want their daughters to marry someone who are from well off family background. It's sad that there is always discrimination against the poor here. One more thing, it's very expensive to buy a decent house here and only rich people can afford the high property price. So you see, you must earn a lot of money before you decide to get married. so much pressure here.

steelcitymstro · 04-15-2009, 05:34 PM

Marriage brings money problems whether your start out with a lot or start out with a little because when you put two people together who probably have less than the exact same opinion on money matters, money issues will come up. For this reason, I'd have to say that money doesn't matter when you're trying to get married. If you're in love and you will really mean it when you get to the "for better, for worse, for rich or for poor" part in those vows, you'll be okay. My wife and I started out with nothing. It was tough, we needed to make sacrifices and we needed to talk (and argue unfortunately) about money a lot more than either of us wanted to, but we made it. Now we're comfortable and the topic of money still comes up and we still need to talk (and sometimes argue!) about money. But we both know that, in terms of our life together, money is insignificant. Money won't make us love each other more or less, it won't make us better or worse parents someday, and it won't make dying any less final.

All that said, it is EXTREMELY important to talk to your future wife about money matters and come up with a plan for how you will handle money, whether you have a lot of it, a little of it, or none of it. If your plan doesn't work out so well after you get married, you come up with a new plan and try again.....if you marry this girl for the right reasons and she marries you for the right reasons, money should never be a deal-breaker for your relationship.

Keep perspective....money only has as much value as we give it. Go with your gut.

la'isla · 04-15-2009, 05:36 PM

you cannot get married with $0.....you don't have to spend lavishly either, but there should be a few thousand saved up at the least. some people want the $20k weddings, some are fine with more modest $1000 ones...but the wedding is not everything, there are living expenses, gifts, etc. that count as well.

04-13-2009, 07:24 PM	#1
IamNotHere Offline Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Gender: Male Age: 26 Posts: 27	How important is money before getting married? If you've found a person that you love and can't stop thinking about, and supports your goals and has a direct interest in what you do, and motivates you to work harder in life, and you have the same relationship goals...then how important is money starting out, like when you propose to them? I have a client at work that is VERY happily married after something like 20-30 years, and always in a good mood. I asked her about it, and she said you should both start out with nothing, and build wealth together. I'm sure it helps to have money before going in, but is okay to not have any? What if you have a good education and finished college, but haven't found a stable income and still depend on family (there is a recession, afterall)? People got married during the Depression with nothing, right? For the record, I know nothing about how much weddings cost, and the financial changes that happen between the parties involved after the wedding has proceeded.

04-13-2009, 07:31 PM	#3
_Asti_ Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Gender: Female Age: 23 Posts: 2,354	This is where we are stuck. We both want a good financial foundation and security in place before moving ahead with marriage. At times I am frustrated because we are both ready emotionally and mentally for marriage and want that step, but he will not take it till his career is secure and in place...which I understand and can respect..but the thought of having to wait another year before an engagement occurs after dating for 5 years already is sort of frustrating, especially with me having a secured job and finished school. Its a personal choice. I know people who have gotten married while in school, working partime jobs and living in their parents basement together, and other who are waiting for the financial aspect to be secured. Me personally I'm reaching a point where I think we are ok, we are both working and making money and could be living together and could go ahead, but he is not comfortable with having to struggle and having to make ends meet month to month and thats not how he wants to start our life together. __________________ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ __________________ I got so much love For you darlin' and I, I wanna let you know how I feel And it's true that I love you And it's true your the only one and I do, I adore you And it's true You make me feel alive ___________________

04-13-2009, 09:19 PM	#6
timetogrow Offline Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Shenzhen, China Gender: Male Age: 26 Posts: 275	I think money plays a very important role when it comes to marriage in China, especially in rich cities. Some girls are very materialistic indeed, only looking for potential boyfriends/husnands who are wealthy. Many parents will always want their daughters to marry someone who are from well off family background. It's sad that there is always discrimination against the poor here. One more thing, it's very expensive to buy a decent house here and only rich people can afford the high property price. So you see, you must earn a lot of money before you decide to get married. so much pressure here. Last edited by timetogrow; 04-13-2009 at 09:29 PM.

04-13-2009, 07:29 PM	#2
bmwm3 Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: WEST & EAST Gender: Male Posts: 1,621	your client is right... money sometimes attractes the wrong type of ladies.. i am in my late 20s have my own biz very well off, but never let them know what and how much i have.. just enough to get by.. everyone always told me, find a lady and grew together.. that includes building wealth together...

04-13-2009, 07:36 PM	#4
Cognitive_Canine Online Platinum Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Somewhere over the rainbow Gender: Female Posts: 11,326	I would want to spend the first years of marriage comfortably and not struggling. Why start off rocky? I don't expect wealth or anything. But, I wouldn't get married as a poor grad student or as a person starting a business. It would just make the first years of marriage a bit harder and why put yourself through that if you don't have to? Then again, I see marriage and Long term relationships as the same thing. So, I don't put that much emphasis on marriage being more important.

04-13-2009, 07:53 PM	#5
meepmeep20 Offline Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: new jersey Gender: Female Age: 21 Posts: 237	when both of you are poor, you have no choice but to stick together and built together. at least in lots of cases.

04-15-2009, 05:34 PM	#7
steelcitymstro Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Pennsylvania Gender: Male Age: 24 Posts: 178	Marriage brings money problems whether your start out with a lot or start out with a little because when you put two people together who probably have less than the exact same opinion on money matters, money issues will come up. For this reason, I'd have to say that money doesn't matter when you're trying to get married. If you're in love and you will really mean it when you get to the "for better, for worse, for rich or for poor" part in those vows, you'll be okay. My wife and I started out with nothing. It was tough, we needed to make sacrifices and we needed to talk (and argue unfortunately) about money a lot more than either of us wanted to, but we made it. Now we're comfortable and the topic of money still comes up and we still need to talk (and sometimes argue!) about money. But we both know that, in terms of our life together, money is insignificant. Money won't make us love each other more or less, it won't make us better or worse parents someday, and it won't make dying any less final. All that said, it is EXTREMELY important to talk to your future wife about money matters and come up with a plan for how you will handle money, whether you have a lot of it, a little of it, or none of it. If your plan doesn't work out so well after you get married, you come up with a new plan and try again.....if you marry this girl for the right reasons and she marries you for the right reasons, money should never be a deal-breaker for your relationship. Keep perspective....money only has as much value as we give it. Go with your gut.

04-15-2009, 05:36 PM	#8
la'isla Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Canadian Gender: Female Posts: 2,306	you cannot get married with $0.....you don't have to spend lavishly either, but there should be a few thousand saved up at the least. some people want the $20k weddings, some are fine with more modest $1000 ones...but the wedding is not everything, there are living expenses, gifts, etc. that count as well.