It's my birthday and he didn't even text me...

I know, I REALLY shouldn't care. But we were together for four years and he knows how much I value my special day. He broke up with me February 2008 and still, last year he sent me a card, called, and texted me right at midnight (which is my favorite thing in the world). Well, in my previous posts you can see that we maintained contact for about a year afterwards. I finally initiated complete NC about three months ago. (The whole "friends" thing wasn't working obviously- I wanted him back and he could care less).

Still, I know how stupid it sounds since he has no obligation to me anymore but even after all the calls and texts from friends and family, the one text/call I was hoping for so bad didn't come. I guess the only good thing that comes from this is that it refuels me to continue NC stronger than ever. Sorry if I sound ridiculous but it still hurts. Even though we have been broken up for a year and some months, I technically only started healing three months ago when I initiated NC. and he knows it's my birthday- most of his friends sent a text and I know he didnt forget so it's obviously a conscious decision to not wish me a happy birthday......

I'm sorry, Happy Birthday.

That does seem cold. You were together all that time and friends afterwards. It wouldn't hurt to send a respectful birthday wish. Chalk it up to immaturity or ego. I know it must hurt like crazy (I have a feeling my ex will prob not acknowledge my birthday either although it's not for several months). Try to forgive him though. I know it's tough, but it's the only way to really heal. He has some reason in his mind why he is not contacting you and though you may not agree with it, it's there. It could be the dumbest reason ever but sadly, humans aren't always rational creatures.

*hugs*

HAPPY BIRHDAY TO YOU!

Thanks girls.... I appreciate the support. I'm glad to have a good group of friends and I am having a really good birthday weekend. It's just the thoughts that I need to push out of my head. No matter how many dinners and parties are thrown for me this weekend, I can't help thinking how much more special it was to have him by my side for all my previous birthdays.

babysunshine, I know exactly how you feel and your situation sounds very similar to mine - especially about initiating NC only recently and feeling like that was the start of the true breakup, but consider this: my ex DID text me on my birthday a few days ago. I thought it was what I wanted (she also texted me right at midnight) and for days leading up to it I wondered if she would. 45 days of NC were broken with her b-day text to me. It led to a brief exchange of a few texts, and then on my actual birthday and subsequent days past, has made me feel miserable and feeling like I was sent back the first day of NC. On top of that, it is making me wonder if I should text HER on her upcoming b-day in June. And now I have all of that time between now and then to dwell on it...

Did you tell him you were going NC when initiating it? If so, then I would say don't worry about the missing b-day text. He knows it was your birthday and he was surely thinking of you, but is also doing what is in your best interest in the end - he is respecting your personal boundaries of NC.

P.S. - Happy Birthday! Go fellow Aries!

Thanks osterfanish. Yes, I did tell him I was going NC. Pretty much told him that he wouldn't be hearing from me anymore. During the year we were friends I was much, much more of a friend to him than he was to me. It was hard for me going from being his best friend to a "plan B", second-grade friend-type-thing. So three months ago after he told me he was coming to my city to visit family, and he didn't know if he would have time to meet up with me for lunch, (yet found time to party and have lunch with other friends) I finally gave up and told him I was done with the friendship.

The thing is, he has sent me some random texts since then. Most recently about three weeks ago. Just trivial things like telling me he was going to see a Dj we both really like.... So I don't think him not contacting me on my birthday is him being respectful of my wishes. I think it's him just doing something that he knows would hurt me....... It's really sucky.

I truly don't mean to sound heartless (and happy birthday, by the way), but you requested NC, and he's respecting that. Him sending texts after you initiated NC isn't respectful, but maybe he's finally getting the clue.

I know what you mean. My ex and I were also best friends, but it came to a point where I was becoming an emotional outlet for her and more of an acquaintance (her telling me all of the anecdotes about her ever-changing life, minus the new boyfriend).

It sounds like you came to a point where you could not tolerate the wishy-washy behavior anymore, so good for you! Did you respond to any of the recent, random texts? Again, it sounds exactly like my situation, where my ex did the same thing a few times before my birthday, even commenting on a downtempo mix I'd made for her (music was a HUGE part of our connection).

As for him not contacting you on your birthday and your thinking it might be intentional, as a harmful or control-type of tactic, I would say it is another good reason to look at, in terms of why he is no longer in your life. Anniversaries are tough, but I am not sure if expecting our exes to contact us on every one of them is healthy.

I'm sorry... I know how much it must hurt...

But, I experienced just the opposite on my birthday. I was -really- hurting after our breakup and I wanted to be left alone... January 10th rolls around and I check my mail. There's a card postmarked from Alameda... I was hoping it was from his aunt... It wasn't. It was a funny card that only the two of us would find humor in and he wrote this long message...signed it Love, xxxx. The next day I got a happy birthday e-mail that was signed "hugs and kisses".

To me, that hurt SO much more than nothing. I was on a ball on the floor bawling. I was shaking for hours. I would have rather not had any contact.

Think of the day as your REbirthday. Be the new person you want to be!

Think of the day as your REbirthday. Be the new person you want to be!

Aw, I like that!

Could be that you requested NC, and he is abiding by that. If I was in his boat, I would think that you didn't want to hear from me and that if I was to contact you on your big day, I would ruin it for you and wouldn't want to risk it. My ex has a birthday on the 27th and we haven't talked since we broke up. I want to send her a card but I have to wonder if I should or not.

You should care about it though and I understand you feeling perturbed by it....he has been an important part of your life. But wires get crossed and his thoughts behind it may well be genuine or not meant to harm. So don't read too much into it.

Hope you have a good 'un

Happy birthday!!! And tons of hugs!! Don't feel bad its normal. I am sure most of us would be hurt too...but like you said use it to finally close the door and look forward now not back as much if you can...don't be so hard on yourself with those "shoulds"...those are rigid rules so be easy on yourself ok.

And I do like some of those points made ie you did ask for NC so he is respecting that...plus a few posters who note receiving a card or text and it made them break nc and it sent them backwards in their progress....so a no win situation is it?

Happy birthday!!!!!!!!!!!

Aw, lovely girl--I forgot to tell you Happy Birthday! I'm sorry! I'm braindead.

Happy belated birthday! =]

you know, maybe he doesn't want to get your hopes up. think about it.. if he had sent you a text saying 'happy birthday', you'd probably analyze and read into it. & like another user posted before, you initiated NC [which was the right choice] and he has enough respect for you to comply with your wishes.

it's a good thing he didn't wish you a happy birthday. it'd only set you back.

and you said it yourself that you know he didn't forget... so it's alright.

stay strong!

happy birthday!

yeah, I know it sucks, but don't be too hard on yourself okay?

as with a lot of people here, I was surprised when I found myself preferring for my ex not to contact me at all. Honestly, I see him everyday in school, that's enough contact for me.

I would be hurt if he doesn't greet me on my birthday, true. but you know what? I'm not going to greet him on his birthday either, and it's not because I want to hurt him or something, it's because I think it would be the best thing to do for ME. When he left me, he did what was best for him, and it's about time I take care of myself.

of course, my feelings about this birthday issue might change, we never know what the future holds.

BabySunshine,

To me that sounds like he's respecting your wishes of NC... I'm currently separated as of 4 months ago and my ex's birthday is in 3 days... Am I tempted to wish her a happy birthday? Yes, and it's a struggle for me to do otherwise... but it's only because I know that I have moved on...