Has society evolved past monogamy?

[hexaemeron]

Now, I've tried this before and I admit I was a touch, er, contentious about this topic. I'm going to try this again, but approach this differently.

With more than half of all marriages ending in divorce, with the needs and responsibilities and wealth of choices we have in today's society, have we simply come to a point where we shouldn't be with someone "until death do we part" and instead maybe "as long as we think it's right"?

And with so many people in sexless "bed death" marriages, with others cheating and lying and causing so much pain, maybe we shouldn't look to the past to try to make society "tow the line" on what we should be doing, but rather look at ourselves and society today and judge what best suits us today.

Thoughts?

[Lush]

I agree. If you must have some kind of commitment, a commitment ceremony I think would be good. Not a legal thing but a party (like a wedding) where you can commit to someone. But I digress, from the get go.

But yeah, I don't think we were ever supposed to be monogamous, although I do like the idea

[hexaemeron]

Originally Posted by Lush

I agree. If you must have some kind of commitment, a commitment ceremony I think would be good. Not a legal thing but a party (like a wedding) where you can commit to someone. But I digress, from the get go.

But yeah, I don't think we were ever supposed to be monogamous, although I do like the idea

I'm not saying it's not possible, but I think that it's probably not for the vast majority of people. Maybe it's not supposed to be.

I mean, like anything, someone that seems nice in your head can and likely will be totally different in real life. Personally, I don't think I have it in me to be monogamous or that I even want to be with the same person my whole life.

[noneStar]

I don't know about "evolving" but due to advancements in birth control, economic empowerment of women and an increasingly individualistic society in general, it seems that there is less social pressure to stay (or even appear) monogamous for both genders.

Here's a good write up that I read the other day on promiscuity, human nature and changing times: [Only registered and activated users can see links. ]

It's a good read read.

[hexaemeron]

Originally Posted by noneStar

I don't know about "evolving" but due to advancements in birth control, economic empowerment of women and an increasingly individualistic society in general, it seems that there is less social pressure to stay (or even appear) monogamous for both genders.

Here's a good write up that I read the other day on promiscuity, human nature and changing times: [Only registered and activated users can see links. ]

It's a good read read.

I hadn't considered those specific factors, but that makes a great deal of sense. I'll give that a read when I get home. Thanks

[Qut81]

Originally Posted by hexaemeron

Now, I've tried this before and I admit I was a touch, er, contentious about this topic. I'm going to try this again, but approach this differently.

With more than half of all marriages ending in divorce, with the needs and responsibilities and wealth of choices we have in today's society, have we simply come to a point where we shouldn't be with someone "until death do we part" and instead maybe "as long as we think it's right"?

And with so many people in sexless "bed death" marriages, with others cheating and lying and causing so much pain, maybe we shouldn't look to the past to try to make society "tow the line" on what we should be doing, but rather look at ourselves and society today and judge what best suits us today.

Thoughts?

Hmm, very interesting. I think our society has taken a decline in morals and Ive noticed people around my age and younger, tend to have a lack of responsibility. Therefore, I do think our society is past monogamy and there are a few opinions I have on this topic...

I personally, dont believe men have it in them to be committed. I think their sex drives are way too powerful and they need variety. However, this is coming from a woman who has never met a man that could be faithful. My father cheats and I never met a man that didnt.

Altho I do not cheat, I tend to think women break relationship commitments for different reasons. Mostly because she is not being satisfied emotionally.

I also think that people are not as willing to work on marriage like they used too. Its more of a "we had an arguement and its over" type of deal. A lot of people seem to think the butterflies and passionate in love feeling lasts forever, when this is a temporary emotion. So people feel they are not in love with that person anymore. However, love is much more than that. Once you pass the honeymoon stage, its a different kind of love, and thats where ppl get confused. I have never been married, but it seems ppl are so quick to give up.

Lastly, if you look back on society, most cultures back since the bible days have practiced polygamy. Maybe this is the way it was suppose to be? Men are suppose to "spread" their seed, lol, so that might be why its so hard for them to commit. I dont know, I just know I want to meet someone who wants a monogamous relationship, or move to a different society. lol

[hexaemeron]

Originally Posted by qut81

Hmm, very interesting. I think our society has taken a decline in morals and Ive noticed people around my age and younger, tend to have a lack of responsibility. Therefore, I do think our society is past monogamy and there are a few opinions I have on this topic...

I personally, dont believe men have it in them to be committed. I think their sex drives are way too powerful and they need variety. However, this is coming from a woman who has never met a man that could be faithful. My father cheats and I never met a man that didnt.

Altho I do not cheat, I tend to think women break relationship commitments for different reasons. Mostly because she is not being satisfied emotionally.

I also think that people are not as willing to work on marriage like they used too. Its more of a "we had an arguement and its over" type of deal. A lot of people seem to think the butterflies and passionate in love feeling lasts forever, when this is a temporary emotion. So people feel they are not in love with that person anymore. However, love is much more than that. Once you pass the honeymoon stage, its a different kind of love, and thats where ppl get confused. I have never been married, but it seems ppl are so quick to give up.

Lastly, if you look back on society, most cultures back since the bible days have practiced polygamy. Maybe this is the way it was suppose to be? Men are suppose to "spread" their seed, lol, so that might be why its so hard for them to commit. I dont know, I just know I want to meet someone who wants a monogamous relationship, or move to a different society. lol

I want to thank you very much for your well-considered response. I don't know that I'd say men are incapable of monogamy (and remember, women cheat too), but men and women on the whole value different things emotionally and physically in relationships. It boggles me when women say the sexiest thing their husband/boyfriend does is wash the dishes or clean the house? I can't think of anything un-sexier short of something extreme like eating babies or rolling in fertilizer.

I think there's also emotional monogamy and physical monogamy. I could be emotionally monogamous, but I don't think I could be physically. It just seems so limiting.

[thejigsup]

I'm definitely monogamous, but I don't believe in marriage.

[Binoo]

I think it just depends on what you value in relationships and in life in general.

I will never understand your point of view but that doesn't mean I can't respect it given that you're making sure not to hurt anyone.
And you'll never understand my point of view if I say, even with full permission and encouragement from my partner, I could never be with more than one person at a time.

I really think as long as the person[s] you're involved with agree and are comfortable participating in your lifestyle, then, there's no problem.
Only when there is cheating/lying/using people etc. involved that it becomes immoral, in my opinion.

[hexaemeron]

Originally Posted by Binoo

I think it just depends on what you value in relationships and in life in general.

I will never understand your point of view but that doesn't mean I can't respect it given that you're making sure not to hurt anyone.
And you'll never understand my point of view if I say, even with full permission and encouragement from my partner, I could never be with more than one person at a time.

I really think as long as the person[s] you're involved with agree and are comfortable participating in your lifestyle, then, there's no problem.
Only when there is cheating/lying/using people etc. involved that it becomes immoral, in my opinion.

You and I are in complete agreement. You're right, I can't imagine how anyone actually feels how you feel, but I absolutely respect your right to do so. It's the people who try to justify their own behaviors by trying to force other people to do the same that bother me. We're all adults here and as long as everyone's a consenting adult to whatever's going on, and no one is being abused or hurt, life's a buffet!