Smoking causing problems...

[FireInHeaven]

First off, before everyone mobs me about how bad it is to be a smoker, I"M NOT A SMOKER!

One of my friends was talking to me last night and she was upset about an issue between her and her husband. My friend has been a smoker for ten years. She states that her biggest regret in life is that she ever started.

She really wants to quit. And I know she has the desire and determination to quit. What's stopping her is her husband who chain smokes. She says she can't quit while living in the same house as a smoker, and seeing cigarettes all the time and smelling them all the time, etc. The biggest advice people give to anyone trying to quit is to discontinue all the behaviors that encourage smoking. Like, if someone wants to smoke when they drink, then don't drink. If someone has a lot of smoker friends and they want to smoke when hanging out with those people, then stop hanging out with those people, at least for a while. But my friend can't just stop being married.

She has asked her husband to quit with her. They even tried once and he started back up in two days. One April first, the price of cigarettes went up to between $6 and $7 a pack where we live. It's getting to the point where she can't afford it anymore.

And, an even bigger reason. They want to have kids soon and not only does she not want to be breathing in smoke while pregnant (she would quit then, but she would still be sharing a one bedroom apartment with a chain smoker.) But, if they have kids she wants her husband to be more healthy for the sake of their kids, and for her own sake. She doesn't want to be burrying her husband while he's still young.

She's really upset about this. Last night she was crying on my shoulder... and ironically also smoking. This is something they've faught about... When they tried quitting together he got mad and yelled at her and said she was trying to control him, etc.

And, other then being a smoker this woman is a true health nut. She works out every day, she eats organic food, she takes vitamins, etc.

So, does anyone here have any advice I could pass on to my smoker friend? She would really appreciate it.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

She says she can't quit while living in the same house as a smoker, and seeing cigarettes all the time and smelling them all the time, etc

Of course she can quit any time she wants..her quitting is NOT dependent on whether or not her husband quits. Has she looked into the nicotine patch and all the other methods that are used to wean you off smoking? How does a woman (or man) lose weight when they have a family? There is bound to be all kinds of yummy, fattening foods in the house for everyone else that the person dieting won't be able to eat...yet these people deal with it and by sheer will power, avoid the bad foods and lose weight. Your friend can stop smoking even if her husband smokes...of course it is not easy...but if she really wants to stop she will no matter what her husband does. Who knows, maybe if she gets the ball rolling without pressuring him, he might end up following her lead if she actually quits smoking and sticks to it. Maybe she should lead by example and let her actions show her commitment to quitting...then maybe at some point he will give it a try.

[Snoopy24]

I don't really think it is fair to blame her husband for her reasoning not being able to quit. My mother smoked almost 2 packs a day, and was a smoker for 30+ years. She quit, while I still smoked, and her friends smoked around her. If someone wants something bad enough they can do it regardless if people are doing it around them.

She could ask her husband if he could smoke outside to make it easier on her, but she can't expect him to quit because she is. That is something he has to do, when he wants to. Maybe when she stops he will cut down, and decide he is ready too.

[FireInHeaven]

Originally Posted by Crazyaboutdogs

Of course she can quit any time she wants..her quitting is NOT dependent on whether or not her husband quits. Has she looked into the nicotine patch and all the other methods that are used to wean you off smoking? How does a woman (or man) lose weight when they have a family? There is bound to be all kinds of yummy, fattening foods in the house for everyone else that the person dieting won't be able to eat...yet these people deal with it and by sheer will power, avoid the bad foods and lose weight. Your friend can stop smoking even if her husband smokes...of course it is not easy...but if she really wants to stop she will no matter what her husband does. Who knows, maybe if she gets the ball rolling without pressuring him, he might end up following her lead if she actually quits smoking and sticks to it. Maybe she should lead by example and let her actions show her commitment to quitting...then maybe at some point he will give it a try.

^ I disagree with your logic about a dieter. Nicotine is one of the most addictive things on the planet (there are studies backing this up.) So, if someone stops using it, they go through withdrawal. Most dieters aren't addicted to fatty food. And, another difference here, people who stop eating fatty food feel better. A smoker who stops smoking feels like crap. They can't sleep, they shake, they feel tense, have headaches, are irritable, etc. I know plenty of ex smokers, and I was around when most of them quit I don't know first hand how hard it is... but I've seen enough to know it's definitely not easy.

[purpleduckie]

ya, nicotine is VERY addictive so that wasn't a fair comparison. however, i do think she could get him to stop smoking in the house. and then quit herself. that would be fair. #1 thing, having children around smoking parents = abuse in my opinion. 2nd hand smoke is terribly dangerous. if he wants kids as well then he will have to complide.

[FireInHeaven]

^ Yea... and she grew up with two parents who smoked heavily right in front of her, and her Mom smoked when she was pregnant with her, so that's something she always said she would never do.

[SuzieQQ]

I am an ex smoker and about a year after I had quit I started dating a smoker. It was really hard in the beginning, after a night out with him I would crave cigarrettes real bad. I almost broke up with him a few times because of it. We have been together 3 years now and his smoking doesn't bother me any longer. I never crave it and he can smoke right in my face.
If your friend quits and sticks to it eventually her husbands smoking won't bother her, but if he doesn't agree to go outside she might as well not even bother trying to quit. It would be too difficult.

[Stereohead]

She may have good intentions to why she wants her husband to quit. But it isn’t fair either, unless that’s what he wants. Instead of trying to get him to quit the habit with her, ask him to be more discrete about it…meaning, smoke outside on the patio or backyard, and try to keep the cigarettes in his car (if they have separate vehicles) and one pack on him so she won’t have to see it.

If she uses air fresheners for the apartment… that’ll be able to distract the senses. And Candles… buy strong candles or inscents and it kind of edits out the smell…the only part you realize is that your sense of when you used to smoke.

Quitting will cause some minor symptoms but she can do it…

The patch/Gum and things can work for some people. So she could try that. Other than that she just needs to stop putting moneys towards cigarettes.

Cutting herself down instead of going cold turkey is sometimes a better start.

Keeping yourself busy… (especially your hands)

Chewing normal gum (with strong taste)…like cinnamon, helps a lot!

And basically, find other things to put your time to. And another way to manage stress all together.

Every person is different. But she using other people as an excuse…when in reality…some part of her just doesn’t want to quit…

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Originally Posted by FireInHeaven

^ I disagree with your logic about a dieter. Nicotine is one of the most addictive things on the planet (there are studies backing this up.) So, if someone stops using it, they go through withdrawal. Most dieters aren't addicted to fatty food. And, another difference here, people who stop eating fatty food feel better. A smoker who stops smoking feels like crap. They can't sleep, they shake, they feel tense, have headaches, are irritable, etc. I know plenty of ex smokers, and I was around when most of them quit I don't know first hand how hard it is... but I've seen enough to know it's definitely not easy.

Tell someone who loves to eat that their problem with food is not as bad as a smoker's problem with nicotine and that it is so easy to diet when everyone around you is eating chocolate cake in front of your face...because you feel soooo much better! Sorry, I am not buying your argument. For the record...my grandmother quit cold turkey after smoking for 50 years! It is possible. Quitting anything that has become addictive is very difficult and I don't think it is very helpful to say "well, hers is more difficult than other people's addictions". It just smacks of more excuses not to make improvements.

[Victoria66]

Originally Posted by Crazyaboutdogs

Tell someone who loves to eat that their problem with food is not as bad as a smoker's problem with nicotine and that it is so easy to diet when everyone around you is eating chocolate cake in front of your face...because you feel soooo much better! Sorry, I am not buying your argument. For the record...my grandmother quit cold turkey after smoking for 50 years! It is possible. Quitting anything that has become addictive is very difficult and I don't think it is very helpful to say "well, hers is more difficult than other people's addictions". It just smacks of more excuses not to make improvements.

I have to agree, addictions are addictions.........you can quit what you are addicted to most certainly. You also need to find out what fuels the addictive personality or you usually find something else to be addicted to.