My boyfriend isnt intimate anymore.

eeshwow · 04-01-2009, 01:53 PM

my boyfriend and i are going on 2 years. we had some conflict last summer, when i moved away for college and he stayed home. when i got there, i guess i broke our trust by drinking, and partying when i had said i would be good. he completely lost it and would just call me every day telling me how he had sex with this girl and that girl..and how he was datin his ex girlfriend who had been a big issue with us as welll. i knew he was just trying to get at me so i ignored him for a month. then we started talking again one day after he had started getting over his drug problems and i had calmed down my party life. he was still very untrusting and stressed out everytime i called thinking i was calling to say i was going out. he would even mention killing himself at times. i didnt know what to do, so we talked more and more every day. and soon enough we were back together, and actually really happy. he would come visit me, and i would go down and see him. it worked well. but second semester came and i moved home. we were happy again, but nothing like we used to be. if we had sex it would be once a month, if i was lucky, and as far as any other intimate things, nothing. nothing at all. we held hands and kissed lightly but thats it. and it is still like that. he says it has to do with the medication he is on, methadone, which takes away sex drive, but i dont think that is it. Then he says if i had never moved away it wouldnt be like this, but now it is and i have to deal with it. it sucks though, because a lot of things are different, no more fun excting nights, he is very moody all the time, barley appreciates anything i do, and he wont even let me near the shower with him, when that used to be his favorite thing. Its like he completely shut that part of our life out. He locks the door when he showers, and just won let me see him. at all. so i don even ask anymore..its just so hard to change to this. how do i deal with it? i don know if i can break up with him..it would be so hard. yet i want to do more things in life too? he wont let me have guy friends or anything. i love him, we have been through so much, but our relationship is so different. I am still extremely close with his whole family, and i just don know if i can leave all of them..but i want to be happy..and believe me i have tried talking to him about it.

**BlueAfterglow08** · 04-01-2009, 01:58 PM

This relationship sounds unhealthy. You are an adult, you can drink, you can go out, you can be friends with WHOEVER you like and no one who loves you truly would dictate what you can and cant do to you and say those nasty things to you.

Why do you put up with this and WHY do you love him? If you dont mind me asking,

eeshwow · 04-01-2009, 02:02 PM

i dont know..its like when we first started dating we were so happy..we hung out with a bunch of people and did fun stuff all the time...then he had to go to rehab and he doesnt drink or do drugs anymore which isnt bad, but it made him very differnt. he is protective, and rude now. i mean he still has those moments that just make me happy i am with him, but then he doesnt. i just cant imagine him with another girl it makes me sick to my stomach

**BlueAfterglow08** · 04-01-2009, 02:14 PM

Because you were happy once and because you dont want him to be with anyone else...Thats why I didnt break up with my ex for ages...but, i did in the end and it was the best decision because i was much happier without. Chances are you wont be happy again until he gets over all his issues, he cant take them out on you trying to control you its just not fair...and the girl that goes out with him next will have all the same crap to put up with you did.

supp11 · 04-01-2009, 03:03 PM

Think about it. You go off to school, and you go out drinking and partying, when you told him you "would be good". How do you think that made him feel? He probably thought you were out flirting with other guys. Now, he didnt need to say what he said to you...that was wrong on his part.

If he went off to school, and told you he wouldnt go out drinking and partying, yet you find out he was, what would you do? There is a very small chance that you would say "I would be fine with it", because no matter how secure some people are, not matter how confident, there is pretty much always that thought in everyone's head.

Tell him that nothing happened (unless something DID happen) at school, that you love him and no one else. Tell him that you would never do anything like that to hurt him (unless thats not the truth). See what he says to that and go from there.

04-01-2009, 01:53 PM	#1
eeshwow Offline Join Date: Apr 2009 Posts: 2	My boyfriend isnt intimate anymore. my boyfriend and i are going on 2 years. we had some conflict last summer, when i moved away for college and he stayed home. when i got there, i guess i broke our trust by drinking, and partying when i had said i would be good. he completely lost it and would just call me every day telling me how he had sex with this girl and that girl..and how he was datin his ex girlfriend who had been a big issue with us as welll. i knew he was just trying to get at me so i ignored him for a month. then we started talking again one day after he had started getting over his drug problems and i had calmed down my party life. he was still very untrusting and stressed out everytime i called thinking i was calling to say i was going out. he would even mention killing himself at times. i didnt know what to do, so we talked more and more every day. and soon enough we were back together, and actually really happy. he would come visit me, and i would go down and see him. it worked well. but second semester came and i moved home. we were happy again, but nothing like we used to be. if we had sex it would be once a month, if i was lucky, and as far as any other intimate things, nothing. nothing at all. we held hands and kissed lightly but thats it. and it is still like that. he says it has to do with the medication he is on, methadone, which takes away sex drive, but i dont think that is it. Then he says if i had never moved away it wouldnt be like this, but now it is and i have to deal with it. it sucks though, because a lot of things are different, no more fun excting nights, he is very moody all the time, barley appreciates anything i do, and he wont even let me near the shower with him, when that used to be his favorite thing. Its like he completely shut that part of our life out. He locks the door when he showers, and just won let me see him. at all. so i don even ask anymore..its just so hard to change to this. how do i deal with it? i don know if i can break up with him..it would be so hard. yet i want to do more things in life too? he wont let me have guy friends or anything. i love him, we have been through so much, but our relationship is so different. I am still extremely close with his whole family, and i just don know if i can leave all of them..but i want to be happy..and believe me i have tried talking to him about it.

04-01-2009, 01:58 PM	#2
BlueAfterglow08 Offline Super Moderator Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: UK Gender: Female Age: 20 Posts: 5,249	This relationship sounds unhealthy. You are an adult, you can drink, you can go out, you can be friends with WHOEVER you like and no one who loves you truly would dictate what you can and cant do to you and say those nasty things to you. Why do you put up with this and WHY do you love him? If you dont mind me asking, __________________ Please see the forum rules before posting http://www.enotalone.com/forum/forum-rules.php ''Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes.' -Mahatma Gandhi'

04-01-2009, 02:14 PM	#4
BlueAfterglow08 Offline Super Moderator Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: UK Gender: Female Age: 20 Posts: 5,249	Because you were happy once and because you dont want him to be with anyone else...Thats why I didnt break up with my ex for ages...but, i did in the end and it was the best decision because i was much happier without. Chances are you wont be happy again until he gets over all his issues, he cant take them out on you trying to control you its just not fair...and the girl that goes out with him next will have all the same crap to put up with you did. __________________ Please see the forum rules before posting http://www.enotalone.com/forum/forum-rules.php ''Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes.' -Mahatma Gandhi'

04-01-2009, 02:02 PM	#3
eeshwow Offline Join Date: Apr 2009 Posts: 2	i dont know..its like when we first started dating we were so happy..we hung out with a bunch of people and did fun stuff all the time...then he had to go to rehab and he doesnt drink or do drugs anymore which isnt bad, but it made him very differnt. he is protective, and rude now. i mean he still has those moments that just make me happy i am with him, but then he doesnt. i just cant imagine him with another girl it makes me sick to my stomach

04-01-2009, 03:03 PM	#5
supp11 Offline Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Posts: 76	Think about it. You go off to school, and you go out drinking and partying, when you told him you "would be good". How do you think that made him feel? He probably thought you were out flirting with other guys. Now, he didnt need to say what he said to you...that was wrong on his part. If he went off to school, and told you he wouldnt go out drinking and partying, yet you find out he was, what would you do? There is a very small chance that you would say "I would be fine with it", because no matter how secure some people are, not matter how confident, there is pretty much always that thought in everyone's head. Tell him that nothing happened (unless something DID happen) at school, that you love him and no one else. Tell him that you would never do anything like that to hurt him (unless thats not the truth). See what he says to that and go from there.