How do you depend on yourself for happiness?

LonelyMoondancer · 03-29-2009, 09:03 PM

It seems like such a strange concept. It's difficult to pinpoint what exactly it is that makes me feel like life's so pointless and miserable lately. I honestly feel like I'll never feel differently about it again now that I have this idea in my head. I have ideas of a bunch of things that could be bothering me, and I am working with a therapist, but these are all other people and situations. Never have I thought that I make myself unhappy, that seems weird.
I've had an ongoing thread on one of these forums for awhile that I started one terrible night when I didn't know what to do with myself, and I got comfort out of having people to update and ask about me, but I feel like I need to be doing something more, I'm just not sure what. I worry that my therapist doesn't know what she's doing for some reason, all she does is listen to me recount bad things and give her input. I'm not sure how that's supposed to help any time soon. There is one thing I haven't told her yet, I feel like it's a small thing but that it says a lot about me, but it's so hard for me to open up about it. It's not a very traumatic thing; I've been through worse things that I've already told her about. One might even say it's nothing, but I'm sensitive and shy about it and I'd hate to share it with her for nothing and have her think of me as a weirdo for no reason.
Anyway that's just some background. I don't feel as miserable as I did a few weeks ago, when I wouldn't know what to do with myself, but I still feel pretty blah. I sleep too much, I can't focus, and nothing interests me. I'm just a robot and I hate it. What can I do?

rivercitystein · 03-29-2009, 09:08 PM

If you don't think your therapist is helping, then find a new one that you are more comfortable with.

Lush · 03-29-2009, 09:30 PM

I wish I knew.

jul-els · 03-29-2009, 09:33 PM

Find some diversions that you can really throw yourself into. Like hobbies, pastimes, school, work. Things that will keep you occupied and keep your mind from dwelling on the negative. Keep your energy focused on the positive. You are what you think.

Crazyaboutdogs · 03-29-2009, 09:47 PM

I think many of us, at some point in our lives, feel as you do now. Loose ends..what next. Are you working or going to school? Can you focus on that and devise some goals and future plans? Are there any hobbies you always wanted to try? Any books you want to read? Is there any place you always wanted to travel to? If you don't have the time and funds to travel there, why not take a book out of the library describing that place and read up on it. Make a list of things that interest you, things that you always wanted to do and then start achieving those goals. Happiness within yourself occurs when you are proud of yourself...taking pride in your accomplishments, however small, is one way to become content within yourself.

LonelyMoondancer · 03-29-2009, 10:15 PM

Rivercitystein, I am comfortable with my therapist, she's nice and understanding and stuff. It's just hard for me to open up in general.
I go to school, I'm working on an English and Literature degree and I should love it, I used to be nuts about reading and writing. But I can never focus anymore and my grades are mediocre which can be really upsetting. I'm also sick of my friends and just bored of life in general. I want to change but don't even know how. Plus I'm always missing someone, and I should have stopped by now and it's weird but it's something I constantly think about and I don't know why, and that is the thing I feel like I can't tell my therapist. I don't like posting about it much either because I'm afraid of giving myself away online.
But yeah, lately I just feel like everything's a pointless bore, and I don't know if diversions will work anymore. Once school's out I have no idea what to do with my time off. Last summer I worked at a day camp and while it did keep me busy, sometimes I was in a sad mood, which isn't really good when you're working with toddlers. I was able to push it to the back of my mind and have fun with them, but putting on an act gets exhausting and I don't think I can do it that much longer.

catfeeder · 03-29-2009, 10:46 PM

I can appreciate your fear, and you can toss this or consider it: I'd muster all my courage and tell the therapist the one thing you're afraid to say.

The fact that you can't say it or even write about it anonymously means it's not as small as you're trying to tell yourself.

It's not about the therapist knowing, although it might really help her to help you, but there's something about speaking it that can pop the big bubble that's growing around it.

Might also help to stay connected to this thread for a while. Journal with it, see what kind of ideas shake out and if any feedback helps.

In your corner.

LonelyMoondancer · 03-30-2009, 02:28 AM

Catfeeder, I have posted about it in the past and I told a previous counsellor (who gave up on me) but it didn't help because I left that counsellor two years ago and never tried to get another until now. I've just had bad counselling experiences in the past, the one I opened up to before told me that my worries were those of a normal teenager and that I should suck it up. I only ever miss this person when my life feels its emptiest for me. Missing him makes me even more miserable, and I don't quite understand what makes me miserable in the first place. I'm so scared of my therapist saying she can't figure me out like the last one. I grew up with occassionally bad family circumstances and was shy and introverted in school, which did really upset me on particularly bad days, but I always pushed them away and lived fairly regularly. Could it all be hitting me now? As for finding life pointless, I don't see how anyone can change that line of thinking once they believe it.
I understand what you're saying, that I should tell my therapist point blank and get her thoughts. But it'd be the scariest thing; it's so awkward. How do I just say, "I always miss someone and it's upset me for years"?

Blue Streak · 03-30-2009, 03:26 AM

What is it going to take to get you to open up?

You can live on the moon all you want, yet you will have to appreciate your many earthing's concerns for you at some point, including yourself.

I have some good advice for returning martians like yourself. I can't really help you though until you are legit with your ultimate concerns when traveling to Earth. You need to be strait with yourself and those around you, who are truly trying to help you. Respond or PM and I will personally help you.

NowandZen · 03-30-2009, 12:13 PM

Let's start with a question: How do you define yourself?

03-29-2009, 09:03 PM	#1
LonelyMoondancer Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Sep 2007 Gender: Female Age: 20 Posts: 277	How do you depend on yourself for happiness? It seems like such a strange concept. It's difficult to pinpoint what exactly it is that makes me feel like life's so pointless and miserable lately. I honestly feel like I'll never feel differently about it again now that I have this idea in my head. I have ideas of a bunch of things that could be bothering me, and I am working with a therapist, but these are all other people and situations. Never have I thought that I make myself unhappy, that seems weird. I've had an ongoing thread on one of these forums for awhile that I started one terrible night when I didn't know what to do with myself, and I got comfort out of having people to update and ask about me, but I feel like I need to be doing something more, I'm just not sure what. I worry that my therapist doesn't know what she's doing for some reason, all she does is listen to me recount bad things and give her input. I'm not sure how that's supposed to help any time soon. There is one thing I haven't told her yet, I feel like it's a small thing but that it says a lot about me, but it's so hard for me to open up about it. It's not a very traumatic thing; I've been through worse things that I've already told her about. One might even say it's nothing, but I'm sensitive and shy about it and I'd hate to share it with her for nothing and have her think of me as a weirdo for no reason. Anyway that's just some background. I don't feel as miserable as I did a few weeks ago, when I wouldn't know what to do with myself, but I still feel pretty blah. I sleep too much, I can't focus, and nothing interests me. I'm just a robot and I hate it. What can I do?

03-29-2009, 09:33 PM	#4
jul-els Offline Platinum Member Join Date: May 2007 Location: yellow matter custard Gender: Male Posts: 2,117	Find some diversions that you can really throw yourself into. Like hobbies, pastimes, school, work. Things that will keep you occupied and keep your mind from dwelling on the negative. Keep your energy focused on the positive. You are what you think. __________________ "Information is not Knowledge; Knowledge is not Wisdom; Wisdom is not Truth; Truth is not Beauty; Beauty is not Love; Love is not Music; Music is the best." - Frank Zappa http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgFL__1rrB4 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7T4lg8VAjMI&feature=related

03-30-2009, 12:13 PM	#10
NowandZen Offline Gold Member Join Date: May 2008 Location: Hurricane Alley Gender: Male Age: 43 Posts: 782	Let's start with a question: How do you define yourself? __________________ Call me butter, 'cause I'm on a roll. <----- Who Dat? 9-0. Comes down when they lose. "Ah, Billy Clyde wasn't insane. And if it doesn't work out, there'll never be any doubt that the pleasure was worth all the pain"- Jimmy Buffett "The Weather is Here, Wish You Were Beautiful"

03-29-2009, 09:08 PM	#2
rivercitystein Offline Silver Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Midwest Gender: Female Posts: 299	If you don't think your therapist is helping, then find a new one that you are more comfortable with.

03-29-2009, 09:30 PM	#3
Lush Offline Member Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Pennsylvania Posts: 69	I wish I knew.

03-29-2009, 09:47 PM	#5
Crazyaboutdogs Online Platinum Member Join Date: May 2006 Location: Canada Gender: Female Age: 46 Posts: 15,630	I think many of us, at some point in our lives, feel as you do now. Loose ends..what next. Are you working or going to school? Can you focus on that and devise some goals and future plans? Are there any hobbies you always wanted to try? Any books you want to read? Is there any place you always wanted to travel to? If you don't have the time and funds to travel there, why not take a book out of the library describing that place and read up on it. Make a list of things that interest you, things that you always wanted to do and then start achieving those goals. Happiness within yourself occurs when you are proud of yourself...taking pride in your accomplishments, however small, is one way to become content within yourself.

03-29-2009, 10:15 PM	#6
LonelyMoondancer Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Sep 2007 Gender: Female Age: 20 Posts: 277	Rivercitystein, I am comfortable with my therapist, she's nice and understanding and stuff. It's just hard for me to open up in general. I go to school, I'm working on an English and Literature degree and I should love it, I used to be nuts about reading and writing. But I can never focus anymore and my grades are mediocre which can be really upsetting. I'm also sick of my friends and just bored of life in general. I want to change but don't even know how. Plus I'm always missing someone, and I should have stopped by now and it's weird but it's something I constantly think about and I don't know why, and that is the thing I feel like I can't tell my therapist. I don't like posting about it much either because I'm afraid of giving myself away online. But yeah, lately I just feel like everything's a pointless bore, and I don't know if diversions will work anymore. Once school's out I have no idea what to do with my time off. Last summer I worked at a day camp and while it did keep me busy, sometimes I was in a sad mood, which isn't really good when you're working with toddlers. I was able to push it to the back of my mind and have fun with them, but putting on an act gets exhausting and I don't think I can do it that much longer.

03-29-2009, 10:46 PM	#7
catfeeder Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Northern New Jersey Gender: Female Posts: 2,564	I can appreciate your fear, and you can toss this or consider it: I'd muster all my courage and tell the therapist the one thing you're afraid to say. The fact that you can't say it or even write about it anonymously means it's not as small as you're trying to tell yourself. It's not about the therapist knowing, although it might really help her to help you, but there's something about speaking it that can pop the big bubble that's growing around it. Might also help to stay connected to this thread for a while. Journal with it, see what kind of ideas shake out and if any feedback helps. In your corner.

03-30-2009, 02:28 AM	#8
LonelyMoondancer Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Sep 2007 Gender: Female Age: 20 Posts: 277	Catfeeder, I have posted about it in the past and I told a previous counsellor (who gave up on me) but it didn't help because I left that counsellor two years ago and never tried to get another until now. I've just had bad counselling experiences in the past, the one I opened up to before told me that my worries were those of a normal teenager and that I should suck it up. I only ever miss this person when my life feels its emptiest for me. Missing him makes me even more miserable, and I don't quite understand what makes me miserable in the first place. I'm so scared of my therapist saying she can't figure me out like the last one. I grew up with occassionally bad family circumstances and was shy and introverted in school, which did really upset me on particularly bad days, but I always pushed them away and lived fairly regularly. Could it all be hitting me now? As for finding life pointless, I don't see how anyone can change that line of thinking once they believe it. I understand what you're saying, that I should tell my therapist point blank and get her thoughts. But it'd be the scariest thing; it's so awkward. How do I just say, "I always miss someone and it's upset me for years"?

03-30-2009, 03:26 AM	#9
Blue Streak Offline Gold Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Arizona Gender: Male Posts: 541	What is it going to take to get you to open up? You can live on the moon all you want, yet you will have to appreciate your many earthing's concerns for you at some point, including yourself. I have some good advice for returning martians like yourself. I can't really help you though until you are legit with your ultimate concerns when traveling to Earth. You need to be strait with yourself and those around you, who are truly trying to help you. Respond or PM and I will personally help you.