Why is communication so hard, why is she always angry?

bubbleblue · 03-29-2009, 02:25 PM

My wife comes from a pretty angry family, really, they are about the most messed up bunch I have ever met.

Her Dad has been married 4 times, the last wife, my mother in law has been the longest, nearly 30 years, but she is completly bonkers, she is about the angriest and most repressed person I have ever met. Honestly she is a complete fruit cake.

Every member of her family is messed up in some way, they all have had multiple marriges, or have marrige issues, it really worries me that we are heading to the same place...

My wife has been diagnised as being bia polar and depressed.On moment she is really happy,non stop talking, bouncing around.

The next moment she is depressed, angry, annoyed.

We go for a walk in the country and there is never a moment that her mouth stops, but she says that I do not give her enough attention.

She gets angry, REALLY easily, but always says that nothing is wrong, until at last she will tell me what I have done wrong.

She does not make any effort to have friends,in fact she rejects them, but complains about being lonley.

She calls me a few times a day when we are working, and spends EVERY moment of her free time with me but says I do not give her attention.

She gets down, depressed for days, then after hours and hours of me trying to discuss things with her, she will finally tell me about something so minor that has annoyed her, but she has built it up for days into a huge deal , getting angry and sad.

I am not sure I can take it any more.

I just want a peacfull life, to be happy, to relax and to love her the best I can but she makes it so difficult.

When I do get a chance to express my unhappiness, she listens without saying a word, then the conversation is over.

What do I do?

rivercitystein · 03-29-2009, 02:34 PM

Is she currently taking medication?

bubbleblue · 03-29-2009, 02:36 PM

yes, it worked at first, but now I am not sure.

The big thing is that she was diagnosed with so many different issues, but she has no real intrest in helping herself.

rivercitystein · 03-29-2009, 02:43 PM

If she's not interested in helping herself then I think you have a long road in front of you.

bubbleblue · 03-29-2009, 02:47 PM

She spoke with a counceller in a voulantry organisation, but she really needs to see a phych and get on a long term program of medication and therapy,.

rivercitystein · 03-29-2009, 02:50 PM

What does she say when you suggest that plan?

Crazyaboutdogs · 03-29-2009, 02:51 PM

Was borderline personality disorder one of the things she was diagnosed with? Borderlines have behaviour patterns called "splitting" where they can view a particular person as the greatest thing since sliced bread one day, and a horrible person the next day. The forget all the good things a person has done and focus on the perceived slight.

Sadly, since your wife doesn't want to get help the only thing you can do is modify how you yourself react to her drama. Have you read any books on how someone can cope with a partner with Bipolar and the other issues? Have you looked into support groups for family members dealing with this issue? Basically you have to find ways to disconnect yourself when she acts up. Aside from that the only other option is to end the marriage.

bubbleblue · 03-29-2009, 02:54 PM

well she met the councellor who said she was booked up, and would call he when she had an opening.

I have said that she needs to see a proper psych and get a long term plan ( she was diagnosed as having a small learning issue, having adhd, being bi polar and having depression, we were living in the USA then, we are now in europe)

and she agrees, but in my mind you either do something or do not, there is no in betwean, no "I am doing it", its either done or not done.

jul-els · 03-29-2009, 02:54 PM

She might not be taking her meds properly or drinking. I was in a 2 1/2 year relationship with a girl who was bi-polar and she did all the same things that you describe. Turns out she was trying to self-medicate with alcohol which only served to intensify her symptoms. No one knows if she is doing that except for her, but I'm just giving you a heads up to the possibility.

rivercitystein · 03-29-2009, 02:55 PM

How about you taking the initiative and making the appointment for her as a sign of support?

03-29-2009, 02:25 PM	#1
bubbleblue Offline Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Posts: 10	Why is communication so hard, why is she always angry? My wife comes from a pretty angry family, really, they are about the most messed up bunch I have ever met. Her Dad has been married 4 times, the last wife, my mother in law has been the longest, nearly 30 years, but she is completly bonkers, she is about the angriest and most repressed person I have ever met. Honestly she is a complete fruit cake. Every member of her family is messed up in some way, they all have had multiple marriges, or have marrige issues, it really worries me that we are heading to the same place... My wife has been diagnised as being bia polar and depressed.On moment she is really happy,non stop talking, bouncing around. The next moment she is depressed, angry, annoyed. We go for a walk in the country and there is never a moment that her mouth stops, but she says that I do not give her enough attention. She gets angry, REALLY easily, but always says that nothing is wrong, until at last she will tell me what I have done wrong. She does not make any effort to have friends,in fact she rejects them, but complains about being lonley. She calls me a few times a day when we are working, and spends EVERY moment of her free time with me but says I do not give her attention. She gets down, depressed for days, then after hours and hours of me trying to discuss things with her, she will finally tell me about something so minor that has annoyed her, but she has built it up for days into a huge deal , getting angry and sad. I am not sure I can take it any more. I just want a peacfull life, to be happy, to relax and to love her the best I can but she makes it so difficult. When I do get a chance to express my unhappiness, she listens without saying a word, then the conversation is over. What do I do? Last edited by bubbleblue; 03-29-2009 at 02:31 PM.

03-29-2009, 02:54 PM	#9
jul-els Offline Platinum Member Join Date: May 2007 Location: yellow matter custard Gender: Male Posts: 2,118	She might not be taking her meds properly or drinking. I was in a 2 1/2 year relationship with a girl who was bi-polar and she did all the same things that you describe. Turns out she was trying to self-medicate with alcohol which only served to intensify her symptoms. No one knows if she is doing that except for her, but I'm just giving you a heads up to the possibility. __________________ "Information is not Knowledge; Knowledge is not Wisdom; Wisdom is not Truth; Truth is not Beauty; Beauty is not Love; Love is not Music; Music is the best." - Frank Zappa http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgFL__1rrB4 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7T4lg8VAjMI&feature=related

03-29-2009, 02:34 PM	#2
rivercitystein Offline Silver Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Midwest Gender: Female Posts: 299	Is she currently taking medication?

03-29-2009, 02:36 PM	#3
bubbleblue Offline Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Posts: 10	yes, it worked at first, but now I am not sure. The big thing is that she was diagnosed with so many different issues, but she has no real intrest in helping herself.

03-29-2009, 02:43 PM	#4
rivercitystein Offline Silver Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Midwest Gender: Female Posts: 299	If she's not interested in helping herself then I think you have a long road in front of you.

03-29-2009, 02:47 PM	#5
bubbleblue Offline Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Posts: 10	She spoke with a counceller in a voulantry organisation, but she really needs to see a phych and get on a long term program of medication and therapy,.

03-29-2009, 02:50 PM	#6
rivercitystein Offline Silver Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Midwest Gender: Female Posts: 299	What does she say when you suggest that plan?

03-29-2009, 02:51 PM	#7
Crazyaboutdogs Online Platinum Member Join Date: May 2006 Location: Canada Gender: Female Age: 46 Posts: 15,632	Was borderline personality disorder one of the things she was diagnosed with? Borderlines have behaviour patterns called "splitting" where they can view a particular person as the greatest thing since sliced bread one day, and a horrible person the next day. The forget all the good things a person has done and focus on the perceived slight. Sadly, since your wife doesn't want to get help the only thing you can do is modify how you yourself react to her drama. Have you read any books on how someone can cope with a partner with Bipolar and the other issues? Have you looked into support groups for family members dealing with this issue? Basically you have to find ways to disconnect yourself when she acts up. Aside from that the only other option is to end the marriage.

03-29-2009, 02:55 PM	#10
rivercitystein Offline Silver Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Midwest Gender: Female Posts: 299	How about you taking the initiative and making the appointment for her as a sign of support?