Need help, advice, ANYTHING

allucard · 03-27-2009, 12:18 AM

Ok, here goes nothing. I'm not even sure if I'm in the right forum, but at least it's a start. Here's my current situation. My fiance and I have been butting heads recently over a few issues, but the majority have centered on the fact that she thinks I am being controlling of her. I don't think I am being controlling at all.
This past weekend it all came to a head when she announced that she was taking a surprise trip out of town with some mutual friends from a city 3 hours away. I was out of town visiting family and, while I was jealous that she was going to have a fun time without me, I encouraged her and never once told her not to go. She told me she would be driving back home Sunday. Well I called a couple of times over the weekend and couldn't get ahold of her. I figured she was in a bad service area and couldn't call. No big deal. However, when 8pm on Sunday rolled around I still had not heard from her, and neither had her roommate. I began to worry. I tried contacting her friends she was with, and even her mom. Well 11pm rolls around and it turns out she had time to call her roommate, but not me. I tried calling, and she sent me to voice mail. She also deleted me from her myspace and facebook profiles.
I didn't hear anything from her until the next morning, at which point she accused me of trying to manipulate her and control her every movement. She told me she is so mad that she didn't want to talk to me until I got back from seeing my family, and I have not tried calling her.
I guess my question to you all is, should I even bother trying to reconcile this mess? I love her more than anything and am just so confused right now.. I'm sure i've left out detail, and if anything is unclear i will try to clean it up. Thanks!!

AllissaD · 03-27-2009, 12:35 AM

How many times did you actually call her?

Also, were you obvious in showing your jealousy?

And, has this sort of thing happened before??

indigo777 · 03-27-2009, 12:47 AM

Allissa asked all the question's I'd want to ask you.

It all sounds very strange.

jul-els · 03-27-2009, 01:12 AM

It does sound like you've left out some details. It sounds like she's mad at you for something. Any ideas what it could be?

allucard · 03-27-2009, 01:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AllissaD

How many times did you actually call her?

Also, were you obvious in showing your jealousy?

And, has this sort of thing happened before??

1) The first time I tried to contact her was Sunday. I called her a total of 3 times all day (1pm, 5pm, 8pm, 11pm). The only reason I called so much was because I was genuinely worried about her safety. It is completely out of the ordinary for her not to call (she usually calls 5+ times a day AT LEAST)

2) I wasn't obvious at all. I was simply asking questions so she knew I was interested in the weekend, rather than being dismissive about the whole thing. She has accused me of not taking an interest before, so I always try to show her that I really do care without telling her what to do.

3)Nothing this serious has happened before.

Guys, I am by myself at home with nobody but my computer to help me out. Was I out of line contacting those people? The only reason I did that was because she has a medical issue that causes me to worry if I dont hear from her. We usually have constant communication and have always had that throughout our 3 year relationship (engaged for 1.5).

allucard · 03-27-2009, 01:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jul-els

It does sound like you've left out some details. It sounds like she's mad at you for something. Any ideas what it could be?

Hmm...I dont know why she would be mad. The thing I keep coming back to is the fact that her mother hates me and is incredibly emotionally controlling of her (will call her nonstop for no good reason, upwards of 20 times a day). I spoke with my lady on the phone and the whole conversation sounded rehearsed, like someone (mother) had told her exactly what to say. Does that help?

jul-els · 03-27-2009, 01:34 AM

Hmm..no, sounds odd. It definitely sounds like you did something to get her dander up though, but I really have no idea. Sorry.

indigo777 · 03-27-2009, 01:38 AM

In that case, I really don't understand why she reacted that way.

Doesn't seem justified at all.

allucard · 03-27-2009, 01:40 AM

I haven't even seen her in a week and I've been completely transparent in everything I do. In other words, there are no secrets. I feel like she has been lying to me (she tells stories that just dont add up) and trying to distance herself from me. The bottom line is, this is someone I had planned to spend the rest of my life with. We have talked at length about our plans for the future, and then she flips it and doesn't even have the decency to tell me what's really going on in her head. I don't know if she is still wanting to be with me, but if she is, I'm trying to decide if she deserves me after all this immature drama.

indigo777 · 03-27-2009, 01:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by allucard

I haven't even seen her in a week and I've been completely transparent in everything I do. In other words, there are no secrets. I feel like she has been lying to me (she tells stories that just dont add up) and trying to distance herself from me. The bottom line is, this is someone I had planned to spend the rest of my life with. We have talked at length about our plans for the future, and then she flips it and doesn't even have the decency to tell me what's really going on in her head. I don't know if she is still wanting to be with me, but if she is, I'm trying to decide if she deserves me after all this immature drama.

I would be asking myself the same thing.

03-27-2009, 12:18 AM	#1
allucard Offline Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Posts: 40	Need help, advice, ANYTHING Ok, here goes nothing. I'm not even sure if I'm in the right forum, but at least it's a start. Here's my current situation. My fiance and I have been butting heads recently over a few issues, but the majority have centered on the fact that she thinks I am being controlling of her. I don't think I am being controlling at all. This past weekend it all came to a head when she announced that she was taking a surprise trip out of town with some mutual friends from a city 3 hours away. I was out of town visiting family and, while I was jealous that she was going to have a fun time without me, I encouraged her and never once told her not to go. She told me she would be driving back home Sunday. Well I called a couple of times over the weekend and couldn't get ahold of her. I figured she was in a bad service area and couldn't call. No big deal. However, when 8pm on Sunday rolled around I still had not heard from her, and neither had her roommate. I began to worry. I tried contacting her friends she was with, and even her mom. Well 11pm rolls around and it turns out she had time to call her roommate, but not me. I tried calling, and she sent me to voice mail. She also deleted me from her myspace and facebook profiles. I didn't hear anything from her until the next morning, at which point she accused me of trying to manipulate her and control her every movement. She told me she is so mad that she didn't want to talk to me until I got back from seeing my family, and I have not tried calling her. I guess my question to you all is, should I even bother trying to reconcile this mess? I love her more than anything and am just so confused right now.. I'm sure i've left out detail, and if anything is unclear i will try to clean it up. Thanks!!

03-27-2009, 01:12 AM	#4
jul-els Offline Platinum Member Join Date: May 2007 Location: yellow matter custard Gender: Male Posts: 2,118	It does sound like you've left out some details. It sounds like she's mad at you for something. Any ideas what it could be? __________________ "Information is not Knowledge; Knowledge is not Wisdom; Wisdom is not Truth; Truth is not Beauty; Beauty is not Love; Love is not Music; Music is the best." - Frank Zappa http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgFL__1rrB4 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7T4lg8VAjMI&feature=related

03-27-2009, 01:34 AM	#7
jul-els Offline Platinum Member Join Date: May 2007 Location: yellow matter custard Gender: Male Posts: 2,118	Hmm..no, sounds odd. It definitely sounds like you did something to get her dander up though, but I really have no idea. Sorry. __________________ "Information is not Knowledge; Knowledge is not Wisdom; Wisdom is not Truth; Truth is not Beauty; Beauty is not Love; Love is not Music; Music is the best." - Frank Zappa http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgFL__1rrB4 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7T4lg8VAjMI&feature=related

03-27-2009, 12:35 AM	#2
AllissaD Offline Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Australia Gender: Female Posts: 52	How many times did you actually call her? Also, were you obvious in showing your jealousy? And, has this sort of thing happened before??

03-27-2009, 12:47 AM	#3
indigo777 Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Gender: Female Age: 27 Posts: 1,472	Allissa asked all the question's I'd want to ask you. It all sounds very strange.

03-27-2009, 01:38 AM	#8
indigo777 Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Gender: Female Age: 27 Posts: 1,472	In that case, I really don't understand why she reacted that way. Doesn't seem justified at all.

03-27-2009, 01:40 AM	#9
allucard Offline Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Posts: 40	I haven't even seen her in a week and I've been completely transparent in everything I do. In other words, there are no secrets. I feel like she has been lying to me (she tells stories that just dont add up) and trying to distance herself from me. The bottom line is, this is someone I had planned to spend the rest of my life with. We have talked at length about our plans for the future, and then she flips it and doesn't even have the decency to tell me what's really going on in her head. I don't know if she is still wanting to be with me, but if she is, I'm trying to decide if she deserves me after all this immature drama.